Author Topic: I have a problem with porn.  (Read 3016 times)

AgnitioSano

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I have a problem with porn.
« on: November 03, 2015, 02:15:39 PM »
I have a problem with watching porn.  There I said it.  Its supposed to be the first step right, admitting you have a problem.  I have been watching/masturbating to porn since i was 13 and i am now 26, so that makes half my life I have had this habit.  I hate how controlling it is, I hate the shame and fear of being found out that I live like this.  This is hour one for me, the beginning down the road.  I have tried and tried to quit before but I never shared it with anyone.  I am too scared of being honest with my wife and friends to confide this with them.  Maybe this time will be different.  Thank you to the administrators for having a place for us to come without fear, it means a lot and I already feel more hopeful because of it.  Today is my new day one.

BailHopper

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2015, 03:38:48 PM »
Good job in admitting you have a problem. It truly is the first step.

Next, tell yourself you WILL quit porn. You won't just try. You'll actually do it. Convince yourself.

Then educate yourself. Learn all you can learn about PIED and its effects. Convince yourself that you will be better off without porn at all.

And then you'll do just fine.
Join me on rTribe, my user handle is bail
I have a blog about quitting porn, with tips on how to quit and rebuild yourself as well. Visit me here: Blog about beating porn addiction

Andy_GJS

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2015, 07:01:16 PM »
Welcome and all the best!

Get a counter will help you monitor your progress! :)

Cheers!




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AgnitioSano

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Day 2
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2015, 01:59:58 PM »
I made it 24 hours.  Not my first time making this long but I want it to be my last "first 24 hours".  I know relapse is a possibility but I dont want to even think of it as an option at this point.  The cravings suck, atleast once an hour I run into a craving.  One of my biggest triggers is boredom.  Unfortunately I work alone in a supply warehouse for 8 hours a day.  I have visiters occasionally to pick up and drop off but there is too much privacy and downtime for my own good.  I end up daydreaming of hunting for porn and how easy it would be to give in.  I have so many triggers at this point it feels like everything is a trigger.  I havent had sex in a few days, which doesnt help. I started my counter and I have set a goal of getting a new watch that I saw the other day if I can make it to 14 days.  Its nothing big, but its something I probably wouldnt normally get so it will be a nice reward.  For my praying brothers out there please send some for me, I need them right now.  I will be praying for all my brothers out there in this struggle. 

More about my history - I am married with six children.  I meet my wife 6 years ago and she already had four children at the time.  Since then we have had two more children and are currently not taking any precautions against a third.  I have three boys and three girls now and I want to be able to say to my boys if they end up where I am that I was able to kick this habit and they can too.

AgnitioSano

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Day 3
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2015, 02:20:42 PM »
I have made it 48 hours now.  Today wasnt so bad, I stayed busy with work but the cravings still come and go.  I know things will be different later but i want it to hurry up and get there.  I never really had any problems with ED in the past, but I do often have difficulty with delayed orgasm.  It has gotten to the point before where I cant orgasm with my wife unless I am actively thinking about porn.  It has also gotten to the point some days where if I had to choose I would have picked porn over actual sex.  I just want those days to be over.  There is so much shame there for me but I am going to have so much more pride in myself when I beat this.  Thank you guys for all your help out there.  Keep up the good fight.

AgnitioSano

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Day 4
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2015, 01:50:10 PM »
72 hours with out PMO, slowly making it through one hour at a time.  The craving is so strong when I am bored that I am trying to come up with extra stuff just to stay busy.  My brain just keeps telling me that its okay to relapse and that one last time wont hurt and I have to keep telling it to shut its stupid mouth.  I am looking forward to the weekend, I for once do not have any plans but to spend time with my wife and kids.  The cravings suck still, and I have been needing more tylenol to chase my headaches away.  I never would have thought I would get headaches from not watching P but there are a lot of things I didnt think would be possible about this whole thing. 

Its kinda weird, I didnt ever think I had addiction problems.  I picked up smoking in high school but was able to cold turkey it no problem for a year or two before picking it up again by choice.  I did the same with alcohol, I randomly pick them up and put them down cold turkey no problem.  But P, I would go hunting for it, trying to find even clothing magazines that were skimpy enough just to satisfy my craving, watching video after video, sometimes several times a day. Then I would try and quit and that would last a little while then I would binge watch and be right back to were I started.  But this time there will be no "one last time".

Andy_GJS

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2015, 06:19:38 PM »
Hi there!

I'm about the same stage as you. My head keeps trying to bargain with me... It's okay to relapse.. It's okay to just a peek... 1 picture won't hurt... and so on..... It's tough really.

Weekend is coming and hopefully I have enough distractions to survive the weekend.

Have a good weekend with your family dude! Stay strong!

God bless!




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AgnitioSano

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Day 5
« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2015, 02:52:04 PM »
96 hours, I will have to start posting in days instead of hours tomorrow.  It feels good to be making it this far without relapsing.  Kept busy so far today with errands and shopping.  Unfortunately I spent the money I was holding aside for my reward at 14 days,  its okay though, I'll find a cheaper reward for 14 days and save up again to get the other one at 30 days.  Baby steps.  Just like a war is won a battle at a time and a battle is won a yard at a time, so goes our war.  One day at a time, one hour at a time, even sometimes minutes and seconds at a time.  Isnt it funny how when we are feeling tempted time feels like it drags on forever but the easy times seem to be gone before we can remember them.  Hold on to your wins brothers and forgive yourself for your loses and we will fight this war one step at a time.  I will be praying for all of you.

AgnitioSano

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Day 6
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2015, 05:32:24 PM »
Posting a little later then normal today, busy day with church and homework.  5 days without P or M, might not be my longest streak but its up there.   The urges get easier to get past each day.  Hold on to your hope gentlemen, there is a way out of the clutches of this beast. 

Andy_GJS

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2015, 06:55:39 PM »
Hey dude!

Keep the spirit dude! Enjoy the Sunday service as much as possible. For me, the Sunday service yesterday reminded me why I want to break away from porn. It was a good experience!

Enjoy your Sunday!
God bless bro!




Longest streak: 10 days

AgnitioSano

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2015, 02:29:23 PM »
Sick day today.  Found out I get irritable when I'm sick and my go to when I'm irritable is of course PMO so its a struggle today. I am gonna take some meds and try and sleep it off.  Its just one more way I was dependant on P for my happiness instead of depending on God, my wife or my family and friends.

AgnitioSano

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New day 1
« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2015, 12:51:47 PM »
I made it one week and screwed it up.  Time to start over.  I didnt install the blocks I should have but this time I will.  I hate this so much cause the second I was done I not only regretted it but it didnt satisfy the urge at all.  Time to stand up and try again.  Today is my new day one

IAdmitItIHaveAProblem

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #12 on: November 10, 2015, 07:15:09 PM »
You got dis!!


I should type something witty down here.

My Journal:
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=6955.75

AgnitioSano

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #13 on: November 23, 2015, 01:00:42 PM »
I havent even been trying to fight this for the last two weeks.  Its time I tried again, I am just to sick of this cycle but its so easy to give in and so hard to change.  I reset my counter again for what I hope will be my last reset.

AgnitioSano

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One day
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2015, 03:33:10 PM »
24 hours and some change and the urges are already back and strong as always.  I did the right thing this time, locked down my phone so hard I cant even do a factory reset to get out of the security on it.  I had to build an exception for this website cause its adult oriented, thats how strict my new settings are.  I cant look at any of my normal triggers, I cant look up anything even close to P or P subs.  Its inconvenient in someways but it will be worth it when I kick this habit.  I put some 26ish random numbers and letters into the password so there was no way to memorize it and then I threw away the password.  Its kinda sad that I know I cant be trusted but it feels good to be honest with myself about it

SzymonO

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Re: I have a problem with porn.
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2015, 04:34:23 AM »
Hello!

In last few years, I`ve tried to give up porn many, many times with no longterm results. But now I`m doing well. The good thing which helped me to stay on course is to be grateful for what I`ve got. Every morning I think about things I have that makes me feel thankful. Maybe it could work for You too. Also what is really important, and maybe You know it already, educate Yourself about porn addiction EVERY DAY. It`s like therapy, because we have to rewire our brains, it`s hard work.

Anyway, I hope something from the above will be useful for You, and beat it man! Remember it`s all up to You.