Author Topic: Yes I Can!  (Read 122014 times)

camus

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #175 on: March 10, 2016, 03:43:41 AM »
Hey Bob, how you doing? I've never got to your length of time so that is completely unknown territory for me. I have managed to stay off alcohol for nearly 10 years however, and I can say my brain has fully re-wired where this drug is concerned. I hardly ever think of drinking, no matter how bad I feel.

I guess what I'm trying to say is have faith mate. Even though you may feel scared at the moment, it will pass. Pain always precedes growth.

You give me encouragement Bob and it's good to have you on this forum.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #176 on: March 10, 2016, 09:13:27 AM »
Camus,

I am doing OK. I continue to spend an inordinate amount of time on this site. Sometimes I wonder if I am substituting RN for porn. In reality, I don't care. Anything that will take me away from PMO and MO are positives in my book. The thought that I can get past this is enough to keep me going.

Been struggling with MO more recently. Noticed the consequences through the ugly head of DE, surfacing briefly during a love making session with my wife. She has always said that Bad Sex is a bit of a misnomer but is definitely more intense and pleasurable when not dealing with frequent bouts of MO.

Peace to you and all my brothers

camus

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #177 on: March 16, 2016, 03:45:47 AM »
Hey Bob, hope you're doing well. Just thought I'd check in with you.

Peace to you my friend.

thewhitewindow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #178 on: March 16, 2016, 07:46:10 AM »
Hey Bob,

Just wanted to say 'Thank You' again on your encouragement this past week bud.

I know exactly what you're saying about that chaser effect of MO'ing following an orgazem with a partner.  Looks like for me anyway this is going to be a challenge in the future.  I almost want to reset my counter as I went 32 days of no MO.  Felt invincible. 

May I ask: what is DE?

Keep going my friend, this forum I am realizing is truly helpful for me.  :)


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #179 on: March 17, 2016, 11:54:21 PM »
Hey Window.

DE is delayed ejaculation.


thewhitewindow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #180 on: March 18, 2016, 11:56:59 AM »
Thanks man, I didn't know.   :-\

Hope you're doing well Bob.  Staying strong and knowing the triggers.   Today is a better day than yesterday. 

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #181 on: March 18, 2016, 07:21:37 PM »
Don't know what is going on. Last weekend sucked big time, work related. Hasn't been much better throughout the week. I just don't know. I'm just not sure how to feel.

camus

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #182 on: March 20, 2016, 05:57:56 PM »
Hey Bob, hope things are better now? Sometimes it's hard to ride life's ups and downs with no 'medicine' to relieve the stresses and strains!

now-man

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #183 on: March 21, 2016, 12:32:49 AM »
Hey Bob,

I see your counter is reset. I imagine that was difficult. I'm sending you love and support. You're a good man and I'm grateful for your presence here.

thewhitewindow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #184 on: March 21, 2016, 11:15:56 AM »
Hey Bob,

I second'd that.  This is not easy and sometimes we slip.  I just don't want you to be hard on yourself.  We've all been there.

You are a good person. 


camus

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #185 on: March 22, 2016, 04:02:43 PM »
Hi Bob, would like to echo Window's and Now-Man's sentiments. I am sorry you had to reset, but wow, what an achievement to get tp where you got to.

Robert2.0

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #186 on: March 22, 2016, 10:20:55 PM »
Bob,

We don't really know each other except what we read on this site. That being said I want you to know that I respect you for the fact that you are here and looking to make your life better. I applaud your past efforts and all the encouraging words you selflessly share with other members. We have all learned from your posts and have been up lifted and consoled by your words. You are now reset and starting a new journey. With the experience and knowledge you have gained from this site and members I know that this new journey will be easy. Thank you for your honesty and integrity and know that we are all here to better our lives and without each other it would be a much more difficult road to follow. If there is ever anything I can do for you, just give a shout and I will do my best to help.

We can do this!

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #187 on: March 23, 2016, 10:41:37 PM »
Thanks guys. Appreciate your comments.

Made it almost 140 days before the fall. Amazing to get that far in the process. Only thing is the goal is to leave this life of porn behind... forever. Somehow that is what I need to get back to; a commitment to make a change forever.

Regarding my return to the addictive behavior; knew that I was going to relapse.  I knew I was going to slip. I had been thinking about it for quite some time. It was almost as if I was questioning a return to that particular lifestyle. How would I react?  Is this whole thing of porn really that big a deal? After all, it had been so long. What it would be like?

Well I returned to that lifestyle. I looked at the coveted websites. I saw the video clips that I thought were so titillating. I immersed myself into fantasies and actions that I thought would provide my most intense sexual experience. And my PMO wasn't a onetime event. I quickly fell into a behavior that had me finding ways to be by myself. I would act out, repeat and PMO again.

Can I now stop and return to my sobriety? Its not going to be easy.

Here are some things that I realized I had not experienced in quite a while.
  • I found I was never able to locate that ultimate video clip. There was always something else to view, it was never enough.
  • I wanted to isolate myself. If I had a chance, I would try get away from my wife so I could PMO. How stupid is that?
  • I fell back into objectifying women. I returned to PMO and every women I encountered became a sexual fantasy.
  • If I could just spend a few more minutes searching... turned into many hours online
  • I hope I "cleaned" off my computer history. I don't want anyone to see the types of sites I had visited.
  • There, I am done. That was the last time... until... well, I just need to look again. Just one more time...

I now know that a life away from PMO means a life away from MO as well. It's going to be hard. I am not sure how to get to that point. I have to fundamentally change who I am and what I want to do with my life.

I need to devote myself to my wife, my family, my job... my life.

Jailbird

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #188 on: March 24, 2016, 11:38:44 AM »
Hey Bob.
As you say, wife and family are why we do this.

To paraphrase Samuel Beckett:
Fail again, fail better.

I have failed once since rebooting. I know I will relapse again but  I'm not entirely focused on days.
I think relapsing, and learning from it, may be of greater value  than just clocking up more and more green numbers on your PMO counter
JB

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #189 on: March 24, 2016, 03:10:42 PM »
Hey Bob!  You do not have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Tell yourself you are going to succeed.  Self talk a lot.  Focus on your success, not I know I will relapse.  You CAN do this.  It is important to focus outside of you.  Do not turn inward.  Focus on being a good person.  Being a good dad, a good husband, a good human.  Write in a journal every night the good things about you and your life.  Read it over every night as you start to write.  Even if you write the same things that are good every day, you reinforce yourself as you read them.  I prefer writing not typing because it engages more senses.  And reading it out loud is optimal.  Soon you will no longer focus on those negative thoughts.

thewhitewindow

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #190 on: March 24, 2016, 04:13:10 PM »
^^^ Amen to Gracie's comment.  Couldn't have said it better.  It'll feel cheesy as hell but over time, the weeds will grow over our old neuropathways we're so used too.  It'll be like having a new set of tools.   Sounds hard to believe, but our brains are malleable and change over time.

Stay Strong, and I'm very proud of you.

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #191 on: March 28, 2016, 06:19:36 PM »
Thank you Window. Thank you Gracie, I will work to get back to my personal journal book that I have used in the past.

To all my other RB friends; I'm back. Not particularly confident but I will be telling myself I can do this. I will write later to describe my past couple weeks. I think it might be helpful for others. I really saw a change in myself. Didn't expect it to be so dramatic but I did change. Revert is a better term. I became what I was and I didn't really like the result.

Please think of me....

Gracie

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #192 on: March 28, 2016, 09:18:56 PM »
Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts!  You are stronger than porn! You can succeed! 

harry

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #193 on: March 29, 2016, 12:43:53 AM »
Glad you're back, Bob!


bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #194 on: March 29, 2016, 05:18:29 AM »
Harry, Gracie,

I appreciate your thoughts. Today is the day that a change is made. Today I move forward into a new life. Today is a day without Porn

Jailbird

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #195 on: March 29, 2016, 06:23:39 AM »
Hey Bob. Please , if you have the time and its not too painful, explain what led up to your relapse.
In came very close this past weekend and again this morning. It really helps lesrning from others on this forum.

You are not alone and congrats on starting over (and not throwing all your hard work away).
JB

bob

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #196 on: March 29, 2016, 07:15:42 AM »
Hey JB,

My triggers seem to be numerous. I think that I had been going so long that I somehow had a "romanticized" memories of PMO. I had been MO'ing and kind of got to the point where I felt; what the hell. Once I started back into a PMO pattern, I couldn't stop. What i just wanted to try again became sessions that would last for hours and would repeat 3 times a day. It's as if I had made a new commitment to return to my previous lifestyle. Funny thing is that 140 days seems like a long time next to 5,500 days, a 15 year estimate of PMO.

Anyway, I started looking at P-subs. Something about that female jiggle that really gets me started. That, and I began visiting adult novelty shops when on the road. I would go in and look over sexual toys and let my mind go. This didn't lead directly to PMO but it brought it to my mind more frequently. Time by myself was also a killer.

Why did I start again? I am not sure if I can identify the turning point. It seemed to be a lot of things. A sexy "check out these boob bloopers" on the internet. Heck, I have even been triggered by those plush blankets or an elastic hair band I notice on the side of the road. Being alone was also a trigger. This morning my wife left for work and I am by myself. This would typically be an automatic PMO session that would last at least 1-1.5 hours of edging before what I would hope was a grand O. Afterwards, I was always wanted to take a nap. It never gave me the energy that I expected. The intensity of the O was there but it didn't satisfy me. I always wanted more. I always felt like I didn't find the right video, the right women, the right male, the best body part, the most intense story line. If i could have just... It was never, ever enough.

If I was to guess the reason for my relapse I would say it was because of the following:
  • Stress
  • Depression
  • Lack of commitment to eliminate or ignore all triggers that I encountered
  • Thinking MO was somehow an acceptable alternative to full PMO

Not sure if that describes my fall but I think it at least touches points of concern I have had with this whole process.

If I was to identify my most noticeable attributes associated with a return to PMO I would say I immediately returned to objectify females. I also started to say to my wife, "you go on ahead and go to bed. I will be up in an minute." That separation and isolation is not good for depression, emotional well being, or connecting with people in general.

Long story short, I feel that i need to eliminate masturbation from my life. It will be a challenge but it needs to go. That seemed to be the first step in my relapse.

Sorry for the rambling reply. This is really hard to sort out in my head.

Peace
« Last Edit: March 29, 2016, 03:11:29 PM by bob »

Feetfirst

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #197 on: March 29, 2016, 12:01:00 PM »
Hey Bob, just to add my voice to the choir of support. 140 days. That is a massive a achievement! So well done for that.

Much learning happened in that time and none of it is lost. Every time we rise again we rise stronger and more resolute.
I found taking the time to do a written analysis of all the conditions internal and external that led up to acting out was helpful. The impact it had on my mind, body, spirit, relationships work etc. Bringing these patterns to the fore and exposing them helps to begin the process renewing sobriety.
If you are not part of a local face to face support group I highly reccommend that step.
Keep well my friend.
FF

camus

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #198 on: March 29, 2016, 02:04:27 PM »
Hey Bob, thanks for coming back and thanks for describing your relapse process. I identify with it all - particularly using P-Subs and MO - they are to the porn addict what low alcohol beer is to the alcoholic.

Quote
Regarding my return to the addictive behavior; knew that I was going to relapse.  I knew I was going to slip. I had been thinking about it for quite some time. It was almost as if I was questioning a return to that particular lifestyle. How would I react?  Is this whole thing of porn really that big a deal? After all, it had been so long. What it would be like?

This is exactly the kind of thinking which has led to my 100s of relapses over the past 5 or 6 years. I get to around a month PMO free, and a voice in my head will start selling the virtues of a PMO session in many subtle ways.

https://rational.org/index.php?id=1

The link I posted above discusses this voice in a lot of depth and has helped me over the last few weeks.


1qqq1

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Re: Yes I Can!
« Reply #199 on: March 29, 2016, 02:11:30 PM »
Hey Bob,
 Let me just say that you have been a huge inspiration to me and the encouragement / feedback you have given me is priceless.
Part of what has been my problem is thinking about triggers too much and dwelling on sexual thoughts. If I could just have the thought and move
on I would be much better off. What ends up happening is I have the thought, and like you it can be sparked by tons of things, and I don't shake it and the ball starts rolling down the hill into the abyss. This time around, being mindful of this has helped me to understand the importance of what I think about on the tightrope I walk everyday.   
As long as we keep trying we have not failed and there is hope for a brighter day.