How to stop the fantasies?

I'm on day 4. Last 3 days have been easier than expected but today I'm getting the fantasies trying to creep in. It's impossible for me to avoid triggers so I have to just try and distract myself. That's why I've come back on here again now (1st attempt was 12 months ago which was on and off for a couple of months until I gave in completely and it's been "I'll start again tomorrow" since then).

So now I'm on day 4 PMO free and trying to keep the fantasies at bay.

Does anyone have any better strategies for controlling the head porn?

bumper,
thinking back when I was PMO'ing , and how I felt during those times always helps me.At that time I felt like a wreck, and saw now way out.Finally I was able, with a great deal of help, to make a breakthrough, and it gave me so much more energy and joy for life.
Talking to your partner or loved one is always a good thing.You do not have to fight this on your own.
Keep your mind and body busy,maybe workout.

I laughed at them.  At the time I knew it was my brain screaming to get a fix of the old porn dump so I just tried to remind myself of what a clear grip that crap had on me.  There isn't a simple way to get rid of them other than ignoring while having faith that they will dissipate soon, they do.  I don't remember many of them save for ones that shocked me and those I didn't care for anyways.  This stuff will forever have some hold on us all but it's your choice as to what degree you want it.

Kill it bud.

I'm single at the moment - my last relationship broke down because of all this and it's how I realised this was a problem for me but thanks for the comments and advice it's all good stuff. I'll try your suggestions and see if any of it works for me. Thanks.

Take cold showers!

They are so invigorating!

The hardest time is when I go to bed and when I wake in the morning. I think they are times I have indulged in my fantasies almost every day for as long as I can remember - right back to when I was an infant - so it's a well-ingrained habit.

I try to get up as soon as I wake but often I'm still very tired and that's when I really want it. The same when I go to bed and I am trying to get to sleep. I think maybe it's like a drug that I've got used to using to help me sleep.

hey, Bumper,
hang in there. Your brain has been programmed for such a long time, and desperately seeks for the dopamine rush.It is truly a struggle.
You have to build up confidence, and feeling better about yourself, and fight this monster.You've already made an awesome step , in confiding here on RN.Most of us are there, are have been. Keep sharing and keep involved on the forum.
I always think back of the dark days, and how I felt back then.It makes me sick. Since then, I've been keeping my mind busy with things, involving my family, and friends. It helps tremendously, cause people around you, especially my partner, react on you like you are
just a different person. Off course you are, you are banning the P out of your brain, which has been clouding your brain all the time.
As long as you are committed to this disease, you're not able to let other people come close to you. That's why it is so destructive, during a relationship.There is no place for PA in any relationship.Also you really have to find someone, who's close to you, with whom you can talk. Don't fight this thing on your own.
Keep posting.

Hello Bumper, this is my first post on your line. I am so grateful for your topic. Its as if I am reading my own thoughts. I am very much in the same boat. I have had sufficient time without P to be constantly craving but fantasy and brain porn is an even more slippery beast. Yes bedtime night and morn. Age old habits. Just the same. I feel like I am making progress with it, in fact I definately am but it is slow. But then this is a thought habit of a lifetime. Is it reasonable to expect anything else.
Hopeful. I think your advice from your experience is invaluable and I feel grateful to you for that too. A useful one for me is divert the attention. Prepare in the mind beforehand what you will divert the mind to when it begins to get drawn into fantasy. Somtimes just watching the breath can be enough to shift the attention. Othertimes an image of the opposite of my fantasy. Or a hazard warning light flashing with all the miseries of where this could and eventually does lead. I write these down as much to remind myself having just been there myself. Patience and love. FF

Hi everyone, some great advice and words of wisdom on here. I just wanted to share how I've been doing and let you all know how I'm getting through this in case it proves a useful technique for anyone else in the same boat as me.

I'm 12 days PMO free now and still the fantasies are quite relentless. They pop into my head at all times, I have triggers everywhere and they are impossible to stop. However, I was reading about meditation and it explained how to empty your mind and it's proved to be a great way for me to get rid of the bad thoughts.

You can't really empty your mind, you always have something in your head but the skill is to acknowledge the thought and then say good bye to it immediately.

Imagine you are sitting by a train line and a train is passing in front of you from one side to the other. Each carriage contains a thought. When the thought comes to you, you see it, acknowledge it, and let it go. Passing by just like a train carriage.

So here's what I've done. When I realise I am thinking of head porn I immediately imagine that woman, that scene, that activity, that thought, being on a train carriage and it trundling away from me into the distance. Then I look to see what's on the next carriage and imagine it contains something else (anything - family, friends, work, money, love, my dog, my bicycle, painting my house, fixing my car, etc.). This is no different really to just trying to distract yourself except I found it hard to think of something else without thinking about what I was trying to forget. This method has really helped me by saying 'goodbye' to the bad thought and visualising it disappearing away down the line before looking at the new thought.

So far it's working really well for me. I just thought I would share it. Maybe someone else with a similar trouble will also find it a useful way to get through it all.

This is great, it's wonderful to hear your progress.  Remember it's all about the change of mental state and you are crushing it.  Nicely done buddy.

Bumper,

I like that! Very cool visual to help deal with those unwanted thoughts.

It was the same for me the first few weeks after I started the reboot.  So I did pretty much the same thing as you only without that great train imagery.  I would simply focus on something else. If it happened at work, I'd just dive deeper in what ever project I was doing. If it was leisure time, I'd channel it to another hobby (fortunately, I have quite a few). At first, I felt guilty that I was trying to distract myself from those thoughts...like I was running away from them.

Then I realized those thoughts were the distraction. I was merely refocusing on what mattered.

Good job, man. You're doing great.

Hi Guys
new here (day 3) so pardon any repetition or misplacement.
I guess like any addict I am finding some hours hard and some hours easier to get through, but overall my experience so far has been manageable.
I have ordered the book YBOP so some of my questions may be answered there but could you help me re: fantasies.
My thoughts involve what I would like to do with my wife when I am able.
Is this fantasy?
Should I allow myself to have these thoughts at this stage or try to change the subject in my head?
Confused

freshstart@40 said:

My thoughts involve what I would like to do with my wife when I am able.
Is this fantasy?

Click to expand...

Hey Fresh,

I'm interested to hear the rest of the community's response. But in my opinion, no...this is not the bad thing.

But there's a caveat: What type of fantasies are they? Are they things that you could do or have done? Are they things that you two want to do but were never bold enough? Or are they just ways to project porn onto your wife? These are the things to think about.

I will say that since I quit The Porn and the PIED went away, thought about the ways I'd make love to my wife have become more frequent. And then when the time comes, I do my best to put them into practice. To me, that's just exercising the imagination.

Hope this helped.

Punk Monk

Hi Punk
Thanks for the reply
It seems crazy to "fantasise" about my wife but due to past performance issues my fantasy is simply to be able to make love to her normally. Nothing p related just good ol' fashioned sex.
I guess i would like people to tell me it is normal or even to be encouraged, BUT, I have never been able to have these thoughts before and get an erection.
So i guess im basically scared to dwell on the thoughts. I
Scared of my own penis lol

Hey Fresh,

Well for what it's worth, I think it's normal.  And I can't think of a more noble fantasy than just wanting to be with your lady in a normal healthy way.

As a side note, I'd been fantasizing about having sex with my wife all day. And I had certain specific things in mind. But alas, we just ended up ripping each other's clothes off and tussling in the bed!

Sometime letting go and just embracing the moment is the best way to let go of those daunting thoughts.

You'll get there. Hang in there, brother.

Thanks Punk