Author Topic: I'm New Here-- Three Quick Questions on 'Reboot'  (Read 2445 times)

NoFapMonkey1

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I'm New Here-- Three Quick Questions on 'Reboot'
« on: April 27, 2014, 08:04:09 PM »
Hi,

I'm new here, and I plan on writing my full story (which includes over a decade of struggle with excessive porn and masturbation), but in the meantime, I have a couple quick questions.


FIRST:

Just want to say THANK YOU to this incredibly informative, supportive and inspiring community! I've been lurking for about a month, and I've derived great inspiration (and knowledge) from the stories here.


QUICK BACKGROUND & RECENT HISTORY:

I'm 38-years-old, with a 13-year history of PMO which resulted in occasional PIED.

About 119 days ago, I discovered YourBrainOnPorn, and it was a HUGE-discovery! Once I read through the site and realized that PMO likely had been playing a role in my erectile dysfunction and low libido over the past 13 years, I immediately resolved to stop 100%. Since I'm now convinced that PMO, in fact, has been very hurtful to me, it's been relatively easy for me after reading that site, to give it up completely.

About 54 days into giving up PMO, I had a one-night stand in which I did have sex with a woman, using Levitra.

About 78 days into giving up PMO, I started regularly dating another woman, which is still going on. We get together about once or twice a week, and have really great sex each time, but again, it is with the use of Levitra.


QUESTION 1: SEX / E.D. MEDS WHILE RE-WIRING

Over the years, I'd gotten into the habit of occasionally using Levitra to help me be able to have sex. However, it wouldn't always work (after reading up on PIED, I now understand why; however I didn't at the time). I would almost ALWAYS secretly use it on my first time having sex with a new woman (to ensure that that all-important first impression sex went well), but would then taper off to nothing once I started seeing the woman regularly.

However, when I don't use it, my erections are weaker and sometimes I would go soft in the woman, and when this would happen I would basically have to end intercourse before either of us climaxed.

Now, I have chosen to remain in my sex-having 'relationship' with my new woman, even though from my understanding it might delay the full success of my reboot (as opposed to refraining from Orgasm).

I have used Levitra every single time we've had sex, so I'm not sure how much of my performance is due to my natural recovery, and how much is due to the Levitra. I have started using 20mg each sex session (this would enable us to have sex 3 times in one night), and my plan is to gradually taper off to nothing: 15mg -> 10mg -> 5mg -> nothing.

Question: Does anyone think that my use of an ED medication while rebooting / rewiring is harmful to my recovery? Does anyone have any experience with this?


QUESTION 2: MY NIPPLES

As early as when I was 18, I discovered that my nipples are extremely sensitive. If my nipples are stimulated while my penis is being stimulated, I get aroused, and climax MUCH MUCH quicker. So, I had gotten into the habit over the past 20-years to almost exclusively stimulating my nipples while masturbating, and asking my partners to do the same to me during sex.

However, now I think it is difficult for me to get fully aroused/climax without my nipples being stimulated.

Question: Does this seem like a problem in anyway? In my 'recovery', should I aim to also overcome my reliance on stimulation of my nipples in order to get fully hard/climax? I'm wondering if it would represent a fuller recovery if I would be able to get fully hard JUST from penis stimulation / contact. Any thoughts/ similar experience on this topic?


QUESTION 3: SHOULD I RESET MY COUNTER FOR THIS?

119 days ago, I 100% gave up Porn and Masturbation, and haven't looked back.

On day 54, I had sex (using Levitra), after having drunk a full bottle of wine. My erection quality was not very good, but I did get hard enough to have sex, but then I came almost immediately.

So, on around day 62 or so, I 'tested', because I wanted to see if there was any change in my erection quality after 62 days of No PMO. So, I edged for a few moments, and noticed that even though I wasn't really getting erect, it seemed like I would ejaculate if I kept going-- so I stopped. I did not ejaculate, and I felt like it was a genuinely curious check to see if my new 'NoFap'-ing lifestyle was yielding any different behavior from my penis.

Question: Since then, I've read up more on the site about what these counters represent, and I'm wondering if I should chop 62 days off my streak (down to 57 from 119) because that would have technically counted as fapping. I hadn't thought about it that way until a couple weeks ago as I was reading through more and more of the site's materials.



CONCLUSION:

I will follow No PMO for life. Actual sexual engagement with an actual woman, the intimacy and connection, and natural enjoyment involved, is SO worth it-- If having any level of involvement with porn or masturbation diminishes my ability to be sexual with a woman, for me it is simply NOT WORTH IT.

Even though I am currently using Levitra as a crutch, I recognize that it's a crutch, and I aim to taper off to nothing.

THANK YOU ALL for welcoming me into the community, and I appreciate any feedback/answers/thoughts on my 3 questions above.

NoFapMonkey

dc6

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Re: I'm New Here-- Three Quick Questions on 'Reboot'
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2014, 06:16:08 AM »
1- unsure. I haven't seen anything that talks about the use of these meds and their impact on rebooting. However, I have seen a lot suggesting that abstinence from orgasm of any kind for some time speeds up rebooting. So sex to orgasm may be slowing you down.

2- if it's something you developed after watching porn (similar to changing tastes), maybe. But it doesn't sound like that's the case. You just get pleasure out of stimulation from that area of the body. If you wanna try to change it, go ahead, but I don't think it's necessary. When you reboot, you may be able to get erections without the extra stimulation.

3- if you did it to porn or porn fantasy, yes. If not, I'd say it's up to you. I'd also refrain from testing it until you see some of the other changes listed in the FAQ

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=70.0

Mart71

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Re: I'm New Here-- Three Quick Questions on 'Reboot'
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2014, 07:51:27 AM »
Re 1)
I am using ED drugs in my reboot. My opinion about them differs from most opinions I usually read of reboot sites. It is my personal opinion, that for us "older" guys (I am 42 years old) that is acceptable, since our bodies have more mileage than a teen or twen. They aren't magic pills anyway. In the beginning (pretty much still in a flatline) I would be combining Cialis 20mg with Viagra 100mg or Varden 20mg and still have trouble maintaining erections. Taking only Cialis would have had no effect.

After six months, Cialis is now enough for me. The progress I had comes from improved horniness and improved sensitivity, both unrelated to ED drugs. They boosted my confidence though - and that was about as important as being with a real women all the time. I now know, I can have sex multiple times a day if we want to. Just yesterday my gf said that it feels weird to her that just a few months ago we had all these problems with sex - and now we do it almost whenever we want to.

I have a working sex life now thanks to both the reboot and ED drugs. Having a sex life without ED drugs is of minor importance to me and my ego does not suffer from taking them. My erections, my libido and my sensitivity still keep improving every month, meaning my body and soul keep recovering. During this time, I have decided I will keep using ED drugs. Once I feel the progress pretty much stopped, I will start thinking about reducing them to see where I stand without them or with lesser dosages. But for now, I won't change something that works for me.

Re 2)
If you want a "normal" sex life, you would probably want to get rid of nipple stimulation for practical reasons if it gets in the way. But my gf like to stimulate my own nipples during foreplay, though I don't depend on it. You decide, how you want your sexlife to be like.

Re 3)
Counters are overrated... I would just forget about the incident and move on. The counter is only for yourself, it is not some kind of badge of honor. It would be different, if you MOed every week and not reset your counter. That would be lying to yourself.

The important thing is to live a life without porn. Small setbacks are rather meaningless in the big picture of that and you don't lose much progress anyway, if you keep going strong. Counting days becomes somewhat moot anyway after a certain point, if you don't wait for some "big" day to come (day 90 etc.), since you have to keep going after that day just like you did before.

NoFapMonkey1

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Re: I'm New Here-- Three Quick Questions on 'Reboot'
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2014, 10:49:55 PM »
Thank you, dc6 and Mart71-- I appreciate both of your thoughtful replies, and sharing of helpful perspectives!

Re: the ED drugs-- I think I WILL continue using them while slowly reducing the dosage as I go.  I accept that it may be delaying my actual reboot, and I also accept that once I go down to zero, I may be in flatline.

One thing that I feel IS happening well with my current Levitra-using method is that I AM shedding all of my unhealthy thought-habits-- I AM regaining sensitivity and excitement for PIV, and I AM able to get completely (emotionally/mentally/physically) 'swept away' by focusing exclusively on my girl and the sensations of caring, sharing, connected sex we've both really been enjoying together.

This in itself is a huge improvement for me--
I used to have to do multiple things during sex to get turned on enough to climax (sometimes even when using ED drugs), and these include closing my eyes and fantasizing about porn, or really just 'using my partner's body as a masturbation object', in a kind of disconnected way.  Or even, just having my partner really focus on getting me to climax.

I had also developed a fetish to the point where I was usually only interested in very large (porn-star sized) breasts.  My girl, however, is actually very thin and has small breasts-- however, sex together is so enjoyable and connected that when I'm in the moment with her, her body just as it is, is so beautiful, erotic and pleasing to me.  Touching her and looking at her face and her body while we are together is a big turn on, and all that's really required for my mental/emotional excitement & arousal and my (Levitra-assisted)-physical arousal.

In fact, when I have the 'chaser' effect the next day, my cravings are NO LONGER for anything porn-related-- they are more for actual PIV sex.  I am enjoying PIV more than I have in years.  For me, now, it is far, far, far more enjoyable than any kind of stimulation from my partner's hand or mouth (or my own hand).

SO MY CONCLUSION:
Having healthy, satisfying, connected sex using the ED-drugs now (with the resolve to continue gradually tapering off to nothing) is really giving me the chance to at least RE-WIRE my mental habits, minimize my porn-influenced cravings, and cultivate my cravings for actual-sex-with-actual-real-girl.  The PIV feels so good, even through the condom, when I'm in it, I can't imagine ANYTHING feeling better.  (Just about four years ago I really did feel like I'd prefer to PMO rather than having actual sex with an actual girl-- at the time I just felt that PMO took me to a more intense, satisfying place.  I just feel very differently from that now).

When my dosage is down to zero, I may well have some time where I'm unable to get hard (or as hard as frequently) as I am now, for a while.  But that's OK, I'll deal with it at the time.  If I have a 2-year-reboot, rather than a 1-year-reboot, but my girl and I are enjoying the process along the way, I think that's OK.

I am very certain that I will continue my strict No M and No P lifestyle from here on out, so I kind of feel like time is on my side-- the more time passes, the more I'll ultimately progress, even if there are some ups-and-downs in the non-linear recovery process.

P.S. On the other topic of my nipples, I think I've decided that I will address that after my ED is resolved (after I'm 100% off ED drugs).  It might be a bit 'unusual' for me as a man to overly rely on nipple stimulation to climax, but if my ED issues are resolved to the point of no longer needing any drugs, then that's still a huge victory that lands me in the 'all natural, all healthy' zone.  Once I arrive there, I can ween myself off nipples, but to me that would just be 'fine-tuning' at that point.

(I'm trusting that the more time that passes where I'm No M, and No P, my general erectile / libido / desensitization issues will continue to improve even alongside my nipples being part of my sexual habits.)
« Last Edit: April 29, 2014, 10:56:24 PM by NoFapMonkey1 »