Author Topic: The Start of my Journey  (Read 1648 times)

vanguard01

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The Start of my Journey
« on: June 29, 2015, 04:34:41 PM »
I'm 23 and have been using porn for close to 10 years now. For most of that time, I never even looked at porn as a problem, or worse yet, an addiction. I always looked at porn as something natural and that all guys do it so what harm could it cause to me. The porn I watched got more extreme over the years, as did the number of times a day I watched porn and the amount of money spent each year on it. It wasn't until a few months ago that I came to the conclusion that I had a porn addiction. I was spending many hours a day, every day watching porn, which greatly affected my social life and my relationships.  I was having trouble concentrating, and remembering simple things after I heard them. My brain felt like a fog. I'm a few classes into my senior year and have still been able to maintain a good GPA, but these last few classes have really taken a hit as a result of my porn addiction. I passed them, but not with the grades I'd like.

A few months ago I took the first step to overcoming my porn addiction. I actually got rid of all porn or sexual related content on my computer, as well as some magazines and DVD's I had. This is something I never thought I'd do because of all the money I've spent on obtaining everything. In the end I did it and for the time being, felt better, like I was taking a step in the right direction and beginning to move forward with my life. From that point on I have been on a rollercoaster of emotion because I have been actively trying to quite PMO. I've had days where I was super depressed, and some days where I simply felt nothing, no emotion, no feeling, nothing.

I just get off of a 9 day no PMO session. I ended up relapsing because for some reason the urges that day were more strong than I was used to and I ended up giving in. So now today, I start over at day 1. I am proud of myself for going the 9 days with no PMO, and even though I relapsed, at least I got to experience how I'd feel going an extended amount of time with no PMO. The changes I experienced weren't anything major because it was only 9 days, but I definitely felt much happier, more positive, and more motivated than ever before. Those 9 days were my most productive days I've had in a long time. They also taught me what my triggers are, mainly boredom, but also stress. At least starting over today I know that I need to keep myself busy as much as I can. One thing that greatly helped me was only using my computer and phone when there's other people around. When I'm in a room full of people, I'm most likely not going to sit their watching porn lol.

I'm going to be out of town for three weeks next month so I'm looking forward to getting away from my technology for a while and essentially forcing myself to go without PMO. I'm debating if I should even bring my phone since I really don't want that temptation to be there. I figure if I can go three weeks and not have access to any of me devices, I'm kind of forcing myself to go on a porn detox.

My long term goal is to forever quit porn, but my short term goal is 90 days, which is what I've read that a lot of others set as a goal as well. After 90 days, I should be pretty good at dealing with my urges as they arise, and by that time, I should be experiencing more of the great affects associated with no PMO in my life. I'm someone who loves quotes and one that I found that I think really applies to this situation is:

When in the process of self-transformation

Desires are aroused, calm them with

Nameless simplicity.

When desires are dissolved in the primal presence,

Peace and harmony naturally occur,

And the world orders itself.
                             
                                     - Lao Tzu


Another great one I got from that "The Imitation Game" movie:

Sometimes you can't do what feels good, you have to do what is logical.



I'm going to try to make a post on here updating my journal on a daily basis.

Ryan
06/29/2015
Day - 1

Zaphenath

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Re: The Start of my Journey
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2015, 05:19:37 PM »
Quote
Sometimes you can't do what feels good, you have to do what is logical.

Great quote, very motivating :) I'll try to remember it.

According to your addiction, you're on the right path. Getting rid of everything connected to P is huge. Going offline for a while is also a great idea. If you manage to maintain a longer streak it will give you a boost of positive energy. Like you said - those 9 days were BIG. After 18 days you will notice even bigger difference.

Do your best!


vanguard01

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Re: The Start of my Journey
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2015, 12:09:02 AM »
I forgot to mention in my previous post, but I am in the process of seeing a therapist for my porn addiction. It was very nerve wracking at that first session because I've never told anyone about my addiction. Yes it was embarrassing, but I felt a big sigh of relief after that. Just being able to have a face to face onversation about whats going on really felt good, like I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. My point here is, if anyone here has thought about seeing someone regarding their porn use, I'd recommend it, especially if your the only one who knows about your porn use.

At one of my sessions, she recommended that I start on an anti anxiety medication. My question is, does anyone have any experience with these types of medications, and has it helped you in overcoming a porn addiction?

vanguard01

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Re: The Start of my Journey
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2015, 09:13:21 PM »
Day 1 - Again

I had to reset my counter today because of a relapse. I was able to go 9 days recently, and I credit that to several things. One of which was whenever I got that thought or urge to look at P, I was able to quickly get rid of it, and get it out of my head. During those 9 days, I didn't really have any strong urges, which is why I was able to hold out for those days. It sucks that I had to restart today, but at least I'm learning from my past mistakes. Today was going good until I had this super strong urge to look at P. It started as a thought earlier in the day that I simply wasn't able to shake, and eventually it led me to actually acting on that urge.

I've seen a lot of users on here that are well over the 90 day mark, which is what I'm eventually shooting for. Right now I just want to double my previous record, and get to 18 days. My question to those users, and anyone else on here is, what have some of you done to overcome those strong urges, or to get rid of those thoughts you get to look at P. There's this one site that was the main site I visited for my P usage, and it's very challenging for me to get that site out of my head. I always have the urge to check it for updates, etc.

There's a lot of good YouTube vids relating to P addiction that I've found online that I'm going to use for inspiration to quit P for good.


Alexander

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Re: The Start of my Journey
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2015, 11:42:06 PM »
My question to those users, and anyone else on here is, what have some of you done to overcome those strong urges, or to get rid of those thoughts you get to look at P.

You have to look at yourself and notice when you're looking at porn. You mentioned that you do this out of boredom and stress. Try to replace porn with something else, something positive that helps you fight stress and boredom.

I'm very new to this - learned about porn addiction less than 4 weeks ago and relapsed last week for a second time after 7 days without PMO. The day I did it I had huge urges from the early morning. I'd have realized that and gone out in a public place but I stayed home. That was a big mistake.

I've also noticed that when I work out, I don't have much desire to look at porn. Working out calms me down and tires me a lot. Another thing that helps me is going out - meeting friends, talking to people, or just taking a walk outside. I don't take my phone with me when I do this. As a result, I'm much more interested in meeting real girls and have met some cute ones in the neighborhood ;D

You have to figure out what works for you and analyze your behavior. It sounds like a really good idea to stay away from any electronics during your trip. If you can, get a basic phone. That way you won't have the option to look at porn there.

You're 23, the world is ahead of you and making the step to quit porn is the right decision. It'll be hard but the benefits are huge - just like you said - feeling happier, more motivated, more positive and productive. I feel the same way even though I know I'll go through the withdrawal phase soon. Stay strong!

Zaphenath

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Re: The Start of my Journey
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2015, 05:08:10 AM »
Please, read this carefully my friend: http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/action-or-not-have-you-actually-prepared-for-it.3549/

Then analyze if your commitment is strong enough. For me such an analysis was very helpful. I realized that my relapses came from the lack of preparation, and the lack of knowledge about addiction. You have to do absolutely everything you can to overcome dopamine addiction. There are no shortcuts.


mtaha2015

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Re: The Start of my Journey
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2015, 02:49:11 PM »
yes my friend.
fantasy leads to porn.
avoiding fantasy will make your reboot very easy.
just instantly kill the fantasy.
forgetting about sex will make your reboot more easy.
its all in our heads.
first fantasy then porn and then orgasm, this is the cycle of our addiction.