Author Topic: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!  (Read 13753 times)

BailHopper

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Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« on: October 23, 2015, 06:16:54 PM »
Hello everyone. I'm a 28 year old man from Belgium.

I've been suffering from porn induced ED for a couple of years now. I can't say how many exactly, because I have trouble distinguishing between anxiety related issues and porn related issues with all the occurrences in the past. I used to have no trouble at all achieving an erection, but I have always had a problem with achieving an orgasm with a partner.

I only became aware that I had a real problem, when I tried to have sex with my latest girlfriend. With all the other sexual partners I have had, I always had trouble achieving an orgasm. I never really thought about it, because I was able to have sex in quite a normal way, but recently the problem evolved into full ED. I would get an erection, and lose it midway intercourse. One time, I couldn't even keep an erection for five minutes.
Nothing I tried (Cialis, Saldonafil, Viagra) had any effect. I would always lose the erection.

I went to see a urologist, who assured me there were no physical problems. He called it performance anxiety. Since I have a lot of confidence issues, this seemed like a logical explanation to me. I went to see a psychologist on a regular basis. This helped my overall feeling and improved my self confidence, but did nothing for my E.D.

After a LOT of searching online, I came upon www.yourbrainonporn.com and something just clicked. I knew that this was the answer. I started watching movies and porn when I was about 15 and during the last year, I have lived completely alone, so I was completely free in my choice of when and where to masturbate. This resulted in a lot of porn in a short period. This one year is undoubtedly what pushed me over the edge and created my E.D. problem.

So after I discovered www.yourbrainonporn.com, I have decided to quit porn from my life completely. I've had a few relapses to be fair, but now I'm at day 12 already. It's not quitting porn that's been hard so far. It's always harder to try and not masturbate. I seem to be getting no urge to look up porn on the web, but I do have great urges to masturbate when I'm alone. Keeping busy helps.

My goal is to make it to at least 90 days. I want to get healthy again, so I can enjoy sexual relationships like it should be enjoyed.
I'll keep you posted of my progress.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2015, 10:22:45 AM »
Right now, I'm at day 14. The second week. Yay!

So far, I haven't had much that pushed me back towards porn. I don't seem to be experiencing any triggers to get back to porn at all. I'm just continuing, filling up my time with new hobbies. So far it's going great.

I haven't noticed much about the brain fog disappearing, or the increase in energy. I do hope that will happen soon, so I can see that I'm at least making some progress.

In summary, it hasn't been too hard to keep it up so far. I kinda hope it will remain this easy to keep off the porn.

I think it's going to be far harder to not masturbate at all to be honest ...
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2015, 04:18:45 PM »
Day 15.

I know I usually PMO in the morning, after waking up. To circumvent this issue, I decided to place my alarm clock on a different floor in my house. In that way, when the alarm clock goes off, I am forced to get out of my bed and thus do not get the urge to masturbate. This seems to help me so far.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2015, 04:13:39 AM »
Day 16. The first day I woke up with a real morning erection. Experiencing this, made me realize that I haven't had a real morning erection in months (maybe even years).

Day 17. Tonight was the very first night I actually experienced any problems. I woke up in the middle of the night, and was "in the mood". Not to watch porn though, but to masturbate. It was very hard to ignore the feeling and try to continue to sleep. Result: a very short night, but I made it.

I also confessed to a loved one about what's really happening and what caused my E.D. After some initial talk, which was difficult, she agreed that this may very well be the cause of my problems and that it needs to be handled. It means a lot to me that someone is out there supporting me.
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yoda

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2015, 05:42:22 AM »
Thats really brave of your to admit your problems to another person…I don't think I could ever do that…I didn't even tell my therapist about this stuff

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2015, 06:05:02 AM »
@Yoda: I see a regular psychiatrist as well. She knows about all of this. It took me some courage to man up, in fact, but it was well worth it. She knew, at least for a small bit, about PIED (and the addictive nature of porn) and was willing to study up on it. And in turn, she gave me the courage to man up to my ex girlfriend. I don't regret this one bit.

Remember: explanation is key. Don't tell her you masturbate too much with porn, that sounds creepy. Explain you have a problem, without going into too much detail, but tell her you're dealing with it. I found that making the link to another addiction like drugs helps to explain the full picture. Everyone seems to know about withdrawal effects from drugs. This whole 'rebooting' thing is very similar.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2015, 02:39:28 AM »
Day 18: yesterday I was watching a new Danish television series I'm trying to follow, called 1864. It contained a sex scene. I watched it and was afraid it would trigger something, as in the past it usually did. But it didn't. I didn't feel the slightest arousal. I guess that settles it: I'm experiencing a flatline right now.
Doesn't change the fact that I am at least a bit aroused when I wake up in the morning.
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BunnyBoy2015

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2015, 07:39:44 AM »
Hi BailHope,

Well done, you seem to be doing well so far. I have been on here quite awhile now, so if you have any questions or concerns feel free to let me know.

I think it was really brave and the right thing to do to tell someone what you are going through. I told my dad and stepdad, and they have been really supportive. It was a huge weight off my mind, and relieved a lot of stress. I have also told my psychiatrist and they were very impressed with all the work I am doing to keep myself well (I am diagnosed with Schizophrenia).

If you have a spare moment feel free to check out my journal... http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=5218.0

Stay strong



BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2015, 04:28:43 AM »
Day 19: You know, it's the funniest thing. I have no problem AT ALL staying away from porn. My mind is made up and it's going great.

The no masturbation thing, that's something different though. This morning I woke up and I was 'in the mood'. I have to say I gave into it. This does not feel like a relapse to me though, because I didn't use porn to achieve erection or orgasm, and I did not employ any sort of 'death grip' I would usually do. I also kept my mind clear of any porn fantasies and focused on sensation alone.

I have decided to keep on counting, despite this setback. Masturbation will be kept to an absolute minimum to keep my reboot going of course.
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BunnyBoy2015

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2015, 01:10:25 PM »
Hi BailHope,

On the MO thing, be warned, I have never read a successful journal where the person used MO at least not in the first 90 days. Might be worth a thought.

Good luck



BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2015, 09:48:17 AM »
Hello MountainSummit. Thanks for your suggestion. I was already well aware that MO during recovery can cause a setback. Let's say that my objective is to absolutely try not to make anything happen again. That being said, I honestly do not feel like this was a setback, but I'm trying to keep on track of no MO just as well as no PMO, just to be safe.

So this is day 20 of my reboot. Today, I woke up with a headache. Not a really big one, but enough for me to take a painkiller so I could at least bear to look at a screen. I didn't do anything last night that could cause me this headache (it's not a hangover) I think, besides that I made out with a girl. Which was strange, because I didn't experience a full erection. That was great though, because it allowed me to focus on her. She's aware of the condition, she's aware I'm going without any PMO and hardly (or no) MO, so she didn't lay any pressure on me. This allowed me to really focus on my sensations and hers. I don't think I've ever given a woman the attention that I gave her last night.
I suppose this process is part of my rewiring. It's great.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #11 on: November 01, 2015, 06:50:41 AM »
So, today I started day 21. I still experience no difficulty at all in staying away from porn. I saw a video by Gary Wilson about how porn affects the human adolescent brain and that these brain changes can occur without a full blown addiction as well. I'm certain this is my case. I feel no intention to relapse to porn at all, but instead I do feel a limited sexual arousal every morning. It's still hard to get a full erection from pure thought - but it does happen. It's beginning to feel as if my symptoms aren't that bad, and that I'm making progress.

I do hope so, because I would very much like to get on with a healthy life instead of this (wouldn't we all ...)
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2015, 02:40:08 AM »
Day 22: Last night, I did some extra stuff to keep me on the right path. I installed an app on my phone which actually counts the seconds, minutes, hours and days I've not relapsed. I find this motivating, because when I get in trouble, I can open the app and check my progress. There's a big button on the app saying "I failed  :'(" which resets the timer, if I press it. I don't ever want to press that one. It helps. It's called "ImQuit" and can be used for any addiction you want. Check it out.

I've been reading up on the passion cycle (http://www.reuniting.info/passion_cycle). It's fascinating. So a human body takes about 7 days to recover from one orgasm. And when you pile orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, it takes longer. I think it's a good explanation of the flatline. Very interested in these subjects! Does anyone else have any subjects about hormones or what's actually going on during a flatline that I can read? I'm truly fascinated by all of this.

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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #13 on: November 03, 2015, 01:28:50 AM »
Day 23: something really weird happened last night. I woke up after about an hour of sleep. And I woke up with some serieus wood. I'm talking about an erection of 100%. I have no idea what I was dreaming about, but it seems to have been a good dream. It was the hardest thing not to do anything about the erection and just calm myself. But I did it! I didn't do anything, and eventually it faded away.

Today I read that masturbation is a choice. Whether or not you feel the urges, it is still you who makes the decision. An addiction, or a craving, can't make the decision for you. It can only push you in one direction. That kind of opened my eyes, because it is completely true. And I chose not to do anything last night. And it worked! Awesome!
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2015, 03:31:26 AM »
Today I started day 24. Yay!

The last few days I have noticed a higher motivation to go out and do stuff instead of sit quietly. I took this as a good sign. Today I had no motivation at all when I woke up. I had to push myself to get out of bed, to do something with the time I have freed up every day by getting up early. I spent about two hours just tidying up my house. Not because I felt any motivation for it, but because I made myself do it.

Funny thing - one of my biggest problems in the past was that I couldn't make myself do anything. If I didn't want to do it, if I felt no motivation for it, it just didn't happen. So I'll just take this as a good sign.

Last night, I went to have a talk with a sexologist. I was very interested in hearing a professional's point of view on the matter. She had never heard about P.I.E.D. per se, but she heard of problems due to over-masturbation or of porn use, so she was quickly caught up on the subject. The science behind it, she wasn't familiar with (dopamine receptors, androgen receptors, the actual addiction, ...).
In any case, she said one thing to me that was really worth remembering:
"If you feel you have a problem with your masturbation habits, just try quitting and see what happens. If nothing happens, you didn't have a problem. If you start feeling different (better, more energetic, more horny, ...), then you can be sure you did have a problem.

Seeing as I noticed a big difference in my energy levels after only a week of no MO, I'm going to take this as a sign that I really did have a problem.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #15 on: November 05, 2015, 08:30:29 AM »
Day 25 started off as a terrible day. Today is the day that my loved one - the one I really want to get better for - took her leave and said goodbye. She said it hurt too much because of not being able to be with me, because of stuff going on in her own life AND in my life at the same time.

I feel terrible.

A few days ago, I gave someone at this forum the advice that healing from PIED for that one special person isn't all that bad. And yet, now I have lost all motivation to keep going. It truly is bad motivation to do it all for one person.

I want to get better, no matter how long it takes. So I will keep going. But I'll tell you, to have someone to look forward to, to have a goal clearly visible in front of you, makes a lot of difference. She was the only one who knew about what I was going through, who was really supportive of me as well. She motivated me to tackle this.
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BunnyBoy2015

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2015, 03:57:03 PM »
Hi BailHope,

Sorry to hear about your girl. That must be a huge set back for you. But you know what I am going to say... you need to do this for yourself first. You are the one who doesn't want to have PIED problems. It must be a big motivator for you to get better, to allow yourself to have any kind of relationship with anyone in the future. A lot of people relapse after relationships break up, but just think how far you have come. You don't want to relapse, then meet someone and have to wait 90 days to be able to start the relationship fully. Get well first, then when you meet someone you will be all fired up and ready to go.

Good luck



BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #17 on: November 06, 2015, 05:25:57 AM »
Sorry to hear about your girl. That must be a huge set back for you. But you know what I am going to say... you need to do this for yourself first. You are the one who doesn't want to have PIED problems.

I know. Even after writing the previous post, I realized that I'm doing this for myself in the first place. But it was a big disappointment, let me tell you. For a while, I wondered what's the point of it all. I was mainly questioning my abstinence though. Not the whole 'stopping with porn' thing. That remains a closed part of my life.

Anyway, today I start day 26 of the no PMO (and no MO) cycle. It's been pretty interesting so far. Today I noticed that I can get pretty aroused from just thoughts, which is nice. Didn't do anything with my arousal though. Yay me!
It's the strangest thing, but I feel like the whole "Masturbation is a choice" realization really did the thing for me. I'm choosing not to do anything, which makes me feel empowered and in control. It actually really makes it easier.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #18 on: November 08, 2015, 03:25:07 AM »
Day 28: found out my loved one actually has a new boyfriend, which is why she left me. That was hard on me emotionally. But I keep going.

Today is the first day I try to take some supplements which may get me out of the flatline. Seeing as I don't have any urges whatsoever to watch porn again, I figure they are safe to try. I need to make sure I don't become an avid masturbater again, though when the flatline ends. My sexual energy has to be pointed towards girls as much as possible.
For future reference, I will also include if I feel any different, or whether I notice something changing.

I am currently taking:
  • maca root
  • Acetyl L-Carnitine

They are both intended to get my brains back to a normal state. The Acetyl L-Carnitine's function, in particular, is to free any blocked androgen receptors (which can occur after binging on PORN) and restore any damaged androgen receptors. You can get these in any health store or fitness store, and are presumably safe to try (and experiment with).

I will also add an additional lifestyle change. I usually go to the gym once a week for a full workout. My goal is to go three times a week from now on.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #19 on: November 09, 2015, 05:34:24 AM »
Day 29: Today started off like most days since I quit PMO. I can awake pretty quickly from my sleep. It used to take me about an hour after waking up just to be able to function. Now I can wake up, and within ten minutes get out of bed and really start my day. Quite the difference.
This has resulted in me showing up at work earlier than ever and being overall more productive. Colleagues have remarked upon this change as well, in a positive way.

Yesterday, I also had a moment where I suddenly got an erection, without any stimulation whatsoever. It just happened. I have to admit that I don't think my erections have ever been that hard without any kind of (artificial or manual) stimulation before. It was a very nice feeling, because it felt like progress. I of course had to resist the urge to do anything with it. In any case it took me a full five minutes to get it to disappear again. I feel like my reboot is starting to really take effect.

Don't feel any change with the supplements yet. I have only been taking them one day, so I don't have any expectations yet either. Will keep posting about any progress I'm experiencing in any case.

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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #20 on: November 10, 2015, 02:58:51 AM »
That's right, starting with day 30!

I'm very proud of myself for getting this far. Just this morning I noticed that I was very aroused by simple thoughts (not porn related). I really feel like I am getting better. It's hard to know if the supplements of Acetyl L-Carnatine or Maca have something to do with it or not, but I'm feeling much more confident about myself than I was a week ago. It really seems like I'm getting out of my flatline.

This also means that I will try dating again sometime soon. Not to have sex or anything (it's not the goal), but to keep my rewiring process going! If I happen to meet someone that I really like, I know what exactly I'm going to tell her (to not come off as a freak or a pervert) and we'll see how things go from there.

Also, last night I went to the gym. Had a bit of a workout. Some running, some cycling and some weight lifting. Today, I didn't wake up with sore muscles, which I usually do have. Maybe my body is using more testosteron for muscle build up now or something, I don't know.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2015, 03:04:20 AM by BailHope »
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Diesel driver

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2015, 03:58:32 AM »
Awesome job!

Interseting what you say about your muscles not being sore. Sometimes when I go to the gym I wouldn't have sore muscles the next day but the day after that. Not sure what it means and if it's related to rebooting.

Have a great time on your dates!

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #22 on: November 10, 2015, 04:55:11 AM »
Interseting what you say about your muscles not being sore. Sometimes when I go to the gym I wouldn't have sore muscles the next day but the day after that. Not sure what it means and if it's related to rebooting.

Hey Diesel Driver:

this is actually the second time I've noticed that I no longer get sore muscles after workouts. I usually go to the gym once a week. I only go once, because I have a workout (with a trainer, so it's a responsible work out) and I usually have sore mucles for three days, which is why I only go once a week usually. The last time, and this time, I didn't feel anything in the way of sore muscles or muscle aches at all. I do feel that I've worked out though when I check my arms, for instance. The muscles are harder than they are normally, which is what I always feel the day after a workout. But no more muscle aches.

I'm really wondering if it's related. I suppose it can be, as muscle build up is also governed by the androgen receptors in your muscles. You also have androgen receptors in your brain - these get fried when you binge or masturbate to satiation - so maybe my muscle's androgen receptors are receiving more testosteron now that I'm pretty well along in my reboot.

Also, I'm noticing that the last few days I've been walking around with a very mild headache. I heard this can occur during reboot, but I also read it can occur when taking Acetyl L-Carnitine, so I'm wondering what is the reason. If the headaches persist, I'll try staying off the Carnitine and see if the headaches stop.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2015, 05:20:11 AM by BailHope »
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #23 on: November 11, 2015, 01:33:02 PM »
Day 31: I've been getting some solid headaches to contend with for the last three days. Today is a holiday in my country, so I didn't have to go to work. This resulted in me sleeping a lot. I feel somewhat better now.

Last night, I woke up after a very erotic dream of a real girl I happen to know. I was rock hard. I can't even remember when I had an erection like that. It was amazing. Didn't do anything with it though, which was hard (no pun intended), but I managed it. All day today, I've been feeling just a tad aroused. I think it's nice. I think it means I'm getting out of my flatline!

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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #24 on: November 12, 2015, 04:17:03 AM »
Day 32: today I experienced again what I experienced a few days ago. A total and utter disinterest in starting my day. I just wanted to stay in bed. No idea what caused it.

Staying in bed is - for me - a problem, because that's where I used to MO and PMO. So that is a time, for me, when I get aroused and want to do that stuff. Today, I kind of felt a trigger for the first time. I pushed it down and decided not to do it. I'm very proud of myself for doing this.
But that didn't mean I could get out of bed. There was simply no motivation at all. It's very weird.

Especially because for the last week and a half, I've been jumping out of bed every morning, feeling very rested. Today just was not that kind of day. Let's see how my day progresses and how I feel for the rest of the day. I hope this "sluggish" feeling I'm experiencing right now goes away though.

Side note: I went to the gym yesterday, had a great workout. Today, I still don't have any muscle aches at all. This is quite strange.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2015, 04:48:48 AM by BailHope »
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