Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 97909 times)

B+

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #250 on: May 13, 2016, 09:37:52 PM »
Hey guys, counseling can help. It's one good strategy.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #251 on: May 13, 2016, 10:22:06 PM »
Hi B+,

I agree. Been challenging to find the right person and work out the schedules but I finally have a standing date set.

I keep moving forward.

Peace

Boo

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #252 on: May 14, 2016, 08:06:24 AM »
Hey Bob,

An idea that I'd like to revisit with you from a previous post is for you to do the mental work required to make porn lose it's "savor". This is not easy to do because we've all been in love with porn as well as our hands.

What I've attempted to do is to really revisit my own personal values and decide whether or not porn viewing is aligned in any way with those values. The answer is no. At that point, it becomes a matter of living authentically or not. Can I truly interact with others in an authentic way while living a sort of "double life". That is actually an exhausting way to live. I'm worn out from doing that.

Another thing that's really worked to help me is using my imagination this way: imagining the reaction of anyone I know, care about and respect as they watched me act out ...i.e... I imagine they have the ability to observe me from behind a 2-way mirror, like as if I'm in an interrogation room and they're a witness observing me reveal some incriminating truth about myself.

Part of what enforces this behavior from us is the very private nature of it. I try to take away that privacy and then see how I feel about PMOing. I feel much different. This is a different kind of addiction with a lot of shame attached to it. We have to employ some different methods to see progress. I thing WE have to do the mental work. We have to have a reason to stop that is more powerful than the pull to continue.

I'll finish with 2 quotes that have great meaning to me, with my personal comments in parentheses:

Reputation is what people think you are. (What would they think if they SAW you ? What would be the lasting impression ?)

Character is what you know you are when no one else is around. (What is your/my character? Really?  How authentically do we truly want to live? How important is it to us? To me, it's the only path to self acceptance and living true to my values)

This is the kind of mental work that helps me. It may be useless to you. Who knows? I just know that I've always made progress when I used mental tips/tricks to strengthen my resolve. I've never made progress when I've in any way allowed myself to feel victimized by PMO addiction or felt that I was in the proverbial "battle of my life". That's just commentary pertaining to myself and in no way an indictment of the real struggle that I know many here perceive this to be.

Wishing you much progress however you achieve it. Boo

Leon

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #253 on: May 15, 2016, 10:49:14 AM »
This is the kind of mental work that helps me. It may be useless to you. Who knows? I just know that I've always made progress when I used mental tips/tricks to strengthen my resolve. I've never made progress when I've in any way allowed myself to feel victimized by PMO addiction or felt that I was in the proverbial "battle of my life".

Excellent commentary, Boo. So true all of what you said. In addition to the biological hardwiring that is this addiction (rooted in the science of habit, like the proverbial rat 'hooked' on it's little Pavlovian dopamine hits), is the mental battlefield involved given the shame based thinking, hurts and wounding that may have occurred in the past, etc...

Yet, it's about strengthening our resolve to truly quit, to truly change. This to me entails the refusal of seeing this as a disease beyond one's control- which only weakens resolve and strengthens the 'addiction' as an outside force beyond our control. It's true that resolve (or willpower) alone cannot carry us, as the will is limited. But having resolve keeps us honestly seeking change, to never give up, until we've successfully changed these habit patterns. Through the addiction itself, we've eroded willpower to where our frontal lobes have taken a backseat while the more baser animalistic parts of our brain have been 'running the castle'.

Progress versus regress, dependent on how we choose to view ourselves, and how we view this addiction. If we make porn bigger than life, outside ourselves, outside our control, it will continue to consume us. Or, if we stand up and say- No, and take control back over our lives.

We can do this, one victory at at time. And we must do whatever is necessary, whatever we can do to strengthen our resolve. And when we're 'doing good', never take this for granted, and allow ourselves to fall back into mindless 'habit-land'. Rather, we mindfully take each moment as it comes, graciously enjoying each moment of success and freedom.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2016, 10:51:31 AM by Leon »

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #254 on: May 15, 2016, 11:37:06 AM »
Can I truly interact with others in an authentic way while living a sort of "double life". That is actually an exhausting way to live. I'm worn out from doing that.

You are correct that this is exhausting. It takes up your life, it takes over your life, it takes a tremendous amount of emotional and physical energy.

I've never made progress when I've in any way allowed myself to feel victimized by PMO addiction or felt that I was in the proverbial "battle of my life". That's just commentary pertaining to myself and in no way an indictment of the real struggle that I know many here perceive this to be.

I'll have to think about this. I'm not disagreeing with your thought process, I am just trying to take those thoughts and apply them to my own life.

I recognize that sometimes we are enamored by the "thought" of breaking away from this addiction but really don't want to put forth the required effort.... Let me mull it around a bit and get back to you when I have processed this further.

Thank you for your concerns and thoughtful comments.

Peace

Boo

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #255 on: May 15, 2016, 09:32:02 PM »
This is the kind of mental work that helps me. It may be useless to you. Who knows? I just know that I've always made progress when I used mental tips/tricks to strengthen my resolve. I've never made progress when I've in any way allowed myself to feel victimized by PMO addiction or felt that I was in the proverbial "battle of my life".

Excellent commentary, Boo. So true all of what you said. In addition to the biological hardwiring that is this addiction (rooted in the science of habit, like the proverbial rat 'hooked' on it's little Pavlovian dopamine hits), is the mental battlefield involved given the shame based thinking, hurts and wounding that may have occurred in the past, etc...

Yet, it's about strengthening our resolve to truly quit, to truly change. This to me entails the refusal of seeing this as a disease beyond one's control- which only weakens resolve and strengthens the 'addiction' as an outside force beyond our control. It's true that resolve (or willpower) alone cannot carry us, as the will is limited. But having resolve keeps us honestly seeking change, to never give up, until we've successfully changed these habit patterns. Through the addiction itself, we've eroded willpower to where our frontal lobes have taken a backseat while the more baser animalistic parts of our brain have been 'running the castle'.

Progress versus regress, dependent on how we choose to view ourselves, and how we view this addiction. If we make porn bigger than life, outside ourselves, outside our control, it will continue to consume us. Or, if we stand up and say- No, and take control back over our lives.

We can do this, one victory at at time. And we must do whatever is necessary, whatever we can do to strengthen our resolve. And when we're 'doing good', never take this for granted, and allow ourselves to fall back into mindless 'habit-land'. Rather, we mindfully take each moment as it comes, graciously enjoying each moment of success and freedom.

Thanks Leon. Your insights really spell out the mindset to approaching victory in a very understandable way. I'm so glad you're still contributing here whenever you do. Bob, this is good stuff. Truth to hold on to and contemplate. We have to put porn "in it's place"..i.e...reduce it down to what it really is and embrace our innate ability to change. I know that God's leading me down a nobler path. My self respect is returning. As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.........

Robert2.0

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #256 on: May 16, 2016, 09:43:15 PM »
Bob,

You have many people here who respect you and the war you are battling, I am one of those people. I have faith in you and know in my heart that this war you are engaged in will eventually come to an end with you as the conquer. Take care brother.

We can do this!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #257 on: June 27, 2016, 09:26:01 AM »
Wanted to stay away until I could be proud of some level of success... Even if I could say I had a week behind me. Something that would show I was really back in the race; committed to the process of eliminating this PMO from my life.

Then I realized that I need the support to make this whole thing work. I am  back. I am here to stay. I will be trying to monitor my time so I don't substitute one addiction for another. I am here for a new life.

Feetfirst

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #258 on: June 27, 2016, 10:46:22 AM »
Good to have you back Bob. Day at a time. Plenty of excellent direction from Boo and Leon. I enjoyed it too. Thanks guys. FF

notgivinup

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #259 on: June 27, 2016, 11:04:55 AM »
Bob....you have been a source of encouragement and strength to me in the past.
i am glad to see you here. i'm in the same place, basically. trying to get up and do the hard (right) things.

thanks.
NGU

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #260 on: June 27, 2016, 02:30:56 PM »
Thanks guys.

Your comments make me smile and feel extremely welcome. I am glad to be back.


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #261 on: June 30, 2016, 11:05:49 AM »
Good morning folks,

Thought I would put back up my counter to provide some visual encouragement to stick to my plan.

Chile

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #262 on: July 01, 2016, 01:53:30 AM »
Hey Bob,

I haven't been on this forum lately but I wanted to let you know that I love and appreciate you. You have helped so many guys here and I will pray that you get that new life we are all seeking after. You are worth it.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #263 on: July 01, 2016, 08:46:00 AM »
So good to hear from you Chile,

I'm coming up on 24 hours (one complete day; hands off) and I go to tell you, I forget that I was previously abstinent for days on end. It is others here that give me the confidence that I too can return to being clean for an extended period of time.

24 hours may not seem like a lot but it is the first step in moving forward.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #264 on: July 02, 2016, 10:29:14 PM »
Greetings all,

Just over two days and I am seeing the path before me.

I have been with RN for over a year. During that time my recovery has been off and on. Longest streak was 135 days without PMO but MO always seemed to be present. Now I am beginning again. I am spending more time reading journals than writing in mine. I say this because I know there is a need (with me) to say want is on my mind and to explain what I have been going through during this reboot process.

I have so much to learn.

Chile

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #265 on: July 06, 2016, 12:58:39 AM »
Way to go Bob! I'm so glad to see you at 5 days clean.

Jaystock

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #266 on: July 06, 2016, 09:06:55 AM »
Your doing good bob.  We just have to make the right choices. I know that drug (dopamine ) is a son of a bitch. It feels good to get that rush, but we Need to. Try to forget about that. What feels really really crappy is the post pmo. I so much hate that feeling. Stay strong bob, we are all in this together

Leon

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #267 on: July 06, 2016, 05:17:02 PM »
Congratulations, Bob- on 6 days clean!

You can do this, you can make it- however many times it takes, too!

With determination, and the end goal in sight, even if one were to stumble, however many times they did stumble, they'll keep their eye on the prize, and keep getting up.

Your strength, Bob, is that you always get up.

 

hopeful

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #268 on: July 07, 2016, 02:04:30 PM »
hey Bob,

I totally agree with Jaystock here. Try to remember this really bad feelings after PMO. It did help me.
Every time I could say no to MO or PMO by thinking of the previous (after)times, I was able to get rid of the craving and restlessness.
Rising my self esteem and respect.
Here to help Bob, you're doing great !

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #269 on: July 07, 2016, 03:23:01 PM »
Thanks Hope, Chile, Jaystock, Leon,

I appreciate your support. Its moving forward that is important at this point. Want to be 90 days PMO and MO free. That is my goal. That's what I am working towards... one day at a time.

Peace

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #270 on: July 09, 2016, 08:39:59 AM »
I am setting goals for myself. Points in this journey that I can identify and celebrate when I am successful. These will be as follows:
  • 10 days
  • 20 days
  • 25 days
  • 30 days
  • 45 days (half way)
  • 60 days
  • 75 days
  • 90 days The main goal
  • Challenging days I perceive

I am committed to make it through these 90 days. I know that the number (90) isn't magical but I hope the time will allow me an official detox and an affirmation that I have accomplished the challenge. I also understand that I may slip but I vow to make any slip a lapse, not a relapse. I also vow to make any lapse a learning experience from which I can learn so that lapse doesn't happen again.

I also want to assure myself that mentioning the potential of a lapse doesn't "allow" it or accept that it will happen. It will be forgiven, but the goal is end, 90 days without PMO and/or MO.

Thank you for the opportunity to openly express my goals for my recovery.

Peace
« Last Edit: July 10, 2016, 07:26:29 AM by bob »

Leon

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #271 on: July 09, 2016, 10:40:11 AM »
That's sounds like an awesome plan with worthy goals. Breaking them down into smaller bite-size goals, that's how I hit my 90 days.

Above all, being gentle with your self, while being dead-dog serious against this habit, sounds like the winning combination.

Good job, Bob.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #272 on: July 09, 2016, 01:00:29 PM »
Thanks Leon,

Above all, being gentle with your self, while being dead-dog serious against this habit,

That is the plan. An uncompromising commitment to succeed with a compassionate understanding of the process. The goal is paramount.

Peace


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #273 on: July 10, 2016, 11:36:09 AM »
Made my first goal!

    10 days
    20 days
    25 days
    30 days
    45 days (half way)
    60 days
    75 days
    90 days The main goal
    Challenging days I perceive

I have taken the first step and am proud of my success!
  • I am in charge of my recovery.
  • I am in charge of my urges.
  • I am in charge of my life.

Peace


Jaystock

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #274 on: July 10, 2016, 02:33:21 PM »
Good job bob. I want you to know that reading your posts encourages me to stay on the straight and narrow. Please keep up the good fight. Today my kids at at their grammys house. I have the house to myself til 2 o'clock, I'm on my way out to mow, and stay busy. I don't ever want the POST PMO BLUES again. Porn is no longer an option