Author Topic: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!  (Read 13626 times)

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #50 on: November 21, 2015, 08:40:08 AM »
Day 41: I started off the day with getting out of bed when I was actually awake. No alarm clocks, just sleeping until I woke up naturally. I had an uneasy night. I must have been dreaming about something, but for the life of me, I can't remember what.
That said, today I awoke without any morning wood. A shame, but the recovery has its ups and downs, I suppose.

Tomorrow, I have a female friend coming over to spend some time with. It's actually an ex-girlfriend of mine, but I don't think anything will happen. We're trying to stay friends. But still, looking forward to it!

Also, I don't really know why, but I opened up one of my favorite porn sites today. I just looked at it and ... it disgusted me. I have no idea why I would get so turned on at these kinds of things in the past. It's not real. Having experienced the real thing recently, I have no cravings whatsoever for porn anymore. I closed the browser and went to do something else. I'm very proud of myself for this.

@mindfulmike:
Yup, I do tend to see the overall picture more. That's a pitfall too, as well though. Because the last time I MO'd, I thought to myself: "Well, it's almost been twenty days. What's the harm?"
« Last Edit: November 21, 2015, 05:01:14 PM by BailHope »
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #51 on: November 22, 2015, 02:35:36 PM »
Day 42: Today I met up with a female friend, who needed some comforting, because of troubles with her boyfriend. We spent some time talking, and some hugging happened as well to comfort her. Quite healthy for my rewiring, and I got to do some good along the way.
Unfortunately, I won't be seeing this girl again, as she confronted me with the fact that we still have feelings for each other, and she really wants to make it work with her boyfriend, so she said she had to terminate the friendship, so it wouldn't get in the way.
It's too bad, and I'll miss her, but I suppose I understand why she had to do what she did.

Anyway, I continue my reboot journey and my no MO journey as well. I'm 42 days in without any form of porn and it's been 5 days since my last O. Keep on truckin'.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #52 on: November 23, 2015, 04:22:46 AM »
Day 43: Well ... f*ck.
Today I'll be resetting my MO counter once again. I have no one to blame but myself. I lasted 6 days.

Yesterday, I met up with this girl, and for some reason (knowing her, and knowing our history), I suspected that there was a good chance of having sex. So during the day I took some Cialis and some Horny Goat Weed to make sure that if the occasion should arise, I could perform adequately. The occasion never did arise (see my previous post for details).
But what I did get was an incredible horny night, with not a lot of sleep, and this morning I caved.
I have no one to blame but myself for this.

Still, I didn't resort to porn or porn fantasies and didn't employ death grip. I suppose that's something.
Today, I seem to lack motivation again. I'm beginning to suspect this has something to do with the O's. Last time I experienced a few days without any motivation, was after an O as well.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #53 on: November 24, 2015, 03:03:37 AM »
Day 44: and today I'll be resetting my MO counter once again. I have no idea what's happening, but I keep waking up in the night, horny as hell. I must be dreaming about something, and then wake up I suppose, but it's annoying. At these moments I seem to have little to no self control what happens. So far, I have always been able to keep in control of my urges to some extent, but now it seemed like I had no control at all.
I'm hoping I can blame this on the dose of Horny Goat Weed I took yesterday, so that this will disappear today or maybe tomorrow.

Lesson learned: don't take Horny Goat Weed if you're not 100% sure you are going to have sex.
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Diesel driver

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #54 on: November 24, 2015, 01:24:17 PM »
When it comes to sex, I believe it is best to be as flexible as possible. More enjoyment less frustration.
Thus I'm not a fan of libido/ erection boosters. I would prefer multivatimins, zinc etc. that are supposed to give back the nutrients you lost during your PMO career to you.

I know how it is to wake up in the night super horny. I believe our brains attempt to cause a wet dream but the assets are missing (maybe dopamine but noone knows exactly).
If you're interested you can check out my journal here: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=6705.0. I had this two times I think. Ironically I relapsed after a succesful wet dream, the circumstances were very awkward.

Anyway it shows some serious progress. But I recommend you quit MO as well. It makes you more resistant during these difficult situations.

Cheers!

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #55 on: November 25, 2015, 03:59:53 AM »
@Diesel driver: I completely agree about the MO part. It's my goal to stop for thirty days. My maximum so far has been 18 days though. So I have some ways to go on that regards. Still, today I didn't MO, whoohoo!
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #56 on: November 25, 2015, 05:20:57 AM »
Day 45: Today I complete the first half of my no PMO challenge. Let me tell you, it's been a ride.

Not because it's difficult. But because it isn't. I made appropriate changes in my life, took up some new hobbies and ways to pass my time. I have hardly experienced any urges at all since starting this. No relapses into PMO at all. There was one time I opened up a browser and typed in my (used to be) favorite porn site. I looked at the images ... and it disgusted me. I could no longer fathom why I would have ever masturbated to such things.
This points out to me that I have achieved quite the change of mindset in the last 45 days. I'm pretty proud of myself.

But also, the fact that I didn't have any urges at all, seems to point out that I was never a real addict of porn either. I see a lot of people posting on this site who have real problems with staying away from porn, while I don't.
I definitely had PIED though, and I still do, but without the real addiction part, it seems.

Which is nice, I suppose. One less obstacle to worry about.

I do feel like I have a masturbatory problem. I haven't been able to go more than 18 days without MO and I am a bit disappointed in myself with this. Of course, looking at the big picture, 18 days is quite a lot. Especially coming from at least once a day. In the last 45 days, I have achieved 4 orgasms. Without a change of habit, that would have been at least 45 orgasms, so it is quite a massive change.
But still, urges to masturbate are becoming more frequent now, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night, horny as hell. Sometimes finding it triggering to watch a tv show which includes a (graphic) sex scene (like Game of Thrones). I resist those triggers pretty well, but I can feel their pull while I'm sitting on my couch quite strongly.
So far I haven't given into those triggers, but it is something that seems to be far more triggering for me than actual porn.

In any case, I've had a few occurrences of real arousal during the day that I find quite exhilarating because I can't even remember the last time I actually got aroused by the prospect of seeing some girl, or even hugging a bit could set me off a bit. For me, this does imply that things are changing.

If I had to guess, I'd say my biggest problem wasn't exactly the porn watching, but it was more the death grip masturbation that I was definitely employing. My sensitivity seems to have returned somewhat so far. I'm interested in seeing how far I can take this and how long it will take me to regain full sensitivity. I'm hopeful.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #57 on: November 26, 2015, 05:34:35 AM »
Day 46: I can hardly believe it myself, but I'm resetting my MO counter once again, after one day free of MO. This is very strange. I went for so long without any MO, and now it seems I'm horny as hell when I wake up and have little to no self control.

I'm starting to really get demotivated by this. I guess I need to return to educate myself daily by reading on yourbrainonporn.com like I used to do in the beginning. When I was really convinced that it was for the best, I was able to stay away from masturbation completely, but now it seems I'm wavering. I hope I'll get back on track.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #58 on: November 27, 2015, 03:05:37 AM »
Day 47: woohoo. I got out of bed this morning without a problem. I'm feeling very motivated to start my day. I took a shower this morning and was forced to take a cold shower in the end, because our building had run out of hot water. Man, that was a wake up call.

Today, no MO or urge to either. I'm feeling great!
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #59 on: November 28, 2015, 10:30:11 AM »
Day 48 of no PMO. Feeling great. Got out of bed ok. Had a bit of a slow day, but that's fine. Again, today I experienced an urge to open up my favorite porn website. This is strange because in the last 48 days, I hardly had any of these urges, but they are coming up now. I opened the tab, and closed it again without doing anything. I am stronger than this.

Tonight, I will be going out with friends. I'll make sure to go easy on the alcohol so I don't relapse in the morning because I feel like this is a dangerous time. But I remain committed to stop the porn and masturbation.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #60 on: November 29, 2015, 04:24:58 AM »
Day 49: noticed something strange today. I opened a browser window and opened an incognito screen to do some searching that I don't want to have affiliated with my Google account (nothing porn or anything like that). And as soon as the incognito window opened up, I had the urge to type in one of my porn sites that I used to frequent daily. The idea just came out of nowhere, as if an incognito screen and porn go hand in hand. Strange.
Anyway, I didn't do it, so yay me!

Today is day three without the MO again. Slowly building it back up. My last record was 18 days without any MO. I'm doing everything I can to beat this record. I got out of bed okay today. I woke up like five minutes before my alarm clock rang. No morning wood, but that's okay. It'll come back eventually I suppose.

I'm finding it easier and easier to get aroused by simple (non porn related) things. I'm almost 50 days into my reboot, so I guess something should be happening around this time. It's nice to see that I don't need hardcore porn thoughts anymore to arouse me.

Met a nice girl, let's call her Sophie. She was a nice chat and we seem to be compatible in some ways. I like that. I'm going to ask her out today and see how that goes.
Asking a girl out actually really falls outside of my comfort zone, so I'm a bit nervous about it, but I'm sure that it's something I want to do. So let's do it and see what happens :)
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #61 on: November 30, 2015, 03:41:33 AM »
Day 50: actually feels more like a milestone than the 45th day, to be honest. But yes, I've made it this far!

Got out of bed today on time, I feel great, energized. Yesterday I started writing a story that's been in my head for ages. For some reason, each time I tried to write it down, I experienced writer's block almost immediately - the inspiration just stopped for some reason. Now I seem to be able to write again. I wonder if it's the brain fog that is finally lifting that is allowing me this. I used to stop at something simple like a name for my main character, or I'd stop at the first road block ("How will the main character tackle this?") and now the ideas just popped into my head and kept popping. Very refreshing!

Sophie, the girl I met recently, actually agreed to go out with me (much to my surprise). This feels great and is also a great motivator to keep going with the no MO and no PMO as well.
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Diesel driver

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #62 on: November 30, 2015, 04:52:46 AM »
I knew someone who wrote articles for newspapers and whenever she had writer's block she would buy a bus ticket and go for a ride. Just to kill some time and then return to work.  I'm sure you can find your own method on how to overcome it. It might also be porn withdrawal.

Good luck with the girl!

Cheers!

Christian

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #63 on: December 01, 2015, 02:05:40 AM »
Congratulations on the 50 days Bail! It sounds like things are going great, the journal posts have been good too.

When I experience writers or artists block, I take a small break where I don't think about what I'm working on at all. Getting a "Fresh start" has given me a lot of success in writing classes. I also go back and make small improvements on things I've already written; its always easier to get the juices flowing with something your familiar with than trying to continue a brand new story. A "Refresher". And nice job on getting the date!

Christian

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #64 on: December 01, 2015, 04:09:46 PM »
Day 51: f*ckitty f*ck f*ck. I had a terrible night. I was dreaming about something and I kept waking up. Every time I woke up, I had serious wood. I didn't do anything with it, until this morning. I felt so drained of energy and willpower, and I gave in by masturbating. I didn't use porn and I did it without using death grip masturbation, so I guess that's something. But it is the third time I will have reset my MO counter, and it's getting quite annoying.

I've spent the day looking at what I do from day to day, to try and decide if there's maybe something I'm doing wrong. I've decided to cut OkCupid and Tinder from my life for the time being. I have noticed that sometimes, I can get quite aroused looking at all the pictures and browsing through the profiles. I guess it's a form of artificial stimulation for me. So I'm cutting it out of my life.

At my first attempt of no MO, I didn't have these, and I lasted for 18 days, so I might be on to something I suppose.

In the past, I reported feeling a sort of brain fog from time to time. I believe this is to do with the orgasms. I felt it this morning after I had masturbated again. I cycled to work and was hit with a good deal of really cold rain, after which it disappeared again. The rain kinda felt like a cold shower feels, so that might have something to do with the absence of the brain fog right now.
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freedom2015

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #65 on: December 02, 2015, 06:16:30 PM »
Hey there BailHopper, I'm sorry you have had a rough day brother.  I know the feeling for sure.  I'm glad you aren't beating yourself up too much and you are rather analyzing what may have hindered your progress.  Something I found kind of interesting is that you mentioned you were having some good things happen in your life and that you were feeling pretty good.  These are the HARDEST times for me.  Yesterday, one of the main professors in my college complimented me and said I had a bright future, and it literally almost made me relapse.  I feel okay handling the hard times, when I am stressed and such, but because I have used porn at all times of my life not just the bad times, it is very easy for happiness to trigger urges to masturbate and look at porn.  Maybe you are in the same boat, so I am not being really cautious when things are going well for me because I know I haven't combated a lot of urges when I feel like things are going well.

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #66 on: December 05, 2015, 03:58:30 PM »
Day 4 of my second reboot. Also day 4 of no MO.

I'm finding it is once again difficult to quit masturbation. Staying away from porn is again no problem. I was at home an entire day today, and I did not have one urge to start watching porn. I did have the urge to masturbate as soon as I woke up this morning, as I do every day. But I managed not to do it so far. Let's hope this continues.
My goal is to achieve at least 20 days without any orgasm. That would be a new record for me. And if I can, I will try to make it to the end of december without any form of orgasm. I'm very curious if I will make it.
Masturbation is a choice. I need to remind myself of this. Masturbation is a choice. And I can choose not to.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #67 on: December 09, 2015, 08:19:10 AM »
Day 2 of no PMO and day 7 of my second reboot. Going great so far, I suppose. My goal is to make it at least until Christmas without any O's at all. This is proving to be quite a challenge for me. Today I had to get out of bed on willpower alone because I really didn't feel like it. But I got out okay thanks to the alarm clock ringing on a different floor from mine. Still, it was very tempting to get back into bed when I had turned it off. But I did it.
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mindfulmike

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #68 on: December 10, 2015, 07:06:01 AM »
BailHopper,

Good to see you're back on the warpath again. Keep fighting strong!

Based on what most people seem to experience (myself included), the first two weeks are the hardest. But that should be motivating, not demoralizing, because once you get to Christmas, it will be that must easier to go beyond Christmas. It will be your Christmas present to yourself. But only if that's what you want, because it is only good to go for goals that you feel good about. If you feel good about getting to Christmas, and you feel confident in your ability to do so - so confident that you expect to get there - you will be more likely to achieve that goal. This sort of belief-based psychology is talked about in the book "Awaken the Giant Within"

I also read another book recently, "The Selfish Gene", and that has another anecdote that may inspire you. In it, there is talk of dominance hierarchies. The question is: why don't animals go all out when they fight for dominance? Apparently, it is only in rare circumstances that they end up killing each other, so surely one or both is holding back their true power...

It turns out that crickets (and possibly other animals as well) have a system for holding back power. If a cricket loses its first fight, it will mark itself as "loser cricket" and it will then lose most of its fights throughout its lifetime. If it wins, it will be a "winner cricket" and it will be more likely to win fights. Whether or not this applies to humans is uncertain, but I think there may be truth to in in the way it applies to human psychology and specifically the belief systems we place on each other. Basically, by believing that you're a winner, destiny will be on your side. And by going 50+ days no PMO, 18 days no MO, you already have the statistics to show that you're stronger than most of the people on this website, and the statistics will only be further in your favor the further you go at this

Hope that helps, you got this :)

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #69 on: December 16, 2015, 03:54:09 AM »
So yeah, I disappeared for a while, due to life and other arrangements. Some friends took me out for a small week of Amsterdam to go see Florence and the Machine live. It was awesome!

But unfortunately, after this morning, I can reset my MO counter again. Made it up to 3 days before resetting.

Thanks mindfulmike for your post. You're right. The first two weeks are hell. I remember how much easier it became after the first two weeks. Not easy mind you, but easier.
I'm thinking of switching it up some more to really cut old habits short by moving my bed somewhere else, or sleeping downstairs on the couch instead of on my comfy bed. Maybe that helps to avoid the MO, I don't know.

On a positive note, that female that walked out of my life - let's call her Karen - walked right back in my life just yesterday. Mind you, last time she walked out it was because she couldn't handle what was going on sexually (= my inability to have sex with her like a normal man could), so I'm not overall excited that she still seems interested in me, but I'm interested in finding out where it goes.
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mindfulmike

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #70 on: December 16, 2015, 06:51:38 AM »
Glad to have you back, BailHopper :)

A new environment can make things feel fresh. It seems that the brain is so complicated that it connects different concepts to different places in space, so if you mix up your environment you may be able to mix up your habits. At least to some degree - even if it is only a small degree, that can make a huge difference if you combine it with other strategies