Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 99388 times)

gummianka

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #225 on: April 10, 2016, 12:04:44 PM »
I understand all of this you are writing. It is amazing how strong this urge is. I really have no hints to you, the only thing I can say is that I am suffering just the same. I really, really hope the best for you all.
No PMO for 50 days, and counter stopped now as I am off the net for God knows how long.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #226 on: April 10, 2016, 12:37:10 PM »
Thank you gummianka and harry,

Many thanks for your thoughts and understanding. It helps when fellow RN;ers support your own thoughts and comments. Makes one understand that their are not alone. Through fellowship, sharing and understanding we can all grow in our desired directions, outward and away from the self-centered and debilitating life with PORN.

My thoughts are with you guys.

Peace
« Last Edit: April 10, 2016, 12:39:10 PM by bob »

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #227 on: April 11, 2016, 02:21:50 PM »
Slipped this morning.

Not beating myself up. Just marked my calendar, and at the present time moving on. The slip was MO. Happened quick and was over fast. Not much in the way of fantasy, but still made me think of a repeat of the process latter in the afternoon.

Need to make sure that I can rethink this process when the desire surfaces again. It is not something that I want to repeat. I want to be rid of all of these actions. I want them gone. I want to be free.



bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #228 on: April 12, 2016, 07:11:37 AM »
Again

gummianka

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #229 on: April 12, 2016, 08:07:17 AM »
hey Bob. careful so you don't slip into a trend here. Obviously whatever plan you have to fight the urge doesn't work. So come up with a new plan.

My suggestion is a cold shower. No excuses, whenever you feel the slightest urge, hit that shower and fucking man it up in that  freezing water. That has worked wonders for me.

Note - I don't wait until I am already pants down and jacking off, I get under the water as soon as I even feel my mind start slipping.
No PMO for 50 days, and counter stopped now as I am off the net for God knows how long.

Leon

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #230 on: April 12, 2016, 10:06:50 AM »
Hey, bob. Take heart. Glad you're not beating yourself up, be compassionate with yourself.

Think about what emotional states may have led up to this? Use what occurred to kind of map out your reactions and your whole addictive process. Use it as a training manual for greater victory.

Think about what you're associating with for each action that led up to the sessions of M/O. Was it a time of morning? Where was it, the shower? Was there other stimuli involved, like a certain T.V. show the previous night that contributed?

List those things, and then think: what can I change the next time? If it's a time, change the time. If it's the place (bathroom or shower), set a timer, or face a different direction in the shower. If it's in bed, lay the opposite way. The point is- change it up, so as to trick the brain from falling into a patterned behavior. Think of whatever you can do to disrupt this thing in the moment.

I believe in you, brother, you can do this.

harry

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #231 on: April 12, 2016, 01:56:04 PM »
Hang in there, Bob. You're in my thoughts.


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #232 on: April 13, 2016, 08:02:26 AM »
gummianka. harry, leon,

Thank you for your concern. I have been fighting depression and just making it through the day seems to be a challenge. Working at it one day at a time. Being alone is the biggest obstacle but I am working to make sure I don't put myself into this situation. A real challenge based on what I need to accomplish but thoughts of you guys will help.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #233 on: April 13, 2016, 05:25:21 PM »
Bit better today.

Yesterday I was really down. Life sucked and all that crap. Hard to pull yourself out of that when it starts, at least it is with me. Wondered about starting counseling again. Kind of dropped out of it when schedules didn't permit.

Rambling again.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #234 on: April 13, 2016, 10:27:19 PM »
I understand but I will miss you.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #235 on: April 14, 2016, 10:54:11 AM »
Greetings folks.

Just a note to let you folks know that I will be taking a break from RN.

I have been obsessing about my recovery a bit too much. I need to back away and start to be a recovered person instead of a person in hopes of recovery.


I am scheduled to meet with a counselor this afternoon and continue to commit to a life of sobriety. I understand that there may be some rough spots but growth isn't possible without a bit of pain. I just need to make sure that I start to live the life I desire. I continue to update my counter/spreadsheet so that my progress will be noted. I just need to start to stand on my own.

I hope the best for all who have been friends on RN. Thank you for your support, encouragement, and love. I would not have been able to accomplish as much as I have without your support.

 Peace and love to all my brothers and sisters of RN

harry

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #236 on: April 14, 2016, 11:48:20 AM »
Best of luck, Bob!


Robert2.0

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #237 on: April 17, 2016, 12:25:42 PM »
Bob,
My prayers are with you, thank you for your supportful and encouraging words. Go and make it happen.

We can do this!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #238 on: April 25, 2016, 08:25:59 AM »
I have been off RN for a while but I am now back and ready to try again. Relapsed big time.

My staying away from RN wasn't the answer. Still need to make sure I don't substitute RN for time viewing porn but need to make an appearance every once in a while to keep me on track. So don't worry if you don't hear from me. I have an accountability partner in a close relative. Not sure he is completely committed but he is definitely understanding. That should help a lot.

Peace

Leon

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #239 on: April 25, 2016, 12:32:06 PM »
I have been off RN for a while but I am now back and ready to try again. Relapsed big time.

My staying away from RN wasn't the answer. Still need to make sure I don't substitute RN for time viewing porn but need to make an appearance every once in a while to keep me on track. So don't worry if you don't hear from me. I have an accountability partner in a close relative. Not sure he is completely committed but he is definitely understanding. That should help a lot.

Peace

Welcome back, Bob.

Reassess what worked before, and perhaps what went awry this time.

You can do this, it's inside of you to change course. You're in control, not the addiction. Change it up, and disrupt the mother out of this thing- you deserve to be free!

Robert2.0

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #240 on: April 25, 2016, 10:28:16 PM »
Bob,
Welcome back! I totally agree with Leon, keep changing things up, try not to do the same things at the same time in the same place the same way. I have found on the my biggest triggers is to be on the computer during the times I used to PMO. You can beat this f--king demon I know you can. Good night brother.

We can do this!

harry

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #241 on: April 26, 2016, 12:25:52 AM »
Glad you're back, Bob


Boo

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #242 on: April 26, 2016, 11:28:24 AM »
Welcome back Bob!

We've never conversed on here but I've read some of your journal. Our demographics are similar except that I don't have children. My history of porn usage is very similar to yours. It sounds like you have a supportive wife which is a real blessing. An accountability partner sounds like a good idea for you presently as well.

Your right about not letting RBN become an addiction in and of itself, however, as we know, there are worse addictions to have. At least this is a safe place to spend time and should be instructive for all of us if we're humbled enough to take advice and also self aware enough to listen to some of our own advice. The perfecting is in the practice. At the end of it all, it's going to take a true change of heart to overcome this thing. White knuckling it is not the path to victory. Even the concept of self discipline will only take us so far. Porn has to lose it's "savor". The only way out is in.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #243 on: May 03, 2016, 10:38:19 PM »
Thanks folks.

Been a bit of a struggle. I was on a great path and then a trip on the road got me. Not sure how I am going to deal with that but I am working on it.

Anyway, back at it. Have someone who I check in with everyday. Helps to be accountable first thing in the morning. That seems to give me an edge. I am also ready to set up a time with my counselor. That was positive in the past but schedules didn't seem to fit. Anyway, I have some time freed up so I can get back into that routine. Going to get back on my journal (written) so I can "talk" out what makes me tick, how my triggers work, what I need to do to succeed.

I am confident I can do this. It is just going to take some diligent work.

Peace to all

Oh... almost forgot. I have a ton of responses I need to look at. I hope I can get to them soon. I am going to continue to monitor my time on RN but I don't want to loose track of you folks. You have been the light that makes me know I can do this.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2016, 10:41:31 PM by bob »

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #244 on: May 04, 2016, 06:22:49 PM »
GOOD TO HEAR!  Bob, way to go!!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #245 on: May 10, 2016, 11:43:42 AM »
Gracie,

Thank you for your response. I always feel supported when I hear words of encouragement from others.

I am doing fairly well. I am not spending as much time on RN but continue to walk the walk. Its helpful to know that RN is here and I can come back and check on all of the friends. Learn of their progress. Support them when I can.

I have learned that my relapses have a pattern. They begin early with looking at women or images. The situations may be relatively tame but they titillate just the same. This pattern can go on for weeks/moths. It seems harmless. It seems like it is no big deal.

Not so.

I need to continue to acknowledge this. I need to back away from even minor "peeks." They are not helpful. The just build a continued interest in seeing more. I need to look away. I need to click off. I need live a new life. I need to begin a different path; no matter the struggle.

I'm 8 days into this and I need to celebrate my new success and continue on.

Peace
« Last Edit: May 10, 2016, 11:50:44 AM by bob »

Robert2.0

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #246 on: May 11, 2016, 09:02:59 AM »
Bob,

Congratulations on a great restart.  I support you and know you are in this for life.  Have a great day brother.

We can do this!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #247 on: May 11, 2016, 09:19:16 AM »
Thank you Robert 2.0 I appreciate your support tremendously.

Another day closer to my goal.

What goal? It is a goal of being clean and free of the constant thoughts that cloud my brain. Its the absence of constant thoughts relating to PMO/MO. It is a total number of days behind me which support my feelings of success. Its the point in my addiction that realizes my addition will remain with me but not control me. While just below the surface, I will not let it burst out and claim my soul.

Lost a dear friend recently. He did not die; just removed himself from RN. I connected with Window and while we were very different, we connected in so many ways. I feel his absence deeply. I know that he will continue to work through his demons and move forward but I miss him.

Peace

notgivinup

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #248 on: May 11, 2016, 01:15:32 PM »
Hi Bob...

thank you for your recent comments in my thread. You have been a great encouragement to me in my own journey.

I'm really glad you are here.

NGU

hopeful

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #249 on: May 11, 2016, 02:45:19 PM »
Bob,

I confided in a good friend of ours, a wile ago, and thought it might help us with some new and fresh insights, in order to understand the severeness of this addiction.
Sadly it didn't work out that way, so I let it go. This person simply doesn't understand what porn does to the ones who's brains are  conditioned to P for very long times. This addiction is very different from other addictions like drugs or alcohol. This one is filled with shame, and is very lonely. It's hard to acknowledge an addiction, but it's much harder with a PA.
From my own experience, even during counseling, there was little knowledge about PA. Sure, they heart of it, and maybe read something about it, but HOW to treat this, was and is still a sort of an experimental area. (forgive my poor writing in English).
How to offer the betrayed partner help, was even more shrouded in clouds.
In fact, help for your SO is just as , or perhaps more important, than the treatment for the PA.
In any relationship, it involves the both of you, and many failed trying to beat this on their own, while the partner watches from the sideline, not knowing how to deal with this.
I do not post much here on RN, but I keep reading several journals.
Right now my marriage is a mess, due to the constant hiding and lying of the PA.
Despite of this we stil managed to stick together, and seek help, for the both of us. Just started counseling again, and the approach will be different this time.
Thanks again Bob, for staying involved.