Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 99118 times)

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #200 on: March 29, 2016, 08:19:45 PM »
Yea!

I made it for my first 24 hours. Sounds crazy but it really means a lot to me to make it to this point. Hey, if I can do it, you can too.

Keep it up all you rebooters.

Peace brothers and sisters

Jailbird

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #201 on: March 30, 2016, 01:05:26 AM »
Bob.

Big up yourself for making the first day. No mean achievement - there are millions out there who cant make it through an afternoon (we were like that, remember?)

Thanks a big one for properly explaining the the last few days of pain. That you say you had a romanticised view of the PMO inferno - that is very very illuminating and something I can relate to . It also makes me more aware of it and might help me in the future.

It is also really useful for to see you compare the amount of days you were free (was it 150 or so? - wow, thats a lot) with the number of days (over 5000!) you were frazzling away to yourself in the shadows. That is a staggering comparison and a real wake up shake up.

And "P-Subs". Another term that is part of reboot parlance, a new one for me but one which i relate to. Sadly, our world is full of P-Subs and your story has brought into sharp relief the dangers. Triggers are of course part of the journey for all of us.

You say it was depression, stress. I think thats it - I never wanted to PMO when I had gotten the new job, or when my son was born, or when that pay rise was announced. I guess we need to find a better way to deal with the hard times. I have mine, which sometimes overlap into a trigger happy view, so I must be careful.

You are now back in control after the wobble. Congratulations Bob.

JB

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #202 on: March 30, 2016, 09:42:53 AM »
Thank you JB,

I am always excited to see someone has responded to my comments. Big boost in the category of self worth which relates to how we address this issue of PMO and our addiction.

We continue to move forward.

Peace

Robert2.0

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #203 on: March 31, 2016, 01:03:50 AM »
Bob,

Awesome to see you posting again and congrats on the new progress, I am sure I speak for all members here in saying welcome back and great job.

We can do this!

Feetfirst

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #204 on: March 31, 2016, 10:57:19 AM »
Hey Bob.
Congrats on 1st 24 hours. Every moment is worthy of celebration. I am so happy to hear you celebrate your first 24hrs. I remember doing exactly the same on this last and current reboot as I clawed out the pit moment by moment. Savour and remember these moments. We forget them too easily. I say this now in my current state of complacency as triggers and urges creep in.
Reminding oneself of the celebration of each day and every moment is so important.

Thank you for helping me Bob. Keep up the fight. FF

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #205 on: March 31, 2016, 09:36:17 PM »
Thanks FF. It truly is a process.

Short post this evening. Have had a difficult couple of days. Frustration with work issues as well as trying to accomplish everything at home. Still running clean and pure. No PMO and no MO. That is the way it needs to stay.

Peace to all who are working through the process.

Feetfirst

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #206 on: April 01, 2016, 01:08:28 AM »
Keep going you are doing well!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #207 on: April 01, 2016, 02:37:06 PM »
I continue to work the process here. I realize that I need to be on the hard mode. That is hard mode unless my wife wants to be intimate. There are so many little things that connect use to our addiction that I personally need to eliminate all forms of sexual stimulation. Basically, don't touch yourself unless you have to do three things.
  • Rearrange yourself. (hey it happens)
  • Taking a piss. (keep the fella on task, don't let him wander)
  • Checking for morning wood. (yep, it is still there)

Seriously, keep your hands off the merchandise.

Have a good weekend folks. All of you guys/gals are a lifesaver for me during this whole process.

harry

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #208 on: April 01, 2016, 06:01:19 PM »
Hey Bob,

I couldn't agree more. Those damn wandering hands. Just stay away from it. Checking for MW is dangerous for me as I usually have to pry my hands off of it. Very tough.

MO is my biggest issue, and I find it really difficult when I'm in bed (I live alone). The weekends are the worst because I don't have to hop right out of bed to get ready for work.

Stay strong, and keep posting.


hopeful

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #209 on: April 01, 2016, 06:17:59 PM »
hi Bob,
good to know there are still friends here, who keep supporting. I totally relapsed, for the third time now.Started with some small triggers, who quite rapidly grew out to something bigger. It went to a point where `i became somewhat indifferent in making the choice of whether or not watching P. It didn't have anything to do with my emotions or feelings or state of mind. There was nothing wrong with my life, so WHY turn to P again ?
I' ve learned a lot during the sessions with several counselors, and I think I have most of all the tools available, to succeed in stopping.
Next Tuesday I have an appointment with my doctor, so I can get counseling again.
This has to stop( I said it all before), and I'm very determined to overcome this craziness. Can't see my partner hurting like this anymore.
Keep you posted !

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #210 on: April 01, 2016, 06:40:29 PM »
Oh Hope, I am so glad you are still working on it.

My recent relapse was very similar. I was going along quite well (I thought) and the thoughts and actions started to creep back in. Eventually I relapsed big time, multiple times a day for multiple days. The big thing that I noticed was that I immediately started to objectify women again. I am around students and it was easy to have females in clothing that seemed to invite my fantasy. Never mind that i am old enough to be their father, some even their grandfather. i was looking at them sexually and I know what there reaction would be if they knew. It would be one big...

YUCK. Your kidding me.

I long to be back with many days under my belt but it now has to be without MO as well as PMO. MO seems (to me) just to be the start of the whole slippery slope.

Sorry to ramble. I am delighted to have you back and hope the best for your appointment. We can do this and our partners are so worth it.

Peace


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #211 on: April 02, 2016, 11:12:53 AM »
Just saw a post by Jon64 on Polar's journal which pointed to a very worthwhile post by William.

or   http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.msg13391#msg13391

His wise words go a long way to bring light to this process we call Porn Addiction.

Peace my friends
« Last Edit: April 02, 2016, 04:25:26 PM by bob »

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #212 on: April 03, 2016, 04:40:38 PM »
I'm am now at 5 days. While counting the days isn't a true guide of addiction release, it does provide some solace of moving forward when one is struggling with frequent triggers and thoughts of past fantasies. The pull is great and the temptation is to try and fight this thoughts

Paraphrasing a dear friend FF, I choose acceptance!

The concept is that this process in not painless. It provides a great deal of anguish. And, we should embrace these feelings as a sign of our brains attempt to resist the natural process of rewiring as it is deprived of the constant barrage of elicit images, sounds, and thoughts. Our brains are being starved for what has kept them most active. This is a good thing, a glorious opportunity, a chance for a new life.

Peace brothers and sisters. We all deserve a new life without the Pull of Porn.  8)

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #213 on: April 03, 2016, 09:26:03 PM »
Ha, six days.

Time is just flying by.  8)

Robert2.0

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #214 on: April 03, 2016, 11:25:40 PM »
Bob,

Awesome man, way to go! 6 days will soon be 16 then 36..... I am proud of you brother, we can do this!

Feetfirst

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #215 on: April 04, 2016, 03:48:46 AM »
Hey Bob, well done. Day at a time. Keep it in the moment. You are doing great. FF

Jailbird

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #216 on: April 04, 2016, 06:43:34 AM »
Yeah Bob, the days crawl by when PMO free...but how they fly fly by when edging! Its like PMO is some kind of blackhole.
Glad to see the fight in you is still strong. Never give up.
JB

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #217 on: April 04, 2016, 07:26:45 AM »
Thanks Robert, FF, and JB,

Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated. We all need to hang together during this process.

Peace
« Last Edit: April 04, 2016, 08:20:26 AM by bob »

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #218 on: April 04, 2016, 09:02:21 AM »
I eliminated one last bastion of my addictive past; a sex toy that hasn't used in a while. Its removal was imperative if i am to continue forward. Even its sight or touch would cause unnecessary triggers and a slow slide down the path.

It is officially gone but now I am trying to embrace and accept the "pull" to leave work and pleasure myself. Oh this addiction, this demon is strong.

Count to three. Let it pass. Take a walk. Sing a song. A change needs to be addressed. This can't continue. this hold over me.

When I was young (mid 1980's) I took part in a session of Transactional Analysis called I'm OK, Your OK. Talking to this addiction I need to change this to...

I'm OK, You Suck!


Jon64

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #219 on: April 04, 2016, 05:06:50 PM »
Just saw a post by Jon64 on Polar's journal which pointed to a very worthwhile post by William.

or   http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.msg13391#msg13391

His wise words go a long way to bring light to this process we call Porn Addiction.

Peace my friends

 Hey Bob that post by William is fantastic. I highly recommend anybody just read through all of it. Some of his posts are real long but man do they have some great stuff in them.  That kick started me into my reboot
url=http://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/?u=6319633753702400][/url]

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #220 on: April 06, 2016, 07:13:27 AM »
Morning folks,

Still here, heading forward, continuing with my no MO policy. This continues to be the biggest challenge.

Peace

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #221 on: April 06, 2016, 08:14:32 AM »
Hi Folks,

Have a question for the long timers.

I am headed towards 9 days without PMO and MO. This weekend I made love with my wife and it was wonderful. However, Monday and Tuesday were bad. Not sure if it was chaser or not. Could very well have been but I also pitched an item that was looming over my PMO success and it may have been the feelings of "clenching" with a bit of twisted abandonment as this part of my PMO life was gone.

My question is regarding the hard 90. How does one comeback from no sex, no nothing after 90 days? If the chaser is there after sex with my wife, what will it be like, the first time after 90 days? Are there concerns that one needs to move into an intimate relationship slowly to prevent a relapse? I hate to go 90 days (forever in my mind) and then have difficulty reentering the world of the intimacy.

Thanks to all who are here and fighting the fight.

Peace

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #222 on: April 07, 2016, 07:03:55 PM »
Have been continuing forward. No PMO/MO for 10 days straight. Not a record yet but still a good start.

Like to know if anyone has any comments on my previous post below. Hope everyone else is doing well in this fight. Guess my only concern has been depression. Seems like it doesn't take much to set me back. Hope this will get better.

Peace

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #223 on: April 09, 2016, 09:13:24 AM »
Another day in the process.

I seem to be struggling against old thoughts and patterns of behavior that keep telling me to "turn right," or "turn left." My mind wants me to go anywhere but forward. And while Porn isn't the main problem, it appears that porn is requesting the directional changes. (Pron Talking) "If you would only MO, just this once you would feel so much better." Its as if a quick MO session would move me forward. "It would take the edge off." Its the feeling of just putting it behind you. "It would clear your head."

How intriguing that a part of your body is so complex that it can twist its survival mechanism into self destructive behavior.  I know that it wouldn't be only one time. I know that it wouldn't put it behind me; it wouldn't clear my head. It would feel great for a bit, but it would also reinforce the desired to repeat this self medicating behavior.

I need to embrace the pain, realize its origins, and replace it with the many things I want to accomplish in my life. I know what needs to be done. It just seems so hard. The finality of these actions is so concerning. I am addicted. Even though it was hard to write those words it is the truth. I am addicted and to stay sober means I need to be vigilant in this battle for the rest of my life. The rewards are great but forever has always seemed like a very long time.

Oh well, I just need to kick it (Rational brain) into gear.

  • Embrace the pain.
  • Redirect the response.
  • Celebrate the transformation.

Thanks to everyone for being here and supporting everyone in this process.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2016, 09:15:47 AM by bob »

harry

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #224 on: April 10, 2016, 11:43:48 AM »
 I know that it wouldn't be only one time. I know that it wouldn't put it behind me; it wouldn't clear my head. It would feel great for a bit, but it would also reinforce the desired to repeat this self medicating behavior.

Way to go by writing this down over and over. I have to keep remembering this, too. It won't stop anytime soon if I give into the urge. It won't help, in fact, it will retard this whole damn process, and I'll feel shitty afterward which will only propel me to do it again and again.

I know what needs to be done. It just seems so hard. The finality of these actions is so concerning. I am addicted. Even though it was hard to write those words it is the truth. I am addicted and to stay sober means I need to be vigilant in this battle for the rest of my life. The rewards are great but forever has always seemed like a very long time.

It sure is hard. I've written these words a number of times in my posts, but still I struggle with this freaky concept. Hell, it's not a concept, it's a punishment, for Christ's sake. Just coming to this reality that I can never MO again is driving me mad. It's so frustrating that I've robbed myself of this pleasure. I feel your pain.