Author Topic: Random blowjob during NoFap  (Read 30434 times)

source89

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Random blowjob during NoFap
« on: May 29, 2014, 03:40:59 PM »
Hi Everyone, This is actually my second attempt to NoFap, I tried it a year ago and kept on going for 2+ months, seen amazing results but due to lot of mess in my life I just came back to porn and fapping.
I started NoFap because of an ED and PE problem that I'm hoping to solve.
To make a long story short, since the age of 18 I had ED problems, i went to a few doctors, did all the tests, went to a psychotherapist and failed to 'heal' from the problem.
I'm quiet sure that my problem is caused by porn since I was watching extreme porn from young age and used, with the years, to pick only the content I want and see loads of videos simultaneously.
I'm on day 35, a few days ago someone new moved to building next to me, we said hi, talked here and there.... and 3 days after, I went down on her and she gave me a blowjob, I was unable to get an erection (even with viagra), I should probably also say that I'm kind of in a flat-line position where I don't have any morning surprises and my penis is barley active, although starting to get hard only from talking dirty stuff with girls.
Now, the thing is like that, first of all- do you think that getting a blowjob was a bad idea? she is really into me, I mean she wants us to be fuck buddies and I don't know what to do- I mean, I can't get an erection at the moment and I don't want to ruin the whole NoFap process.
Suggestions? help! :)

dc6

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2014, 07:00:37 AM »
Wasn't a bad idea. Does sound like you could be flatlining though. I would not avoid her if I were you, but you could take the opportunity to work on your mouth and hand game. Unsure how far that would play before she was looking for penetration, but it should buy you a little time to get back to it. If you decided to go with a pill, I'd suggest karezza, which is where you have sex but do not orgasm. An orgasm at this stage may lengthen the flatline period.

Viper

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2014, 08:55:55 PM »
do you ever talk to this neighbor about this stuff?
It's been a few days since this happened and I'm curious.
Because if you were limp the whole time she was going down,
I'm trying to think what must be going through her mind.
Wish some ladies would chime in on this.
Doesn't have to be your current SO but any guy you were
blowing and he didn't get harder.

To answer your question, I don't think intimacy with a real woman wrecks your
reboot.

source89

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2014, 06:13:15 AM »
Yea we met again, and she gave me a blowjob again, wasn't really hard, I mean, not limp, but not an hard erection as well, between a limp to erection :P

I told her all about the NoFap idea and she didn't mind, I'm going down on her and she is really pleased, actually she sends too much messages and I feel like she is waiting for me to pass by the building lol.

Well, I'm going to 'use' her - i mean, I'll still pleasure her with my tongue / hand, though I will want to check progress and 'get used' to sex altogether, so I'm assuming we won't meet everyday, but lets say once every 2 week.. I don't know, i think it can be beneficial, about flat-line... I'm starting to see a small improve, like weak morning erections, dick being a little bit more active..

Bibbity

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2014, 10:12:03 AM »
Are you pleasuring her to orgasm?  You can have plenty of sex without your erection but if you want to heal ED and PE my suggestion is to stop all sexual activity for a few months to let yourself heal.  There will be other women you can hook up with at a later time if thats what you want but right now this is not going to help you.  Right now your brain is still in "porn mode".
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

Viper

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2014, 11:17:36 AM »
Are you pleasuring her to orgasm?  You can have plenty of sex without your erection but if you want to heal ED and PE my suggestion is to stop all sexual activity for a few months to let yourself heal.  There will be other women you can hook up with at a later time if thats what you want but right now this is not going to help you.  Right now your brain is still in "porn mode".

Although I understand the method described in your opinion, I have to respectfully disagree.
The whole point in re-wiring your brain is to program it to get turned on by real women (at least in this case).
And to delete the current programming of getting turned on by pixels, images, fantasy, and video of things that
gets you hard.

So of course, definitely stop watching porn and jerking off. But I really don't see how engaging in sexual activity
with a partner which is normal programming can hold him back.
I've documented my journey on here from flatline to having intercourse again.
I was PIED so bad, I didn't even want to make out with my SO, let alone get hard.
So during my reboot, she would go down on me every once in a while til I orgasm.
Week after week, I started gaining the urge to do more to satisfy her and now I'm
at the point where she's getting the most out of me in months.

Again, I am not out of the woods yet. But there's no denying the progress I've made
and you certainly don't want to put a number on the days you'll reboot to be recovered.
Just take it one day at at time and have faith that you'll improve as long as you stick
to the program.

Bibbity

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2014, 05:43:50 PM »
Viper I would agree with everything you've said if this was a relationship.  I think casual sex can be detrimental to the process especially in the beginning.  The focus is usually on the penis and not on connection with your partner.  IMO 'using' someone to rewire is not the way to go.  Just my opinion of course!

We were having sex from day 1 of my husbands reboot and erections were still not 100% at 9 months in.  He abstained for 8 weeks at that point (pleasured me to orgasm during the 8 wks) and after that he was erect every time.  Some people need that abstinence from orgasm to heal.  Not everyone of course.
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

bzarfas

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2014, 03:58:51 AM »
Are you pleasuring her to orgasm?  You can have plenty of sex without your erection but if you want to heal ED and PE my suggestion is to stop all sexual activity for a few months to let yourself heal.  There will be other women you can hook up with at a later time if thats what you want but right now this is not going to help you.  Right now your brain is still in "porn mode".
Im wondering what science you have to back that up?
If he can find a woman and have sex with her, I'd be all over that, he can use that as a reason to stay away from porn, sex is good for a person for lots of reasons and not the cause of ED,
Porn is the cause, so stay away from porn and let your brain  replace your mental porn bank with mental REAL sex

Let us know how it goes

Mart71

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2014, 06:31:39 AM »
Imo performance anxiety and P.I.ED go hand in hand. You can assume, that the pressure to perform is much higher in situations like casual sexual encounters, ONS or even paid sex. These situations can result in erectile failure even for otherwise healthy men and are therefore imo not really recommended for someone looking to rewire.

Imo one needs to go from a place of performance anxiety to confidence. And in order to build that confidence, you need someone you can fail with - and continue trying nevertheless. Usually this is what a loving partner is willing to do, helping you over a longer period of time without making you feel even worse than you already do, should you fail.

However i think, a "fuck buddy" can help as well, if there is no pressure and she is willing to keep trying with you. Since the encounters are not too frequent, this can be pretty beneficial imo. You alternate sexual activity with a steady real girl and bouts of abstinence, during which your body reboots and "recovers" from orgams. It is a wave movement of sex/no sex - I did that during my own reboot since I have long distance girlfriend, and so far it worked pretty well for us. You can also gauge progress very good this way.


Gabe Deem

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2014, 07:52:25 AM »
Are you pleasuring her to orgasm?  You can have plenty of sex without your erection but if you want to heal ED and PE my suggestion is to stop all sexual activity for a few months to let yourself heal.  There will be other women you can hook up with at a later time if thats what you want but right now this is not going to help you.  Right now your brain is still in "porn mode".
Im wondering what science you have to back that up?
If he can find a woman and have sex with her, I'd be all over that, he can use that as a reason to stay away from porn, sex is good for a person for lots of reasons and not the cause of ED,
Porn is the cause, so stay away from porn and let your brain  replace your mental porn bank with mental REAL sex

Let us know how it goes


@ bzarfas

Well first of all if a guy has ED he cannot have sex. He said even with a blow job and viagra he was unable to get an erection. So her advice is good. The science we have is tons anecdotal evidence from reboot accounts and advice from urologists who acknowledge this as a real problem and suggest giving yourself a rest for a few weeks/months then starting back up again.

RE-wiring is important but it does not have to involve full on penis in vagina intercourse. Young guys with PIED almost unanimously report a period of time away from sexual stimulation (primarily O) is beneficial for a reboot, probably to recover from desensitization first, then extended periods of abstinence from porn and re-wiring with a real partner heals sensitization.

Here is where I would agree with you though, is that after a few weeks/months if their is no progress, one might need to start attempting sex, maybe even practicing "soft entry" in order wire up to the real thing.

Just my two cents.
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem

bzarfas

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2014, 08:06:26 AM »

@ bzarfas

Well first of all if a guy has ED he cannot have sex. He said even with a blow job and viagra he was unable to get an erection. So her advice is good. The science we have is tons anecdotal evidence from reboot accounts and advice from urologists who acknowledge this as a real problem and suggest giving yourself a rest for a few weeks/months then starting back up again.

RE-wiring is important but it does not have to involve full on penis in vagina intercourse. Young guys with PIED almost unanimously report a period of time away from sexual stimulation (primarily O) is beneficial for a reboot, probably to recover from desensitization first, then extended periods of abstinence from porn and re-wiring with a real partner heals sensitization.

Here is where I would agree with you though, is that after a few weeks/months if their is no progress, one might need to start attempting sex, maybe even practicing "soft entry" in order wire up to the real thing.

Just my two cents.
Thanks for the 2cents,
I do not know and was simply trying to figure out the basis of what was said.
You didnt give me "sceience"/MOA of how/why taking a break from sex helps guys get better to have sex with other non-self humans again, you gave me something better,
resuls of what is said about what works,
I refer a LOT  to a survey also regarding what BMI to shoot for, even though BMI isnt a very accurate tool(bodyfat fat percentage is far better) but the survey stands on its own.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22530540

I appreciate your post, thank you.

Viper

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2014, 12:39:44 AM »
I don't think anyone here is dead wrong.
I'm speaking from experience and others have also drawn from their personal account.
It's worth talking about.

If he's asking if he thinks these trysts will wreck his reboot efforts, it's hard for me
to accept that. Men are stimulated by visual and he has a human target that he's
drawn to, willing, and able. That escalates to some sexual activity. That's exactly what a normal
process that leads to sex should be.
Because there are guys out there so enveloped into PIED, that can't even get
enough motivation to pursue sex. They have no interest so if this guy haven't
lost it, why not continue this normal pattern of boy-meets-girl-and-fuck
scenario?
At least if the opportunity presents itself.

Now this doesn't mean you should go trolling for women like browsing facebook or dating sites.
But if you come across someone like how you described, I think that's an exception.

But again, it's certainly not bad to totally abstain from sexual trysts either.
It's just that for us men, I don't care if you look like Brad Pitt, opportunities
like this is hard to pass up and there may not be next time to hook up in the future.
I'm just being realistic.
We're talking about a single, unattached man here and a consenting
neighbor.




« Last Edit: June 03, 2014, 12:55:35 AM by Viper »

Bibbity

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Re: Random blowjob during NoFap
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2014, 08:08:27 AM »
Viper I completely understand what you are saying.  I feel that thinking like this is not a great mind set to be in when it comes to sex.  You have to realize that a lot of "hook up" culture is derived from a porn and sexually saturated culture.  Fuck every hottie if they are willing etc.  I think a big part of getting out of PMO is to change your mindset about sex, relationships and women.
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler