Author Topic: Back on track  (Read 6427 times)

firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #25 on: November 11, 2015, 05:03:38 PM »
Hey there!

Thanks mate, I really appreciate your words. Yes, in my opinion it's hard to get away from porn, but even harder to get away from femdom porn. Maybe though it's like any other fetish people develop when consuming so much porn like we all do here, so it's relative. Nevertheless you are absolutely right, it's very mean and at the same time fascinating - the problem is that it turns our evolutional sexuality upside down, where males are the dominant sex. So in my opinion, this would get a problem when being in a long-term relationship. Just thinking...

Congrats to 40 days hard mode, bro. Great stuff! Thanks for the help, if I need it I will let you know.
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #26 on: November 14, 2015, 06:28:33 AM »
Day 33

No urges really, trying to keep myself busy. Finally able to create something.

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




igetum

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #27 on: November 14, 2015, 08:39:57 AM »
33 days means progress. I am proud of your progress so far. Keep up man and never imagine looking back.

firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #28 on: November 17, 2015, 10:27:29 AM »
Day 35

Some good news and some other news - don't know if good or bad.
I finally was able to get a meeting at a really huge company near my hometown and they're now hiring me as a technician/quality supplier.
That's pretty sweet and another step towards my personal goals - don't know when I'll reach them at all, I see life as a ladder and now I'm doing another step towards independency (you have to know that I still live at home - bloody retarded I know). But yeah it's awesome!!!
Other things I was confronting today: I was feeling urges for whatever reason, it might have been some hot instagram pics or something on the web wich gave me arousal. I tried prostate massage as a way out and to release most of the pressure I was building up to that point. Now I don't know if it really worked anyway, I got rid of some fluid but I thought I could get a full load out of myself when massaging. Anyway, I feel bit of pressure is away while I don't feel the dopamine rush in my brain like I usually do when doing PMO or MO - so I guess it's okay. What do you guys think? I don't think I will repeat this as it wasn't that promising. I will observe myself if there will be more intense urges soon or not.

Cheers
« Last Edit: November 18, 2015, 03:47:57 AM by firstofall22 »
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #29 on: November 18, 2015, 03:51:48 AM »
Day 36

Feeling good today, there are some urges though which won't disappear, it's not cool. Looking forward starting my new job as I will be actually doing something the whole day instead of thinking against the urges. It will get a lot easier, well at least I hope so. Tried cold shower yesterday due to strong urges, works wonderfull (apart from that, it strengthens the body)!

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #30 on: November 18, 2015, 03:14:14 PM »
Day 37

No urges really, being busy doing nothing, beginning my new job on monday - time for a last relax and getting stuff sorted before I won't be able anymore. Being busy entertaining women, quite pleasing I must say. Progress!!

Greets
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #31 on: November 19, 2015, 04:58:09 PM »
Day 38

I really like my drive right now... It's not that I really have to think about no PMO all the time, it's just occasional. And once a day I want to keep you guys updated and I also want to look at my way through this hell. What I really love about all this is, that I slowly feel natural habits and behavior like I should have when I was a normal guy chasing women. It is coming, very slowly, but I am getting more and more confidence with women - there is still plenty of stuff I have to learn about being cheeky and so on... you know what I mean. I'm reading a very good book about that right now, could help I guess.
It's funny... when I first rebooted, I installed web blockers and parenting apps on my phone to block all porn content. And after a few weeks I disabled everything to get to porn. Now I have free access to all stuff but I don't even think about it. It's like you tell a child not to eat the sweet stuff in the upper drawer but the child does it - because it is forbidden. It's the same here with porn.

Greets
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #32 on: November 21, 2015, 05:18:47 PM »
Day 40

Yeeih, 40 days in a row! What a great number if there wasn't this bloody thing happening yesterday evening......I was super horny, well knowing that I was able to withstand jerking off for nearly 40 days except 1 BJ (which is not M at all). I was lying there in my bed feeling my penile area being super excited. So I was rubbing a little, not my hand but myself to my bed and pillows. It took like 20 seconds until I came. So was it bad that I came? Yes because I wanted to try hard mode. Hard mode in general is not the best thing to do according to urologists. They say it would be healthier to try to occasionally (maybe once a week) release the pressure, to cum. So it's relative, I am very proud of myself that I DID NOT watch any Porn and that I DID NOT use my hand to achieve a harsh penetration. Whatever, 2 times O in 40 days isn't bad statistics.

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #33 on: November 22, 2015, 05:37:44 PM »
Day 41

I will set my counter back due to PMO today. It wasn't long and it wasn't intese, also the porn wasn't weird or extreme. Nevertheless it was agains our rules of NoFap and I will start from new on. But I wouldn't be an optimist if I wouldn't see a positive thing in this: I made 40 days without masturbating to porn or masturbating. I only came once in 40 days and that was actual sex. So I'm kinda proud of myself still, because this was a huge achievement. I hope to reach more next time. I think what was hard is that I had sooo much time to think about NoPMO and stuff like that because of no work. From tomorrow on I will be working - it's so much easier if you have something to do.

Keep it up guys,

Bernie
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #34 on: November 27, 2015, 11:31:00 AM »
Hey guys,

it's been 4 days since I relapsed, and the chaser effect got me too, so there were 2 times PMO in total. Yes it's a shame and yes I was disappointed
but you know what, I was addicted for fuckin years so I don't expect to be healing within 90 days. It's a progress, it's a life change and that's what really counts. It's harder than I thought because it's not only porn - no - it's life (family, friends, hobbies, work, love, happiness,...) all the stuff I ignored the last years. It's hard to get out of the old patterns, but it's doable.

The "super powers" are the one thing, they give you confidence and strength. But it's only the first step of a really long way - and the way can be disappointing, because life isn't how you thought it would be when doing No PMO. Life is hard and it will always be. The key is to be grateful what you have and life every day like the last one. It's not worth making unrealistic plans for the future, because the future is NOW...and NOW... and NOW. Every second you waste. It's a waste thinking about your great life without PMO and spend your time counting days. THIS IS LIFE NOW. Live it the utmost.

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




dreaminglord

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #35 on: November 28, 2015, 09:52:13 AM »
wow thats a awesome. journal.  40 days at a stretch , you are beast.

anyways.   PMO.  in hardmode is more like.  no porn, masturbation or orgasm.

 see, we are addicted to all three.  one leads to other.  but final goal is orgasm.   so once you orgasm. in any way. like slight rubbing or anything.  what so ever.  will lead to relapse.  its just the pmo playing tricks on you. 

ive did some research into this and sprituality and found out that.  although our subcons mind does the most of the work, for relapsing and all.  there are entities that leads us to do this shit . as if like demons or something. the more crazy the addiction, the more powerful they become.  rewiring is just a process that makes sure that, pmo doesn't get the sufficient energy. to survive.   

they say, true change comes. when one is free of any relapse for almost 8 years.    but don't worry.   

these are the tricks they play.  like you O ing, without any M.  but still its a O.   so when you did that, it gets little momentum.
you mind automatically goes into a self shame or guilt.  and failure . so it takes this advantage.  then again, when you watch porn. coz already your will and positive attitude gone.    it first starts with less intense porn stuff.   but it sucks you into hardcore PMO very fast.  with even more devastating power. 

so donot worry. if you escalate into hardcore pmo.  coz you will again start. with each reboot you become stronger and stronger.  ofcourse pmo become weaker and weaker..            i am struggling with pmo addiction since 10 years.  started serious reboot this march. failed for almost 25 times.    each time i am getting stronger and stronger.   i guess this time i will not loose to it.   my max reboot was for 18 days.   

compared to mine , you are awesome :D

firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #36 on: November 28, 2015, 10:08:36 AM »
Thanks man for the kind words. I relapsed again today, the vicious cycle begins to turn and it sucks all my self-confidence in it. I think you are right when you say that with every goal we become stronger and stronger. I think so, too. We have to try it again and again, until we become stronger.

I am currently looking for something I can do next time I want to relapse. Meditation, praying, excessive sports? I don't know...

In days like these I feel very weak and I am ashamed of myself, but I also don't see that I have reached so much in these 40 days. It makes sense that 10 years of hardcore PMO cant be fixed in 40 days + 40 days of No PMO, that would be just too easy.

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




dreaminglord

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #37 on: December 14, 2015, 12:54:08 AM »
sorry for the late reply friend.

had issues with internet connection here, just now repaired. anyways,

i am going insanse with the relapses. its almost reboot 29th time for me.  but i will not give up.  did you watch that movie big hero 6. ??
the elder brother, fails almost 85 + times,  and even me thinking to not give up till i win against it.  anyways, i am trying all  methods.  hardcore pmo. 

i recently studied a lot about brain. subconsious and its working.  replacing bad habit with new one's is fine. but  entirely fighting an addiction is very very difficult.  i am actually doing an indepth research and trying to write a book, on the principles of subcon mind and consiousmind.

reading a lot about hypnosis, auto suggestions.  spiritual stuff. psychology etc.  although i am getting depressed frequently i am not giving up. i am from india, so it is easy for to venture into spiritul stuff. combining spiritual with science to fight this.

recently read THE FIELD and THE HOLOGRAPHIC UNIVERSE. 

so i guess i am doing good. i recommend you to start meditation.   we can give suggestions to subcon mind with meditation effectively.

also if you are a reader, read, many spiritual books.   (not religious).    do praying only if you really believe in god. or has abosolute faith in god or religion.  if you are not one who is not religious.  its waste of time to pray.

sports is also good. learning a new thing always helps us to replace old habits. i am learning flute on my self.   ordered a flute yesterday. so i guess this time i will be successful.  i wish the same for you too.

ironman2015

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #38 on: December 15, 2015, 12:29:36 PM »
sorry to hear that relapse.
you are doing good again,
welcome back into brightness.

firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #39 on: December 20, 2015, 05:55:27 AM »
Hey guys thanks for the words.
I was now on "holidays" from No-PMO (3 weeks it has been) if you want to and now I am willing to strike back again. It will be the third time I am trying to overcome this fucking horrible addiction which drains every last social behaviour out of myself and makes me feel like a fucking zombie really. The difference between a porn life and a no porn life is immense. The big question is though how to overcome this evil thing which come from the subconscious mind, as dreaming lord said before, and it's all true!
I am not a reader. And I am also not religious, but I believe in sports as a way of getting a clear mind, and I am also interested in meditation. Also, I joined the community of 7cupsoftea, in order to get help from encouraged volunteers. I signed up today, I hope there will be someone helping me. If I overcome this addiction, I want to help others as well and bringing me in on this website, I really like this idea. Face to face psychologists are rare to get and very expensive, also I don't know if it is any help to me.
So SPORTS, MEDITATION and HELP will be my helping floats in this rough sea.
@dreaminglord, can you please tell me how to meditate correct, please?

Streak 3 - all rolled up again, wish me luck guys.

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




ironman2015

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #40 on: December 20, 2015, 12:16:27 PM »
no worries.
get back on horse.
you will have a great future ahead.

firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #41 on: December 29, 2015, 10:30:47 AM »
Hey guys,

I am doing fine like in the other reboots I had before. I took my brain again (like the other two times) exactly 7 days to get free of fog. Now
I work like a machine, everything is possible, bright, colorful and doable. I have "superpowers", I am happy. At the same time, I am frightened about what will happen as soon as about 40-50 days pass... The good vibes are gone and relapse will make its way back to my brain. Hopefully, I will pull this fucker through this time. Also a friend of mine told me randomly, that his mom is a sexual therapist. What a coincidence! I will talk to her too as soon as I get weak again.

Much love,
first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




freedom2015

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #42 on: December 29, 2015, 12:13:37 PM »
Hey there firstofall22, I am stoked your feeling well man.  I believe you are going to succeed this time around.  I was thinking about your situation and it sounds very similar to my own in the sense that I can get to around 25-30 days and then I just expect to fail.  I believe that kind of thinking has actually sabotaged my last few reboots.  Like I would tell myself "why even try if your just going to screw it all up around 25 days in".  I honestly feel like our whole journey is "the reboot", so it would be beneficial to think of your journey that will have some bumps in the road.  That way you don't feel like your are resetting back to the same starting point each relapse.  I for sure know so much than I did when i first began my reboot, so I don't believe I will fail again at day 25.  I know you can make it through this friend, and I believe your fetishes will lose control over your sexuality as well.  Praying for you man, and send me a private message if you ever want to talk some more.

firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #43 on: December 29, 2015, 04:38:46 PM »
Hey man it was great to see your response! Sorry for not being there for you here the last weeks but you know how it is when you relapse, everything related to this issue here is not interesting anymore and so I didn't look in here for a while. So I'm glad that you're supporting me. And yes, you're right, everytime we fail, we learn more about ourselves, and to be honest with you, it's very interesting! You need a lot of patience though and also willpower to stay on track. Little by little, we get closer to our goal, we can make this when the time is right. So in my opinion, we both can be strong enough to overcome this dark stain in our history, I will try and I know you will too. DO NOT GIVE IN when you feel like relapsing. I might try to start meditating, so my primal urges don't take over my brain.

Stay strong!
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #44 on: January 01, 2016, 02:02:02 PM »
Doing fine so far, nearly got them 2 weeks of No PMO. Feeling good but still unable to get into real genuine contact with women.
It's not a fucking miracle that I don't have the ability to speak to women in a way to get to sex, because I never tried it (because of PMO).

Well this is a huge issue I always fail at and which basically leads me back to PMO. I don't know how to solve this but I'm trying hard.

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




freedom2015

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #45 on: January 02, 2016, 01:14:45 PM »
Making it two weeks is definitely something to be excited about.  Stay positive about the girl situation, you seem like a cool dude, so I am sure things will work themselves out.  What kind of places do you have the opportunity to meet women Example: school, work. 
 

firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #46 on: January 04, 2016, 03:26:03 PM »
Yes I am proud of myself, I feel that I am much more powerful than the last two times I did No-Fap. I am more confident and my mind is prepared for more than ever. I know what this drug can do to me and I know what can come when I reach 40, 50 or 60 days. It's going to get very ugly, but I won't give up, not this time.

Yesterday I discovered, what really blew my mind. I always asked myself why I turned to PMO, and it's the same reason why people tend to drugs or intense gaming sessions or whatever: it's because these people - including me - suffer from SOCIAL ANXIETY, not everyone, but I reckon a lot of us definitely do! So how did I found out about this? I was randomly streaming videos on Youtube when i stumbled over "Simple Pickup" and the Project GO videos they have (no advertisement). It's mind blowing!! And it makes so much sense, please watch those videos when you think you suffer from social anxiety.

first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




firstofall22

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #47 on: January 12, 2016, 12:19:56 PM »
Hey guys,

relapsed yesterday - yes, a shame! But not feeling any chaser effect which is a real progress I think! I am still thinking very positive and have new energy to do things, like it was when I startet No PMO. I met this great girl at work I really feel attracted to, just don't wanna mess this up. Bro's, please send me positive vibes, she's really nice! :)

All the best, first
Nothing's gonna break my stride. :)




freedom2015

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Re: Back on track
« Reply #48 on: January 30, 2016, 09:55:32 AM »
Hey Firstofall, I just wanted to stop by and wish you the best of luck in your current reboot.  I know relapses happen, and that stinks, but I hope you are able to get back into the swing of things, so that you don't have to think of this issue again later in life.  I read through a lot of your entries, and I think you are very capable of completing your goal.  Stay strong friend.