Author Topic: My First Time Admitting I'm an Addict  (Read 594 times)

TJP3

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My First Time Admitting I'm an Addict
« on: October 24, 2015, 03:51:53 PM »
Day 1 - Opening Up/Admission
I first looked at porn sometime in the mid-90s, with the dial up AOL. It was always something that was "there" for whatever reason.... Boredom, exploration of the female body, whatever. I was an active young kid who didn't know what sex was and used the internet to learn. Oops. Living at home with my parents, using a single desktop computer, I didn't use it often. With a desktop right in the middle of the house, there was nowhere to hide. Boy, did hiding become a problem. Usage escalated when I began to live alone after college. At the time my girlfriend (still with her, hopefully for a long while longer, however this post is a testament to how bad things have become) lived an hour away and we only would see each other on the weekends. While I have several close friends, we are pretty spread out, all with girlfriends and wives. It's always tough to get together on weekdays, so there was a lot of time I would find to myself. With this time, I turned to screens; video games and my computer became the way to get to the weekend so that I could see my girlfriend. Being a 28 y/o professional I thought nothing of this. I went to college for 5 years to get my Master's and thought what I was doing was the norm.

Eventually, my girlfriend and her child moved in. Rather than lessen my "screen time," I looked to hide it. With a girlfriend as sharp as mine, I was caught. My inability to be honest with myself led me to hide behind a greater level of hiding.... I, again, was caught. As she stormed out the door to have both her and her child stay with her sister overnight, reality finally caught up. That reality brought me here, where I can no longer believe that my problem isn't an addiction.

To help out my reboot, I will also be curbing drinking. The goal is to not drink at all, though likely not overnight. Drinking, of course, is viewed as a trigger because of the compromising of faculties and giving in to weakness. To beat PMO, I will be checking into reboot nation daily, tracking my progress in this safe space. Being new to forums, especially of this nature, I would love to develop a buddy system.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2015, 04:35:43 PM by TJP3 »
Goal: To make each day better than the last on a continuous path of self-improvement

TJP3

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Re: My First Time Admitting I'm an Addict
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2015, 08:32:04 PM »
Day 2
Set up a plan, leaving my computer in its bag in the closet, as opposed to the coffee table. Certainly helped squash temptation by removing it from sight. Straightened up the house, walked a few miles around the neighborhood, and ran some errands to keep active.

Girlfriend came back, relaxed with our favorite tv show, as I curbed my excess football watching (and fantasy football tracking via the laptop). Ran to the store to buy jigsaw puzzles. Both occupied my attention and increased her happiness, which in turn increased mine.

Still very early in the process, but today was productive. Never thought PIED was a thing that affected me... Always thought it was performance related. Still a likely hurdle, but everything in steps.

A good day overall. Day 2 down.
Goal: To make each day better than the last on a continuous path of self-improvement