Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 94098 times)

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #775 on: May 17, 2019, 11:47:08 AM »
I'm a miserable bastard,

You made me smile...

Maybe you are right. I am just trying to realize that when I have a long time away from this stuff, there is a reason. That I don't want to temp myself. That need to understand why I am staying away.

Peace



workinprogressUK

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #776 on: May 20, 2019, 10:25:03 AM »
I read you. Dream big.... shoot for the stars.... don't limit yourself. Helps to have a clear vision of what the future state will look like.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #777 on: May 21, 2019, 08:56:43 PM »
Good evening.

I guess I should be spouting off my confidence in making it through to the other side, my ability to win this battle. But right now I feel sick, embarrassed, and discouraged. I will keep moving forward but this whole thing can get so frustrating.

I know it is brain chemistry, hormones talking and telling me to continue to check this out, check that out. But... it can make me feel so alone.




bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #778 on: May 21, 2019, 09:51:32 PM »
I'm going for the 8 week mark.

"Some sources suggest that it [Delta-FosB] declines around the 6-8th week of abstinence."

http://biopsychiatry.com/cocaine/index.htm



bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #779 on: May 22, 2019, 05:45:42 AM »
Just read in the Uncle Bob's Porn Recovery section of YBOP.


"Don't view porn as an ultimate evil. That gives it far too much power. Think of it as something that you can't have, just as people with allergies can't eat peanuts, or wheat. Porn is like an allergy."

Interesting thought.

Peace



workinprogressUK

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #780 on: May 22, 2019, 09:15:16 AM »
I like that one. P no longer controls me. It doesn't have that much power any more. It's something that I just can't have.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #781 on: May 22, 2019, 11:27:17 PM »
Sitting in a hotel room. Long day. Just going to sleep.

"I done good"

Peace
 :)



bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #782 on: May 23, 2019, 08:35:46 AM »
My goal is to remember where I was, what it was like, and why I wanted to return. I can never forget but I can't live in the past. I need to be vigilant and move towards the future.

The journey continues



idunno

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #783 on: May 23, 2019, 08:46:40 AM »
I like the peanut model! Making something into an evil, or even just giving it too much symbolic weight, can make it attractive sometimes, at least in my experience.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #784 on: May 24, 2019, 08:23:38 AM »
Idunno,

I agree. These challenges should not be given power over us. We need to realize that this is our ancient brain struggling for survival and that we can place it into a category of disinterest. That it is not worth the effort of the struggle. We are above ourselves and we can define who we want to be.




bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #785 on: May 26, 2019, 12:53:40 PM »
Stress causes much consternation when dealing with pmo/mo issues. The pull gets stronger, the ability to resist weaker, and the brain begins the games it has perfected over the life of pmo/mo abuse. The goal is to realize this process, prepare for it, and surf through it. Like the waves of a rising tide, it will not last. It will eventually pass.

The rest of my life is a long time and the desire to be free is the goal. It is of necessity.



Lero

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #786 on: May 28, 2019, 04:18:41 PM »
Stress causes much consternation when dealing with pmo/mo issues. The pull gets stronger, the ability to resist weaker, and the brain begins the games it has perfected over the life of pmo/mo abuse. The goal is to realize this process, prepare for it, and surf through it. Like the waves of a rising tide, it will not last. It will eventually pass.

The rest of my life is a long time and the desire to be free is the goal. It is of necessity.

When you are stressed, your brain is already affected, PMO will affect it even more. When you are hurt, you don't need to hurt yourself further. For what? For a short pleasure that tricks you into thinking your stress will go away? But the stress won't go away. PMO doesn't heal stress. Stay strong, man. Sometimes life sucks but sometimes it goes well.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #787 on: May 29, 2019, 06:41:54 AM »
Thank you Lero,

Still here. Still clean. Still moving forward.

Peace



bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #788 on: May 30, 2019, 05:07:08 PM »
I have been keeping track of my time on this side of life. Not to "rack-up" a certain number of days but to remind myself where I was and where I want to be.

You become a bit humble when you have been at this a long time. I remember when I was sure I was done with it, and I went back. Now I am going to refrain from making declarations of success. I am going to just plug along and make sure I continue on this side of the process.



Lero

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #789 on: May 30, 2019, 05:22:00 PM »
I have been keeping track of my time on this side of life. Not to "rack-up" a certain number of days but to remind myself where I was and where I want to be.

You become a bit humble when you have been at this a long time. I remember when I was sure I was done with it, and I went back. Now I am going to refrain from making declarations of success. I am going to just plug along and make sure I continue on this side of the process.

Getting a lot of consecutive days without PMO sure is great but sometimes we just can't. I like trying to reduce the number of relapses if I can't go too long without one. Less relapses means less damage done.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #790 on: May 30, 2019, 06:25:15 PM »
Lero,

I agree.

While I am working for no relapses, I am much better off than I was years ago.

Keep moving forward.



Lero

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #791 on: May 31, 2019, 03:58:19 AM »
Lero,

I agree.

While I am working for no relapses, I am much better off than I was years ago.

Keep moving forward.

Exactly. If we are better now than we used to be (let's say we relapsed 50 times in a month and now only 5) this is obviously great. We must not forget that we've improved, even thought we are not completely healed.

workinprogressUK

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #792 on: May 31, 2019, 06:43:01 AM »
You become a bit humble when you have been at this a long time. I remember when I was sure I was done with it, and I went back. Now I am going to refrain from making declarations of success. I am going to just plug along and make sure I continue on this side of the process.

You do indeed, Bob. I think it's probably good for guys like us, who've fallen, got back up, fallen again and got back up to stay humble. I don't know that I'll ever achieve an ultimate victory. But staying focused on executing a process that minimizes my chance of another relapse seems like a realistic aspiration.

aquarius25

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #793 on: June 03, 2019, 07:53:16 AM »
I think that is a great perspective Bob! We are all works in progress, and since I have yet to meet a perfect person, we will probably always being growing till the day we die. Our lives are made up of a bunch of baby steps that over time create something really beautiful (or at least I hope so, lol). One day at a time. Even my husband, now a few yrs porn free, views himself as recovering not recovered. We are all recovering from something. Focus each day on making it a little better than the day before and tomorrow will be even better still. Give grace to yourself when you stumble and allow that grace for others too. Learn to love yourself and know that each day is an opportunity. Keep at it!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #794 on: June 03, 2019, 11:07:44 AM »
Thank you Aquarius,

The road is long but if I continue the journey I will be proud of the progress. I will better understand the road as well as it is where the pot holes exist.

Peace



Kozakcecil

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #795 on: June 06, 2019, 11:25:30 AM »
Is an idol for many people who want to take porn from life. Keep moving forward, Bob.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #796 on: June 06, 2019, 08:56:47 PM »
And forward we go. All of us; together.

Peace



bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #797 on: June 12, 2019, 07:14:36 AM »
After opening a new VR headset for work, I was encouraged to take it home to try it out. After taking it home an the initial unboxing, I set it up. However, after a day or two, I took it back to work. I told my female coworker that I couldn't have this at home anymore. I stated, "I have to leave this here as I have a problem with porn." Her response was a non-judgemental, "OK, that's fine." It was presented in a way to say that I need not provide additional information. I appreciated that because I really didn't want to get into it. I just knew that I had to stay away from the temptation of this potentially novel porn delivery system. It scared the shit out of me.

It was good to get that off my chest.

A couple days later, she came by to say that she was proud of my honesty. She said she understood the challenges of addiction and its control when kept in silence. Little more was said and that was fine by me. I didn't really want to get into it. It just needed to be said.

Peace






Jbow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #798 on: June 12, 2019, 07:41:06 AM »
Your a better man than iam. If i had that, I'd be elbow deep in a binge. Lol. Goof job bob, that's a temptation you dont need. As far as telling you coworker about you addiction,  I hope you trust her, and I hope she doesn't decide to air your dirty laundry.  Keep up the good fight and stay strong.
mg][/url]

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #799 on: June 12, 2019, 11:16:01 PM »
I know, she is trustworthy. But even if she wasn't, I'm not going to worry about it. This is something I was, not who I am. And, if others learn about this, so be it. I’m at the point where I’m not going to accept the shame for this. It’s something I struggle with but it isn’t me.

Not now, not anymore.

Peace
« Last Edit: June 13, 2019, 07:04:43 AM by bob »