Author Topic: My nofap journey (journal)  (Read 32971 times)

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #100 on: March 05, 2016, 02:56:20 AM »
Day 47

A positive day. Well I stayed all the time at home, but I have made a lot of english studying and carried on some business in job searching.
I didn't work out, nor I hadn't any shower.
Didn't have headaches for the whole day but after lunch, when I woke up in the afternoon and before falling asleep.
Had urges. Had cravings for O (or MO at least), but I managed to keep the streak for another day.

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #101 on: March 05, 2016, 06:06:38 PM »
Day 48

Not a good. Not even a so bad one though. What I'm overdoing, is english study. I realized that both quality and quantity of my studying is decreasing and I'm less motivated in doing it. So tomorrow I will finish the Unit of the book and then I'll take a small break from it.
In the late afternoon, urges were increasing, motivation was dropping and my mood was foul! So I had a cold shower, which actually helped me.
I have watched a lot of videos is english, so I think I'm improving it. Had I done it before, now I would have great listening skills...
I didn't work out. Had moderate headaches only in the afternoon.

Tomorrow is the last day of my seventh week on this streak. I'm getting really far, but I must keep that I haven't achieved anything until my life will be set on the correct ways! This is only an obliged step without which I will be stuck at the very point I was for almost all my life.

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #102 on: March 06, 2016, 04:53:09 PM »
Day 49

Avarage day: nothing special. Not good and not bad either! It was productive: I studied a lot english and watched at several videos in english.
Had only very mild headaches after lunch.
Didn't work out nor I had cold shower.
I had urges. As it's happening since several days in a row, I actually have urges! Flatline looks to be gone and I actually want to O! Yeah, O and no PMO: it didn't come up to mind to pmo. But I know I must resist until day 90, otherwise my brain will be stuck in the addiction which led me to the miserable life I did.

Tomorrow it will begin my 8th week, my 50th day. Wish me good luck

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #103 on: March 07, 2016, 06:01:46 PM »
Day 50

Bad day. Felt hopeless and pessimist for almost the whole time. Also, I feel I haven't been so productive as I think I should have been.
Weirdly I didn't have urges today: is the flatline breaking in again?
Had headache the whole afternoon.
Didn't work out but made a cold shower as the first thing since I woke up.

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #104 on: March 09, 2016, 03:03:36 AM »
Day 51

I had a positive day. At the end of it I was satisfied by what I have done. In the morning I had some business to care outside house. In the afternoon I arranged some stuff for job, studied english and after dinner watched english videos.
I didn't have urges for the whole day. It's actually weird the way and timing I'm having urges: I had been having them for three days in a row, then it's two days I'm urgeless. It's really weird how the rebooting affects libido.
I almost didn't have headache at all. Just a little bit after lunch and in the afternoon.
I haven't gone to run, but I walked a lot due to the necessary of getting back home by walking.

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #105 on: March 09, 2016, 04:22:17 AM »
Good, keep it up but don't become over confident!

A snake's head can still bite after it has been decapitated. 


I should type something witty down here.

My Journal:
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=6955.75

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #106 on: March 09, 2016, 06:43:16 PM »
Good, keep it up but don't become over confident!

A snake's head can still bite after it has been decapitated.

This is actually inspiring!
I know from my previous experiences that relapsing it's easy like blinking an eye, though I appreciate quotes to remind it!
Thank you

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #107 on: March 10, 2016, 02:34:29 AM »
Day 52

An avarage day. I feel I haven't done as much as I should have done in terms of english studying. It was a not enought productive day though. But it wasn't neither bad.
I had annoying headache for the whole afternoon. Didn't have urges. Didn't work out. Had cold shower in the morning.

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #108 on: March 11, 2016, 02:28:45 AM »
Day 53

It would have been a fine day if I didn't have headache the whole afternoon and in the evening I generally felt really bad! I think all this not working out is negatively affecting me and I really should start again doing it.
I didn't have urges, just some sexual thoughts when I was out. Didn't work out, didn't have cold shower.
I had to write an email which I haven't written, so I felt a little big guilty for this procrastination. I will do it at day 54's morning!

I was thinking about the outlook of women I have in this moment. There see two things worth to report.
The first is that I when I glance one I don't see a piece of meet just to have sex with! This is an effect of nofap, because in the past I couldn't see a human beign in a woman, just something to exploit for my sexual satisfation. I don't remember to have reached this level in my past streak. In fact, considering that I began a big streak the 6th of december and that I relapsed only one day, on the 17h of january, at this rate in 94 days I relapsed once! It's a cleaning process I've never done so far, so this is good.
The second is that I still don't have any sexual desire toward them. This is a side effect of nofap which will fade by time! I mean, probably it's me not wanting to leave my confort zone, probably is me trying to protect myself from triggers, but the fact is that currently I don't have any craving toward women, real women! Neither virtual, or "in pixels", yet I find it to be a side effect!

I'm reporting at day 54's morning. The big goal is 36 days far! It looks an enernity to me, but I know I will manage it!

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #109 on: March 11, 2016, 03:38:23 PM »
Day 54

A positive day. Full of things to do, at some points I felt even angry, yet in the end I'm satisfied and with a positive mood.
I took cold shower in the late morning. Didn't work out.
Didn't have urge for the whole day but now after I had eaten an ice cream (don't know why it triggered me, but I'm going to be fine!).
Had very mild headache and only in few moments of the afternoon.

I was thinking about one thing occured today. Two weeks ago I explained to two my female friends how dopamine and coolidge effect works. I didn't talk about pmo, but explained then why men tend to cheat girlfriends (because we need nowelty, rush of dopamine when we find a new girl, and stuff like that!). Today one of this friends told me they spent a saturday evening talking about this with several people and all took her for stupid, as if it was bullshit. I replied immediantly "of course, if you talk about how brain works with people who might be reading gossip newspaper, it's normal they don't believe anything!". Then I sent her the Wikipedia page of coolidge effect, where if was explained. I wonder how would those people reat if I tried to explain them that pmo is an addiction! "Hahahaha" would be their answer!
This strenghtened my convinction that nofap shouldn't be told to random people. Why explain something like this to someone who doesn't understand and will happily be PMOing as he has always beign doing? This is my line on this topic!

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #110 on: March 13, 2016, 02:15:51 AM »
Day 55

I stayed almost all the time at home, but I would say of was a positive day. Not a great one, thought I don't complain. Had an avarage mood.
In the morning I studyed english and had urges. I overcame them by have gone walking aboutside for 40-50 minutes. Spent the afternoon at home alone. Went out only to take back some stuff I lended to a friend.
I didn't have headaches. Didn't have cold shower.
Had some thoughts about relapsing while I was out. I didn't hear that voice, thus I'm fine and strong to complete the eighth week of my streak

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #111 on: March 14, 2016, 01:49:56 AM »
Day 56

It was a sunday in which I haven't taken off my pijama! Notwithstanding, it wasn't a that bad day! I've made what I scheduled in my english study, I watched a lot of videos in english. I've also had a cold shower, after which I felt by far better, specially with the urges. Indeed I had urges and relapsing thoughts, but I managed to achieve the day!
I didn't work out. I really should begin doing it again. I feel fatter and I actually don't like it.
Didn't have headache. Just a very little and for short time after I had dinner.
My mood was avarage. After cold shower I felt I can face every challange and I was less worried about the job I'm going to begin by the end of the month!

So, the eighth week has gone! It's beginning the 9th week with the day 57. Only 16 days left to match my previous record, day 73. And 33 days until day 90, the last day of my hard mode! I really feel I can finally handle this!!!
« Last Edit: March 14, 2016, 02:19:27 AM by Blu88 »

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #112 on: March 14, 2016, 05:13:53 PM »
Day 57

Another avarage day. At this purpose I begin to wonder wether all these avarage days are the outcome of a long lasting flatline. Everything is so plain. Almost no urges; even today I had very weak urges for very brief time! Never mind, just let's get on until I will have completed my reboot.
Almost no headache either. Just a little bit after lunch and a little bit in the evening.
Still no work out and that is beginning to be a concern. No it's no raining anymore, so the excuse I had three weeks ago doesn't exist anymore! Also, I'm fatting, this afternoon I ate a lot of shi**y ice cream and I feel my body is getting limp due to this lack of training. I will have to work this out soon and get back to run!
Finally, it was a productive day. I began to study a new english book and I actually like it! I went to do some stuff out with a friend and watched plenty of videos in english!
Tomorrow a totally busy day awaits me and I suppose slipping to day 59 will be more than forseeable.

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #113 on: March 16, 2016, 03:08:03 AM »
Day 58

It was a different day considering the activities I've done, but considering my mood, it's still the same. Nothing so good and nothing so bad either! Indeed it's still the flatline I suspect I'm still experiencing!
In the morning I had immediantly cold shower. Then the day began: went to do several things all in hurry, had extremly quick lunch, went in a city 250kms far from mine for a job interview. I spent the whole afternoon there and was very tired in the evening so I went to sleep after had grabbed some food.
I had strong headache in the late afternoon, so I took medicine in the evening. I haven't worked out, though I walked at least 5km in the city I went!
I didn't have any urge: didn't have time for have any.
I traveled by cat for 3 hours with my friend to go in this city and 3 hours back. Had good conversations and good time.

I'm reporting this on the 59th day's morning. This means that tomorrow I will have hit the day 60! Day 60 means two third of the hard mode journey! It passed so much time yet I feel that a lot of time still has to pass! It's harassing all this cutting out sex and women from my life in order to avoid triggers, though I am every day more committed in rebooting my brain, aware that the 90 days on hard mode will be only the first step of the rest of my porn free life!

Greys0n

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #114 on: March 16, 2016, 06:49:59 AM »
There are a lot of us out here who have stopped and started this addiction. We learn to realize how it affects our life.

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #115 on: March 17, 2016, 03:34:13 AM »
Dai 59

It was not a bad day, though I didn't feel satisfied at the end of if. I haven't done some things I had scheduled to do, thus I had this feeling of unsatisfaction and regret. On one side I think I'm too harsh toward myself because it was not a wasted day. It was a day I made several things, but of those I had planned to do a certain amount I haven't done enought. I should assume it's a positive thing, since when I pmoed I wouldn't care to waste a day, while now I'm very focused on my duties.
I had some sex and porn thoughts during the day, but not even close I risked to relapse. Anyway, these thoughts suggest me that I'm leaving the flatline and I might have soon overwhelming urges. That will be the moment I will have to test my will and strenght!
I had headache only in two moments of the day: after waking up and after lunch.
I didn't have cold shower, nor I worked out.

It has already begun my day 60. Almost one year ago (may 2015) I relapsed at day 60 easy mode! It was my third best streak, though in easy mode. My best streak was 123 days in easy mode, the 73 days in hardmode and the current is about to become my third best streak! This motivates me to own another day! I will achieve it and break my hard mode record too: only two weeks more for this milestone!

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #116 on: March 17, 2016, 03:35:58 AM »
There are a lot of us out here who have stopped and started this addiction. We learn to realize how it affects our life.

Hi man.
Thanks, I know and that's why keep my guard on. it's good to be remibded about this though

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #117 on: March 17, 2016, 03:44:32 AM »
Day 60

I haven't completed the day 60. At the contrary, it's 9:40 of its morning. I'll modify the post at the end of the day. The reason I'm writing is to report I had sexy and fetish dreams I haven't had for ages and I thought not having them any longer was a sign of my brain healing. Well, at this same point under the addiction I couldn't think to anything else than those fetish thoughts, so it's still a good sign having them weakened at the point of beign worried for a dream. Neverthess, I can't put my guard down and I feel I can't ignore it at all!
In addition I woke up with urges, which didn't happen for a lot of time. I guess flatline is over and it's going to begin a phase I will have to fight strong urges. I'm sure aware of this will help a lot!
This evening I will post the report of the day.

EDIT: so here I am posting how if feels like today.
I had a bad day. Not that something wrong happened. It's just that emotionally I feel blown up. A lot of pessimism, a lot of hopelessness and motivation is lower. I feel regretful about what I should have done and I'm harsh toward myself. In the end I've also made my english study and english video watching, but I keep thinking and blaming myself for not doing enaught. And in the end it frustrates me still not having a job, nor a girlfriend. In addition, the week end is approaching and I'm not going to do anything, again! When bad mood comes up, these thoughts break in and it actually sucks.
I had strong urges this morning. Urges hard to dismiss. I resisted and made cold shower before lunch. I felt a little bit better at after that.
Had headache only in the morning and immediantly after lunch.
Didn't work out.

Now it's official two thirds of the journey are gone. 60 days in hard mode. 30 days are still missing. I look forward at it!!!
« Last Edit: March 17, 2016, 04:38:18 PM by Blu88 »

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #118 on: March 19, 2016, 07:17:29 PM »
Day 61

It's day 62's night, but I haven't written anything until now, so just now I report day 61 too.
I haven't gone out of house for the whole day, exept going out almost two hours in the late afternoon with my brother. Earlier I studied english and watched videos in english.
In the morning I studied english. After dinner I watched videos in english.
Didn't have cold shower. Didn't work out.
Mild headache after waking up and after lunch.
Very mild urges during the day: nothing to be worried about.

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #119 on: March 19, 2016, 07:29:15 PM »
Day 62

A weird day. In the end I would say it was a negative day, though I believe it left me something good to learn.
First of all, I haven't studied any english! At the place of that I created a new CV with a format I find amazing! So I spent almost the whole day creating this CV, and now I'm done I can say it was worth it. I put in that a lot of motivation and a lot of efforts. Actually, i didn't miss that this is the exact opposite behavior of a pmo addict! Thus I was happy about such finding out!
Secondly, I went out of my house twice: once in the late morning and once in the middle afternoon. Both times Italia was for less than an hour. This made me think my social life is really messed up! And this is actually a problem! I really need to clear the air about this angle of my life.
Thirdly, I felt the whole day guilty for not having reported in here my day 61. Looks like nofap rose my sense of responsability and duty, which is another positive thing.
Fourthly, I fear I am falling in the procrastination pitfall! Lately I am postponing everything. This is an habit I must stop and I will try to begin from tomorrow.
I woke up with a strong headache, so I took medicine and after that I was fine.
Didn't work out and didn't have cold shower either.
I didn't have any urge today

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #120 on: March 20, 2016, 03:58:17 PM »
Day 63

A bad day. At least, strong headache for the whole time made it be a bad day.
I haven't done anything: woke up late, watched videos on YouTube, worken on the new version of my CV and created it in english. After lunch I watched videos in english and so I'm going to do after dinner.
Didn't work out, but had cold shower.
Last night I made a wet dream, though during the day urges haven't hit on me!

I'm worried about my motivation! This is flatline again and it's actually terrible! I feel like I don't want to keep on with all good things I planned some weeks ago and indeed I had been doing for several days! I don't know how this flatline nightmare is going to last, whether it will be less biasing than it currently is. The only thing I know is that I must hold on and be patient. Sooner or later everything will be fixed!

Tomorrow my nofap 10th week is to begin!

young shinobi

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #121 on: March 20, 2016, 05:04:02 PM »
I read your post and it was like reading parts of my story, low self esteem, no drive toward our studies, and zero social life.
You made some important point such as:"Even at school I was doing the minimal required, although I've always been good at it" it like no effort you make is enough because there is no effort.
Keep the fight and I hope you get to your goal A PMO free version of your self, strong and confident.
PS: they suggest to have "Accountability Partner" , as a way of  mutual support, I’m new to this community , so I hope accept my request , .your welcome to  read my story in my journal thank you

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #122 on: March 21, 2016, 06:20:21 PM »
Day 64

For almost all angles it was an avarage day. I say "almost" because at 19:15 I left my house for to meet a friend and go running. While I was walking to meet him, I had a so positive feeling! I thought something like "wow, these apre emotions! Positive emotions!". I was so happy and so proud of it! Even now I think back at that moment, I have goose bumps! It was just great. I smelled spring, I felt warm is to come again! After the 90% of my life passed dumbed by pmo, believe me it was amazing.
Then yes, I went running, so finally I worked out again! When I finished it, I realized I was confident and positive and asked myself "why the hell hadn't I gone running all these weeks?". Tomorrow I must go again, thought I am going to have have busy day.
I had a cold shower after I had gone running.
Didn't have headaches exept in the early morning and after dinner (an ice cream triggered it!).
I didn't have urges either!

Blu88

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #123 on: March 21, 2016, 06:33:12 PM »
I read your post and it was like reading parts of my story, low self esteem, no drive toward our studies, and zero social life.
You made some important point such as:"Even at school I was doing the minimal required, although I've always been good at it" it like no effort you make is enough because there is no effort.
Keep the fight and I hope you get to your goal A PMO free version of your self, strong and confident.
PS: they suggest to have "Accountability Partner" , as a way of  mutual support, I’m new to this community , so I hope accept my request , .your welcome to  read my story in my journal thank you

Hi man,

First of all, welcome to this community!

Thank you for the comment. It's always nice to read someone relate to my story. It fortifies us and makes us feel stronger and more confident.

I will be glad to read your story aswell and find out what is your knowledge and idea of pmo. Can you link me your journal, please?

About beign accountability partners, I already have one who is helping and supporting me a lot and so am I doing with him. Notwithstanding, I believe that this is not a reason to deny help and support to and from another person, thus I think it shall be a good idea. I have just one quandary: what's your time zone? Because I'm from Europe and having 8-10 hours of difference might be bothering and disturbing. Let me know


young shinobi

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Re: My nofap journey (journal)
« Reply #124 on: March 21, 2016, 07:58:03 PM »
I DID the same things yesterday with 3 friends , i was very exited and yet angry to see how much they where in shape more than  I. So i dicided to workout every single day , a 5 mile run , a 30 min rope no exeption .
and like you said moving our bodies has an amzing way of mooving our well bieng feelings too , so congrat for your 64 day , and wish me luck