Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 74896 times)

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #600 on: August 09, 2018, 08:04:53 PM »
RightWay,

Thanks for the link. I believe I have seen that before but it doesn't hurt to read it again. Really important information on redirecting your mind from the desire and fruitlessness of ogling women. Acknowledge the beauty and allure then redirect. Give the women and yourself the respect you deserve.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #601 on: August 11, 2018, 01:55:37 PM »
OK, so this is a somewhat related event that eventually brought a smile to my face; at least after I figured out what was going on.

I have been having a nightmare with hooking up a new cable modem for the internet. Spent almost 6 hours on the phone yesterday with no success. This morning I thought i would try one more time because the scheduled repair was 5 days out. So I worked with the provider one more time and this time it seemed like it was going to work. My wife was sitting on the couch as I did a google search of a high end powerboat company. I have never gone to this site and used it so I could be assured that the internet was working properly. The company came up on the search, I clicked on the company URL and sat down to let the tech on the phone we were all set.

The computer was in plain sight sitting up on the top of a counter so anyone in the room could see the screen. When I looked back to the screen to see an image of a reclined woman in a bikini.  What the...

My heart jumped as I saw the image. Then I realized what it was.

We both had a good chuckle.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #602 on: August 12, 2018, 09:58:52 AM »
I posted this on stopporn's journal and though I should include it on my own. To remind me as well as support others who feel like they can't survive without pmo or mo.

I know exactly how you feel. I couldn't imagine going more than 2 days without m. Just didn't think I could make it without going insane.

I calculated that I have m’ed every day for the past 45 years. Considering some days I went on for HOURS and other days I did it MULTIPLE times a day I figure this is a conservative estimate.  VERY CONSERVATIVE. Now, figuring on 10 min per session it looks like this:

45 years x 365 days x 10 min / 60 min in a hour / 24 hours in a day = 114 days of continuous masturbation.

That is a lot of time jerking off.


This is not a badge of honor. Nor do I shame myself. Neither is productive But, even with this history, I have reached over 90 days without pmo, almost 30 without m or mo.

It took me a long time to get to this point. And it hasn’t been easy. But, I am not dead. It didn’t kill me. It was difficult. It hurt. But I survived. I am still alive.

You can do this to.

You have to be committed. You have to want it. And you have to work on it but success is possible. RN helps. YBOP (book and website) helps. And talking to others, wife, councilor, RN buddies, and yes even confessing to special friends and close relatives helps. In fact, I learned some struggle with the same addiction.

Do I still have thoughts about it. Sure. But I am moving forward.

So, long story short, journal about your successes, your challenges, and your milestones. And, remember, you never fail unless you stop trying.

We are with you. We have been there. We understand. We don’t want either of us to go back.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

NoFear

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #603 on: August 12, 2018, 04:46:30 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement.  I need that today.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #604 on: August 12, 2018, 06:51:58 PM »
I have faith in you. You can do beat this thing.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #605 on: August 13, 2018, 09:16:51 AM »
Woke up this morning and my wife went off the work.

Lots of things to accomplish but I went back to bed. I know, i know, that isn't a good idea but that's what happened. Then the dogs barked to go outside and I got myself up and realized that I needed to get moving. Moving is what is going to keep the urges away. In bed I mulled over the idea that it is no big deal if I was to mo. Hey, I have the feeling, why not satisfy it and get on with my day. It's not what happens but was my mind talking.

Here are some things that I am trying to remember when these things occur.

  • This is what took me away from my wife
  • Rock bottom (been there) breeds panic with exposure (emotional, legal, health relationships)
  • A life of porn isn't kind to women. They pay a heavy price for our (male) pleasure
  • It satisfaction is very brief, it doesn't last
  • It is the chemistry of my brain trying to control my actions
  • If I continue, I will be free of p's/m's control

Sometimes I feel like a broken record but posting seems to help.

Peace
« Last Edit: August 13, 2018, 10:07:44 AM by bob »
May 10, 2018 was the end.

NoFear

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #606 on: August 15, 2018, 09:03:15 AM »
It helps me to read your thoughts like this.  I have the same feelings and thoughts and have to find a way to deal with them, too.  I just helps to see what others do to handle things.  Thanks.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #607 on: August 15, 2018, 01:54:50 PM »
Well, I woke up this morning and I had a strong desire to m. After all, what is the big deal. I've gone a month without it. And, it seems to be calling to me to pay attention to this thing that seems so hard in the morning. Its as if it is saying, "I'm ready for action."

If one slips the big challenge is to not heap on the shame. So, if there isn't any shame then what the heck.

Then I think of all the other folks that have come and gone on this site. Some with success. Some just giving up. Some successful folks have stayed, then after an extended period of time felt like their life was better served if they moved on. P or m is no longer a part of their life and to continue to stay active on RN continues to bring it to the forefront.

Some are individuals who I would have defined as friends, close friends. Others merely acquaintances who were striving for the same goal, a life without porn.

This type of environment is always changing. That is a fact. But until I feel like I need to move on, I must respect the individuals who have done the work before me. If they were able to beat this thing, they have accomplished something amazing. Something I could not have imagined when I first arrived. Now, I see that it is possible and I am considering m'ing? What am I nuts?

So to all that have come before, I hold out from respect I have for your journey.

Pease
May 10, 2018 was the end.

aquarius25

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #608 on: August 15, 2018, 02:00:42 PM »
Great perspective! I think it is so good when some of the people who have really recovered do stick around. They can be such an encouragement to the new people! Keep it up Bob. One day at a time.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #609 on: August 16, 2018, 08:11:03 AM »
Ugh.

Just spent the last 30-45 min on a post and then lost it. Will do it again but can't right now. I hate that.

May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #610 on: August 16, 2018, 05:19:48 PM »
Greetings,

I have been on RN for quite a long time.

I have seen individuals come and go. I have developed some friends who have sadly disappeared without a trace. Others have been successful in distancing themselves from p. After they have “won the fight” and find it tedious to remain active. I get that. If you’ve left p behind, why would you continue to delve into its madness. Constant visits keep p in the forefront of one’s mind and that’s not a positive environment. So, over time they have said their good byes and have moved on. I am sorry to see them go but I understand. Folks remaining behind must carry on for themselves. After all, this is a personal struggle.

However, I have gone in the other direction and am spending too much time here on RN. I am so tuned to this site that it is the first thing I look at each time I log in. I love the support and comradely that I get from this place but I need to make sure that this doesn’t control my life. I don’t want a substitute addiction. Journaling is still productive but constantly checking RN doesn’t help me obtain my goal.

Someone once said that if you want to conquer this addiction, you must eliminate all p, forever! At one time I couldn’t see myself p free. Not forever. I thought I had to leave a window open, so I could peek in. I might miss something. I no longer feel that way. I am committed to a life without p. While p it may still enter my thoughts, it mustn’t control me.

With that never on my mind, I will be limiting my visits to once a day. Most people here will not even be able to tell this has occurred. That is why I am telling folks now. It is how I hold myself accountable. I still want to visit. I still need to write in my journal. But if I plan to completely eliminate this from my life I have to back away from RN too.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #611 on: August 16, 2018, 08:44:34 PM »
Bob,

The advantage to being here and posting is you shine a light for others.  That is why it is important to remain.  Maybe not post every day but new healers need to know the way of recovery.  They need to know wives should be involved.  I have yet to read of a success without wife knowing of what had happened.  You are an important cog in the wheel of recovery!

lyon03

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #612 on: August 16, 2018, 10:05:26 PM »
Shout out Bob! Thinking of you my friend and hope you are well.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #613 on: August 17, 2018, 08:51:12 PM »
Gracie,

Thank you for your vote of confidence. I'll be sticking around for a good long time. And, I agree. One must be honest with their partner. It tough to understand how you do it any other way.

Lyon,

I am currently at 90 some days and 30 w/o m. Going for at least 90 on the m thing. See what that is like once I get to that point.

Not really counting days but connecting to a new life that will continue into the future.  Still have some things to work out but it's getting better.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.