Author Topic: **The Basics Of Rebooting**  (Read 87323 times)

Gabe Deem

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**The Basics Of Rebooting**
« on: March 14, 2014, 11:13:24 PM »
The Basics Of Rebooting

If addiction-related brain changes or sexual conditioning are underlying your symptoms, you need to reverse the process by giving your brain a well deserved time-out. Rebooting is our term for recovering from porn addiction and associated symptoms, including erectile dysfunction. We call it rebooting so you can envision restoring your brain to its original factory settings. Obviously, you cannot go back in time to restore point, or erase all the data as you would when you wipe clean a computer’s hard drive. However, you can heal many of the brain changes that lead to your porn addiction. (See: Does porn addiction cause irreversible damage to the brain?)

The quickest way to reboot is to give your brain a rest from artificial sexual stimulation—porn, porn fantasy, erotica, and for some - masturbation and orgasm. Most guys eliminate or drastically reduce orgasms during their reboot period. On the other hand, sensual contact with a real person can be beneficial, as long as you don't fantasize about porn. In fact, some guys engage in gentle intercourse, in which they avoid getting close to the edge or orgasming.

If porn use is the cause of your symptoms, you may wonder why it helps to eliminate masturbation and orgasm during the temporary rebooting period. The short answer is -"that's how most guys have done it." All suggestions for rebooting come from men who have successfully rebooted. Nearly all discovered that mixing in masturbation or orgasms slows, or in some cases, entirely derails, the rebooting process, especially if you have porn-induced ED.

To our surprise, very few men successfully recover from porn-induced ED while continuing a regular masturbation/orgasm schedule (see - Porn & ED). The few who continue to have orgasms, and successfully recover from porn-induced ED, are men who didn't start early on Internet porn. Most are in their late 30's to early 50's, and have a significant other. This doesn't mean that you will never recover if you continue to masturbate, orgasm or relapse into porn. In fact, most guys sometimes "relapse" back into porn use during their reboot.

It's very confusing at first because the process is nonlinear, and each brain recovers differently. Some people have intermittent cravings and flatline periods. Some have their worst cravings in the first two weeks. Some feel good for a short time and then go into a more challenging period. Some feel horribly anxious. Some feel *less* anxious overall, but also have sluggish libido for weeks. Others don't find out their libido was recovered until they get with a real partner after several months.

Again: Some guys with ED can get away with orgasms, although they drastically reduce the frequency. Those men are almost always older men who did not start with Internet porn. They wired their sexuality to the real deal before diving into the Internet. Most have a significant other in the picture.

"To masturbate, or not to masturbate, that is the question"

As stated, we have only two "rules': 1) Stop using artificial sexual stimuli, and 2) Do what works for you. Many guys have discovered it is helpful to eliminate or drastically reduce masturbation/orgasm during a reboot. Possible reasons to drastically reduce or eliminate masturbation during a reboot:

1. If you have porn-induced ED, your brain is saying: "I can't do this anymore". Understand that your urge to masturbate is not true libido - you are addicted to porn, or your sexuality is conditioned to pixels. If you need porn to masturbate, or have a partially erect penis when you do, you are not horny or in need of "release". You are addicted and seeking a fix: a temporary dopamine high.

2.The majority of men with porn-induced ED need to drastically reduce masturbation and orgasm. When you have a pathology, you usually need to do more than just eliminate the cause - in this case porn use. You don't generally break a leg by putting weight on it. However, once it's broken you have to cast it, use crutches and eliminate walking while you heal. Same goes for porn-induced ED. You don't have to wear a cast, but you need to give your brain time to heal, free of intense sexual stimulation.

Masturbation and porn use are tightly wired together. Like Pavlov's dog that salivated when it heard the bell, you will start drooling for porn when masturbating. Time is needed to weaken the neural connections intertwining wanking and watching.

Recovery may be easier without masturbation/orgasm. Remove masturbation/orgasm from the equation and most guys experience a sharp decline in sexual desire, we call the flatline. (See: "HELP! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and libido are decreasing")

When you also eliminate orgasm/masturbation, not just porn, it seems to precipitate a more complete and deeper withdrawal, and thus healing.
 
Masturbation and orgasm strongly reactivate cravings to use porn. It has been surprising to witness that most men have an easier time eliminating masturbation than they do porn. For most guys with porn addiction, masturbation is simply not that interesting without porn, and they are amazed to discover that porn, not their libido, was driving their constant search for relief.

Caveat: All the above is based on the current feedback given to us by successful rebooters. It is subject to change.

Caveat 2: Some guys with porn-induced ED need to orgasm in order to jump-start their brains after a reboot or extended flatline
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For more information regarding the Basics of Rebooting, check out our video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4yx4ouxGbQ
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 01:08:50 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Soup

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2014, 01:30:28 AM »
I was married for 20yrs single for 9yrs during that time had 2 encounters with women both times I was bummed out ( I'm 54) because I could not preform.I knew something was not right because I could get an erection with porn, but had a hard time with real women.I came across this site  and learned so much.I stopped on line porn from day one and 10 days later I was getting better.I will not go back to porn on line, It's like poison to the brain.I feel better and I'm looking forward to getting a real girl friend. Thank you for all your help.I wish all the best to every one else.The advise on this site is worth it's weight in gold. Thanks again Don C.

alotofhopenow

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2014, 04:10:11 AM »
Very good information!

I've decided I'm going to stop masturbating as well. No more fantasies etc. I'm going all or nothing with it. It's too important. I'm glad I found this info!

Thankyou

jstatca

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2014, 10:22:06 AM »
I was married for 20yrs single for 9yrs during that time had 2 encounters with women both times I was bummed out ( I'm 54) because I could not preform.I knew something was not right because I could get an erection with porn, but had a hard time with real women.I came across this site  and learned so much............Thank you for all your help.I wish all the best to every one else.The advise on this site is worth it's weight in gold. Thanks again Don C.

Agreed, this site has been extremely helpful in my early stages of recovery. Definitely worth its weight in Gold! Thank you to the moderators and all contributors. This site gives me hope and my best chance for a full recovery!

Many thanks!!!!!

kivenboy

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2014, 04:24:43 PM »
really helpful, thanks

kivenboy

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2014, 05:49:03 AM »
now i know where to start

thanks!!!!!!

Maxie23

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2014, 05:45:19 AM »
Really helpful thank you. This and yourbrainonporn.com have been a wonderful help and am gunna give it a proper go on my third day. Told my girlfriend last night and a good friend and that both went well. Want to crack this!

gabdu

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2015, 01:39:00 AM »
I want to ask you a question, i get random erection 1-2 times a day but when i stand it becomes flaccid in no time. Do you deal with same problem??? And will this problem go away during my reboot??? plz reply......

MikeBit21

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2015, 02:17:49 PM »
My problem is exactly the opposite of the "most men find eliminating masturbation easier than P"

I can eliminate P, but masturbation is unbelievably difficult to eliminate for me. And just as the thread says, masturbation causes the "drooling for P" - which leads to most of my relapses


Trust1971

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2015, 10:45:09 AM »
I just came across PIED on youtube yesterday which lead me to this forum for the first time. I have been struggling for almost 15 years with ED and have always thought it was something physical that was wrong with me or that it was caused by stress because that's what my doctor was telling me. I am 43 and have been happily married for 10 years. During that time because of the ED the sex life hasn't been all that great. I quit watching porn about 6 months ago and only watched it one more time recently to prove that I could get a hard erection from watching porn. At one point I even wondered if i wasn't attracted enough to my wife because it was such a struggle to get hard. I do get the occasional morning wood but it is always maybe 60% hard. I guess since I haven't watched porn in the last 6 months and haven't masterbated as often that I have still harmed my brain just by watching movies with nudity and sex scenes or staring lustfully at every nice looking woman that I see? Also I have always had premature ejaculation so I am wondering if PIED could be the cause of this? This also means that I would not be able to have sex without an orgasm so I am not sure if I should just abstain from sex all together in order to commit to a reboot? Since I have had PIED for the last 15 years I wonder how long it could take to get back to normal?

mionemico

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2015, 02:49:32 PM »
When I do have my morning glory (it came back ;)) after some time I decided to give in to masturbation, the reason is I observed I get much more confident and I feel better down there (there was once strong pain in my genitals when i had my orgasm after I did not use them for a longer time.

Decided though to do it only when the morning urge comes, never even think about porn and never think about my sick sexual fantasies from the past which got me going. Now I just imagine normal, ordinary sex with a normal looking girl.

So far this works for me....

keyballa

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2015, 11:17:44 AM »
Thank you Gabe for the info and this site. it gives me hope for my relationship with my gf. man im so glad i found this info!!! this site gives me faith that i will recover :) #pornisnotanoption

Doc Needs Help

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2015, 04:42:40 PM »
Thank you for this. I won't lie, I'm scared. But seeing how there is such a well established site....it gives me hope. Blessings to you

zapato

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #13 on: December 31, 2015, 12:22:55 AM »
One clarifying question on rebooting: does fantasizing about real women that we know violate the rules? In other words, not watching porn, browsing websites or reading erotic literarure, but fantasizing about real women in my mind. Thanks.

Nickname

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2016, 09:53:18 AM »
I have experienced two interesting things:
My ED was not only caused by porn itself but by using the hand as stimulus. I think this has caused my brain to change. I never had the problem to get an initial erection during intercourse,
BUT
1. to enjoy sex I felt that porn was missing
and
2. to reach the climax I
a) always had to do it myself via masturbation
or
b) to take the working part during intercourse (still didn't work most of the time)!
This leads me personally to my conclusion that
1. Pornography is damaging (a) extreme visual fixation, lack of other feelings and impressions during actual intercourse, b)desensitization)
2. Masturbation is damaging (habituation to typical conditions that are different between masturbation and sex, e.g. completely different feelings and speed, alone vs. together etc.)

Everything above are reasons for my ED, so I don't know if it's true for everyone.
To be honest, I guess porn addicion together with masturbation should be treated like alkoholism. Don't do porn or/and masturbate anymore. Even small relapses can lead you back to masturbation and porn overuse. At first you might do it once, then once a week, then you might use bikini picures and sooner or later you are sitting in front of your laptop for 2-3 hours again looking for the kick!

bbkenpo

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    On my way to beating DE!!
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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2016, 10:09:08 AM »
@Gabe Deem

Sometimes it gets a little confusing for me.  I am 54 and never ever had an issue till 4 years ago when divorced.  Acquired DE and I assume it is from P and the way I was M - death grip etc.

I used to finish during sex or after by masturbating as I could not cum with my partners.

My question is this - I have a new GF and I literally have never had better erections, ever.  I am enjoying being like a teenager.  Literally have wood all the time with her, have never needed to take any pills to stay hard and feel like that is cured for sure.  Thank goodness.

But I am still having sex with her and loving it.  Have cum 2X normally which was huge, but hoping I am not ruining my reboot by having sex and of course trying to cum if I can?

I had to reset my counter cause I masturbated with her when I literally could not stand it any longer, but I am trying to abstaining completely from P and M.  P is easy, no real desire to look anymore.  But M is a release and that is the tough one.

But once again, I am wondering if I am screwing up my reboot by having regular sex with her?

bbkenpo

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #16 on: March 05, 2016, 02:18:34 PM »
Success again! I almost can’t believe it.  (have had DE for 4 years since my divorce) I had an orgasm with my GF last night during sex.  It was mind-blowing and unexpected.  The other day we had sex and I was just tired and didn’t push it.  Then last night at her house we made love after I gave her a backrub.  I was getting close then sort of stopped.  Then tried again in missionary.  I thought I was getting close but still have a bit of a difficulty really knowing.  But then it seemed like I was getting really close and then pop!

Oh my god, it was heaven.  I have been putting creams on my unit for a few days to get sensitivity back and of course have not looked at P for about 2.5 weeks and as you can see had to reboot after M.

But now that is 3 times and I am starting to really get my confidence back.  Last night was the easiest time ever, was in a new sex position (was a bit concerned the first 2 times were both doggy style and started to think I would “need” that position).

This makes me think that having an O for the first time ever from a HJ and a BJ may be just around the corner.  That will be insane.  Thank you for all of your support and for showing me the way!

Break_Free

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #17 on: July 28, 2016, 08:14:41 AM »
I'm just happy that I'm not alone...Keep up the good fight guys! It's awe inspiring to say the least.

braznopmo

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #18 on: October 09, 2016, 12:15:24 AM »
Hi,

English is not my first language. Excuse-me for mistakes in communication.

Well, I decided that from today on, I will never watch online porn again. I have most of the symptoms associated to the frequent use of PMO.

I am a married man, but I lost the interest for sex with my wife. In fact, since we got married, we have never had sex that much. Maybe twice a year.

I am addicted to pornography since I was a teenager (now I am 33). Since then, I can count on the finger of my hands the number of times I DID NOT watch porn, with masturbation together.

My wife complains that we do not sleep together - but she does not know that it happens because of my addiction.

Well, my goal during the process of reboot is:

- not watching any kind of pornography;
- not masturbating
- not touching my penis to enlarge it (I am not comfortable with its size)
- not thinking on sexual fantasies during the day (although I think this will be almost impossible. I will struggle to forget thinking of sexual fantasies)

I can not say that I have total DE, because I developped a fetish that I practice - not as frequent as I would like to - with girls out of my marriage. This fetish does not envolve penetration, but makes me very excited.

I will put my progress regularly here.

recovery2017

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #19 on: December 31, 2016, 10:59:15 PM »
I'm a gay guy, 34 years old. I was in the closet for almost all my teens and my only refuge was porn. I become addicted to it.
When I started having sexual encounters, I noticed that I was not getting hard, even with the hottest guys in town. Doesn't matter if you are guy or straight, the male software is the same, the only change is the gender of desire.

After several years, I have improved, but sometimes I still have problems. And also, I have a huge problem with coming. It takes forever, or sometimes I just can't. I guess I'm addicted, that is the first step to resolve a problem and confront an addiction, similar to an alcoholic or drug addict, the first step is to recognize and accept it. I'm going to reboot my brain and grab the bull by the horns and start rewiring my brain so I can heal that addiction and become a "normal" and functional sexual person.

Roybot

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #20 on: March 07, 2017, 08:05:26 AM »
So Im a 35 old guy who on recently starting a new relationship have had performance problems the two time we met. I think at first this was due to having been desensitised by porn but has now become something more. Im now not able to achieve erection even on my own with porn. The last time I did was using 50mg of viagra which did allow me to climax twice but with it there isnt even a twith in my dick.    Will a reboot still help me

Thanks

jks

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2018, 12:32:56 AM »
I'm a 44 year old straight male. I was molested at age 14 and led into a cultish relationship that lasted for many years. During those decades, my sexual refuge was porn. After My molester died, I began seeking sex and/or relationship with women. But my first encounters were frighteningly limp. I could get rock hard and cum multiple times a day looking at porn (my favorite was women masturbating and lesbian/group female orgy or mssturbation), but was sadly impotent with a real woman.
Seeking answers, I discovered nofap and yourbrainonporn. Not long after that, I met a girl through match.com and we hit it off.the first time we tried to have sex, I was hard when we were.making out on the couch, but when it was time to get naked and do it, I became terrified and shriveled up to tiny proportions. I told her I was nervous because it had been a while. I didn't tell her I was a virgin. She was very patient and supportive. Later we made out again on the couch, and this time I pulled my hard dick and masturbated to orgasm while French kissing her.
For a few weeks, that was the only way I could orgasm with her. Then after a while I had succes with her giving me a hand job. Then a few weeks later, blow jobs were successful. About 3 months in, I finally lost my virginity to her.
It wasn't smooth sailing after that, though. We would have major setbacks when I would relapse. Couldn't do it, and/or I would look at porn again. It was very stressful for both of us, she felt like I didn't find her attractive, or I was,seeing someone else. Finally I confessed about my prior virginity, which actually was a huge relief for her. A few months after that , I told her about the molestation, which she had suspected all along. After those breakthroughs, and couples therapy, our sex life is 1000% better than a year ago.
What worked for me:
- Avoiding masturbating
- having a supportive and understanding (and horny) girlfriend
- being open and honest with her, telling her about my crippling insecurities and past trauma
- Cycling weekly between Korean red panax ginseng and horny goat weed
- Avoiding porn, though sometimes it seems like it can kick start my sex drive if used few and far between. Sustained porn use is definitely bad.

I.still have a problem with touching my dick constantly. I feel like if I can control or eliminate that, then my sexual powers would improve even more than they already have. I also still relapse I to porn occasionally, but I don't orgasm alone.

KevinWha

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #22 on: July 05, 2018, 03:20:41 AM »
Thanks!!

vak88

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #23 on: December 03, 2018, 12:55:41 PM »
Do you have any more information about "some guys made need to orgasm in order to "jump-start" their brain? I feel like that's me, but some times I've tried to "jump start" my brain as you put it, but it through me back into flatline. It's very difficult to know when to try to jump-start if at all.

So if you have any more info or general guidance, I would greatly appreciate =)

Wallet65

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Re: **The Basics Of Rebooting**
« Reply #24 on: January 14, 2019, 08:47:53 PM »
Hello everybody. I would like to share my problem with you. I know that most of you have the same thing and I hope all of us will be rebooted soon. However, I'm 18. I study in university and uni live is all about having sex, hangout with the girls and etc. But now I'm really scared of the fact that I can skip all of this because I have started to masturbate from the age of 14. For all this time I was hunting for porn with dirtier content and after few fails with my sexual partner I feel so bad. What if my mind have been programmed in that way and I won't be able to change it? And the problem is that all members of this forum is the only people I can trust at the moment, because I'm not quite sure how my friends will react on that. If somebody knows what time it usually takes to reboot or any ways I can speed up the rebooting I will be happy to read your comments.

Thank you for the creators of this web page for giving me such an opportunity to share this problem with others without being judged.