Author Topic: A Modest Proposal (Personal Values & Redefining Sex)  (Read 1464 times)

wantabetterlife

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A Modest Proposal (Personal Values & Redefining Sex)
« on: May 08, 2014, 05:13:57 PM »
Dear all,

I had been a user on YBRB for two years now, and during my time, I have noticed several people relapsing, and not being able to free themselves from this viscious addiction to PMO. A few months ago, I came across an article postd by the Underdog and I am truly grateful to him and to LTE for their continuous support and encouragement.

This is going to be a long post. So, please be patient or print it out and read it.

While I had been coping with my own addiction, I can admit that I am far better off than what I used to be a year ago. My cognition and judgment skills have improved and I see the world in a different way. I do not keep a journal here, however if anyone wants to know how I have changed, I would mention a few in a sentence or two.

Two years ago I was a full PMO addict. My addiction was so strong, that one night, when my apartment was having some problem with the Internet and I was told that the internet wont be back until two days, I became very angry. I smashed my drinking glass, and everything else in my room. It was a complete disaster. My so called PMO drug was out of supply and I wanted to do anything to get high. Two years later, now, my brain has calmed down and I see sex and undersatnd more about life, than what I used to. these days, I am constantly working on my character, developing morals and ethics and trying to be a better person. Also, to mention, I am doing much better with my depression.

(If anyone wants to know more about my experience and my improvement, I would be more than glad to help anyone out, PM me if you want to talk on skype or email. I want everyone in this community to improve their lifestyle and get out of this hellhole PMO world, that we all live in)

As I have mentioned before, I am truly grateful to the Underdog, for writing that article which mentions to focus 100% on my life’s vision. I had been doing that everyday. Now, I know that there is a purpose to live my life, instead of wanting to die, as I did before when I was heavily depressed. I have a purpose to live my life.

Therefore, I want to make a suggestion to the Underdog’s article as an addendum. I have tried everything, and one thing that I think would further improve our lifestyle is developing a STANDARD. LTE told me to be honest with myself and with his generous advice for my life, I have started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So everyone, we need to develop our PERSONAL VALUES and STANDARDS, and REDEFINE SEX.

The reason why we all relapse, is because we have a different definition for sex. When I was in 6th grade, around 12, my biology teacher taught us about sex, and it was sexual reproduction. Yes, it was about a penis inside a vagina, but NOT what we see in porn.  It was about education, about how life is formed. It just hit me that, I was differnet person back then. My mind wasn’t about filth, nastiness and derogatory things porn. It was beautiful and innocent.

Most of us relapse because of one thought, one simple thought of sex. I know, I have many many times. It was a just a girls face, some flashbacks and I wanted to look at her. Next then I knew, I was browsing with 12 tabs on my browser and binging for 12 hours straight. Or if I couldn’t do that, I would just call up some hookers and waste hundereds of dollars.

This needs to stop. There is a saying. “our thoughts become things.” And this is true. It is so true, that most of us don’t realize that how we see ourselves, is how we live our life. Yes, its our DEFINITION or our self image shapes our life.
So, how can we use this to get out of PMO?

Yesterday, I was watching a college lecture on youtube, to brush up for my finals. The professor was a middle aged woman, in her mid 30s. Instead of feeling respect, or admiration for her hard work in teaching that course, my mind was thinking, that what would her sex life be like? How can I get into her pants? What a hot MILF… and only if I could seduce her in bed… and screw her brains out. I mean most of us, do have these cougar fantasies, or MILF fantasies. But this needs to stop immediately starting NOW, if we want to get out of this viscious cycle. I call is a visicous cycle, because it repeates. We behave the same way, every time and we are caught up in a spin that is so hard to get out of. We need to change our RE-FOCUS in life.

Growing up, I didn’t have much knowledge or guidance, about love, or relationships. I started watching porn around 13, and to me, relationship = sex. Girlfriend = sex. The only reason I wanted to get a girlfriend and was so depressed about not having one, was because my defintion and my understanding of the relationship is all about sex. Of course, by now, I have learned that its not about sex, its about sharing a life together. Its about partnership and that person cannot be any girl. She has to be special and be like me. A guy has his own life, and so does a girl. They come together and form “their” life. Once again, I want to thank LTE for opening my eyes and providing his continuous support for being the person who I am today.
 
If you haven’t read the article posted by the Underdog, please do so, it will change your life forever. If you aren’t working on your life’s vision, you are going to be a “vegetable” forever. Yes, drifting away like a feather, being pushed by people, and even scary part, your life and yourself! You are the reason for your own death, no one else.

You need to understand that the reason why your life is like it is today, is because of YOU!!! DON’T blame other people. Yes, porn is a problem, but you can avoid it. You have all the power, to take control of your life and not give into your lustful emotions.

You need to REDEFINE SEX and DEVELOP PERSONAL STANDARDS.

So, what is redefining sex? You need to ingrain in your brain, that sex should come after love. Forget all the PUA crap you ever listened to. I followed their advice, and to be hoenst, I was doing daygames, for sleeping with them, not for finding love. To me, if a girl get into a relaitnoship, it wil be like ultimate buffet of passionate sex day and night. I was addicted to porn, but instead of watching it, I was hunding real vagina. Its not different from looking for a hooker; you aren’t paying for it, that’s the difference.

You need to understand that sex is an EMOTIONAL RESPONSE and an EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION. Sex comes out of love. You shouldn’t want to have sex just because that girl is hot, you should want to have sex, because how much the girl you are with “love” or “want” you for who you are. This is because if you want to get into a relationship with a girl, after having sex, but, before you two are in love, then you will want the girl because how easily you can get her vaigna or how amazing the sex is. Next thing you know it will be a FWB. There will be huge miscommunication. Instead if you have sex after love, and trust me on this, no matter how much she or you suck in sex, you two will still be together because there is an emotional bond.

Do you see it? Plus, why do you want to waste your energy and time behind someone, who donest mean anything to you?
You need to DEFINE what sex is and realize that you want to have sex with your partner only, not one night stands, not swinging, not picking up girls at the clubs. Because if you go out there, for picking up girls, I gurantee you that when you wont get one, you will get frustrated and then eventually relapse and eventually binge.

You need to define that sex is a product of love, and YOU WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH MILFS or cougars. STAY OUT OF WHAT THE MEDIA/MOVIES TELL YOU!!! I have relapsed many times due to this and I know it’s a guys ultimate fantasy to have sex with his own teacher, or a hot mom, but if you want to live a clean life, you will understand. You should be looking at older women with respect and politeness, not through a lustful eye. You should look at girls, as they are emotional flowers, not objects of lust. You need to see and a girls beautiful mind, and her emotions, and her personality, nothing else.

Next thing you should do, is to develop a PERSONAL STANDARD. You need to define who you are and what you will stick by. You need to clearly tell yourself, that “I’m ____ and I wont do anything that falls below the standards I have set for myself.”  Tell yourself this 1000 times, or as many times as possible everyday, and every time you say it, have a feeling of who you are. For instance, all the straight males have a self image, and a personal standard, that they are straight, masculine and they won't hookup with a guy ever in their life. So, you need to have a clear image of your personality and you need to FEEL that you won't do anything that falls below your standards.

Our emotions drive our life. The reason why you are addicted to porn, because you've set a personal standard, self image, and feelings with porn. If you go the opposite direction, you will see that your life has changed, only because you DECIDED to make standards and stick by it with your new feelings and emotions.

Let me give you an example, how many of you eat dog, or cat foods on a regular basis? How many of you have sex with your own your sister or mother every night? At this point, you might be like, what in the world are you talking about… right?

Exactly!

The reason, why you don’t eat dog food for dinner, or have sex with your own sister or mother, is because you have a definition for youself, as well as set of standards you follow through subconsciously, that prevents you from participating in such behaviors. Society, has implemented over thousands of years, to properly direct ourselves and to alter our behaviors to keep us in proper shape. We have defined and distinguished ourselves from lower species. We call ourselves “humans” and cover up the fact that we are COMPLETELY different from our ancestors. In reality, we are still having sex, procreating, eating, and living our lives, but just in a different way. Many of us are living in a lie, but the truth is, we are still animals. It’s the reality, just get over it.

We have set a certain standards that we follow through every single day. One of those is wearing clothes, taking care of our hygiene, having manners, and not having sex in public. Lower species do the opposite of that that all the time. How come we don’t follow them? Its because within ourselves we have a way to see ourselves better than whoever is around us. I know that most of you here will agree that you want to be better than your friends, you want to live a better life than your friends, or marry a prettier girl than your friends. You want the best from you in every way.

You need to set A SET OF STANDARDS that you must follow through, no matter what, and that comes with who you will associate with, what you will watch on your computer. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE THAT WATCHING PORN IS A LOW CLASS MENTALITY, OR THINGS THAT THEY ARE DOING IN THOSE EITHER PROFESSIONAL PORN OR AMATEUR PORN IS HORRENDOUS! Its filthy, disgusting and strips ourselves from our character and virtue. You need to redefine sex like I mentioned and set standards that you will NOT be jacking off to porn. Instead you will be focusing on your life, the life the Underdog mentioned and understand that sex is a product of love. You should crate a standard that there is no need to share what happens between you and your girl in bedroom, like many amateur couples do. YOUR STANDARD SHOUD BE PORN or PMO = A NEGATIVE ACTION, I WONT DO IT, I WONT DO SOMETHING THAT IS THAT LOW period!

You need to abandon and stay away from all the negativities in the world, and associate with the positives and that includes, negative environment, negative friends, negative media, negative, . I know its hard, but we all need to try our best. We should all try to improve our life by one day at a time.

One more thing I want to mention, if you are lonely, depressed, or have no friends, try to go out, try to calm down a bit. I am not suggesting that you go out to bars, or clubs, but know what your interest is, and try to invite someone, with the similar interest. If you are an introvert like me, know that there is nothing wrong with you. you like to stay in your own world. So, invite someone to lunch and build your friends based on the type of people who you feel are most comfortable with. Give it some time, and eventually you will have a few friends to spend your life with.

If you are on the verge of relapse, get up, don’t turn on your computer, repeat that in your mind, who you are, whats your definion of sex, and your standards are and that you will NOT go in the direction most people have went. You are better than everyone else. Watching porn and staying in PMO is their decision and they’ve made a deicion and that’s their life. YOU have all the power to change your life.  Cheer yourself up, listen to some music, read a book, go to the gym, focus on yorur life’s vision, listen to podcasts, (not about sex of course!) and shift your focus. I know all of this is hard, very hard, if you are introverted, alone and have no friends, but if you take one step a time, you will get a better life.

Last of all, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DO NOT NEED SEX EVER IN YOUR LIFE. You need to understand that you are fully capable of living your life without a woman. It’s the media that instilled inside us that we need a partner to live a life. Yes, who’s going to cook, or clean? My wife right? You are a man, you can do all of that yourselves.

I have learned how to cook, which I couldn’t do two years ago. I buy all my groceries alone, do my dishes alone, clean my room, my bathroom, take out the trash, go to work, go to my classes, study, plan my life all by myself… alone. My desires of doing these things with a woman has started to fade away, ever since I realized that I have all the power to live my whole life on my own. I believe you can too. So, bear with me, you don’t need sex, you don’t need blowjobs, you don’t need romance, love or dating. You can love yourself, you can love the world, you can love nature, you can love all those people who don’t have food, and clean water. You can love them. Im sure they will reciprocate.

And you need to do this with focus, because my friend in the end, its all about focus. You need to focus on your life 100% and stay immersed in it. Don’t be afraid that oh if you don’t get a girlfriend, you aren’t worthy enough as a man. Its not true. If a woman ever judges you because you are single or cannot simply see you as her life partner, you need to know that she is expressing negative energy, and you should avoid her. Smile and thank her for making her decision. She has a life and she can live hers and you will live yours. You are a guy, and you have all the power within you to live and build the future you want for youself. Don’t bulid yoru future for you and your wife, bulid it for yourself. Bulid it because you want to see that yourself on top, and feel the way you feel about your accomplishments.

Having said this, I would like to conclude here today. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to PM or comment on my post. I always welcome new ideas and I am more than glad to share my insights with everyone here. These two things REDEFINING SEX and setting STANDARDS, have started to change my life, and forced me to shift my focus in the direction I want my life to go.

Thank you all. Thank you for taking your time and reading my post. My special thanks to the Underdog, and LTE for their generous advice and guidance and Im grateful to have all of you as whole to support one another, and build an environment to create a better mankind.

Yours truly,
Wantabetterlife
« Last Edit: May 08, 2014, 05:49:46 PM by wantabetterlife »

lte

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Re: A Modest Proposal (Personal Values & Redefining Sex)
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2014, 05:38:52 PM »
Thanks for posting this. I think that you have a lot of great points here and you've learned much along the way. There's no doubt in my mind that you are on a good path.


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wantabetterlife

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Re: A Modest Proposal (Personal Values & Redefining Sex)
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2014, 05:40:58 PM »
Thanks for posting this. I think that you have a lot of great points here and you've learned much along the way. There's no doubt in my mind that you are on a good path.

Thank you LTE. However, to be honest, I couldn't have come this far without your unconditional support and generous advice.

lte

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Re: A Modest Proposal (Personal Values & Redefining Sex)
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2014, 05:46:18 PM »
Thanks for posting this. I think that you have a lot of great points here and you've learned much along the way. There's no doubt in my mind that you are on a good path.

Thank you LTE. However, to be honest, I couldn't have come this far without your unconditional support and generous advice.
I'm more than please to be able to help. I couldn't find help when I needed it with the exception of ersatz "shepherds" that rubbed my nose in the sinful nature of my acts instead of appreciating that I was trying to improve. I finally got through it all, perhaps with some Providence along the way, and I want to help others as best possible. I'm very impressed with your progress.


Click my counter if you would like a counter of your own.


Remember, porn and masturbation are never the reward. Freedom from porn and masturbation is the reward