Author Topic: 30yo and PIED for 10 years  (Read 13595 times)

Will86

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30yo and PIED for 10 years
« on: October 25, 2015, 10:22:22 AM »
Hi everyone,

Sorry for my English as it is not my 1st language.

I'm 29.
I have never had a real couple (not more than 2 months)
I´ve been suffering from PIED since 19.
I never thought porn would be the cause, until now.

I discovered porn before real sex, when I was 15, but I started masturbating at 11 with TV. My first sexual relation was 4 years after that. I was 19 and I couldn´t get a full erection. We tried several times in a month...but I decided to quit and return to the safety of my computer.

I masturbated compulsively when I got home from school or job. I masturbated 4 o 5 times in a day until I discovered what my problem was...2 years ago. Now i do it once a day or less...but still my brain doesn't work properly.

In ten years I have had sex with less than 10 people but I have never got a full erection to put a condom and have sex completely.

All those experiences have make me become very insecure in sex and recently I have lost a couple I was in love with because of my insecurities.

I have a good job, friends, family and it is not very difficult for me to meet people, but when the moment of sex comes all my insecurities appear and I can't get an erection.

I just needed to share this because I thought I was crazy and that I was not "normal". I want to recover and meet someone and have good and real sex. I´m worried about my age and all the time I have spent in my computer.

Thank U guys and good luck for everyone.


Weakness SA

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2015, 10:29:17 AM »
Welcome and good luck with your healing!

TheNewMe

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2015, 11:11:33 AM »
Welcome and admitting it's a problem and wanting to do something about it is the first crucial step. There's a lot of great people on this forum with a lot of wisdom so don't be afraid to ask. You can learn a lot from reading other peoples journals and keep updating your own as well :)

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2015, 01:08:15 PM »
Thank you guys for the support.

Today it´s day 3. I really don´t want to M but I am all the time tempted to google anything.
I usually spend many time searching for content on the internet before I even get an erection, just watching and watching.

I´m going through a hard time now because a I have recently broken up with someone and this challenge is helping me to be motivated. I feel I was cheated because I wasn´t good enough at sex and that thought makes me sad. The problem is that my solution to sadness has always been masturbation and spending hours in my computer looking for different content.

Now I feel my penis is dead...I haven´t M since Friday and I haven´t feel anything in my penis, not even at night when I am sleeping.

Again, sorry for my English and good luck everyone.


Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2015, 05:45:08 PM »
I haven´t PMO for 5 days. I still don't want to do it because I am determined to change my life. These days I have been feeling depressed and  I have found it hard to breath sometimes, specially at the gym. I feel less energy in general. I have realized that the only thing that made me happy was porn....now I am reading a book and started drawing again (I am forcing myself to do it actually)...I guess those are good signals.

But I still haven´t felt anything down there. No morningwoods...not even half of it.

I hope my mood gets better tomorrow.
Good luck everyone!

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2015, 06:58:20 AM »
Day 8

I have some questions for you guys:

-How many time did it take for you to get a MW after quiting porn?
-Do you avoid to think about sex too?

I am worried because I haven´t had an erection this week, nor a MW. Today I woke up dreaming about sex and I wasnt hard at all. It seems that my mind is really active and thinking about sex all day but my penis is not connected to it.


positive_beginning

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2015, 07:58:18 AM »
Don't worry abo anything. Each day you are away from the shit, you are getting healed.

"I am addicted(to dopamine). I am quitting porn(& its subs), forever."-Will I am
One of the best thread -http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.25

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2015, 06:52:37 PM »
Day 17

In this time I have had sex three times...but my erections are hard only when I am about to cum, the rest of the time I need to touch it.

Today I felt exited in the shower...so I masturbated to check my erection...bu again...it went down when i stopped touching...I couldn´t maintain the erection.

I am worried...I think maybe I have to go to the doctor.

The only positive thing is that I am nbot watching porn anymore!

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2015, 06:18:13 PM »
OK I watched porn.

On the day 22 I was triggered by some instagram images...and I don´t know how it happened but I could not stop. The same happened yesterday and today. Three days in a row. I feel so stupid.

Last week I was conveinced that I was never going to watch porn again...I really felt like porn was a bad thing. But today I seem to have forgotten all that...I enjoyed again looking for pictures during an hour...

I don´t know how can I do it. I have watched all Gabe´s videos and read many stories...but my mind works like a child´s. I feel so depressed now.

It is like I understand everything..al the problems of porn in our brain..but I have given up on that....like I don´t believe that I am getting my erections back.

Good night people. Good luck in this journey...

Danik

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2015, 08:08:43 PM »
Hi man, same story as yours! Good luck to you in overcoming PIED. Somehow we should be thankful to discover this problem. I might say the biggest problem in my life.

akpal2

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2015, 05:35:43 PM »
OK I watched porn.

On the day 22 I was triggered by some instagram images...and I don´t know how it happened but I could not stop. The same happened yesterday and today. Three days in a row. I feel so stupid.

Last week I was conveinced that I was never going to watch porn again...I really felt like porn was a bad thing. But today I seem to have forgotten all that...I enjoyed again looking for pictures during an hour...

I don´t know how can I do it. I have watched all Gabe´s videos and read many stories...but my mind works like a child´s. I feel so depressed now.

It is like I understand everything..al the problems of porn in our brain..but I have given up on that....like I don´t believe that I am getting my erections back.

Good night people. Good luck in this journey...

Its really hard, I am going through this as well but dude you gotta quit the jacking off AND peeking at anything. No pictures that can get you horny, nothing to do with the screen at all. Not even any fantasy. No sex related stuff at all. I am telling this to you because I am struggling with this as well. Every time you take a peek at an Instagram, it sets you back a fair bit. Every time you jack off it sets you back. So control control control. I know sometimes the anxiety is hard to contain but do it. It'll pay off. I have my thread going on as well. You can post there if you like.



Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #11 on: November 20, 2015, 09:49:51 AM »
Hi guys, thanks for your words.

I´m not any better today. I live in a zero day since last saturday. I have PMO all days. I think my problem is that I am in a bad relationship with someone who cheated on me...and that worsened my insecurities. Maybe I should be alone in this journey rather than being with someone I don´t trust.

The problem is that when we have sex I get so horny that I need more and more...and I can only find that in porn.

Last night we had sex and after that I went home, turned on my computer and watched porn for more than an hour.


findra

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2015, 10:03:05 AM »
like another poster said you got to lose the masturbation (at the beginning anyway) and try to stop peeking at stimulating stuff (its EVERYWHERE I know ;-) ) Also you seemed to be panicking on about day 17 that your erection was not right yet. Well the average is a few months in most guys cases before things are completely healed. Keep at it. think of it as a sexual detox

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #13 on: November 20, 2015, 10:12:52 AM »
I am going to start again. I have just deleted instagram (my main trigger). Next week I will be on a trip through Europe so it will be a good time to quit porn.
Thanks everyone!
Let´s be possitive!

Weakness SA

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #14 on: November 23, 2015, 12:27:40 AM »
Captain's Log Day 32 -

Still nothing. Flatlie I guess.

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #15 on: November 23, 2015, 11:23:02 AM »
Last night I downloaded Instagram exclusively to masturbate...I cant stop it...

workingonit

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #16 on: November 23, 2015, 02:09:17 PM »
Hello,

From experience what you seem to be doing is taking an endorphin bath. You can sit in front of the computer and take as long as you want before you ejaculate.   In doing so you release endorphins and get in a state of extreme ecstasy.  This then clouds your mind afterwards and produces a mental fog.   This is highly addictive (watch the yourbrainonporn video to properly understand the chemical reactions in your brain).  When you try to quit, then your brain does everything possible to make you get that release again.  This means you may start feeling depressed or down and as your reaction for stress is to cope with porn, the cycle starts again.   It does take time to learn to manage your sexual self. If you are upset, stressed, tired  - these are all reasons why you might try to soothe yourself with porn and the endorphin bath again. 

It is beneficial for you to start finding other activities to do, other than worrying about your penis and morning wood.  Your brain will continue to play tricks on you as time passes - one month, two months as it rewires and tries to follow the same neural connectors than follow the addiction path.  Stop masturbating.  It does not help.  Stop watching porn.  It is causing you to suffer mental health issues such as anxiety.  (mental health is not such a bad word, physical health is just more common to hear, but if I told you that something you was doing was physically affecting you, you would be able to 'see it' ) Look at the anxiety you face and try to understand that being positive about understanding porns negatives will mean you can step back and understand the positive point of giving up porn.

It will be difficult, but keep at it!!!

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #17 on: December 26, 2015, 12:07:44 PM »
Today I start again.

I am going to try to keep a journal to help me focus on my purpose.

I have just finished a 5 month relationship that had me very insecure as I was suffering PIED and I didnt know how to deal with it and my partner. Also, I realized that having sex was worst for me because after having sex I got hornier...and it led me to watch por and masturbation.

Now that I am going to be some time without sex I think it's the perfect time to quit porn too.

Thank you guys for the support. I started this some months ago and I have failed...I am going to need a lot of support and I know this is the right place.

Good luck everyone!

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #18 on: January 03, 2016, 10:01:28 AM »
New day 1. I feel like crap. :)


JKR

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #19 on: January 03, 2016, 10:19:59 AM »
Will86, your situation doesn't sound that too far off from my own, especially the idea of the "safety of the computer". I've probably restarted 50 times over, but I want this to be the final time, which is why I'm on a forum now for more accountability.

You have a choice ahead of you - continue the same behavior of the last decade, or change it forever. It's important to realize the seriousness of these choices and how they can impact the remainder of your life. It's not going to be easy to accomplish the latter, but you absolutely can do it as many others have before. Sometimes willpower isn't enough. You need more distractions, maybe even new hobbies. Do you play any musical instruments? Those can be distracting and provide pleasure of their own sort. What about a pet? Maybe you should block the sites that are triggering you, that's effective for many.

And remember, resisting the hardest temptations for a few weeks can actually change your brain to be better at impulse control. You can become a stronger person in all areas of life through this process. Good luck!

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #20 on: January 05, 2016, 01:41:08 PM »
Day 3

Thank you JKR for your words...I is really encouraging knowing that other people are in the same situation.

Today I feel some anxiety...just watching a picture on fb made me want to look for more. I clsed it immediately...I need distractors...I am in a better mood today...my last record without PMO was 22 days...let´s see this time.


Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #21 on: January 06, 2016, 06:39:54 PM »
Day 0 again. It is impossible to live without sex.

This time what triggered me were just some pictures someone sent me...then I sent pictures back...and I needed more...so I turned to porn...

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #22 on: January 10, 2016, 07:27:26 AM »
Day 3

Two days ago I cancelled a sex date because I know that real sex will make me seek for porn. So I prefer to be away from porn, sex, pictures, nudity...everything that may trigger me.

I feel good now.

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #23 on: January 17, 2016, 09:37:06 AM »
Day 10!

I have had sex 2 times in the last week...of course I didn´t get a full erection but I could have proper sex for some minutes...that´s a lot for me

Will86

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Re: 30yo and PIED for 10 years
« Reply #24 on: January 21, 2016, 06:45:28 PM »
14 days!

I feel my heart beating a little faster than usual all time. I fuess this might be anxiety...I need something to calm this down but I am not going to watch anything....I am doing a lot of sport...that really helps. I deleted instagram as it was my main trigger....regarding facebook I think I can avoid searching for pictures...so it is ok for now.

Good luck guys!