Author Topic: Urgent Help needed!  (Read 996 times)

Julian

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Urgent Help needed!
« on: June 07, 2015, 12:05:22 PM »
Hi friends

I'm a 23 yr old male, struggling to get rid of the devil inside me like everybody else here is..
I won't waste any of yours time and come to the real point.

I admit I'm addicted to porn since at least 8-10 yrs now, and eventually I had masturbated almost every time I watched it.
In between I have made attempts to control the urges for longer periods but things didn't went on my side more than a few days.
Since all these years, masturbation and porn habits had of course affected me in a destructive way , but not as much as they are destroying me now.
I am born in a family where there is not much of love between family members. Spent my childhood watching my father abusing and beating my mother, I had spent my school life in depression.


Inevitably and without knowing, my depression had grown deeper and porn was an escape.
After so many years now, I had visited a psychiatrist recently who diagnosed e with OCD. I was given SSRIs and other anti-depressants.
The medicines worked for many days till they caused excessive sleepiness and broken concentration. I couldn't bear these medicines anymore and it's been more than a year that I've stopped taking them.
Now i am pursuing a professional course in which several hours of study is required everyday. So you could make out that I have to stay at home for most of the day.

Now,
It's my 8th day without masturbation (but i've been watching porn).

The main reasons why i'm writing this is because i'm witnessing the following things in my body which i've never had felt before with such intensity:

-Lack, a total lack of focus. Total brain fog, not able to study at all
-Confused all the time
-No energy during the day
-Symptoms of chronic fatigue
-Sleepy all the time
-Anxiety, Social phobia
-Guilty after every conversation with anyone
-Depressed
-Fear
-Erection problem

If i masturbate even once now, my brain goes total haywire the next day and i feel brainwashed. I had masturbated few times in these 8 days, buy didn't ejaculate even once......Is it alright...?
I've made a target of not ejaculating at least until my exams get over.

I'm was a highly spiritual guy, and still am, and was once respected for my strong belief in God and convincing people that God exists.
I am creative, and have learned to play the Guitar with only a few days of guidance, and can play many difficult songs ever known.

But now, I feel guilty for even going at the same holy congregations where i used to go happily. I feel I've lost my creativity in guitar as I keep on playing the same old songs for months and months. Moving on in life has started scaring me.
I now think devilish all the day, imagining nude women (mostly elder to me) and all other filth which is totally against God.
I feel afraid that I am being watched and will not be forgiven for my sins.
I had girlfriends with whom I had mostly shared physical relation without any love.. My relationships didn't last for even a year.
My previous girlfriends were not happy with my excessive hunger for intimate actions. Now, even porn itself doesn't satisfy me.

My professional exams are a couple of months away, and my current daily productivity has started scaring me.
Please guide me and help me, God will help you. After all, God himself doesn't come to help, but shows the way through someone else..:)


jnv

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Re: Urgent Help needed!
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2015, 12:47:41 PM »
Hey there.

Wecome on this forum. I'm sure you'll learn a lot from this community.

I can relate to about 70-80% of the symtoms you described.
The main 3 which pushed me to start this journey were lack of concentration, social anxiety and lack of motivation.

My whole life, I've been thinking I was just not cut out for studies in general simply because I could barely stay focus on a book for more than 10 minutes. Drastically reducing PMO last year proved me I was wrong. Even though I'm still struggling and fighting againsth porn today, I have HUGELY reduced the time spent masturbating and watching porn (I reduced it from like on average 2-5 times/day everedy day to about 1 every 2-3 weeks now) and I've seen major improvement in the concentration department.

As a result, I now can stay concentrated for hours (10+ hours when needed with small breaks every hour) reading/studying for exams, and it's still improving with time. Not only that, but I also feel like my memory is much better as well and brain fog is decreasing. And I'm 100% sure I can ascribe it to the decreased time spent fucking my mind up with creepy videos.

I understand that you expect quite a lot from this journey, especially from the professional/academic point of view and I can totally tell you that you'll benefit a lot from fighting this addiction.

Much strength and courage in your quest.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2015, 02:37:40 PM by jnv »


Julian

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Re: Urgent Help needed!
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2015, 10:04:47 AM »
Hey jnv, thanks a lot for your humble words.
After writing all my frustration, i'm feeling much relieved, though i have not witnessed any improvement in my energy levels..
Im now very hopeful that i'll be able to exercise my will power towards the good of myself and my surroundings..
I'll keep posting about my progress.. :)

melancholy king

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    I am bisexual and secular, and Currently have PIED
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Re: Urgent Help needed!
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2015, 06:57:20 PM »
I would strongly advise you to not look at porn again, even if you don't masturbate you'll still be left with the cravings to, and so stopping porn altogether will make it easier for you I think.

it's only been 8 days bro, it's taken years for your brain to get where it's at now, and so it'll be a while before it goes back to "normal"

Julian

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Re: Urgent Help needed!
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2015, 02:14:21 AM »
hey thanks for the advice melancholy..
I admit its been so many years of negative nourishment, which will surely require abstinence..