Author Topic: Just realising how porn ruined my life  (Read 3739 times)

TheNightPorter1987

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Just realising how porn ruined my life
« on: May 11, 2014, 02:51:33 AM »
This is a post of mine from NoFap. Just wanted to post here as well to share my story.

I'm 27 years old. I've loved porn for as long as I can remember (seriously, I used to find magazines as a child and was fascinated by them). Started Fapping to mags at about 13, then at about 20 years old discovered internet porn and it all went down hill.

In the past i've never had trouble getting it up even when drunk, but after I started on Internet porn I began to get random bouts of ED with my girlfriend (Even though she was ridiculously hot in my eyes). Looking back this is also when my social anxiety started.

Fast forward six years - my relationship with that girl fell apart and it was largely down to how disinterested I became in her due to porn. My social anxiety is so bad that without alcohol i struggle to converse with anyone without going red and sweating and generally wanting the earth to swallow me. My porn use has become warped. The ever present need for a better high has currently led me to develop a liking for shemale porn which is completely against my sexual orientation, and no i'm not a closet homosexual. I seriously f**cking love women - they are all I think about and all I want is to be in a normal healthy relationship with a girl I love.

This all came to a head for me last month. There is a girl i've been into for about a year now (seriously hot) i'm practically in love with her. I finally get my chance and......nothing. There she is naked in my bed and my mind wants it more than anything but my dick just isnt working. I could'nt believe it. Got seriously depressed after that.

At first I thought it was alcohol related so I cut downn on drinking. I also quit smoking (yep, thats how gutted I was that I flopped on this girl - I just cold turkey quit smoking) But after a while it started to occur to me that I never get rendomm erections anymore from everyday stuff like just seeing a woman in a short skirt etc.

And where did my morning wood go????

And the finale....even the weirdest of porn is now failing to get me fully hard. A quick google search led me a site called your brain and porn which basically explained everything. Who would have thought that porn was causing me LOSE interest in sex??

Them I came here and saw all the success stories from guys who have gone through this exact same thing. I'm 5 days in to no porn and no fap and I feel better already. The last 2 nights Ive woken up with random hard on's - In forgot what that was even like.

I'm determined to get my life back! Even this doesnt cure my social anxiety, I atleast want to be able to enoy sex again.

turbodiesel

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Re: Just realising how porn ruined my life
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2014, 02:23:54 PM »
Im in the same boat, you dont really notice the loss of morning wood/random erections as it starts, when you actually step back and think about it its so damn depressing!

I think you will do well, especially if you had the willpower to cold turkey quit smoking, you should have no problem staying away from porn. Ive been off porn for 30 days. The embarrassment i felt having a incredibly hot naked woman in my bed and being unable to get it up (which it sounds like you also had to experience, wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy) has emboldened me with incredible willpower, which im sure you will also have.



monster_man

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Re: Just realising how porn ruined my life
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2014, 11:31:49 PM »
Hey there,

Had to register since I am suffering from the same problem. I have a very similar story. I stumbled across shemale porn by accident, which turned into gay porn as I got bored of shemale porn. My porn tastes morphed hugely from smoking hot lesbians to gays.

Then came the ED... I got thinking... am I gay? If I cannot get an erection with a women, and I masturbate to gay porn then surely I must be gay. But I am not gay, I have no intention of being with a man and the physical attractiveness of a man just isn't there. Spending time with a women who I am attracted to is pretty awesome in my mind. After reseaching HOCD I finally understood what I am suffering from. Porn induced HOCD and porn induced ED.

I actually fully rebooted about 3 years ago that was a very good time. My reboot was about 90 days. No more ED (ever)... in fact I was walking around in the public with a boner just thinking of a girl I was seeing.

But during the past few years, I believed I was "cured", so I went back to porn. Had a huge relapse, since I wasn't getting ED I thought "meh porn is OK, I'm not getting ED anymore". Again, porn tastes started to change the same way they previously did. Then came the ED, which has happened several times the past few months.

Now I'm rebooting again. This isn't just something you have to do once. You cannot just reboot "once" and then be cured. I have cut out PMO for life. Relapsing has made me realise the true beauty of this addiction we share.

Good luck, good things await you.

dc6

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Re: Just realising how porn ruined my life
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2014, 07:00:10 AM »
It didn't ruin your life because it isn't over yet. It just made a less than perfect chapter in it. The protagonist of every story has to go through some difficulty to achieve success. Look at that chapter as your difficulty. This part of your story is about overcoming that difficulty, and making yourself better.

As much as I don't like the fact that this happened to me, I've always said to people that I would never change a thing about my life. Whatever I have experienced thus far, good or bad, has made me who I am today. I like that person. I don't see why I should look to change it.