Author Topic: Is this the right road or did I miss a turn?  (Read 1336 times)

Clearlyseeengnow

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Is this the right road or did I miss a turn?
« on: May 23, 2014, 08:42:21 AM »
All,
I hit 70 plus days.... No PMO! I feel better and closer to my wife as this whole ( continuing ) experience involves both of us. I have to say  that the urges to pullout and pull up ( porn ) come mostly when I have down time and the house is empty. I continually make an active, informed and right decision to keep true to my promise to myself, my wife and in a way to the public affirmation I've  written here. My problem isn't so much steering away from PMO but moreso has to do with my return to sexual normalcy ( well in reality since I had used porn since my midteens returning is a stretch ).
It seems I am riding a roller coaster right now. I will get spurious erections for a while then poof! Nothing! I'll have sexual desire for real women ( wife) and at other times I could care less. I fully understand that this experience is different for each person. The whole flatline ... Erection thing. I do get discouraged thinking that I'm doing well then bam! When making love I will last a while then it goes away ( it is actually better then before). I'm still on cialias as doctor prescribed sometimes however erections subside which adds to anxiety and starts that whole dysfunction dance going.
I suppose what I need is some feedback from the members as to how they have been handling their own reboots and if I need to relax and ride this out and heal in time as time heals me. Thanks for reading

D
url=http://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/?u=5717539686449152][/url]

Mart71

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Re: Is this the right road or did I miss a turn?
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2014, 09:57:40 AM »
Hi,
so far it looks you are doing good and your reboot is progressing well.

It takes as long as it takes. In my opinion it is best to accept it being a slow process, don't get distressed if 70 days passed and you feel you still have a long way to go.

I also used since my teens and I am 42 years old now. Being in my 8th month of recovery, I still get progress and there are still issues left. But compared to how I was before the reboot or to the early stages of the reboot - I am a different man already.

My desire and libido also change a lot from week to week, sometimes day to day. I have found two things that helped me with that:
1) stopping masturbation, even without porn and
2) limiting orgasms, even with my partner

The best way I can describe it is, these things conserve my sexual energy. Our sexuality is healing during the reboot process and thus is fragile. For me, masturbation just seems to be wasting sexual energy and too frequent orgasms seem to deplete it too much. But every man has to find out, what works for him individually.

About Cialis and ED drugs:
I use them in my reboot as well. It has only been during the last month, that I started to feel confident in even just reducing them to lower doses. I had the same thing in the early stages of the reboot, fading erections even though I was using ED drugs. This has to do with us being desensitized to real women, we just don't get or stay horny enough for our partners. Often a result of how we used porn, watching many different pictures or scenes during a PMO session - our partners can't compete with that variety and novelty. Our brains need to learn to undo this kind of stimulation.

So even when after the dead-dick phase, erections return: fading erections after a while of being erect or even penetrating are common. However it does get better with time, the important thing is to keep "rewiring" and reconnecting with our partners. What works for me is to only accept my partner as my sexual release, which brings me back to the no MO and limiting orgasms from earlier. This results in so much "wanting", that with time it overrides the porn-acquired need for variety and novelty. It also strengthens the bond with my partner a lot.

TL;DR
You are on your way - keep doing what you are doing, it takes time but gets results.

Good Luck!
« Last Edit: May 23, 2014, 10:02:00 AM by Mart71 »

Clearlyseeengnow

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Re: Is this the right road or did I miss a turn?
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2014, 10:25:50 AM »
Mart, thanks for the info. I understand in my logical mind all you... Others ( and I ) have written or advised. It the times where the flying monkeys start to circle and cause distractions is what I need to get a handle on. I ( as you ) do not have any O's via manual manipulation. I just feel
Right now it would ( for me ) be detrimental. I'm striving toward the goal that orgasams are not needed every time I have sex ( saving sexual energy ). Being brought up through the wonders of modern porn  and the infamous "Money Shot" it's a hard track to erase. So I thank you once again for the advice. Knowledge is in fact power and you gave me a shot in the arm!

D
url=http://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/?u=5717539686449152][/url]

savingmysoul

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Re: Is this the right road or did I miss a turn?
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2014, 11:00:25 AM »
Hi there,

I am 140+ days no P & no M - struggling with PIED, and i have choosen not to do the ED drug thing.  My preference, and not judging.  I have been with my wife (and only my wife) throughout the reboot, O'ing along the way.  We are trying to abstain for me, but i havent been able to get up to bat in the past few weeks.  Seems like regression, getting worse.  Emotionally i very much want my wife, and i desire her - only missing one thing. 

I know these things take as long as they take, hoping that i am bottoming out and after a short period of time will start to improve as i progress. 

Continue to find your strength.  Embrace it.
This can be overcome, there are better days ahead.

SMS