Author Topic: Zarathoustra's Journal  (Read 3439 times)

Ninja

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Zarathoustra's Journal
« on: March 11, 2014, 09:39:48 AM »
Will re-write a proper intro later.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2014, 06:00:45 AM by Zarathoustra »

Ninja

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2014, 09:49:40 AM »
I'm not long into my reboot but these days it's really tough ! Big anxiety and slight depression.

EDIT : just realized I didn't mention "no PMO" at the end of my first post ! it's a sign ! Also I just keep a PMO spreadsheet, but I don't want a counter, when you have one it's like you WILL relapse one day, and I don't want to watch porn ever again !
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 09:54:12 AM by Ninja »

Gabe Deem

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    I found out the soft way that porn is sex negative
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Re: My Journal
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2014, 05:35:35 PM »
What's up Ninja!

Glad you are here, hopefully you will find the information, motivation and support you need to reach your goals, and become the man you long to be with a great community like this backing you up.

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Avatar is a D2 receptor.

Love it... I think approaching this from a physiological standpoint helps guys tremendously. Understanding how porn actually rewires and numbs our brains is pretty good incentive to stay away from it.

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Started very young, before 10

Same here... Have hope that I and others have rebooted fully and you can too! Also, you are young with MANY years a head of you and the fact that you are taking action now with school and things like being on this forum is a good sign for the future. Be pro-active with this addiction. If you want to build muscles you have to hit the gym/workout. If you want to improve social skills. You have to put yourself in social situations. You know this, now apply it and see where this reboot takes you.

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to be honest and do what I love to do

A forum like this is a great place to start being honest. When you are honest it gives you this indescribable feeling of freedom. Like it removes anxiety about people finding out your secretes because you just beat them to it lol. Feel free to share anything you need my man.

Hope the best for you on your recovery.

Much Love
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem

rainforth13

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2014, 10:42:05 PM »
Welcome Ninja! Glad you're here and thanks for sharing your story. Your outlook and goals are encouraging!

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when I wake up I'd prefer to be slapped in the face rather than taking the cold shower. But after you take it it's awesome

I hate cold showers too but sometimes it's exactly what you need. I read a great quote recently that made think twice about doing the hard things even though most of the time I really don't want to:

"We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment." -Jim Rohn

Continue to put the work in now for school and for your life and it will pay big dividends over time!

Rain

robust

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2014, 03:57:45 AM »
Quote
when I wake up I'd prefer to be slapped in the face rather than taking the cold shower. But after you take it it's awesome

I hate cold showers too but sometimes it's exactly what you need.

There's nothing better than the first drop of cold water hitting your warm skin after waking up. 8) I'm not taking warm showers anymore. I got "used" to the cold ones. Although it's pretty hard sometimes, even after a long time. In those moments, you must not think about it and tell yourself to shut up. Seriously. Just do it. The reward after the shower is an amazing one: a batman-suit. :D It feels like the skin is getting tight. Love it.

Begin with your upper back. There's much fat, which keeps you warm. And remember: Spartans and partly Germanics regarded every man as weak and dishonorable, who took warm baths. He was not a warrior anymore. :D

Ninja

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2014, 02:37:38 PM »
Thank you, Gabe, rainforth  ;)

Begin with your upper back. There's much fat, which keeps you warm. And remember: Spartans and partly Germanics regarded every man as weak and dishonorable, who took warm baths. He was not a warrior anymore. :D

I will try beginning by the upper back then, usually I start with the legs.

So for today :

NO PMO : check. Although I had a dream where I was watching porn... but no wet dream.
Studying : check.
No Sugar : failed. Here's an interesting article : http://suppversity.blogspot.fr/2014/03/food-quality-counts-processed-foods-are.html I think you can transpose the ideas to porn addiction.
No TV/internet Addiction : pretty much failed.
Cold shower : failed : I've never been able to take a cold shower right after waking up. Although I really want to. Will try tomorrow morning.

Stopping orgasms seems to be beneficial. I was supposed to be really anxious this morning because of bad sleep and work overload, but I was unexpectedly calm and felt quite good.

Ninja

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2014, 09:38:36 AM »
Just checking in so I won't forget my reboot  :)

Still PMO free but not satisfied with other goals, although my mood tends to stabilize these days. I'm gonna take a "slow" approach to reach my other goals. The "all in" approach stops working after a few days when you've completely burned your willpower tank.

rainforth13

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2014, 08:01:21 PM »
Absolutely Ninja! Take it one day at a time and that goes for everything. Goals and rebooting. Remember that in your process to accomplish all these things that you are given the same amount of time each day that the President and other world leaders are given. Meaning we all are given the same time to do things in a given day and that we can only do so much with each day we are given.

We live in a society of wanting everything now. But the truth is that just isn't realistic in most aspects of life. Things take time and that's okay because the process is just a beautiful if not more than the destination. Life is more about who we are becoming than what we are doing and where we are going. Focus on the time at hand and over time you'll accomplish a lot, just one small step at a time. You got this!


Ninja

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2014, 07:10:04 AM »
Just resisted the strongest urge ever, thanks youtube. Already had a wet dream the other night, but it's like a part of me tries to pull me out of the hole (what have I just written  ;D). Almost crying.

Also the idea  to go without a counter seems to work a lot better for me. People reading me, if you struggle with your rebootS, try to stop the counter too. I see there are users here who have HUGE counters, but maybe for certain people the counters are not the good tool. CrazyGopher wrote about that subject.

rainforth13 : You are so right ! I'm still dealing with it though. It resembles the fear of abandonment, like "If I don't get it now, someone will instead of me and I will be left alone". Over the long term, it doesn't work.

VforVictory

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2014, 07:25:23 AM »
It's interesting to hear that 200+ days of no P hasn't healed you completely.
Looks like masturbation is a big factor in the addiction as well (I am finding this out myself as well).

Ninja

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2014, 12:17:20 PM »
6 days until a really important exam and I am in my worst porn addiction level. I've just PMO'd twice in a row, I am usually not able, at all, to do that, I think it is the second or third time in my entire life. I'm feeling really weird right now, the more the porn chemicals fade, the more I feel miserable.
I've been relapsing and tried to get back on the right track since about one month. I was just ashamed of coming back here and telling the truth.
I don't know what to do to stop it right now. I self-medicate with porn everytime I'm anxious.

Ninja

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2014, 12:23:04 PM »
I'm setting-up a counter


noises1990

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2014, 03:02:55 PM »
Come on man... Conquer your addiction! You're the boss of it, not the other way around! Find some ways to distract yourself from P because it usually leads to MO. Try being more social, meet new people, engage in different activities. Volunteer for some charity actions. A few days back I volunteered for a children's charity event at my work-place and it made me feel awesome!
You can do it bro!

Ninja

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Re: My Journal
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2014, 12:19:01 AM »
Your support is very much appreciated.

First, the exam. Then, making the reboot last.

Ninja

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Re: Zarathoustra's Journal
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2014, 06:01:37 AM »
It's only three days and I feel like I haven't watched porn in a decade... I see what you're doing brain

Ninja

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Re: Zarathoustra's Journal
« Reply #15 on: May 20, 2014, 04:30:45 PM »
7 days objective complete !
I have the feeling that it's gonna be a successful reboot, my libido is like ~7/10, during the other reboots it was 0/10 or 10/10 and I don't think that's healthy to be in the extremes.

Next objective : 14 days. I won't reintroduce M and O before at least 1 month maybe even more.

I don't have anything really interesting to write today. See you next time !

Ninja

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Re: Zarathoustra's Journal
« Reply #16 on: May 27, 2014, 06:58:44 AM »
Urges to watch porn usually happen when I'm home alone, or when I am relaxing after something tiring. When I have an urge I can feel something up my stomach, it's the same kind of feeling as when I am about to win a game or  when I see my favorite foods.

So as soon as I feel it, I browse to rebootnation or YBOP, the objective is to associate porn cravings with an "porn repulsion" emotion.