Author Topic: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"  (Read 53220 times)

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Hey blue bud! I'm holding up okay  ;D thanks for asking again. Yeah, my computer is actually unhooked right now, hence the lack of connection this time. Of course, I still am not 1000% here, but things are okay regardless. My car is in the shop right now because it's dying of something, I swear I need to attach a heart monitor to that thing.

I'm supposed to be taking a trip soon; I hate traveling lol. Family visit, could go either way. Besides that, im just trying to be more chill. I've been in the habit of trying new things lately. I saw tomorrowland a couple days ago, that was pretty good  :P mostly been trying to find old hip hop classics I missed. It's a fine line though... Like, stylistically, I'd consider The Great Adventures of Slick Rick a classic, but it's SO extremely hit and miss when it comes to content. It's morally questionable on a couple levels haha, so I ignore that album and ones similar to it, for the most part.

Probably said this already, but I love me some Alanis Morisette... That raw 90s sort of... Rock? I guess? I'm pretty eclectic in my music taste. I think I'm probably parroting off the same old. Please stop me if I am!!

Beyond that, that acne gel has worked pretty good! Oh, and I got a gym membership again because why not 


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Sometimes I beat myself up because I just feel like I'm setting a bad example. I'm supposed to be journaling every day, being stronger than I was yesterday, but then I have to reset my tracker in just over a week. This failure probably boils down to me just having extra time on my hands, or something like that. You know, after you last so long, you sorta view yourself as a juggernaut of some kind. Like, "ho ho ha ha, I sure have this under control, nothing can stop me," only to faceplant. And I know this takes patience to do... It's just that I've been at it sooo long already, I feel like I should've stopped regression by now, you know?

This is somewhat related, my friend that I go to to talk about my problem, his cousin died today. I think it would be best to hold off on burdening him with this extra stuff.

This might sound corny, but I really love everyone who has positively contributed to my journal and been an encouragement to me. I really mean that from the bottom of my heart, thank you guys again. I'll update when I find out more stuff about the funeral arrangements.


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LeirTheFox

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Hey man,

I feel you on the faceplant part. I think that's where we should aim to be dealing more.
Over time, you get ready to face the first tricks that PMO addiction throws at ya. But when we get overconfident...

I'm sorry to hear about the loss. Hope everything's fine with ya.

Stay strong, brother.
And also, thank you so much for getting back at me on my journal.
I struggled so much with coming back that each comment rooting for me gave me enough strenght to return.

Cheers,
L.
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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Thanks Leir  ;)


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #79 on: June 02, 2016, 01:03:15 AM »
I'm visiting my family right now, so I only have access to my phone. Been watching a lot of prison break and chillin.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #80 on: June 08, 2016, 11:14:48 PM »
Heyooooo!

Been feeling a real drive and zest for life lately. Gotta keep this feeling up!


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #81 on: June 24, 2016, 09:30:00 PM »
Hey guys, I fell down in a pretty big way. About a week ago, I was totally clean. I guess I just let life treat me like crap because I was turned down for the promotion, etc. I don't know why it sent me back to my old ways. I guess just because I was thinking, "No one really cares about me or needs me." Yeah, that's the thought that really hit me the hardest, I think... So I wound up binging on a bunch of useless crap, the whole 9 yards. I'm really disappointed in myself, but no better time to pick yourself back up and try again, right?
 I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I'm only trying to get away from the stuff to either appease my conscience or maybe just to prove something. To be honest, I feel like I'm regressed back to square -1. AND I KNOW that isn't the case, I think the fact that I'm coming here after the fact is proof of that, but still. That's okay, baby, LETS DO THIS.  ::) ;D

Round 3
FIGHT!


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #82 on: June 27, 2016, 03:04:12 AM »
Im back on the bus! I'm gonna try to post more frequently.


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Nope

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #83 on: June 27, 2016, 04:08:18 AM »
Welcome back!

I've just had a relapse too. Posting more frequently will help us to keep accountability. You're doing the correct thing ;)

Stay strong!
You're welcome to visit my journal here: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=9431.0

LeirTheFox

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #84 on: June 27, 2016, 03:30:02 PM »
Im back on the bus! I'm gonna try to post more frequently.

Hey man,

I had a similar problem with staying commited. Try to give us more detail of your everyday experience.
Make your commitment here to be as helpful as you can!

Stay strong. We're up here for you!

Cheers,
L.
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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #85 on: July 11, 2016, 01:45:30 PM »
Feels good to be back on track! Just posting for the sake of posting.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #86 on: July 13, 2016, 01:19:10 PM »
Okay, two weeks isnt awful. The complete PMO package is easier for me to avoid these days, but I find myself slipping on the first tick -- the watching. There's a very specific trigger I have that has to do with a poisonous cocktail between my living circumstances, and remorse. I think if I can hold my head high, I might really be onto something this time. I keep saying, "I'm regressing, woe is me" but I think that falling down a lot just means you'll have stronger leg muscles from getting back up :D
« Last Edit: July 13, 2016, 01:20:52 PM by IAdmitItIHaveAProblem »


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #87 on: July 14, 2016, 06:58:04 PM »
Curiosity killed the cat -----

True sentence! Doesn't have to be :D


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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #88 on: July 20, 2016, 03:15:53 PM »
Yesterday was sort of a pull back for me; but today is a new day so Im excited about that.

Today I got a lot done before noon. I learned how to play the Song Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette last week. Also been learning a TON of chess. What a hard game. The youtube channel I learn from the most is Mato Jelic. Funny guy


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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #89 on: July 22, 2016, 11:49:59 PM »
I got dis. Ive been playing a nice little text game recently. Besides that, getting my mind right. Had to post just to post ;)


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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #90 on: August 01, 2016, 06:49:12 PM »
I went to a convention this weekend that proved to be extremely motivational for me. It was a reset button for me. Let's do this.


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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #91 on: August 11, 2016, 02:35:26 AM »
Feel pretty good about myself. Im at a point where I feel a lot more emotions, mostly bad, some good lol. Either way, I'm posting here to check in and see my progress on the little green bar. :)


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #92 on: September 21, 2016, 03:40:20 PM »
Hey guys! Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Day 25 completely P free. I've been doing hard mode. No touching, no images, etc. I can make it to day 5 consistently without messing myself; I am on day 5, LETS KICK IT UP A NOTCH.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #93 on: September 27, 2016, 04:26:33 PM »
Day 30!!!

I'm easily a month clean. I have a piece of advice for people struggling with pmo; for me this helps greatly: Once I stopped the M, M was not even an option, then the P and O just flew out the window as being options. Hard mode is the way to go imo.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #94 on: October 03, 2016, 04:41:13 PM »
Day 36:

Pretty good still!


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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #95 on: October 22, 2016, 02:15:10 AM »
55 Days no P...

That's a good amount! Not good enough for me! Let's keep it moving, boys.



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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #96 on: October 24, 2016, 07:58:05 PM »
So, day 57

I accidentally saw something today, NOTHING TOO BAD, but I was disappointed in myself. It was an accident, I know, but still........ its like, day 57! It feels like accidents shouldn't happen, but some things are not completely under your control. My regret is that I didn't leave for work sooner so that I could have avoided it.

Note to self: STOP GOING BACK TO TWITTER. I already deleted instagram for a similar reason, and snapchat was no good either. I don't think it was enough exposure to do anything to me, but it still feels disgusting because I didn't leave on a dime-notice. Automatic response should be that RED X in the corner of the browser! DO IT NEXT TIME.

« Last Edit: October 24, 2016, 07:59:57 PM by IAdmitItIHaveAProblem »


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #97 on: October 31, 2016, 07:17:55 PM »
Close friend of mine is getting married to the girl I used to have a thing for, this happened to me twice in a row because of circumstances..... long story. Basically, Im doing fine on day 65, and seeing a therapist to help me sort some things out.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #98 on: November 11, 2016, 06:03:25 PM »
Wow! Day 75. I can't believe it's been that long since I've posted here.
Therapy is pretty good. I didnt realize how bad of a mind-state I was in, and largely still am. But things are looking up! Hard mode lasts roughly anywhere from 1-7 days. Passing a week is realllly tough on hard mode, but I think I notice slight differences in my behavior. Axing the P was the biggest thing, that made a gigantic difference. MO is another story. I heard you don't feel the effects of NoFap until day 90 Hard Mode... that seems nearly impossible. But I'm still trying. You keep trying too.

For anyone still reading my journal, take courage and wear it as armor.


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IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: "Adversity is the diamond dust with which heaven polishes its jewels"
« Reply #99 on: November 18, 2016, 07:09:51 PM »
Day 82~

Almost at the 90 day mark! Hard mode still is difficult, and honestly, sometimes it's too much and I get really down in the dumps. But I know that I'm trying to make changes, no matter how slow they're coming along.


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