Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 97889 times)

newday

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #800 on: June 13, 2019, 09:12:43 AM »
Hi Bob....how's it going? Good to see you here...thanks for the recent post.

NGU

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #801 on: June 13, 2019, 09:32:03 AM »
I’m doing OK.

So good to see you here. Glad that you sign off with NGU. Helps as I was originally confused.

How are you doing? I haven’t spent a lot of time on here so I have kind of lost touch. Hopefully things are going well as I hope for all who are working through this.

Peace

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #802 on: June 14, 2019, 11:51:16 AM »
Not sure what is going on but I am being triggered today. Maybe its the caffeine. Seems to do that to me. The goal is to let it pass on by me.

 
« Last Edit: June 16, 2019, 07:56:40 PM by bob »

Jbow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #803 on: June 14, 2019, 07:08:07 PM »
maybe it's time to watch some YouTube videos with Noah church,  or Gary Wilson.  they seem to help me when iget triggered
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bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #804 on: June 19, 2019, 02:53:01 AM »
Just checking in to say things are going well. Life is a bit stressful at the present but will be going on vacation soon. The, hopefully I will be able to take a much needed rest.

Keep up the fight folks!

Peace

Jbow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #805 on: June 19, 2019, 05:59:21 AM »
good for you Bob.  vacations are always a good thing.  I'm proud of your progress.  you keep battling. you never give up. thank you for being there when I was having difficulties.  stay strong brother.
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bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #806 on: July 09, 2019, 05:50:13 PM »
Off to a meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. Having difficulty staying away from "fringe" behavior that has gotten me into trouble in the past. Need to make a clean break from this and stay true to myself.

 

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #807 on: July 13, 2019, 06:05:05 AM »
Just checking in.  Bob you can do this!  You are worth it!  Your marriage is worth it!  Your wife is worth it!  One day one minute one hour each is a step in the right direction!!!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #808 on: July 16, 2019, 09:00:45 PM »
Thank you Gracie,

All I can say is that I will not give up on this. I will continue to work for the reasons you mentioned. My wife, my marriage, and me. All are important extremely important.

Peace

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #809 on: July 22, 2019, 11:48:21 AM »
So much going on that my world seems to be imploding in on me. While I continue to push pmo off my mind longs for a escape from these intense feelings.

idunno

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #810 on: July 22, 2019, 12:27:44 PM »
I hope you're staying the course, bob, even if things are upside down for the moment. If you've got a lot to deal with now, then you definitely don't need the additional pressure and crippling effects of porn added to the mix. Sending you good thoughts...

hope2reboot

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #811 on: August 10, 2019, 05:01:18 PM »
Hi Bob, see you’ve been battling this stuff for a while. Me too. I like what you said about staying humble. I sometimes wonder if that’s why some of us have this addiction....to keep us humble. As the saying goes “pride comes before a fall” so knowing how weak we really are I think maybe keeps us humble. Keep up the good fight!

Lero

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #812 on: August 11, 2019, 07:25:48 AM »
Hi Bob, see you’ve been battling this stuff for a while. Me too. I like what you said about staying humble. I sometimes wonder if that’s why some of us have this addiction....to keep us humble. As the saying goes “pride comes before a fall” so knowing how weak we really are I think maybe keeps us humble. Keep up the good fight!

As long as we have this addiction anyway, I think it's revelatory in a way. Being pushed past the limits that you think you have, and still going on. For three weeks, I've had to endure a crazy strong craving and nostalgia for the awesome dopamine release given by porn, and I thought I wouldn't be able to make it past 1 week, initially. I've been pushed by this fucking shit to the limits for 3 weeks and I've realized some stuff about myself. One is that I can do it. In the beginning, I wasn't able to tolerate more than 4 days of porn abstinence and I used to say: "Imagine going 2 weeks. That's impossible. Unbeatable." Then you see that you have the potential to actually do it. If this makes sense.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #813 on: August 14, 2019, 10:31:30 AM »
I'm still here. Had a slip over the weekend. But I am back at it

Have been attending SAA meetings and I think it is going OK. Still difficulty to determine if that is the right step for me. Told myself I would give it a chance though.

hope2reboot

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #814 on: August 14, 2019, 08:53:38 PM »
All the best Bob. I hope and pray you find victory! I think it’s possible for all of us no matter how many times we’ve failed in the past.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #815 on: August 15, 2019, 07:21:12 AM »
Thank you.

I am just weary. It is tiresome to continue to work on this thing for so long.

I'm not quitting or giving up. It just gets tiring.

idunno

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #816 on: August 15, 2019, 12:34:34 PM »
Sending positive wishes, vibes, energy to you, bob. I hear you about the tiring bit, and hope you rediscover the benefits of the effort again soon.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #817 on: August 16, 2019, 06:31:25 PM »
Thank you.

I have started a 12 step program (SAA) with the hopes that this will be a decision that will take me forward in my recovery. I was brutally honest with my sponsor, telling them of my history and how I have progressed through the years. However, i still have difficulty with the concept of the higher power. In my group, it is obviously God that drives these folks. For me, its a bit more difficult. I just don't know if I can connect with that concept, even though they say that your higher power can be anything you like.

I am giving it a try and exploring all opportunities as I would like to be on the other side of this problem; at least at some point in time.


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #818 on: August 17, 2019, 11:52:13 AM »
I'm torn. I want to be done with this obsession.

Spring of 2018 I hit rock bottom. I decided that I needed to quit. I had problems with both porn and other compulsive sexual behaviors. I knew the science to the problem as I had been on these sites since 2015. But, I have not been able to quit. It’s been almost 5 years. And it is expected to require 3-5 years away from this crap to really feel like this is done. So why not commit to the 12-step program?

I realize the theory of 12-step programs is that you are never done. Addiction becomes a part of your life. Understood. If this is negative aspect of program, I also see positives in other realms. 12-step programmer’s eventually give back.

Per the website of the Sexual Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/

12th Step of SAA:
“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.”

I also realize going it alone was not successful. It’s impossible to beat this thing on shear willpower. Any single or combination of the following: group work, counseling, religion, research, sites like RN or YBOP, or other personal connections, will help. If I am not vigilant, I will return to the addictive behavior. The result of persistent use of high-speed internet porn or other highly repetitive and habitual sexual behaviors never really goes away. Not completely. My brain will work against me. Few if any have ever “white knuckled” and won against our brain. I don’t think I am going to be the first.

So I struggle with the idea that I have to be identified as an addict or a recovering addict for the rest of my life. Whether I accepted the program ideals or work with other means available, I have a long road ahead.

I hope these thoughts define a journey begun.

Sorry to ramble on...
« Last Edit: August 17, 2019, 02:30:59 PM by bob »

idunno

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #819 on: August 20, 2019, 12:49:37 PM »
I hear your suffering, bob. Not just with wrestling with porn, but with questioning the way the recovery process is framed. Everyone's different, and what benefits one person might not benefit others, or may even be harmful. Maybe you can identify the elements that are useful to you, in whatever terms, concepts, or programs are out there, and can discard the rest?

aquarius25

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #820 on: August 21, 2019, 12:09:18 PM »
Bob, you do have a long road ahead.....in fact you have your entire life ahead of you! That is not bad news but rather it's fantastic news. Each human on this planet has a struggle of some kind. If they say they don't than you know their struggle is lying, lol. We are all imperfect people. You are trying each day to recognize the areas you struggle with and to be your best self each day. Tomorrow you can try to be better still. Nothing happens over night. Some maybe take 5 years, some 3 years, some 30 years. As long as you are waking up each morning with the intention to be a better you than you are winning! Who cares how long the journey is? It's supposed to last a lifetime. You will always have something to improve and work on, it's called the human condition. Don't be discouraged, be focused. You know the areas of struggle to focus on, there are a lot of people in the world who don't even know where to start. You have incredible self awareness and if you just look back over your journal you can read huge steps of transformation in yourself and others. Those are big! Celebrate that! You are not the same person you were 5 years ago and in 5 years from now you will continue to grow. This is a journey, not a race. Soak up the process and be present for each day.

Sending you lots of love my friend!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #821 on: August 22, 2019, 08:05:31 PM »
Thanks Idunno,

I am trying to do just that. Take what works, and leave the rest. I have been listening to a lot of pod casts lately. Gives me ideas and helps me stay focused on the road ahead.

I appreciate your thoughts and the comments.

Aquarius25,

It feels good to hear your thoughts as well. It has been a long time. The road has just begun. I just hope that the way that I have chosen will ultimately work well for me.

Peace to you both

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #822 on: August 24, 2019, 07:49:10 AM »
While journaling and I came across a recent thought on why I need to stay away from compulsive sexual behaviors. That reminded me of an older post I made here on RN. The first list is from a negative perspective. The second, a more positive outlook on abstinence.


The consequences.

  • Further hurt and disappoint my wife.
  • PIED
  • Loose the opportunity for amazingly satisfying sex
  • Potential for STI/STD's
  • Assaulted by a stranger
  • Arrested
  • Public humiliation

The rewards.
  • Brings me closer to my wife.
  • Stay in the moment (no need to sneaking away).
  • Sex is more intense.
  • Enjoy my time making love, (no quick, "I have to O").
  • “Sure you can use my computer", (No hidden stash).
  • All people deserve respect; Porn is not victim-less.
  • Free porn is not free. No need to line the pockets of people who exploit others.
  • More time available, ("where did the time go"?)
  • Eliminate DE and PIED issues.
  • Waking up with an intense hard-on, (it's just fun knowing it is working).
  • Pleasant emotional response around attractive females, (they're just fun to be around).
  • Increase sense of confidence as a male, (not overly shy or intimidated).
  • Perception that I am more desirable to others.
  • I am in control

Carrot or the stick; either way I need to be remain vigilant.

Peace




Iloveicecream

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #823 on: August 26, 2019, 03:54:03 AM »
I like your rewards!!!!! Best to Always think About rewards! very motivating.

Free-man

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #824 on: August 26, 2019, 03:58:04 AM »
While journaling and I came across a recent thought on why I need to stay away from compulsive sexual behaviors. That reminded me of an older post I made here on RN. The first list is from a negative perspective. The second, a more positive outlook on abstinence.


The consequences.

  • Further hurt and disappoint my wife.
  • PIED
  • Loose the opportunity for amazingly satisfying sex
  • Potential for STI/STD's
  • Assaulted by a stranger
  • Arrested
  • Public humiliation

The rewards.
  • Brings me closer to my wife.
  • Stay in the moment (no need to sneaking away).
  • Sex is more intense.
  • Enjoy my time making love, (no quick, "I have to O").
  • “Sure you can use my computer", (No hidden stash).
  • All people deserve respect; Porn is not victim-less.
  • Free porn is not free. No need to line the pockets of people who exploit others.
  • More time available, ("where did the time go"?)
  • Eliminate DE and PIED issues.
  • Waking up with an intense hard-on, (it's just fun knowing it is working).
  • Pleasant emotional response around attractive females, (they're just fun to be around).
  • Increase sense of confidence as a male, (not overly shy or intimidated).
  • Perception that I am more desirable to others.
  • I am in control

Carrot or the stick; either way I need to be remain vigilant.

Peace

I love lists and this one is a really good one. Thanks bob