Author Topic: Just for this moment no PMO  (Read 71916 times)

Zyrock

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Just for this moment no PMO
« on: March 12, 2014, 03:36:27 PM »
Just for this moment no PMO.

midge

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2014, 04:12:18 PM »
Zyrock, I'm sorry to see you struggling, friend. Stick around here, stay in the conversation. You'll get back on track. You can do it.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2014, 04:18:11 PM »
We need you here. You may have had a setback, but you have a lot of experience. Stick around, help us get this site off the ground and it may prove therapeutic.


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Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2014, 04:54:43 PM »
Just took a shower, shut, and ate dinner.

Feel really spiritually low. At Home sick so I feel disconnected from work. Have been not talking to my female. Feel disconnected and PMO three times in 4 hours so I feel disconnected.

It's about time I rebuilt my house on the inside. We just got much snow. People had two nice days and I live in the snowiest city in usa. We normally have snow until after Easter. I love snow it's like a leveler. I am feeling some changes are needed in my life.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2014, 05:02:58 PM »
Just took a shower, shut, and ate dinner.

Feel really spiritually low. At Home sick so I feel disconnected from work. Have been not talking to my female. Feel disconnected and PMO three times in 4 hours so I feel disconnected.

It's about time I rebuilt my house on the inside. We just got much snow. People had two nice days and I live in the snowiest city in usa. We normally have snow until after Easter. I love snow it's like a leveler. I am feeling some changes are needed in my life.
I didn't realize you lived in Miami. :)

Remember, hungry, angry, lonely, tired; these are dangers to recovery.

I think that relationship is of value to you, although I realize there are negatives as well. Just don't make any hasty moves.


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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2014, 05:08:36 PM »
I just want to encourage you to carry on Zyrock! As someone who has had a couple of big relapses I know what that feels like, trust me it gets way better!

The time away from PMO that you enjoyed has been very beneficial to you and you do not lose that brother! I think total cumulative time away from the porn is the most important thing in a recovery. You can ask yourself questions about what led to the relapse and what you can do differently if that situations arises again.

You are going to be better than ever man.

Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2014, 07:05:13 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not doing anything to hastefully. . I really appreciate the experience strength and hope.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2014, 08:08:06 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not doing anything to hastefully. . I really appreciate the experience strength and hope.

YOu came to the right place. EVeryone here has a story to tell and we can help/encourage each other.
Remember, this type of addiction is not in the mainstream so it's good that we can reach out to others online.
I know it's a cliche saying but you have to take it one day at a time. Be blessed and always know that it will get better.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2014, 09:18:00 PM »
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not doing anything to hastefully. . I really appreciate the experience strength and hope.
You can do this thing. I've seen times of great strength on your part. You can get that back.


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Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2014, 11:31:20 PM »
Thanks guys. So I have spent the night basically on Facebook. Literally 5 or 6 hours since my last PMO and thank god I have no desire to PMO. It was very empty and just blah. I'm not sure and it doesn't matter but I think my PMO hopefully has run its course and hopefully I can just be done with it. I feel like I am just wasting my life. It only came on in the last couple of months. When I was 32 I graduated college and the future was so bright I had to where shades. New Harley. nice weather and just wanted a relationship with a woman. But went to aa every night and thought god will put one in my life. Then at age 34 got a job making mucho money and life was awesome. That's when my sleep started getting messed up due to swing shift. Worked swing shift for the last ten years. Now I'm on days and I can't sleep like a normal person. I am lucky if I sleep 3-4 hours and usually I have to pass out. I need to discipline myself to getting in bed at 10:00 reading and going to sleep. It's been getting worse. I go to sleep at 2 am wake at 6. Then work come home nap and repeat. The weekend I have no discipline stay up all night. One of the reasons my ex wife left. Oh well. Then I moved to snowiest city in usa and the weather here is depressing. It had its advantages but I need to recognize that the weather is depressing and do things to offset it. I feel like I am working for retirement. I am in a good place financially and should have everything but my house paid off in less than 5 years and my house is very affordable. I am spiritually bankrupt. Emotionally I am ok. Physically I am good. Once over this sickness I will get back to running and lifting. Spiritually I have so many questions about God. When I started writing this I felt like I might as well be a teenager. I believe in Jesus. And I believe in God the father. I definitely believe in the Holy Spirit. I just don't know what else I believe and don't believe. I feel like I have started on a journey and I have quit half way in the middle. I am asking for prayers to finish reading two books I started last October. One is the purpose driven life and the other is the playbook. And pray I may continue to read my bible. I am asking for support to get back to attending my church starting this Sunday and going to meetings on Friday, Saturday, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. I pray that I may allow god to discipline me to doing these things. I am also praying to god and asking you guys to remind me when I start doing things again to remember that it was through asking for His and your help to give credit to Him and you guys for helping me do what I can't do alone. I want to encourage my journal to be a place where God is lifted up and the support of asking Him and our fellows is encouraged. I have no doubt and I must remain humble and vigilant. so I am going to end tonight before I go to sleep. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2014, 08:34:10 PM »
Hi Zyrock - Praying and reading the Bible are great ideas. In addition, I have derived a lot of encouragement and strength from listening to Christian music every day. It's basically my "daily bread" that keeps my mind centered on God and gives me the fuel I need to make it through the day. Check out the online stream at KLOVE.com. It has helped me immensely.

fcjl8

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #11 on: March 13, 2014, 09:51:56 PM »
Zyrock,

I will definitely include you in my prayers. I believe that God has more than enough power to help you make this change back to your true self. His Love for you is unconditional and He only wants the best for you, regardless of where you might have been in the past, especially in light of where you have been!

I have only just come to accept that the dark stain that I hid for many, many years is actually the very thing bringing me closer to Jesus right now. My personal "wake up" to move away from a porn addicts life began with an unforgettable encounter with the Holy Spirit ( I believe). Until that moment I had never even considered my chronic use of porn and masturbation any kind of a problem. It took that conviction to begin the lifting of lies and the foggy shroud of darkness.

You are going to be fine Zyrock. Make you a deal brother.. I began The Purpose Driven Life last year and never finished it... lets's finish that book together.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2014, 07:16:31 PM »
You can definitely get back into serious progress, just take it a day at a time.


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Viper

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2014, 09:21:36 PM »
Thanks guys. So I have spent the night basically on Facebook. Literally 5 or 6 hours since my last PMO and thank god I have no desire to PMO.

thanks for sharing.
If you don't mind me saying, I think spending copious amount of time on facebook is counter-productive.
I feel the same way about dating sites. Lets face it, the biggest reason why any man would spend that kind
of time is to browse for women.

They don't have to be naked to tamper with your triggers. And the point of rebooting is to avoid anything that may trigger the impulses that got us here in the first place. I know we all have to date but what's going to happen if you meet a new female and the time comes to get down?
YOu'll be in a worse place then you are now.

I am very lucky that this started happening to me while I was with my current girlfriend.
I have dated women in the past that would not tolerate any dysfunction below the waist.

lte

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2014, 09:53:42 PM »
Thanks guys. So I have spent the night basically on Facebook. Literally 5 or 6 hours since my last PMO and thank god I have no desire to PMO.

thanks for sharing.
If you don't mind me saying, I think spending copious amount of time on facebook is counter-productive.
I feel the same way about dating sites. Lets face it, the biggest reason why any man would spend that kind
of time is to browse for women.

They don't have to be naked to tamper with your triggers. And the point of rebooting is to avoid anything that may trigger the impulses that got us here in the first place. I know we all have to date but what's going to happen if you meet a new female and the time comes to get down?
YOu'll be in a worse place then you are now.

I am very lucky that this started happening to me while I was with my current girlfriend.
I have dated women in the past that would not tolerate any dysfunction below the waist.

I would agree. Porn builds anticipation, so can Facebook. IMHO, online dating sites, Facebook, and the like are just not a good place for someone that is rebooting.


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The Dude Wannabe

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #15 on: March 15, 2014, 10:37:40 PM »
Zrock,
    I'm a neophyte at this stuff so I don't have any words I can offer to help bolster you along during your reboot.  I can offer company though.  I get what you're talking about spiritually.
    I don't call mine bankrupt.  I call mine broken.  Through so much bad stuff I thought I'd lost the privilege of having a soul.  Now I realize that it is just so stained and messed up that I have got to get my act in order before it is too late.
    So, although I'm just some guy who is on the same forum as you; we can work and wait together.  Hopefully it won't take too long for us to feel some sort of Divinity again.
     In the meantime:  Get some vitamin D; avoid computer screens and/or TV's for a couple hours before bedtime (bad for the zeitgiebers); and hold on.  Spring is right around the corner and riding season will be here in no time!

Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #16 on: March 16, 2014, 12:49:40 PM »
Back on the wagon. Thanks for the support.

Yes I would like to start reading the purpose driven life.

It's 1:45 pm and so far today I awoke at 9:30. Ate breakfast. PMO. Took a nap. Awoke. PMO and ate lunch.

My female friend and I are not just friends. I'm sure she left it open ended so we could friends with benefits if it suited her. Or whatever.

Now I should just take it one moment at a time. I have one life to live and I need to start living it. Sometimes it's sloppy but that's life. Thanks guys. No shame here. Just rebooting.

Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #17 on: March 16, 2014, 01:42:40 PM »
So yesterday I spent 10hours playing air soft with my ex step son.  I guess today I'm pretty sad. Sick from whatever has been ailing me. Right now I'm watching a movie that has many of my favorite characters. I'm getting to where I I don't enjoy watching movies. I'm glad my female friend and I are just friends with the open ended benefits possible. I realize now that I pretty much told her that her and I don't agree and we are basically not talking or hanging out. I realize that I still enjoy processing my feelings from my divorce. today I am isolating.  I'm just staying in the house watching movies. I feel very alone. I could do something about it but choose not to. I'm writing on here because I feel alone. I am not afraid to document where I am. I know this too shall pass. I just feel lonely, tired and sick. I was exercising, running and lifting and now my body hasn't exercised formally since last Sunday. very sad day for me. I could call my sponsor or even some friends. I have to ask myself. When I was working hard to recover in all areas of my life if the rewards were worth it or am I better off doing very little and feeling very miserable. obviously the answer is easy but it isn't until I take action to work toward feeling better that it will materialize.

so it is what it is and I just want to not PMO for this moment.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #18 on: March 16, 2014, 01:59:10 PM »
Z-man. I've seen you do swimmingly well with this process in the past and have every confidence that you will again in the future, hopefully the future that starts at this very moment. You are going through a divorce and recovering from such is not an instant proposition. Think of it like this, if you mount a magnetic compass in a vehicle it will be unstable any time you change direction. Once you are on an established course it will be stable and useful. Make a sudden turn or a change in speed and it will not be stable or useful in the slightest.

After a divorce your emotional compass is bouncing all over the place and is not particularly reliable. It may be fine for a while, then bounce again. Your job is to stay in control of your life and realize that your internal emotional compass can be misleading. I do not feel it my place to criticize the relationship you have formed since splitting up with your wife. I'm far too distant from the situation and have far too little information even to form an opinion. In general, I believe that emotional commitment is necessary and I, personally, have turned down sexual opportunities because I didn't feel that emotional commitment was present on the part of both parties. I don't want to simply "get laid", I want sex to be part of a committed relationship between two people that seek to function as a family. I have no idea what the prospects are for your current relationship to function as such.

No matter what, PMO is not a substitute for a real relationship. It never can be. I have learned to face living without sexual release until such time as I have a mate and have made peace with that prospect. It may require some self discipline, but it is not a difficult, near impossible course as some would characterize it. I am always in control of myself, you are always in control of yourself. If I can do this, so can you.

Keep up the fight, Z.


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Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #19 on: March 16, 2014, 03:05:12 PM »
Totally agree and if ever I thougt there was someone's able to reboot sucessfully it's me. Done it before and like the benefits of not PMO way more than PMO. Plus I really don't have a desire to PMO. now it's just a matter of one moment at a time and steady the course

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #20 on: March 16, 2014, 03:09:59 PM »
Totally agree and if ever I thougt there was someone's able to reboot sucessfully it's me. Done it before and like the benefits of not PMO way more than PMO. Plus I really don't have a desire to PMO. now it's just a matter of one moment at a time and steady the course
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Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #21 on: March 16, 2014, 07:02:58 PM »
Well. Hopefully I have hit a bottom. I am alone. Stayed in the house all day and have done nothing today except. Watch regular movies, PMO. I have isolated myself from everyone. I normally like the peace. hopefully that was my last PMO. I took a bath and started a conversation with God. Basically, I have nothing else to lose or give up. I don't care if I lose my job, my house, my Harley, my jeep, my convertible, my boat, my money, or anything at this point. I am willing to try and work on my relationship with God. I am laying in my bed and I am sad. I feel very much like I lost much when my wife left. and I feel like I am failing but I'm actually not. I just need to keep the path I started when she left.

I don't know where it's going to go but I am willing to believe that there is more than this. So just for now I wanted to share. Not sure if anyone is where I am but I pray you find the guidance and light. I feel like when my wife used to be asleep by 9 and reading her book that when I am doing something she used to do that I am way behind. It's a nightmare but probably just the PMO talking.

Ok enough of the problem. Now it's time to focus on a new goal. I don't know what that goal is. I guess I will focus on reading the playbook and then the purpose driven life. I need to stop watching my idiot box and finish reading these books I started.

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #22 on: March 16, 2014, 08:00:16 PM »
Well. Hopefully I have hit a bottom. I am alone. Stayed in the house all day and have done nothing today except. Watch regular movies, PMO. I have isolated myself from everyone. I normally like the peace. hopefully that was my last PMO. I took a bath and started a conversation with God. Basically, I have nothing else to lose or give up. I don't care if I lose my job, my house, my Harley, my jeep, my convertible, my boat, my money, or anything at this point. I am willing to try and work on my relationship with God. I am laying in my bed and I am sad. I feel very much like I lost much when my wife left. and I feel like I am failing but I'm actually not. I just need to keep the path I started when she left.

I don't know where it's going to go but I am willing to believe that there is more than this. So just for now I wanted to share. Not sure if anyone is where I am but I pray you find the guidance and light. I feel like when my wife used to be asleep by 9 and reading her book that when I am doing something she used to do that I am way behind. It's a nightmare but probably just the PMO talking.

Ok enough of the problem. Now it's time to focus on a new goal. I don't know what that goal is. I guess I will focus on reading the playbook and then the purpose driven life. I need to stop watching my idiot box and finish reading these books I started.
If I might be so bold; I think that the weight of your loss (from the divorce) has landed upon you. It's not a big surprise, it usually happens she you get divorced. Even an unhappy marriage causes pain when it ends. I've been there myself and can speak from experience. What you are feeling is probably a reaction to the finality of your divorce. You seem to feel as if nothing matters, but in reality things do matter, including you.

The key is realizing that you feel this way now, but will not always feel this way. It will get better. It may be that you feel bad a lot of the time for a short while and then the times you feel good about things will become more and more prevalent as time goes on. Don't beat your self up over this, but don't give up on yourself either. The strength is still within you. You are also in a PMO hangover right this minute. Get some time under your belt and that will lift too. You can do this, Z.


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Zyrock

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #23 on: March 18, 2014, 05:49:03 PM »
didnt pmo yesterday or today    feel pretty good  im still sick  and tired  its been sunny here last two days and that makes me feel good    well  today is  a lonely day   im tired 

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Re: Just for this moment no PMO
« Reply #24 on: March 18, 2014, 05:53:29 PM »
didnt pmo yesterday or today    feel pretty good  im still sick  and tired  its been sunny here last two days and that makes me feel good    well  today is  a lonely day   im tired
Keep going.


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