Author Topic: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!  (Read 16770 times)

Jaystock

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2015, 12:34:18 AM »
Your doing  good rikko, I found , as long as you keep yourself busy, it makes things, at least for me, a lot easier. It's fun reading  your journal.  Keep your head up brother, it's worth it

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #26 on: August 02, 2015, 08:58:44 PM »
 
Getting ready for my week long business trip. I'm actually excited about this!

I had this real cool long journal entry I did last night, but I don't know what key I hit, but I lost the entire entry. I was too tired to rewrite it. So that's why it was kept brief.

I believe to help myself, that I need to write in my journal on a daily basis. Besides, I love looking at my counter, that gives me hope. What I do need to concentrate on is following my rules that I made last week. P Subs, are my RED FLAGS. So I just need to beef up my discipline. Feeling a lot better. I hope I'm done with any serious withdrawal symptoms but if I do experience them at least I'll deal with them knowing that is expected, and temporary.

I don't think I'm completely BRAIN FOG FREE, maybe I'll never will be. But that is my desire now. Clear Crisp and original thoughts. My lexicon has taken a beating, but I know it's buried in the mush somewhere. With time I should be able to regain full use of my critical thinking part of my brain.

Well, I will be using my Smartphone to post on here this week. I dare not log on my work lap top to rebootnation.com. This is something I definitely do not want my place of employment knowing about my addiction. Anyway I  have a Novel that I'm determined to finish reading this week while I'm at the hotel.

Stay strong everyone.....

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #27 on: August 04, 2015, 11:41:52 AM »
Moving along and staying busy. I really don't like using my Smartphone to check my journal. It's impossible for me to write a long entry with a digital keyboard.

Still the rest of the day ahead of me.

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #28 on: August 05, 2015, 01:05:35 PM »
This trip is going well so far. Had dinner with coworkers and networked with others. Have plans to join coworkers this evening as well. Practicing my socializing skills.

regguyinpa

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #29 on: August 05, 2015, 08:46:40 PM »
HI Rikko,

    Your crushing it. keep it up. Keep going out and meeting people and interacting. It works wonders. Isolation is the enemy. Remember it is a lifestyle change. I noticed how many hours I had to fill. How much I got done since I am not whacking or edging to a computer lol. I have less brain fog for sure. It is a huge difference in my confidence. Just keep at it. Stay the course.

Keep posting

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #30 on: August 06, 2015, 10:59:58 PM »
Heading back home tomorrow. Had another great night with coworkers.  Can't wait to get home...

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #31 on: August 08, 2015, 10:06:29 PM »
 ;D

Hello 3 weeks!!!

Well I finally recuperated from jet lag, and getting back to my time zone. Things are looking pretty good. Brain Fog, is slightly decreased I may say. Not 100% yet. However, I'm able to concentrate better now. I also noticed that the constant flashing PORN images in my mind have significantly reduced. I even caught myself this past week during a boring conference trying to daydream about a favorite PORN scene, but would get distracted with other thoughts. Who would of thought the content of the conference would actually interest me.  :o So the chain is loosening up, hopefully I'll be able to yank it off for good this time.

Onto week 4.....

bob

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #32 on: August 09, 2015, 01:49:56 PM »
Hey Rikkoman,

You are doing great! Keep it up I am watching your progress and my thoughts are with you as you work through this.

regguyinpa

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #33 on: August 09, 2015, 06:43:49 PM »
Hi Rikkomen,


Keep it up. If your mind starts racing thinking about images just try to remind yourself to be present in what your doing. A lot of us have used this as an escape for a long time. Keep it up! It gets easier and easier. You just need to unwind the pathways which your doing.

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #34 on: August 10, 2015, 09:56:21 PM »
Crappy ass Monday!

I have been so irritable all day. I feel like I'm on edge. Nothing has been going my way today. Just want to scream and break something. Don't know what is going on. Nothing has changed. At first I thought I was drinking too much caffeine but, I haven't really increased that. So, something is really getting me all tensed up inside. Breaking something right now would make me feel real good. Don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood. It rarely happens. But shit, today I was really moody. If you can't already tell. I just finished my workout. I'm going to bed early. Maybe it's the lack of sleep.

.....peace

Jaystock

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #35 on: August 10, 2015, 10:15:01 PM »
Join the club rikko. I can just be sitting  down, and I just get tense, and shaky, almost like it's a panic attack. I know  it's from  the no porn, or m.o. I thought  I was becoming  a diabetic, but it's just my brain, wanting  me to go home, by myself, and have a fun day of surfing, and whacking.  I know that would just delight me. We will get past this. If it makes you feel any better, I bet all of us in here are going through  the exact  same crap as you are. Don't quit. We are already in pain, we are already  suffering, WE MIGHT AS WELL GET SOMETHING FOR IT

bob

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #36 on: August 11, 2015, 08:19:51 AM »
If it makes you feel any better, I bet all of us in here are going through  the exact  same crap as you are. Don't quit. We are already in pain, we are already  suffering, WE MIGHT AS WELL GET SOMETHING FOR IT
Jaystock,

Your quote is right on. Seems strange to make a decision to go through this process when the alternative would automatically make us feel better; at least for a few seconds....

But that's the brain talking, trying to take over the body. Not going to happen with comments from you guys. Truly, your support is appreciated.

Hang tough Jaystock, and Rikkoman. Your not alone.

regguyinpa

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #37 on: August 11, 2015, 02:29:09 PM »
HI Rikko,


I had an issue with coffee. It wired me up and make me more impulsive esp when it came to this. Here is my advice lower your level of it or try espresso or a cap. something like that. That caffeine enters your system differently. I know exactly what your talking about though. I would drink the same amount of coffee but now I would be so angry and moody etc. So try the switch or cut back. I think it is because your brain is changing that is becomes more sensitive to it. I do not know. I only know that I went through the same thing.

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #38 on: August 11, 2015, 10:03:20 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not sure what keys or key I just hit, but it erased everything I wrote. That is the second time this has happened to me.

Anyway. I guess, I might have had a panic attack yesterday. Odd, because it came out of nowhere. I was fine one minute and the next, I was really effen pissed off. I remember yesterday morning, my hand was shaking when I brought the water bottle up to my mouth. I didn't think anything of it. Then I went home for lunch, and BAM! Like I said from one minute to the next. I did not recognize myself.

It's not the caffeine. In fact I have reduced my caffeine intake by half from a health kick I started in the beginning of the year. Maybe it's just fatigue. Emotionally and physically. I had slept 10hrs straight last night. Sleep is very important. And that I have not been paying too much attention to. I do believe my brain is getting rewired and probably freaking itself out. So I'm going to try to help it out a bit and make a commitment to sleep 8hrs a night.

It's hard to talk to anyone about this PORN addiction. Doctors, Psychologists, Therapists need to get on the ball and recognize this issue, before it gets too late for some.

Hang in there to everyone fighting this MONSTER, we will prevail.......

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #39 on: August 15, 2015, 07:37:48 PM »
Crappy ass Monday!

I have been so irritable all day. I feel like I'm on edge. Nothing has been going my way today. Just want to scream and break something. Don't know what is going on. Nothing has changed. At first I thought I was drinking too much caffeine but, I haven't really increased that. So, something is really getting me all tensed up inside. Breaking something right now would make me feel real good. Don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood. It rarely happens. But shit, today I was really moody. If you can't already tell. I just finished my workout. I'm going to bed early. Maybe it's the lack of sleep.

.....peace

I experienced this a lot too. I was medicating my life with porn for so long, I started to remember and become very angry at people who hurt me in my past.

I think the same anger is coming out, because you may have things buried deep inside, grievences you have yet to acknowledge and then forgive.

As time goes by, the anger comes up less and less and forgiveness comes easier and easier.

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #40 on: August 16, 2015, 01:25:53 PM »
Kurall thanks for those words. You hit the nail on the head. "Medicating myself with PORN" That's exactly what this feels like. Just like a drug, PORN really takes you to another world 'trip', 'buzz' call it what you want but it literally sets you aside from reality.

I have been learning a lot about myself, abstaining from PORN. I would watch PORN to make the days go faster, if I was waiting for something coming up in a few months. But geesh,couldn't have I utilized all that wasted time on anything else? During my active addiction I actually believed I was just passing time. Sometimes, I'd watch PORN out of plain boredom. Other times to numb my anger, or resentment, or to just forget about a dispute I had at work or home life.

The worst of all was losing sleep. I would tell my coworkers that I had gone out the night before, or friends showed up unexpectedly and we stayed up all night. They just stopped asking, thinking I was a very social party monster, (er at least that's what I hoped for). It was the Brain Fog, I just started to Zombie out. I even think some of my coworkers suspected (or still suspect) that I was on drugs.

That was the turning point for me. I recognized my cognitive deficits, that really scared me. So here I am. Still I don't feel 100% clear minded. I mean I'm no Einstein, but I know when I used to participate in a debate, I did it well without emotion involved and would cite literature, to back up my arguments, I had the best lexicon. But let me tell you for the past couple of years I have been reduced to an angry little man, turning red at the face when I disagreed with colleagues at work. I even started to take Anger Management, and Emotional Intelligence courses. But it was my addiction to PORN all along, and it's side effect Brain Fog was taking it's toll on me.

So, here I am, 4 weeks in without PMO. Oh but the temptations are there. Not temptations really, but the triggers. Triggers are everywhere, recognizing them immediately and acting upon them is the most challenging part.

I've just found that what works best for me is just to get up and walk away. I also think about my age, and the time that I have wasted on PORN. I think about the Brian Fog that I would be in if I restarted PMOing. Then I ease into my everyday life and I've overcome the trigger. But triggers come at me 24/7, I just hope I can keep convincing myself that I can beat this.

I also think of all the positive things I have been doing these pass few weeks. I've gone back to reading and writing, engaging with friends, going out more, work has gotten easier, and most important my marriage has improved. So I think about losing these things when triggers come up, and I get up and walk away.

Onto week 5......


bob

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #41 on: August 16, 2015, 02:08:02 PM »
Kurall thanks for those words. You hit the nail on the head. "Medicating myself with But geesh,couldn't have I utilized all that wasted time on anything else? During my active addiction I actually believed I was just passing time. Sometimes, I'd watch PORN out of plain boredom. Other times to numb my anger, or resentment, or to just forget about a dispute I had at work or home life.

Rikkoman,

Ahhh the wasted time.

I use to calculate how many times I have O to Porn since my early beginnings. It got down right depressing to realize that I had spent so much time with something of which I was embarrassed. To think of what could have been accomplished. But even with that, I found it almost impossible to stop. Even investigated SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) but somehow I couldn't bring myself to go to a public meeting. The concept of the 12 step program just didn't seem right for me. Great for some but not for me personally.

Anyway, YBOP was what opened my eyes. I fit the PMO addict to a T.

Enough about me.

I wanted to say that you are doing great! To be almost 30 days out. That is wonderful. More power to you.

We are with you on your quest!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #42 on: August 16, 2015, 08:28:11 PM »
When I think of things, I have a lot more time lost then just the time I spent to O.

I was so exhausted and frustrated, I couldn't think straight enough to put work into my video game idea, spend time with my girlfriend, and sometimes even to cook, all because I was depressed. There were days I would spend playing iPad games and mircowave a couple of walmart dinners for lunch, and later, I would watch porn. . .

I couldn't find time to do anything I really wanted to! We've probably lost more than we can possibly imagine, but not anymore!

regguyinpa

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #43 on: August 17, 2015, 08:39:44 PM »
Rikko,

First congrats. I agree with the brain fog. Once your "awake" you do not want to go back. I did not realize how bad it was until it was gone. I think the most important part is not to dwell on the past. Why Bother? you can not change it. We really only have now. So in reading your comments and success. I would focus on your goals and the aggressive pursuit of a great life. If you find yourself focusing on the past of the triggers then do what works. I would also strongly suggest that you consider meditating. After doing it consistently I am hooked. It is now when I see a trigger I can just watch it go by. Sounds odd but I believe in it a lot. Stay the course! Your killing it!!!

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #44 on: August 18, 2015, 02:53:16 PM »
Taking my lunch break. Thought I'd remain consistent with my journal. Well things are going well so far. No crazy panic attacks, no urges I cannot control. I definitely do not have the constant bombardment of PORN images in my mind anymore.

One thing I am convinced of is, aside from Brain Fog. I think my vision took a beating, watching PORN. My eyes would strain so much. I normally wear glasses, but I noticed every year my prescription was getting stronger, and my night vision has been ailing.

So I guess mom was right when she said watching dirty pictures will make you go blind lol....   :-\

Have a great one...

L.T.D.

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #45 on: August 18, 2015, 03:21:14 PM »
It made me go blind. Blind to how I was acting. Completely dead inside. Almost like a walker in The Walking Dead. Not feeling anything for anyone. The scary part was I never even knew it. I'm not very religious anymore, but still consider myself a Christian. But I thank God daily for leading me to Gabe's videos.

hopeful

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #46 on: August 18, 2015, 05:20:51 PM »
 I'm thinking more clearly every day. It gives me peace of mind that I haven't felt for a long time. The chase after the P rush, is over.True, sometimes some of those images flash through my head, but now I'm able in shutting off. Don't feel anxious about that either. No desire for P , and keeping my brain busy. It pays off. You all are being really helpful. Much appreciated.
I agree, Gabe's video's , changed a lot for us. This guy deserves a medal.

sodonewithit

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #47 on: August 18, 2015, 07:21:54 PM »


So I guess mom was right when she said watching dirty pictures will make you go blind lol....   :-\

Have a great one...

This is the single funniest thing I've read here to date.
My wife told me to be a participant not a voyeur, I think we should all do this.

Watched "Hot Girls Wanted", all us guys should.

Rikkoman

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #48 on: August 20, 2015, 09:45:32 PM »
 hopeful, your 236 days sure gives me hope.....

I definitely find this forum very helpful. I agree with LTD, I thank god for finding Gabe's vids. I kept looking for help in the wrong places like Sex Addicts Anonymous. I needed help with my PORN addiction, not Sex. Hell, I couldn't even have sex anymore, not that I couldn't get it up, but I just was so disinterested in the real thing.

I was so addicted to the 'click' waiting for the 'perfect' scene or image....oh I shudder now just thinking of it. The best way to define my behavior is by pretending that I'm watching myself through my bedroom window and I see a pathetic guy up at 3 am, drunk, stinky, in his underwear and has been edging to PORN for the past 10 hours. How pathetic!

Thanks Gabe.....you really are a life saver!

bob

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Re: Brain Fog - NO MORE!!!
« Reply #49 on: August 23, 2015, 12:39:38 PM »
addicted to the 'click' waiting for the 'perfect' scene or image....

Can relate. No truer words have been spoken. Thought it was only me. Reality it was the rush that was speaking; hell shouting.

Amazing