Author Topic: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)  (Read 11304 times)

BeastMode

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From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« on: September 14, 2015, 04:25:22 PM »
Day 1

Broooosss!!! I am starting all over again! PMO had always been my enemy for a couple of years and I repeatedly doing this. Yep, for this time, its enough. Porn, Masturbation and Pornography will not be an option.

I read this book about stopping my own hidden addiction. It said that I must focus on my dream and not my relapses. I got to love myself enough more and accept and love other people more because according to it, we relapse because we don't love ourselves enough.

Sexual urges are the difficult one. Even if I installed K9 Filtering software, urges will always keep me to fire up. However, these urges are gifts. When urges goes up, the work toward my dream also goes up.

Decision for a lifetime: Enough is enough!
« Last Edit: September 25, 2015, 09:22:19 PM by CarloGualvez »

BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2015, 04:11:54 AM »
FreeSoul Its Stop hidden addictions wrote by Bo Sanchez. I hope you find inspiration from this book. Thank you so much for the support! Yep just keep reading and just a tip, if you feel any urges, read your favorite book. :D
« Last Edit: September 16, 2015, 06:59:24 AM by CarloGualvez »

zuzaman

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2015, 04:17:08 AM »
Hi Carlo,

welcome on board!  8)

Your concept on an urge being a gift is very interesting. I have never thought about this.
Thinking about it, an urge to PMO can be used up to fuel alternative acts as well. For example to make more effort working out, or studying. It really depends on your state of mind if you can use the positive changes hidden in it.

BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2015, 04:21:30 AM »
zuzamanYep, we need that urge to fulfill our dreams. Still working on the concept though

BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2015, 04:36:13 AM »
Day 0: BEAST MODE ON!  >:( >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

Damn, two relapses! Two relapses! After only a day?! I can't believe this to myself. I'd just finished the book "Porned out" yesterday which talks about the negative effects of porn to a person and here I am, suffering from a defeat. But still, I am going to work on this!

The trigger is when I am staying on the computer for a long time. I am searching for a worthwhile reading in the internet until I slipped in this article about nipples slips of celebrities. From this, I learned that staying in front of a computer without proper purpose is really a trigger to fire up your unproductive urge.

Today, I am not going to be the prey, I will make a strategy in which PMO will be the prey! And surely, this PMO will never live in my body.

Usual Triggers:
  • Staying in computer when bored.
  • Bored, unproductive or just laying down on your bed.
  • Losing to a game for example soccer.
  • When you are really depressed and you can't see any things that can make you productive.


Current Situation
  • I have a numerous books on shelf that I am not currently reading because most of the time, I got this tired feeling
  • I have few audio courses on my phone and also my computer
  • I have a numerous e-books in my phone and computer
  • I have a website to maintain in which I review several stuff e.g. books
  • I have a family to took care of
  • Licensure Examination for my profession is next year April, just after our graduation
  • I have friends to talk to about things
  • Projects are lined up to accomplish
  • I am a member of Reboot Nation
  • I am currently enrolled in some online courses in Coursera and EdX

My Personal Battle Plan
  • Finish all the books, e-books, and courses that I have
  • Take care of my family when bored
  • Write and add articles to my website
  • Review for my Licensure Examination
  • Attend in my Online Course
  • Finish my academic requirements
  • Motivate rebooters here in Reboot Nation

And here, I got a lesson while doing my battle plan: THERE ARE SO MUCH TO DO ASIDE FROM PORN, MASTURBATION, AND ORGASM


FUCK PMO! Your DEAD!
« Last Edit: September 16, 2015, 04:50:39 AM by CarloGualvez »

LogReg

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2015, 06:28:04 AM »
You know what keeps me sane as well man? Long walks.

Since sitting at home usually gives me anxiety attacks, I go for a long walks. 2-4 hour walks where Im only with my thoughts and music. If anxiety still persists after that I usually get destructive and really agressive. So I decided to take walks b4 the gym so if I have any left over bullshit on my mind I can destroy it in the gym and punching bag.


BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2015, 06:32:25 AM »
LogReg: Thanks for the tip man.
I'll try this one. I've never thought about this.

BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2015, 04:15:35 PM »
Day 1: Heavy Works


Today, I have didn't experience any major feeling of boredom because of our major activity which is going to a book fair. I did not experience any urge because, first, its just only a day since the last PMO and I did not have any still moments. I got home early in the evening and I feel too tired to make myself up for a more bit of time so I go to sleep early.

I just seen symptoms of porn in my life in this day, because of what women wear each day (well, its still not an excuse): a too short shorts and any fit tops that pushed their breast up, I can help sometimes but sometimes peek on their breast. Bad news is breasts are always my weakness. But, whenever I get into this situation, I took my eyes off of them because I should have not feeling this kind of feeling around them. It really makes me sick and what makes it worst is I treat them just like a toy.

I have read a book entitled "Every Man's Battle" which states that we men are stimulated when we are looking something long enough and fantasize about it. Its like we are having sex or something. So if we bounce off our eyes on something that did not stimulates our sexual desire, urges will one day will be weakened.

So my main men, lets bounce off our eyes! One strategy that I can share for this day! I'll keep you updated for experimenting this kind of technique on my own.

I always believe that I can share new success stories around you all each day!
Lets keep rocking!

BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2015, 06:29:33 PM »
Day 2: Food and Pictures


Men, this had been enjoying day to me. I've got a lot of foods from the foods of my colleague and from my cousin.


One of the motivation that I believe when I stop PMO in my life is to have a little fat in my body. They say that masturbation is the one of the many reasons why a person is being thin but am I right guys?

Its been a normal day to me though, I've been to work so there are no dull moments in which I can be triggered to masturbate but what seems hard is when a sudden picture of an actress came in to my mind. When I remember a certain actress, I remember all the sex and nude scenes she done and I am firing up when I remember her. So when I came to this, I usually do is just ignore it for a while because I am in public but when you are alone, this is really tough! What I usually do is to go to my to-do list to use my sexual urges as a prime motivation to do my task and I didn't just forget porn and nude pictures but also I finished all the things that I need to do.

Sexual urges are natural to a man but I made a decision to use it in my advantage!
I am still working with this concept in my life. I suggest you do the same. Let's be a productive and sexual man!

BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2015, 02:17:39 PM »
Day 3: Urges Continues


I automatically woke up from bed to do my works because on the night before, I actually list all the activities that I need to do for today: Well, its not a short one to tell you honestly but I still determined to finish all my works.

The nature of my works are mostly exposing myself to the computer. When I felt boredom on what I do, I usually switch to another task and continue it later. However, urges are striking when I felt boredom and its really strong. Based on my experience, Day 3 is the most challenging and hardest part when you are rebooting because the semen that you have released had been replenished and just like in a water tank. Its really full so you need a quick release but I made the decision that release will never be my option and I will not view the scenes that my mind is presenting to me.

When I felt the urges, I continue all my task and guess what? I finished many of them because I use the urges to do more. This concept of sexual transmutation is now being effective to me!

Let's make it happen brothers!

BeastMode

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Re: Focusing on my dream and not being complacent! (Personal Journal)
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2015, 04:40:50 PM »
Day 4-7: My will is greater than my addiction

I have completed a week of battle within myself. Its really tough battling with myself because whenever pictures of thoughts on sex scandals and porn came across in my mind, it really firing me up but it takes a lot of will power to avoid and to stop the thoughts.

Bouncing of my eyes strategy is really effective strategy as of now and it really avoids me to not fantasize the woman that I see in any pictures and scenes. I suggest that the readers of this blog use them for their advantage!

I also learned another strategy, its having a mental fence within your mind which determines the things that you will fantasize. According to the book Every Man's Battle, only your wife is allowed in your fence and other girls are not.

So, whenever thoughts come into my mind, I just say to myself, Thought, you are not allowed in my fence and in my mind, I fire a shotgun towards the thought!

With these strategies, I finished all my academic requirements ahead of time while my classmates are still beating the deadline. With these strategies, I can feel empowerment towards myself.

Let us live life while we still have them brothers!
Lets keep the faith!
Til' tomorrow again!

newperson24

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Re: PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2015, 07:49:03 AM »
That's the spirit man! Keep going and never let it control your life again!:D

BeastMode

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Re: PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2015, 08:16:32 AM »
Newperson24 yeah. I am currently struggling with this girl who have a very large boobs
 I know her and I don't want to ruin my streak. What's your advice bro?

J

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Re: PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2015, 01:29:51 AM »
Hi Carlo,

You know, something's are just hard to avoid and I think often what happens is that we place too much pressure on ourselves. You do have self-control though and have to keep in mind that subconsciously there is some self talk happening. And by that I mean, the thought that crosses your mind when you see her. Where the mind goes, the man follows.

It's a process to recognize this, but you don't have to go "there". If you do just know it's challenging to keep yourself in check. I don't know how she dresses but try not to look at her boobs, and if you can avoid her even better.

Recognize your triggers, avoid going to them.



BeastMode

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Re: PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2015, 02:02:18 AM »
J, Your advice is pretty deep but I got the point. She dresses very fit for her body. Seeing her pictures yesterday and there are pics that a man like me can be triggered. But hey, I made a decision not to look at the pics again. I may unfollow her in fb just to avoid her.

« Last Edit: September 25, 2015, 02:04:50 AM by CarloGualvez »

BeastMode

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2015, 09:42:03 PM »
Day 8-9: The girl with a large boobs


I am so pumped up! I am near in double digits and I am really driven. Even though I cannot feel the advantages of No Fap as of now except being more productive, I would still like to do it because I want to stop the feeling of losing; feeling of depression; and feeling of being left-out. I would never go back to those feelings. So when urges come, I imagine myself after PMO and the feeling that I have that time, that makes me stop instead I do what I suppose to do.


Here is the thing, I have a classmate which I really adore because of her large boobs. I started to see her these past few weeks before my reboot and today I realized to myself that I only see her because of granting my sexual desires and not really liking her as a person and as a matter of fact, I really don't want her attitude. On the past few days, I see her pictures that includes her boobs in the pictures, just looking and no fap but yesterday, I have a decision, it must be stop for my own good and her own good! I have selfish intentions and I really don't want that to myself because it only shows that I take advantage on people.

Thanks to J, she give me insight that whatever the man can conceive in his mind, he will follow! (Shout out!)

Lets make this happen brothers and sisters!

J

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #16 on: September 26, 2015, 02:56:09 AM »
Lol, your title made me laugh sorry!

But hey you know what you are? Human. It took me being in a dark place to realize that I had to change habits. At the beginning I would do well and then when I felt better I sort of flirted with the idea of peeking here and there. Sometimes just on TV. What I learned was that those flirtations let to mental images that were hard to get rid of. Then, one day, that was it. I knew it was time to ask for help.

That's the thing with an addiction. When you are feeling your best you still can't leave your guard down. Feeling relaxed? That can be dangerous too. Empty space is a place, and if you find you are not keeping your mind busy with positive things you quickly find yourself relapsing time and time again.

I began to see change once I decided to find out why I was watching porn. I learned it was a symptom of something bigger in my life and that symptom became a habit over time, and habits are challenging to break. I encourage everyone to dig deep, you have to, otherwise it's just trying to change something without really understanding why it's there in the first place.

Don't give up. Grab the bull by it's horns.



BeastMode

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #17 on: September 26, 2015, 05:07:11 AM »
Lol, your title made me laugh sorry!

But hey you know what you are? Human. It took me being in a dark place to realize that I had to change habits. At the beginning I would do well and then when I felt better I sort of flirted with the idea of peeking here and there. Sometimes just on TV. What I learned was that those flirtations let to mental images that were hard to get rid of. Then, one day, that was it. I knew it was time to ask for help.

That's the thing with an addiction. When you are feeling your best you still can't leave your guard down. Feeling relaxed? That can be dangerous too. Empty space is a place, and if you find you are not keeping your mind busy with positive things you quickly find yourself relapsing time and time again.

I began to see change once I decided to find out why I was watching porn. I learned it was a symptom of something bigger in my life and that symptom became a habit over time, and habits are challenging to break. I encourage everyone to dig deep, you have to, otherwise it's just trying to change something without really understanding why it's there in the first place.

Don't give up. Grab the bull by it's horns.

I am totally agreeing your statement, digging much deeper. Its knowing first our    enemy to have a better strategy
 :D You inspired a lot J. Thank you.

BeastMode

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #18 on: September 26, 2015, 06:55:14 PM »
Day 10: Double Digits!

Yes! I've mad it to double digits and I am really proud of myself. I am looking more forward to continue this good beginning and I'm never going back from the old days!

However, I have a close call and still I conquer myself because I've come too far to only come  that far. This situation is a point of no return and just like what I've stated above; I am tired of losing  this battle and I am assured that this  time, I will win.

Beast Mode baby!

« Last Edit: September 28, 2015, 03:20:22 PM by BeastMode »

BeastMode

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #19 on: September 27, 2015, 06:33:59 PM »
Day 11: Productivity and Socialization


Day 11 baby and I will get the 22, the 33, and so on and so forth! Full of energetic vibes today. I've finished many things and I am really proud of it. PMO came sometimes across the mind but I am not minding it and I think if I will continue this "not minding" PMO at all, until the last, I will have the habit of "not minding PMO" when urges attacks. I got to admit, sometimes close-call happens but faithfully,  I will get into my mind and exit the screen. For example, today, I've seen my favorite porn star in facebook which is Maria Ozawa but I choose not to feed the pornographic thoughts in to mind instead, I do what I supposed to do and read many things (I have the feeling of relaxation when I am reading.)

I am proud of myself today and I'm coming to get my goal!
Live up!

BeastMode

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #20 on: September 28, 2015, 03:30:05 PM »
Day 12: Near to relapses

I am so proud of myself because I conquered another "near-to-relapse" situation. Do you remember the girl with the big boobs? I've checked her profile again and guess what? While viewing her pictures, I am massaging my dick but I did not go!!! 12 days is a pretty too damn far to relapse and I don't want to have a bad feeling after. Even if this is a near-to-relapse situation, I still recognized this as an improvement because I know the girl which means I can pursue her if I really want and I stopped viewing porn which are just artificial girls and girls that I don't know. This situation is an improvement to my reboot.

Even if it is a good one, I must stop fantasizing and start moving. I just realized that I deserve a beautiful woman and not just fantasizing their pictures. Next move? I am planning a date but still thinking about it. Why? Because she will just be an instrument of my sexual desires and not really a good girlfriend material for me. I am just wasting my time if my purpose is only the first one.

Bring it on! Live up!

J

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #21 on: September 28, 2015, 06:18:06 PM »
Hey Beastmode,

Happy that you are doing better and moving forward. It's good that you were able to exercise self-control and recognize your triggers so you can avoid them. I wouldn't worry about dating right now specially when you are trying to kick an addiction right now. It's an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and about who you want to be.

Porn robs so much from our lives that it's almost like we forget who we are and the best part of what makes us interesting because we start to lose interests even in the simple things that once brought us pleasure. I will say being a few days away from the 5 month mark one of the things I don't miss is the brain fog. I hated the brain fog, felt like Adam Sandler in that movie Click. It is the most debilitating feeling to experience. Envision who you want to be then aim and aspire to be that guy. You can do this. Baby steps and patience.



newperson24

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #22 on: September 29, 2015, 03:00:03 AM »
Hey BeastMode!
Glad to see you are doing good man. Avoid any pictures and everything even if it is to a real person since it can lead you to relapse! If you want to see her do it in RL not from a screen. I agree with J, you should date man! You can go out and have fun, this will be good for rewiring! I am not saying you should take advantage of her just for rewiring but since you like this girl give it a chance she may be a good girlfriend, that's what dates are for, to see who the person you are dating really is. Just remember that in case she could be a potentially good girlfriend,  take it easy with sexual stuff. You must avoid orgasm at all costs since its too early for you to have one, it might give you chasers!

BeastMode

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #23 on: September 30, 2015, 04:31:09 PM »
Day 14: Two weeks of firing up!

Yeah! Two weeks of streak! I've never got this streak before and I'm going to be honest, I am really proud of myself. I began to see improvements: Increase self-discipline, Increased focus with the help of classical music, I began to accept rejection as a learning experiences and most importantly, I can stare woman in they eye even if they are just passing-by! This is a real improvement and I am more determined to continue. With the help of books like "Porned Out" and "Your Brain on Porn" I began to see the possibilities and "super powers" that I can retain back after I recovered from a long phase of losing. I am now minimizing my posts in my journal, maybe I will post 1-2 times each week for updates of this "super powers". For the people  who battled PMO for the first two weeks, I got to tell you that it is hard but it is worth it just like what Les Brown said, the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory.

Update about the date, I am still considering her. The effects of porn are still on my mind that's why I can't still decide but even if I made a decision not to date this woman, I will find another woman which is more attractive to rewire my thoughts!

Let us defeat PMO!
________________________________________________________

Newperson24, I am seriously considering it. Thanks for the tip about dating man! I really appreciate it. I'll update you later on how dating life continues in my life.

J, yup! From this battle, self-control is the most powerful weapon that I have and thanks to you and newperson24, for your unwavering support in my reboot!

BeastMode

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Re: From PMO to Productive Energy (Personal Journal)
« Reply #24 on: October 02, 2015, 02:09:48 AM »
Day 0: Fucking Relapse

Damn. I was left alone in the house and urges are reallu tough to break. I started to surf softcore to hardcore. I am starting    all-over again and this is 3 times happened. :(

Maybe a suggestion would be great to conquer this situation of being alone.