Author Topic: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?  (Read 4741 times)

Pisces21

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How many of you actually escalated ( or started) to gay porn, and then to the point that you started looking at guys in real life sexually, and then even still after stopping ( during reboot) and then found your gay urges subsided and were only a function of the porn afterall?

MY desire to watch gay porn has decreased and I even am starting to wonder howI found gay sex appealing, but it's like now I have this residual attraction for guys I see in real life now. I wonder if that's my brain trying to hold on to the man-on-man dopamine, so jsut seeing a fairly good looking guy spurs what feels like attraction? I'm hoping and guessing it will subside with time..

BUt has anyone experienced this? I honestly think more guys than we realize escalate to gay porn but don't mention it because of embarassment. BUt here is not the place to be shy, coy, or feel shame - anyone out there?

Pisces21

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2015, 09:04:59 AM »
I guess everyone here is too good for this huh?? I know someone out there has felt this- I can't be the only one- speak up to help others!

Zerg Prosecutor

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2015, 09:35:58 AM »
This is one of my forum posts I made on a forum back in May 2014...I only found out that there is such a thing as HOCD long after my HOCD dissapeared.

There it is :

I think I'm going mental!


"It is hard for me to describe my last 24 hours...for the first time in my life I feel insane. My problem began yesterday while lying on my bed and listening to the 2701 podcast. Near the end Stefan had a discussion with a guy with autism who was also gay, at the moment of that conversation's twist (when he said that he was homosexual) something broke inside me...it is mind numbing to me why I was triggered by that conversation, I continued listening until the end with a big void in my stomach.
It is essential to mention that I'm straight but I always had sympathy for homosexuals, but since that conversation I started looking at guys in a completely twisted way it is like I fell half-homosexual and I don't get sexually aroused by hot girls as much as couple of days ago. And that's just the beginning...my body is tense, my mind goes in circles, I am hyperactive (feel the need to walk all the time, I make sudden weird body movements at fast speed) also I cannot focus at all, even writing this post took me more than 30 minutes. Strange thoughts spring in my head out of the blue, and the most unsettling part for me is that I cannot think clearly, I'm generally very good at mental math and having arguments in my head, and analyzing social situations, now it's like I just drink 5 cup of coffees in a row, my mind is fogging a lot.
     Something in the back of my mind is bothering me and I simply don't know what it is, and I don't see any connection between all that I said, I feel helpless and I can't stand listening to music anymore, I'm scared, please help me! :(
 
P.S.: I never did drugs nor smoked and I barely drink alcohol, I always had a bit of compulsive-impulsive disorder that would make me from time to time to obsess about some of my body parts and I also feel the need to organize my stuff and my PC, I'm not sure if that relates in any sense with my state at the moment but the way I feel when I had panic attacks and feel depressed has a bit of resemblance with my current state.
 
Please excuse my grammatical errors in case I made any, I am not a native."




Yeah, I don't think that people thinking are too good is this forum's problem...there are very few active members on here thou
Another forum with a much bigger activity is this :http://nofap.com/forum/index.php

Post it there...also research the threads on there that are about HOCD there are a lot of them.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2015, 09:37:38 AM by Zerg Prosecutor »

Pisces21

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2015, 10:49:57 AM »
I appreciate that and I will check out the forum..

However, if I am understanding this right, HOCD is jsut when you think you're gay but you're not actually experiencing any attraction? What if I'm actually experiencing attraction but its essentially rooted in the gay porn ive consumed

Janson2015

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2015, 11:10:00 AM »
So I experienced the opposite: I'm gay and toward the end, before a very successful reboot, I watched straight porn and felt attracted to women at times. It's something I pretty much ignore now. What your're experiencing is the power P can have, very common. You're still rebooting and doing great so just keep going and try not to be too concerned with this.


"Know in your soul like your blood knows the way from your heart to your brain, know that you're whole." -Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Zerg Prosecutor

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2015, 12:31:29 PM »
I appreciate that and I will check out the forum..

However, if I am understanding this right, HOCD is jsut when you think you're gay but you're not actually experiencing any attraction? What if I'm actually experiencing attraction but its essentially rooted in the gay porn ive consumed
I think it hard to determine if you actually are feeling genuine attraction or it is just your mind playing tricks on you.
For me it vanished in couple of months.

Pisces21

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2015, 02:32:15 PM »
Thanks for your input Janson- never thought about it being the other way around... I appreciate your input

Zerg, that's interesting you phrase it was "mind playing tricks on you" because it's like, when I see a guy I think im attracted to , I accept that Im attracted to him and then, upon accepting that and if I interact with him longer, it disappears.. and im like "wtf?" I guess thats HOCD?

Pr3c1se

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2015, 02:46:14 PM »
This is a really interesting topic.

I think if you really boil things down this isn't terribly different to obtaining any type of weird/strange fetish from watching porn.

Porn addiction makes us search and search for new and exciting things to give us dopamine highs. 

People eventually get to bdsm, master/slave, tranny porn, submissive porn, anal, foot fetish... just to name a few... I can almost guarentee most peopel would never aquire these fetishes without porn.. so it only makes sense that some straight people would stumble onto gay porn for their dopamine rush.

All I can say is look at Janson... Janson KNOWS HE IS GAY.  Because he is gay.  Gay people know they are gay.   Many gay people, due to our shitty ignorant society sometimes "wish" or "hope" they are not gay, but deep inside they genuinely know they are gay.  Society has shamed gay people into  wishing/hoping they are not how they truly feel.  That type of feeling is MUCH DIFFERENT than someone who gets scared they might be gay... do you see the difference?

In short....
Gay people:   Sometimes wish they weren't gay, or hope they can change their feelings to be attracted to women.  But deep down they know they are attracted to the same sex.

Straight people with a porn addiction that has entered into the gay world:  Fear they might be attracted to men becasue of what they have ESCALATED TO on porn.

I was into BDSM in real life due to my porn escalation into BDSM initially.  These fetishes are pretty much gone after my successful reboot.  I bet these feelings for men will go away too if you are straight!  From the sound of your post, you are straight.  This is just all the more reason you need to kick your porn habit!


Hope that helps you "straighten" everything out  :P hahaha pun intended.
« Last Edit: September 06, 2015, 02:51:34 PM by Pr3c1se »

mtaha2015

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2015, 01:33:04 PM »
porn really wrecks the brain.
who knows ?
brain plays tricks.
 I can't really tell any thing about that.


lookingahead

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2015, 02:51:12 PM »
There's much more to the problem than unwanted, porn-induced sexual tastes.  The actual attraction/ sexual desires for the same sex can only exist in an environment where there are real emotional conflicts involving your own masculinity.  Only in this toxic emotional and neuro chemical environment can these emotional conflicts become sexualized.  Its just like a tornado needs the right environment of opposing hot and cold winds in order to exist.  Cancerous tumors develop in an environment with high levels of ph.

I don't know if a reboot will be enough to Un-sexualize what porn has sexualized.

 We all hear of those who rebooted, and  eventually wondered why they were ever turned on to all the stuff they escalated to.  I think for these people, it was just a matter of de-escalating what they escalated to as a result of the dopamine, desensitization process.  For you, however, porn had struck a deep emotional chord, which attempted to fill an emotional void that pre-existed your porn use.  So it was much more than just mere escalation going on.  I would argue that as long as the same conditions exist in your emotional environment, the sexual attractions could flourish perhaps forever.  That's why you need to make changes to your emotional environment first.  This just means to address the underlying needs, which involve acceptance - both self-acceptance and acceptance from others.  It will be a process, and its best to find a good therapist to help guide you through it.  Just remember that you have to deal with an entire emotional iceberg, and the attraction is just the tip.  The sexual attractions are rooted in a desire to be complete and acceptable in who you are. If you don't learn to first accept yourself, the sexual attraction will keep you stuck in a process of emotional cannibalism for the rest of your life.
Here is my journal from your brain rebalanced:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=14262.0

Pisces21

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #10 on: September 07, 2015, 09:45:32 PM »
Lookingahead- thank you so much as always, that was very deep! I'd like to continue PM-ing you

Hadenuff

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #11 on: September 07, 2015, 10:44:37 PM »
 i know what u mean....... I always considered my self straight 8 , but I found myself setting up liasons with shemale prostitutes  after watching shemale porn for a couple of years. THen I started questioning my own sexuality. Then I figured out it was my dopamine loving brain up to its old tricks.
 Give it some time and take it one day at a time.......

datkid93

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2015, 12:30:52 PM »
I have been off this forum for a while but this is the epitome of my porn addiction....started off with regular porn and then after a few he Ara escalated to gay porn for what reason I don't know.  After about 3 Years I found it hard to get aroused by women and found myself attrscted to men.  I've been off porn and MO for almost a year now and still have issues with arousal with women still experience male attraction and gay dreams but the intensity is slowly wanting away.  I ve never questioned my sexuakitu but it i evident that porn had warped my original taste..im just waiting for this go disappear but it's been an awful long time... Any thoughts?

Pisces21

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2015, 09:35:22 PM »
datkid, you ought to PM me...im glad to know youve gone a whole year- youre a champ for tha tman..

all i would say now is - how deeply addicted were you to gay porn? Were you watching gay porn exculsively for 3 years?

gnein

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Re: Got hooked to gay porn, rebooted, thought you were gay and then not?
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2015, 04:22:25 PM »
I can relate to this.  I didn't actually go as far as thinking I was gay (I certainly still felt attracted to women),  but I was having feelings for men that weren't there before I got hooked on porn.  My porn tastes escalated in a lot of different directions, some of which I'm not particularly proud of.  I think it all started with my brain seeking new things as the older tastes didn't provide the dopamine hit I was after anymore.  In terms of the "gay side", it started out with reading messages people had left in public toilets, followed by watching videos of solo males "performing", to calling phone sx lines to fantasise about it, to actually meeting men in adult bookstores on a few occasions.

Almost never did those meetings ever do anything for me, but I went back a few times regardless.  Even though the men there probably weren't the most attractive specimens.  That's how messed up I was.  Things have slowly been returning to normal since I've been trying to do a reboot.  I haven't had a huge amount of success, but I have cut back on the porn considerably, and even that seems to be helping me return to a more "normal" state (whatever that means). 

I think the reasons we fall into this are firstly, the fact that our brains are looking for novelty.  Secondly, it's the way porn portrays things.  Basically, whoever is on the end of the penis it shows always seems to be having a wonderful time (there's a reason they're called actors), and maybe something in our subconscious minds wonders if we'll also have a wonderful time too.
No pain no gain