Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 99193 times)

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #25 on: August 10, 2015, 08:36:16 AM »
Just checking in...

Realized that my P substitutes were based on the idea that I wasn't cheating. Somehow I thought it was OK to look at or create sexual content that I could use to MO. After all MO isn't a problem? Right?

For me it was a problem. P subs used for MO produced the same dopamine rush that caused the problem as the Porn on the internet. It created the same problem that got me addicted in the first place. It separates me from the love of my life and keeps me distracted. It gives me that blank stare that shows her I am not here but somewhere else.

What about just regular old MO? That's just normal isn't it? Well, for me it currently is escalating into P subs. Its me waiting for my wife to leave for the day so I can O. Its taking away from my life and my relationship with my wife.

That's a problem!

What about down the road? After all, a quick jerk in bed before I go to sleep is over quick. It's relaxing. It doesn't seem to be a problem but with my abstinence all things P I need to leave it behind. I need to keep my hands off myself until I feel that this thing is under control.

Who knows, an alternative is that MO looses its hold on me altogether. I do read of folks who have beaten this thing and feel that it isn't such a struggle anymore.

I can only hope that I can get to that point. Right now I am trying to introduce an exercise regiment into my life as a substitute for this destructive behavior.

What a trip if I could get addicted to being healthy! Right now it is still really difficult.

Peace brothers.

1qqq1

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #26 on: August 11, 2015, 06:39:25 AM »
Hang in there Bob, you'll be able to figure out what works best for you. For me I need to go without MO. I think there Is benefit to retaining that energy you expend doing MO. It gives me a clearer head, helps me to be more confident, and less ashamed. Also MO is so closely related to P my brain sees no distinction. I never did one without the other or at least fantasy. On the flipside I think sex with a partner would enhance my recovery and life, if I had one. 90 days is an amazing accomplishment. You can do it again and go even further.


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #27 on: August 11, 2015, 07:36:27 AM »
Also MO is so closely related to P my brain sees no distinction. I never did one without the other or at least fantasy.

1qq1,

No truer words were spoken. As I said, I thought MO was fine. But since eliminating PMO it became the new P. Sounds kind of strange but MO needs to go.

I remember when I was really young. I had a "trigger alert" a fantasy regarding MO. I would be on a raised bed grinding against a pillow with beautiful naked women all around the bed. Not sex with these women, but just MO. I started MO very early in life. The first time I thought I was going to pee but nothing came out. Don't remember my age but I remember the event and surrounding vividly. Honestly, at that point in my life, I wasn't sure what sex was. Why would I dream of anything else. However, latter, I began to wonder why I would MO and not have physical contact with naked women."trigger alert."

That was a long time ago so moving on...

I got up early today and started a run routine. I have a dog that loves to get out and hang with me so I have a buddy that will always want to exercise. I  know that as I start this XMO process I need some other "addiction." I also know health wise I need to work on getting into shape. It is obvious that physical activities will be the most efficient insurance to assure an active old age.

One other point I would like to make.

I was on this site at the beginning of my reboot and left for about weeks. I came back with a different name to be a bit more anonymous. During that time away, I realized how much I missed the support of others. Communication is the key to beating this thing and while my wife is supportive, she isn't close enough to really understand what I am up against. What I need is dialog with folks in similar situations. 

Thanks for your input. You will never know how much your words have helped me today.

notgivinup

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #28 on: August 11, 2015, 11:10:52 AM »
Hey Bob...I remember you from when you were first on here.

You have been a great support to me as well.

My roller coaster has had more downs that ups lately....and I'm pretty tired of it.

I have had to remind myself of WHY I am here, and what led me to this place. I know someone who was quitting smoking, and they said that the insanity of it became so real when they said, "Can't I just quit, but still have a cigarette?"

There is no blurry area here....it is either no pmo, or choosing to pmo. For me, choosing to pmo caused pain and loss in my life...even when I thought I was "getting a pass" on one. The roof didn't fall in, and no one died when I last pmo'd. So, the door was kicked open again.

But, what I have to remember is that when I pmo....there is another brick laid in the wall between me and my wife, and between me and my children....and another brick laid in the wall in my mind and my heart that blocks me from other people, and from life.

I forget to easily.

So...enough from me about me....I just wanted to say hi, and tell you that I am glad you are here. I am with you, and continuing on the journey to live a life WITHOUT pmo.

Thanks.

NGU

hopeful

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #29 on: August 11, 2015, 04:33:41 PM »
Hi Bob,
I've been reading your posts for a while now, and I can very much relate to your story.
My wife, also on this forum as 'Hoopvol", pointed out you wrote a reply on her journal. She now is very supportive, and understanding towards me.
Almost every day, since we are on this forum, we talk. Seeing her fight for our relationship,makes me stronger every time.
The letter she wrote, keeps me going !
You're right not to resign to MO.Nothing works better for me, than a clear, and busy mind.
Enjoy the simple things in life, and know that you're doing a good job in sharing with us.


« Last Edit: August 12, 2015, 05:31:20 PM by hopeful »

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #30 on: August 11, 2015, 05:02:05 PM »
NGU,

Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to have someone touch base and see how I am doing. The elimination of MO is really going to be a challenge for me. It has been a part of my life for so long and the pathways are really deep. Most important point is to continue on towards the goal.

Stay strong my friend.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #31 on: August 12, 2015, 09:52:23 AM »
I'm starting another day without M. For me M always the beginning.

Have some general exercise questions for you folks. Do you have any resources on weight training? I am planning on talking to someone (trainer?) who might be able to start me out right but would like to know if anyone has links online that might help. I am interested in starting slow to strengthening my joints so that I can maintain and eventually build muscle mass.

I have started an exercise program as well but want to alternate between the two. Any comments you have will be helpful. I am hoping this whole routine will give me the "lift" to redirect when I feel those ever present cravings.

Peace brothers. We continue to move forward.

L.T.D.

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #32 on: August 12, 2015, 10:23:29 AM »
As a former Army guy, push ups, sit ups, and some cardio, is all one really needs to be "in shape". Do as I say not as I do. Lol I have been doing push ups and sit ups twice a day for a week now. Running is not my thing, never has been. But I am starting to feel good again. As for weight training advise...sorry, I'm not your guy.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #33 on: August 12, 2015, 01:02:56 PM »
Thanks L.T.D.

I appreciate your comments.

Running isn't really my thing either but the dog likes it.

Jaystock

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #34 on: August 12, 2015, 04:16:52 PM »
Hi bob, your doing good. Everyday we don't pmo, we are healed a little  bit more. I found  out for me, that you tube was a big time trigger for me u
I just really  try to avoid  it, at all costs . because we all know our brains, at least we are started to know our brains.  They are very powerful. Watching  you tube,  is like being on a giant avalanche, in slow motion. The videos  go from normal,  to bad, quickly.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #35 on: August 13, 2015, 09:38:33 AM »
Had a epiphany this morning; something some might call a BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious).

Triggers might be a bit of a misnomer. That is they act fast but can be subtle.

Let me try to explain my reasoning.

I love pin ups. Always have. The artwork used on the sides of the airplanes of WWII to the Vargas girls of Playboy. Their life-like images, while over airbrushed and anatomically exaggerated were images of beautiful women. They were always a draw and up until recently considered by me as harmless.  Appreciate them? Sure. Not big deal.

I now realize they are part of a slow slide towards images and content that is unacceptable; at least for me. They make me want to continue to look and explore. The make me want to continue. Correction, them make my brain want to continue and explore. I am realizing that the power of my brain chemicals is quite powerful. It wants to continue that exploration and the outcome will not be good.

If I was to explain this to my "outside" friends or colleagues, I think they might laugh. "What's the big deal?"

No big deal unless you have spent hours in front of a screen lost in the search and acquisition of porn. No big deal unless you have wasted hours if not days of your life on a action that separates you from life. No big deal unless you are trying to change a destructive behavior that is easily defined as an addiction.

Translation; I have to say no to spending time lingering on even the most innocuous "girly" images. They may be intriguing but they don't help with my journey. They don't help with my goal. They are the beginning of a path who's meandering can lead to a fast paced highway to hell.

I don't want to go there. I will not go there. I want to look to the light. I am looking for love. I am looking to life.

Porn is not life. Porn is the BHTH, (Black Hole To Hell).

 

Brooklyn Jerry

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Weight training
« Reply #36 on: August 13, 2015, 09:41:10 AM »
Hi Bob, 65 yo guy here. I had slacked off with training after my wife passed. I use to WO a few times a week and even entered some powerlifting contests 15 years ago. Around the same time I found this site I started doing some lifting again. I then came across a great resource for lifting info,
www.startingtrength.com  it is designed  for novice lifters or those getting back into it. I  bought the book Starting Strength and think you will find it helpfu. Running is not my thing either.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #37 on: August 13, 2015, 09:49:56 AM »
Jerry,

Thanks so much. I will check it out as soon as I can. I think it will be a big help.

I am in the process of reading the book Younger Next Year in which it says that many parts of the aging process are reversible. Part of the regiment is exercise 6 times a week, 4 aerobic, 2 weight lifting. Another point of the book is that one should connect with people. Seems this if vital for continued youth into old age. It is another good reason to drop PMO. No connection to reality.

Thanks again. I will let you know how it goes.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2015, 09:46:52 PM by bob »

Jaystock

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #38 on: August 13, 2015, 07:10:54 PM »
Been there, done that. I was off porn for 93 days, but I would film myself m.o. not good it was a trigger. We have to be diligent, not stray. You are right we can beat this demon. I'm at home tonight,  til at least 10. I'm going to keep busy. No pmo here. It's a choice we all have. We need to make the right choice,  for us, and  our families

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #39 on: August 13, 2015, 10:05:34 PM »
Jaystock,

I thank you for your honesty. Your support means so much. It helps to hear one is not alone.

I am overwhelmed by the shame I carry for my actions, but I must not wallow in self pity. I will break the cycle of this addiction. I will leave it behind. I will support others on this quest and know that we are stronger together then when we are alone.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #40 on: August 14, 2015, 04:53:21 PM »
Thought I provide and update.

I have made it 8 days so far with no MO and definitely on PMO. The MO continues to be the most difficult. Today I went out and exercised and worked around the house. Always seems like there is something that can be done. Lots of things I have put off in the past. Maybe the elimination of M will help get more done.

Still wake up with a strong hard-on but waiting for my first wet dream. If I have one it would actually be my first. Started MO at a young age; before I was able to produce any semen. First time I MO and something came out I was kind of scared. Wasn't sure what was happening. I have keep sufficiently drained ever since.

Crazy I know but I'm in my late 50's and  I never had a wet dream.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2016, 08:02:21 AM by bob »

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #41 on: August 15, 2015, 01:40:50 PM »
Today has been difficult. Desperately wanted to MO but have refrained. Will make it through but I seem to be going around in a fog. Need to get out and do something else to take my mind off these thoughts.

Need to remember that this is my brains process of rebooting. Hard though.

hoopvol

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #42 on: August 15, 2015, 02:07:44 PM »
Hi Bob,
The titel of your journal says so: you can do this! Does your wife know you're struggling right now? Talk to her; by talking to her, especialy when you're having a hard time, you make her part of your "team".
Keep strong, you can do this!

hopeful

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #43 on: August 15, 2015, 02:23:01 PM »
Come on Bob, stay strong. You fought this one, that should make you feel better.you're right to keep mind busy with something else.
It works good for me. How's your exercise going?

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #44 on: August 15, 2015, 02:39:21 PM »
Hoopvol,

We had actually planned on making love today. At least I thought we were. I mentioned it a couple of times; had a  positive response but she needed to finish up what she was working on for work. Her work kind of got away from her so we never did. Its hard to bounce back into a different mindset when I think I am going to have sex. Seems to be on my mind constantly. I guess that's why I am having a hard time.

Really wanted to have some physical contact. Even just cuddling would have been nice. Maybe tomorrow. Sunday seems like it is a good time for us.


Hopeful,

OK, strong it is...

Kind of fell away from the exercise this week. Went two times but the first time I pushed it too hard. Haven't done a regular  program in a long time so I need to start slow. The second session was much better. Gave me a sense of how far I could push it. Feel like it won't be too much of a problem to get back into it.

Thanks for asking.

I sure helps when I know you guys are out there.

hoopvol

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #45 on: August 15, 2015, 04:30:48 PM »
Hi Bob,
Sunday sure sounds like a good day.  ;).. See were the day takes you and create a relaxed atmosphere. Did she know you were planning to make love today? Maybe, if you don't plan, but get her in the right mood.... If you don't plan, you won't get dissapointed? I understand, why this must be why P is such a trap: you don't have to seduce it, it's alway there. But you know: p is no langer an option.
Stay strong, you' re doing great!

sodonewithit

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #46 on: August 15, 2015, 06:09:40 PM »
Having self induced expectations of sex is something all guys do.  It hurts in more ways than we see but I think we have to attempt to mitigate them.  A long time ago a shrink my wife and I saw mentioned this to me which I took to heart:  alot of the conversations we have inside our heads are two way hut we fill in for the other party.   Sometimes the replies are good but most often not.  We have to allow that actual person to speak and not discuss such matters alone.

This can apply to alot of aspects of life but it's something which I have really been trying to do over this last half year since Ijjoined the movement.   I wish and hope that one day I'll be brave enough to speak fully about everything but this takes time, trust of yourself and others.   

As for working out dropping the porn is amazing.   I can now bench 135 with ease, leg presses are hitting 360 curls, curls are straight 30, shoulder press at 125 and dumbbell presses are 55 each hand.  I'm sure that my one rep max is far above these numbers but we are all old and I worry about hurting myself.  My wife and I go dancing here and there to electronic dance music events, something we have both enjoyed for a few decades, and we can keep up with the 20 year old kids and so can everyone else here(though we are the oldest kids in the room)
My wife told me to be a participant not a voyeur, I think we should all do this.

Watched "Hot Girls Wanted", all us guys should.

hoopvol

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #47 on: August 17, 2015, 07:26:48 AM »
Hi Bob,

Was just thinking about you two, wondering how you are doing now?
Hope you are still going strong?? You are a great inspiration for a lot of guys! And you give hope to partners als well.
Keep up the good work!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #48 on: August 17, 2015, 07:54:25 AM »
Ohh Hoopvol,

I am currently struggling with strong desires to M as it has been almost 11 days since the last time I O. That is an extremely long time for me. MO has been a part of my life for almost 50 years. It is a hard habit to break.

I have things (work and personal life) that is taking me away from my relationship with my wife and it is difficult to maintain a clear mind throughout this process.

I continue on the quest.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #49 on: August 17, 2015, 04:57:05 PM »
RN Update:

Working on 12 days without a O. Man, this is a long time. Porn (typical hard core) hasn't been a problem. Porn substitutes are calling but I haven't answered. The challenge is keeping my hands off myself and not M or M to O.

Proud of myself but it is more difficult than I can imagine.

« Last Edit: September 05, 2016, 08:04:36 AM by bob »