Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 79360 times)

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #600 on: August 09, 2018, 08:04:53 PM »
RightWay,

Thanks for the link. I believe I have seen that before but it doesn't hurt to read it again. Really important information on redirecting your mind from the desire and fruitlessness of ogling women. Acknowledge the beauty and allure then redirect. Give the women and yourself the respect you deserve.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #601 on: August 11, 2018, 01:55:37 PM »
OK, so this is a somewhat related event that eventually brought a smile to my face; at least after I figured out what was going on.

I have been having a nightmare with hooking up a new cable modem for the internet. Spent almost 6 hours on the phone yesterday with no success. This morning I thought i would try one more time because the scheduled repair was 5 days out. So I worked with the provider one more time and this time it seemed like it was going to work. My wife was sitting on the couch as I did a google search of a high end powerboat company. I have never gone to this site and used it so I could be assured that the internet was working properly. The company came up on the search, I clicked on the company URL and sat down to let the tech on the phone we were all set.

The computer was in plain sight sitting up on the top of a counter so anyone in the room could see the screen. When I looked back to the screen to see an image of a reclined woman in a bikini.  What the...

My heart jumped as I saw the image. Then I realized what it was.

We both had a good chuckle.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #602 on: August 12, 2018, 09:58:52 AM »
I posted this on stopporn's journal and though I should include it on my own. To remind me as well as support others who feel like they can't survive without pmo or mo.

I know exactly how you feel. I couldn't imagine going more than 2 days without m. Just didn't think I could make it without going insane.

I calculated that I have m’ed every day for the past 45 years. Considering some days I went on for HOURS and other days I did it MULTIPLE times a day I figure this is a conservative estimate.  VERY CONSERVATIVE. Now, figuring on 10 min per session it looks like this:

45 years x 365 days x 10 min / 60 min in a hour / 24 hours in a day = 114 days of continuous masturbation.

That is a lot of time jerking off.


This is not a badge of honor. Nor do I shame myself. Neither is productive But, even with this history, I have reached over 90 days without pmo, almost 30 without m or mo.

It took me a long time to get to this point. And it hasn’t been easy. But, I am not dead. It didn’t kill me. It was difficult. It hurt. But I survived. I am still alive.

You can do this to.

You have to be committed. You have to want it. And you have to work on it but success is possible. RN helps. YBOP (book and website) helps. And talking to others, wife, councilor, RN buddies, and yes even confessing to special friends and close relatives helps. In fact, I learned some struggle with the same addiction.

Do I still have thoughts about it. Sure. But I am moving forward.

So, long story short, journal about your successes, your challenges, and your milestones. And, remember, you never fail unless you stop trying.

We are with you. We have been there. We understand. We don’t want either of us to go back.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

NoFear

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #603 on: August 12, 2018, 04:46:30 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement.  I need that today.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #604 on: August 12, 2018, 06:51:58 PM »
I have faith in you. You can do beat this thing.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #605 on: August 13, 2018, 09:16:51 AM »
Woke up this morning and my wife went off the work.

Lots of things to accomplish but I went back to bed. I know, i know, that isn't a good idea but that's what happened. Then the dogs barked to go outside and I got myself up and realized that I needed to get moving. Moving is what is going to keep the urges away. In bed I mulled over the idea that it is no big deal if I was to mo. Hey, I have the feeling, why not satisfy it and get on with my day. It's not what happens but was my mind talking.

Here are some things that I am trying to remember when these things occur.

  • This is what took me away from my wife
  • Rock bottom (been there) breeds panic with exposure (emotional, legal, health relationships)
  • A life of porn isn't kind to women. They pay a heavy price for our (male) pleasure
  • It satisfaction is very brief, it doesn't last
  • It is the chemistry of my brain trying to control my actions
  • If I continue, I will be free of p's/m's control

Sometimes I feel like a broken record but posting seems to help.

Peace
« Last Edit: August 13, 2018, 10:07:44 AM by bob »
May 10, 2018 was the end.

NoFear

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #606 on: August 15, 2018, 09:03:15 AM »
It helps me to read your thoughts like this.  I have the same feelings and thoughts and have to find a way to deal with them, too.  I just helps to see what others do to handle things.  Thanks.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #607 on: August 15, 2018, 01:54:50 PM »
Well, I woke up this morning and I had a strong desire to m. After all, what is the big deal. I've gone a month without it. And, it seems to be calling to me to pay attention to this thing that seems so hard in the morning. Its as if it is saying, "I'm ready for action."

If one slips the big challenge is to not heap on the shame. So, if there isn't any shame then what the heck.

Then I think of all the other folks that have come and gone on this site. Some with success. Some just giving up. Some successful folks have stayed, then after an extended period of time felt like their life was better served if they moved on. P or m is no longer a part of their life and to continue to stay active on RN continues to bring it to the forefront.

Some are individuals who I would have defined as friends, close friends. Others merely acquaintances who were striving for the same goal, a life without porn.

This type of environment is always changing. That is a fact. But until I feel like I need to move on, I must respect the individuals who have done the work before me. If they were able to beat this thing, they have accomplished something amazing. Something I could not have imagined when I first arrived. Now, I see that it is possible and I am considering m'ing? What am I nuts?

So to all that have come before, I hold out from respect I have for your journey.

Pease
May 10, 2018 was the end.

aquarius25

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #608 on: August 15, 2018, 02:00:42 PM »
Great perspective! I think it is so good when some of the people who have really recovered do stick around. They can be such an encouragement to the new people! Keep it up Bob. One day at a time.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #609 on: August 16, 2018, 08:11:03 AM »
Ugh.

Just spent the last 30-45 min on a post and then lost it. Will do it again but can't right now. I hate that.

May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #610 on: August 16, 2018, 05:19:48 PM »
Greetings,

I have been on RN for quite a long time.

I have seen individuals come and go. I have developed some friends who have sadly disappeared without a trace. Others have been successful in distancing themselves from p. After they have “won the fight” and find it tedious to remain active. I get that. If you’ve left p behind, why would you continue to delve into its madness. Constant visits keep p in the forefront of one’s mind and that’s not a positive environment. So, over time they have said their good byes and have moved on. I am sorry to see them go but I understand. Folks remaining behind must carry on for themselves. After all, this is a personal struggle.

However, I have gone in the other direction and am spending too much time here on RN. I am so tuned to this site that it is the first thing I look at each time I log in. I love the support and comradely that I get from this place but I need to make sure that this doesn’t control my life. I don’t want a substitute addiction. Journaling is still productive but constantly checking RN doesn’t help me obtain my goal.

Someone once said that if you want to conquer this addiction, you must eliminate all p, forever! At one time I couldn’t see myself p free. Not forever. I thought I had to leave a window open, so I could peek in. I might miss something. I no longer feel that way. I am committed to a life without p. While p it may still enter my thoughts, it mustn’t control me.

With that never on my mind, I will be limiting my visits to once a day. Most people here will not even be able to tell this has occurred. That is why I am telling folks now. It is how I hold myself accountable. I still want to visit. I still need to write in my journal. But if I plan to completely eliminate this from my life I have to back away from RN too.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #611 on: August 16, 2018, 08:44:34 PM »
Bob,

The advantage to being here and posting is you shine a light for others.  That is why it is important to remain.  Maybe not post every day but new healers need to know the way of recovery.  They need to know wives should be involved.  I have yet to read of a success without wife knowing of what had happened.  You are an important cog in the wheel of recovery!

lyon03

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #612 on: August 16, 2018, 10:05:26 PM »
Shout out Bob! Thinking of you my friend and hope you are well.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #613 on: August 17, 2018, 08:51:12 PM »
Gracie,

Thank you for your vote of confidence. I'll be sticking around for a good long time. And, I agree. One must be honest with their partner. It tough to understand how you do it any other way.

Lyon,

I am currently at 90 some days and 30 w/o m. Going for at least 90 on the m thing. See what that is like once I get to that point.

Not really counting days but connecting to a new life that will continue into the future.  Still have some things to work out but it's getting better.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #614 on: August 18, 2018, 07:04:30 PM »
Well, I just had the strongest pull, the strongest desire to act out that i have had in a long time. It really scared me.

I have a huge deadline that i have been putting off. Many people are counting on my and it is a big deal with my work. So, I was working on it this weekend and someone asked us to dinner. We said yes, and I went back to work. My wife left for a while and I fell into a full blown panic attack. At least that is what I think happened. I felt sick to my stomach, cold sweats, and all around terrible. I called the folks where we were going to have dinner and said I wouldn't be able to make it. They asked if my wife wanted to still come and she said yes.

Still stressed, I was working on the computer when a nude female image come up on a link I was working on. It wasn't overly revealing but she was definitely nude. Still stressed, my wife was leaving again, and I just had the biggest dopamine dump that I have had in a long time.

I came to RN to journal as well as tried EFT tapping to break the strong feelings I was having.

I am doing better but that sure scared me. I don't want to go there.

I want to be free

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

HarveyManfrengensen

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #615 on: August 20, 2018, 08:37:11 AM »
Great job on resisting!  I don't look forward to the next time I am alone at home for an extended period of time.  I know that will be a major test for me.

If you could, tell me what is "EFT" tapping?

Thanks!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #616 on: August 20, 2018, 03:34:41 PM »
Harvey,

There are a lot of sites out their that talk about this method of impulse control. I actually watched a couple of youtube videos. I was going to provide a link but don't have one site that I would recommend over another. I would  google EFT Tapping and see what you think.

Some sites say it is a bunch of shit. But, it seemed to help me.

The concept is your take your 4 fingers (exclude your thumb) and tap them against key points on your body. It starts with the fleshy part of your hand that you would use for a karate chop move. Then it moves to your eyebrows, under your nose... and so forth.

While you are doing this you say out loud, "Even thought I am constantly (you can use your own words here) tempted by porn and masturbation, I love myself and respect myself as a person."

I felt crazy the first time I did it. In fact I refused to do it when I first heard about it. But, my therapist said it might help so I thought, "what the heck." At least it did on Saturday and I was really worried about a relapse.

Please let me know if you find anything worthwhile in your google search and if you think it is a help.

Peace
May 10, 2018 was the end.

HarveyManfrengensen

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #617 on: August 21, 2018, 08:45:47 AM »
Thanks Bob, I guess I could have searched for it rather than asking you! :)

I am going to read up on it, or watch up on it, whatever.

I like stuff like that. I think it would be beneficial.

Thanks Again!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #618 on: August 22, 2018, 08:37:52 PM »
Guess I just need to post something. Anything.

I notice how triggered I get when things are down and I am depressed. Its all I can do to ignore that "call to numb myself." I see something that triggers me and I think, "hey, I know how to feel better." I know its not the answer but sometimes it doesn't seem to help.

I feel confused. I'm ready for it to go away. Ready for it to stop. I want it to stop. I understand that it will eventually get easier but it will never go away.

Sometimes reality sucks.
May 10, 2018 was the end.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #619 on: August 26, 2018, 10:00:53 AM »
Still here. Still moving forward.

Things don't seem to be emotionally as stable as I would like. But it has little to do with the pull resulting from the exclusion of porn. My red flags aren't returning to porn. My worries include random searches on Instagram, gawking at butt cheeks hanging out of the short shorts of a coed, or that insatiable desire to m. Each is the first step, the first stumble, the insignificant slip which occurs before one falls flat on their ass.

I am skipping the ubiquitous magnifying class of Instagram, limiting my view to acknowledgement when encountering the provocative attired female, and accepting the realization that the release of m will not satisfy my desire.

These may appear inconsequential, even trivial but these are my current challenges. These are the mountains I must climb. These constitute my path to a new life void of the compulsive behavior of the past.

Peace to everyone on similar paths which lead to a life free of porn.


May 10, 2018 was the end.

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #620 on: August 26, 2018, 10:33:44 AM »
Ahhh the butt.  My husband's favorite view.  Best advice:  Keep chin parallel to the ground.   Think, if she were my daughter/grandaughter this would be YUCK!  (She is someone's daughter/grandaughter).  Not allow eyes to roam.  Focus on something that is shoulder height for you.  (This also helps with ogling, lingering looks, etc.)


Keep working Bob!  You can do this!!!!

holycabbage

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #621 on: August 26, 2018, 11:33:07 AM »
I enjoy reading your posts.  It's a struggle, for sure, but you must win the little battles if you want to win the war.

Stay strong and keep going.

Ahhh the butt.  My husband's favorite view.  Best advice:  Keep chin parallel to the ground.   Think, if she were my daughter/grandaughter this would be YUCK!  (She is someone's daughter/grandaughter).  Not allow eyes to roam.  Focus on something that is shoulder height for you.  (This also helps with ogling, lingering looks, etc.)


Keep working Bob!  You can do this!!!!

This is good advice, as difficult as it may be sometimes.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #622 on: August 26, 2018, 04:59:31 PM »
Ahhh the butt.

Gracie, when I first read your comments, I didn't understand. Then the light bulb flashed.

My point was that I have elevated the elements like m, ogling, and searches on Instagram to the level of major concern. Not because I am close to doing making them a daily occurrence but that they are the first step in a direction I don't want to go. I am done with that lifestyle. I'm not going back. I may have a slip (maybe looking for 3 seconds) but I realize that even these actions have to stop.

And holdycabbage, thanks for your thoughts too. I only want to move forward.

Peace

May 10, 2018 was the end.

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #623 on: August 26, 2018, 08:51:51 PM »
Trying to help you not slip!  Perhaps others will be helped!!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #624 on: August 27, 2018, 06:01:50 AM »
Gracie,

You are right.

I am kidding myself if I think I am "fixed" and completely free of those strong pulls backwards. Your words are wise and well deserved on my part. Keep your thoughts and comments coming.

I am quick to elevate myself I am out of the fray. But in reality, I am here dealing with this crap; still here when i would like to be free.

Peace
« Last Edit: August 27, 2018, 09:11:19 AM by bob »
May 10, 2018 was the end.