Author Topic: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!  (Read 13640 times)

Diesel driver

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #25 on: November 12, 2015, 07:57:34 AM »
I wake up early in the morning without alarm and I can get out of bed easily but half an hour later I feel crushed and tired and want to go back to bed again. Also I get the physical urge to go to sleep at 6pm already and sometimes even earlier.
So I try to practice a good wake/ sleep rhythm and although my body should be used to it by now I'm still messed up in this weird way. Don't even mention motivation.
I believe this is rebooting depression.

That missing muscle soreness is indeed strange. I have no explanation for this and I don't experience this at all. I had delayed soreness a while ago as I already told you but that's it. Maybe your muscles became too accustomed to your exercises. Maybe change your workout a bit? Do you make gains?

Cheers!

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #26 on: November 12, 2015, 08:09:52 AM »
Hey diesel driver. Thanks for posting back!

I actually did a harder workout this time, because I thought maybe I was getting used to the exercises after all. But even with some more weights, this did not induce any muscle soreness. You know: just as well. I can totally live without any sore muscles in the morning. When I was riding to work just now, I noticed that my legs did feel a bit tired, but no soreness. Might be due to the supplements of Acetyl L Carnitine I'm taking, as this should have a positive effect on my androgen receptors, which have an effect on my muscles.

So far, I don't notice a real difference in muscle build up, but it's only been a week since I've been taking these supplements so it's far too early to tell of course.

I'm not really worried about the non-sore muscles. If I sprain a muscle, I still feel it, so all is good I guess.
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Dick Suffers

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #27 on: November 12, 2015, 10:33:38 AM »
Congratulations on getting past 1 month :)

For getting out of bed in the morning: have you tried putting an alarm clock across the room, or in another room?

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #28 on: November 12, 2015, 10:56:19 AM »
@Dick Suffers:

I have. My alarm clock is on a different floor in my house even.

And in 95% of all the days, I get out of bed, and I stay out of bed without any problems. On days without motivation, like today, I just turn the alarm clock off and get back into bed. I know it's wrong. I even think about stopping myself, but can't at that point and lie down before I even get a chance to stop myself. When I'm lying down again, I can think about getting up, but I really don't want to, and I stay down really long.
It's very strange and different from all other days. So far, I have not been able to identify what it is that triggers this, but I seem to have one day like this per week, and it's usually around thursday too. Problem is, I don't do anything special at all on wednesday evening, it's a normal night like any others, so I don't see the link.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #29 on: November 13, 2015, 02:56:56 AM »
Day 33: today started out as the opposite of the previous day. I was awake almost two hours too early. I just got up. Didn't need to sleep any further. No idea where the movation suddenly comes from, but it's nice!

Today: also, no headaches! A clear head. Let's hope the rest of the day stays this way.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #30 on: November 14, 2015, 05:34:18 PM »
Day 34: today I again experienced my regular boost of energy I've been experiencing during my reboot. No depression, no troubles getting out of bed, ... I also noticed a clear mind and a lot of concentration. Today I started doing a 600 piece puzzle and spent two hours doing nothing else but the puzzle. It isn't finished yet, but it's going great.
I can't remember the last time I did something for two hours straight without getting bored of it, or without getting mad at myself because it wasn't going well enough, or fast enough.
Comparing my concentration to yesterday, I now understand what "brain fog" is, and during the last days, I seem to have experienced a lot of it.

I have noticed that there seems to be an inversely proportional relation between my mood and my sex drive. The last few days I have experienced a bit of depression, lack of concentration/focus, ... but I did have sexual drive.
Today, I have increased focus and energy and my mood seems to be optimal, but there isn't anything to be found at all in terms of sexual drive. The flatline seems to be back with a vengeance. Will keep this in mind during the next few days, to see if there is any truth to this.
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freedom2015

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #31 on: November 14, 2015, 09:31:21 PM »
Hey there, I am just stop dropping a quick message to say how encouraging it is to see someone who has almost made it to 35 days.  That is really cool, and I hope I can make it that far too.  I was reading some of your entries, and I noticed you said you were exercising.  What do you feel is the best to help with releasing tension that would normally be released by PMO.  I'm currently 320, and I really want to drop weight, so that I can feel comfortable and enjoy life more.  Do you feel cardio on the treadmill is good enough or do you think I would have more success with lifting weights regularly.  Thanks for any info, and I wish you the best of luck on your reboot.

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #32 on: November 15, 2015, 10:52:44 AM »
I was reading some of your entries, and I noticed you said you were exercising.  What do you feel is the best to help with releasing tension that would normally be released by PMO.  I'm currently 320, and I really want to drop weight, so that I can feel comfortable and enjoy life more.  Do you feel cardio on the treadmill is good enough or do you think I would have more success with lifting weights regularly.  Thanks for any info, and I wish you the best of luck on your reboot.

If you want to lose weight, any fat-losing exercises will work, but a variety of excersises work best. Don't focus on just the treadmill. Go running, do some push ups, lift some weights ... You want to burn fat in all places. Also: replacing body fat with muscles won't make you lose weight, but it will make you a ton healthier and that is very noticeable! A muscled man is by far more attractive than an overweight man  ;)

At my local gym, they have virtual lessons: which is basically just a tv with someone giving instructions, while all the equipment (like weights) is in front of you. I do this once, sometimes twice a week. It's an hour long workout that exercises your entire body for 5 - 10 minutes at a time. I'm usually parched after I do this, but it feels very nice. I guess something similar could work great!
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freedom2015

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #33 on: November 15, 2015, 03:21:37 PM »
Thanks BailHope, I really appreciate the advice.  I am really interested in getting in shape, and I feel that it will help a lot with my issues with porn and masturbation.  I have always used porn as a way of winding down or ramping up, so I really need something that will serve as a replacement to that.  I would love to find a forum that is supportive about exercise similar to how this forum is with staying away from porn.  I may just begin to add into my logs what I have done for that day.  It means a lot to me to hear some advice and I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Best of luck to you friend. Speak to you soon.

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #34 on: November 15, 2015, 04:15:01 PM »
It means a lot to me to hear some advice and I appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Best of luck to you friend. Speak to you soon.
No problem. Do you have a journal as well on this website?


Day 35: today, I almost relapsed. It was subtle. It was quick. And I was watching before I even realized what was happening. I don't really know what triggered me.
But I do think I know what started me down this path again. Last Wednesday, I started using the dating app Tinder again to see if I could connect to someone for some non-sexual fun (rewiring you know). By Friday, I was using the app so extensively, that it was interfering with my work. I took action on Saturday, by staying away from the app. I felt an urge to check the app the entire day today, which was annoying. At some point, I did, and suddenly, I was also looking at a website for escort services.

It felt wrong to watch, and I felt the immense surge of good feelings that I used to know when watching porn. I managed to close it and walk away and that was the end of it. But damn, this addiction is sly. I don't even know why I started watching, only that all of a sudden, I was watching.

Went for a family visit after that, and left my smartphone at home, to make sure I didn't get any more urges. Spending some time away from my smartphone seems beneficial.

Today, I also noticed that something had changed again in my general view of women. I quit porn almost three months ago, with a few relapses along the way. One of the subtler changes I noticed was that I started gaining more respect for women as a whole, not just as sexual objects. Today, when I was swiping on Tinder, I actually objectified every pretty girl I saw. I heard my own thoughts and knew they were wrong. For a moment, it seemed like any progress I had made during the last few months had been for naught. Only this time, I also realized that the thoughts I was having were wrong. I pushed them down and stopped using the app. Thinking like this is not OK!

Today, I also started down a new path where I will try to stay away from the Internet more. A porn addiction is also an internet addiction. The internet is full of novelty wherever you look, even on this forum. I don't feel this would do me any good. I will keep posting daily in my journal.
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #35 on: November 16, 2015, 03:21:57 AM »
Day 36: Today I started off pretty motivated. Set my alarm clock pretty early, maybe too early. What I did was, I switched it off, and read a few pages on my bed until I felt I had really woken up. After that, I checked my OkCupid profile (it's a dating site), and saw that I had received some likes. I read some biographies of girls, and decided to message two who were living near me for a chat. Strange, this is the first time I actually felt up to taking the initiative and talking to a girl. Even if it's online, it still feels like a big step for me. Glad I could take it. We'll see what comes out of it.

During the day I noticed something completely new. I was horny as hell for a period. If any woman would have wanted to hook up at that time, I'm very sure I could have performed admirably. That was a very strange feeling. Not just an erection, but actual arousal as well (higher blood pressure, that feeling you get in your gut when you want something/someone, the tunnel vision that accompanies it so you can only see your interest and nothing else, ...)
Hello, libido. It's been a while since we last met.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2015, 10:07:48 AM by BailHope »
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mindfulmike

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #36 on: November 16, 2015, 06:52:03 AM »
Good luck with OKCupid, BailHope. I tried it a few years ago, and at first I was afraid of taking that initiative, but after awhile I must have got desensitized to it because I ended up sending hundreds of messages

Ended up getting 1 date, and 3 numbers, so not the best success ratio. You will probably do better because you seem more well-established than I was when I tried it, and women like that security

But yes, it can be addicting, especially when you think you're really connecting with someone and you're eagerly awaiting their next reply. Pure torture. Yes, it's probably just better to walk away from the internet completely at that point so you don't even have the option to check. If you can do that, because it can be tricky if you have work to do that requires a computer

I ended up setting up a complicated setup to try to conquer that addiction: an internet machine in one room (which was uncomfortable to use), and an offline machine in the other room (very comfortable). That might have worked for some things, but I ended up needing to use the internet so much that my offline machine eventually became another online machine. The best method seems to be self-discipline or having something better to do than checking your profile and then actively steering yourself in that positive direction

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #37 on: November 16, 2015, 07:02:38 AM »
To help you walk away from the internet, you can install a timed power switch near your internet's router or something. I have. It shuts off after 10 p.m. And it only turns at something like 5 p.m. That gives me a window to do what I need to do on the internet, and still reserve time for other stuff outside of this window. Especially during the weekends this has proven to be very beneficial!

I remember, when I just installed the power switch, I would constantly fill up that entire 5 hour period with internet (ab)use. Now, I hardly even use that window anymore and do other things. The 5 hour time window has even become too long. I like it.
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mindfulmike

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #38 on: November 16, 2015, 08:49:03 AM »
That's even better. I don't think I could totally lock myself out for any period of time, but it sounds like an effective strategy for someone who doesn't need the internet very often

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #39 on: November 16, 2015, 09:00:00 AM »
You can lock yourself out if you have plenty of other things to do (reading books, going to the gym, ...). Stuff that you can even do on the week-ends, which is when most of my binging happened.

If you find you still need the internet, the timer power switch is great. If you have homework to do, the switch will motivate you to keep working and not look up porn, because the internet will be gone soon and you really need to finish your homework.

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mindfulmike

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #40 on: November 16, 2015, 11:34:39 AM »
Yes, good point

At this point, I know my triggers well enough that I don't even allow myself to do anything that's compelling enough to destroy me. But if someone wants balance in their life, in this crazy technological world, then yeah, it might be necessary to have some sort of complicated system to achieve that. Either that or supernatural levels of self-discipline :P

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #41 on: November 17, 2015, 04:46:45 AM »
Day 37: Today, I MO'ed, which was not planned. I woke up about an hour before my alarm clock and man, I was horny. I can remember that I had a really vivid dream about a girl I know in real life. When I woke up, I already had a full erection and I just couldn't help myself. In just a few strokes, I had worked myself to an orgasm.
Strange, the orgasm wasn't intense at all. I didn't feel on a "high" afterwards either. But I digress. It shouldn't have happened.

I've added a new counter to my profile, so I can count my masturbational habits as well, seeing as the first one I only use to count the number of days without watching any porn. I had gotten up to 18 days without any form of masturbation or orgasm. I need to beat that time. My next goal is to make it to 30 days without any form of masturbation or orgasm.

Strange though. If you would have told me a month ago that I would go for 18 days without masturbating, I would have called you a crazy git! I was pretty amazed I had gotten that far. Too bad that I can start over now. I'm pretty mad at myself for allowing it and not having the willpower to stop.

In the meantime, my reboot continues.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2015, 04:48:24 AM by BailHope »
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #42 on: November 18, 2015, 04:02:34 AM »
Day 38: Today, I noticed once more that I had trouble getting out of bed.
Yesterday, I started taking Magnesium and Vitamin D3 after reading some good reviews about it on forums. It can't hurt, so why not, right?

That means I'm now taking:
  • Acetyl L-Carnitine, for the androgen receptors
  • Vitamin D3, as an aromatase blocker
  • Maca root, as a superfood
  • Magnesium 3

Also, this is my first full day (again) of no PMO. My goal is still to make it to at least 30 days. My previous record is 18 days.
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mike510

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #43 on: November 18, 2015, 04:50:35 AM »
Good shit bro...keep it up..porn is not an option anymore. I kinda went through the same situation as you with your ex girlfriend so don't feel bad..if a girl is there for the good an not the the bad then that's a person u don't want around... stay strong bro..we all have 2 have a successful reboot
« Last Edit: November 18, 2015, 04:55:46 AM by mike510 »

Crow-Magnon

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #44 on: November 18, 2015, 09:27:02 AM »
BailHope,

Mornings are difficult for us as our T-levels build up over night as we sleep and as a result we wake up feeling particularly horny at times.  Because of this a prudent habit to establish is to take a quick cold shower immediately upon waking up, no excuses, no lingering in bed, just getting up and getting in the shower.  At first it is difficult but with time it becomes almost something to look forward to.  Do what you will with this info, I hope it helps in some way. 

Best,
Crow-Magnon

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #45 on: November 18, 2015, 09:29:08 AM »
Mornings are difficult for us as our T-levels build up over night as we sleep and as a result we wake up feeling particularly horny at times.  Because of this a prudent habit to establish is to take a quick cold shower immediately upon waking up, no excuses, no lingering in bed, just getting up and getting in the shower.  At first it is difficult but with time it becomes almost something to look forward to.  Do what you will with this info, I hope it helps in some way. 

Thanks for the tip. I'll see what I can do what that information. Trying it out tomorrow for starters!
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BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #46 on: November 19, 2015, 04:38:07 AM »
Day 39: Today I didn't end up taking a cold shower, because I overslept. Apparently I had forgotten to set my alarm clock. This allowed me to sleep until I woke up naturally. Today, I feel great, rested. Energetic.

I had a terrific workout yesterday. Seeing as the last few times, I did not experience any sore muscles the day after the workout, I decided to up my game and increase the weights I've been using. The workout was very tiring, much more than usual, but it felt great. After the workout both my arms and legs were really tired.
Today I again, woke up, without any sore muscles. I can feel I did a workout though, because my arms are still a bit heavy, as if they haven't fully recovered yet, but no soreness or muscle aches.
I gotta admit, I used to have sore muscles for three days after any workout and even cycling to and from work every day was very tiring. Now it seems my body can take more.

I think this is the effect of the Acetyl L-Carnitine I've been taking. It's supposed to clear up and heal your androgen receptors in your body. Those are located in your brain and also in your muscles. I've started taking them after I read that binging or masturbating to satiation can block or damage those receptors in your brain. Never thought they'd have an effect on my muscles as well, but there you have it  :)
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terranmarine

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #47 on: November 19, 2015, 05:59:26 PM »
wow, you gave me hope it.could be done! thanks  :)

BailHopper

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #48 on: November 20, 2015, 04:39:31 AM »
Today, I finally started on Day 40 of no porn and no PMO. It's exhilarating to see how far I've come.

It's also quite frightening to see that I'm starting to fall back into old habits. And it's happening ever so slightly that it creeped up on me without me realizing it.
Each morning, I get out of my bed to turn off my alarm clock. But I can't seem to stop myself from getting back into bed. Quite annoying. I need to build up more discipline in this area. I only M when I get back into bed, so I really need to stop doing that.
Also, I've spent the last two weeks away from the television and away from the internet as much as I can. And yet, the last few nights I have sat down again in front of the television to watch a series I've been following instead of doing something else, like getting a good night's sleep.
I feel this is not contributing and is leading me back to my old habits.

Anyway, during the last 40 days, I only O'ed twice. For my usual habits (at least once a day) that's actually pretty good and I'm proud of myself for accomplishing this. Also, during these days, I haven't had a single urge to look at porn. It is no longer a part of my life.

Also, I installed an Android app called "Calm" which offers meditation exercises to calm the mind. I've been doing these exercises five minutes at a time, for the last two days now. Every time, I do feel a lot more calm after the meditation, which is nice.

wow, you gave me hope it.could be done! thanks  :)
Thanks. You can definitely do it. You can accomplish anything you want to if you just have the right mindset!
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mindfulmike

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Re: Let's get back to a healthy sex life!
« Reply #49 on: November 20, 2015, 07:15:11 AM »
Agreed, that's a massive reduction. On the last forum I was on, some people found the spreadsheet approach more helpful than the counter approach. It seems that they were more focused on building healthy habits compared to perfect habits because realistically it is probably not a big deal to let loose a couple times in 40 days but you only realize this if you look at the larger context that a spreadsheet provides. But you seem to realize that already, unlike many others who enter the downward spiral after any sort of misstep. You're staying strong despite that, and that's probably one of the best habits you can have in conquering this

As for waking up and staying up, I used to use a system similar to yours back in college. There were two alarms: one near my bed and one on the first floor, and there was a short lag between the alarms so I had just enough time to get out of bed and get to the first floor before that alarm went off and disturbed other people

This worked very well on weekdays when I had class, not so much on weekends that lacked a clear purpose. On weekends I would go back to bed after turning off both alarms

These days I just use one alarm but I only get out of bed when I'm ready. Sometimes the alarm sounds for 10 minutes or more. That's ok. I let it do it's thing. Because when I am out of bed, I am out of bed. I don't allow myself to get back in bed once I am out. This system has been extremely effective. Perfect, in fact. But it might require a pleasant/gentle-waking alarm - I use a Philips Wake-up Light which has nature sounds that ramp up in intensity over time :)