Author Topic: Taha Journal  (Read 10795 times)

adrian

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #75 on: March 30, 2015, 01:05:37 AM »
Congratulations Taha!! You've got to 2 weeks, which is progress! Even though you watched P, you're still on a good road, you just gotta be a bit more strict with yourself!

Stay true to your cause and confident you can make!

jnv

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #76 on: March 30, 2015, 01:56:17 AM »
Congratulations man. You can be proud. And at least, you didn't give in after watching P and didn't say that since you'd already watched it, you could go all the way and MO. Well done.


mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #77 on: March 30, 2015, 04:04:53 AM »

mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #78 on: March 30, 2015, 04:05:15 AM »
nice, really. makes me wanna get there, too
yes you can make it.
and you can go far ahead of this.

mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #79 on: March 30, 2015, 04:05:57 AM »
Congratulations man. You can be proud. And at least, you didn't give in after watching P and didn't say that since you'd already watched it, you could go all the way and MO. Well done.
I gave to P, I masturbated in night.
but now back on track.
Thanks for support.

jnv

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #80 on: March 30, 2015, 04:21:11 AM »
Oh sorry to hear that. Good job on getting back on track right away.


mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #81 on: March 30, 2015, 04:28:01 AM »
Okay !
So first of all,
Thanks to all , who supported me in times of weakness and good times too.
Update : I masturbated while watching pornography in the midnight.
Any ways, Now I am feeling good, back in control.
I am back on track now.

So what made me relapsed. Lets go into details.

1. Outside Distraction: The stress and depression I got from my family, which hit me hard on day 13 and all of sudden my reboot got imbalanced.
2. Depression: I got depression from outside too, but reboot has it's own depression too, we have to undo that depression, But I think I failed to do that.
3. Anxiety: Lot of anxiety in my reboot process, I was sleeping 5 to 6 hours a working day, which was creating imbalance in the body.
4. Conflict with Past and myself: I indulged in conflict with my own past, I was mocking too much about my past and about myself.
5. Conflict with GOD: again I did the same mistake, instead of focusing on reboot, I started to mock GOD hard. It is a useless thing to do. it brings negativity in the process of reboot.
6. Sleep depreciation: due to anxiety , I use to sleep less which was creating imbalance.


What happened after relapse:
first I relapsed yesterday afternoon , just watching pornography, but in midnight, I completely relapsed.

1. Swing: after relapse , my mind again went into swinging mode.
2. Sexual release and Depression: instead of getting relaxation after sexual release, I got depression, it wasn't too strong, but it was there.

What happened after few hours of relapse:
After relapse I went to sleep. when I wake up, my mind was still in swinging mood, but soon I realized , that I am about to swing again, and I recognized my fault , and came back on track.

What should I do this time:
I set my counter reset and now I am going to beat my previous best here on rebootnation which is 14 days.

Planning for this time:
1. Mocking: I should avoid going into the conflict with myself and with GOD.
2. Family problem: I should avoid family problems, and try to make better relationship with parents, siblings and other relatives.
3. Sleep depreciation: I should get normal sleep this time in reboot.
4. Anxiety: to kill anxiety , best thing is to take rest and sleep, I should go for sleep and relaxation.
5. Depression: to kill depression as much as I can , I should go outside, take walks and enjoy life as much as I can.
6. Social anxiety: I will have to get myself out, and kill depression and social anxiety too.
7. Swinging: I should avoid swinging in reboot and stick to one plan.
8. Spend time on YBOP: I was spending too much time of RN, but now I should spend time on YBOP too.
9. Avoid fantasy & triggers: I should avoid fantasy and potential triggers in the reboot process, I should be more strict this time on myself.
10. Self Love: I should do some thing for self love, Listening to affirmations will help me build good relationship with my self. Self love is essential in reboot. I must stop mocking on myself and start to love my self.
11. Meditation: I should practice 1 to 5 mins meditation exercise daily this time.


1 to 5 mins meditation and self love affirmations daily this time.

One day at a time.
Muhammad Taha

mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #82 on: March 30, 2015, 04:28:38 AM »
Oh sorry to hear that. Good job on getting back on track right away.
Thanks buddy.
I am back on track again.

yoshi

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #83 on: March 30, 2015, 05:36:22 AM »
Seems like you had a few hard days recently , as an atheist , i do not exactly understand what do you mean when you say " i started to mck GOD hard " ?
And also what is your religion ?

and overall thought about your situation : you shouldn't involve the past , god or your family in your reboot.
You are doing this for yourself and yourself only , may it be a bit harsh but fuck the other.

You are looking for your own well being right now .

Be selfish in this quest

Cheers


mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #84 on: March 30, 2015, 05:52:52 AM »
I don't believe in GOD.
but instead of avoiding discussion on GOD, I wasted lot of time on other forums to Mock GOD and religions.
which I think is useless in my reboot, and brings negative consequences.
My religion is atheism

you are right, I should be selfish.
Fuck the rest.

mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #85 on: March 30, 2015, 05:54:51 AM »
it's all about the self love thing.

but what to do with chaser effect and urges ?
these urges are horrible.

mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #86 on: March 30, 2015, 06:17:15 AM »
How to deal with cravings and urges

In fact, “Coping with Urges and Cravings” is Point 2 of the SMART Recovery 4-Point Program®. The SMART Recovery Handbook has collected nearly two dozen strategies for dealing with them. Some of the approaches that work best for many are summarized with the easy-to-remember acronym DEADS – as in “Combat Urges DEADS.” Each letter stands for a useful approach:

    D = Delay. The mental activities of cravings and urges disappear over time unless you actively maintain them with your attention. Given time, they will run their course and disappear. If they aren’t gone in 10-15 minutes, then chances are you are still exposed to the stimulus that cued the urge in the first place. Just don’t give in no matter how bad the urge is and it will pass. All the urges you have ever had have passed. Once you have denied an urge, you know you can do it again and again. And after a short time, there will be fewer cravings and the ones you have will diminish in intensity. Waiting them out is a great step to recovery.

    E = Escape. Just leave or get away from the urge provoking situation. Run away from it. Leave the pub so that you can stop staring at the beer taps. Leave the supermarket where all the bottles of wine are so nicely displayed. If there’s an alcohol ad on TV, switch the channel. Just the act of escaping the trigger will focus your mind on something new – which will quickly lessen the urge.

    A = Accept. Put your urges and cravings into perspective by understanding that they are normal and will pass. It’s important in the recovery process to learn to accept discomfort. It won’t “kill” you and will be gone pretty quickly. You’ll feel good about what you’re learning and achieving.

    D = Dispute. If you’ve worked through the ABC or DISARM exercises, you may have developed a rational “Effective new belief” or counter statement to help you attack your (irrational) urges and cravings. These exercises help you productively diagnose past addictive situations and develop useful tactics for disputing them when they occur again – which will help them pass much more quickly.

    S = Substitute. When you get an urge, quickly substitute a thought or activity that’s more beneficial or fun. Take a walk or any other form of exercise. Pick up something new to read or turn on something to listen to. The possibilities to substitute (and lessen the craving more quickly) are endless. Think about and write down some possibilities to  have a list on hand when an urge occurs. Then just pick one to employ an effective response.

-----------------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx------------------------------------

This urge management exercise is based on the principles of DBT (Dialectal Behavioral Therapy)

If you have the urge to drink:

    Delay the urge
    Rate the intensity of the urge on a scale of 1-10
    Invoke a 15 minute delay using a timer (and longer is even better)
    Distract yourself by moving your attention to something else
        It has to be a pleasant activity
        Choose something incompatible with the urge to drink, so away from the temptation
        It needs to be opposite of the intention of the urge
    Write out the Pros and Cons using your Wise Mind before you make the decision to follow the urge to drink. What does your true self want? This 4 quadrant list builds more and more what your true self wants Describe facts; no judgment of self
        Pros of drinking
        Cons of drinking
        Pros of not drinking
        Cons of not drinking
    Re-check the urge to drink intensity If it is down -- safely go on with your day. If it is the same, do the 15 minute rule again

Repeat as many times as needed. Again, the more you practice this, the better and quicker it works.

If your urge is a 10 when you start the exercise, you are allowed to tell yourself that you can drink after you do the complete exercise if you know you are more in Wise Mind and are making an adult choice to do it because it is the best you can do at the time.

This will work whether you are choosing abstinence, or are choosing to control how much you drink.

It can also work with other types of urges as well as drinking urges, including inappropriately calling, emailing or texting someone when you are upset with them.


Works Cited

"5 Ways to Deal With Urges and Cravings." SMART Recovery. N.p., n.d. Web. 30 Mar. 2015.

"Urge Management." Urge Management. Web. 30 Mar. 2015. <http://www.hamsnetwork.org/urges/>.

Robert20

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #87 on: March 30, 2015, 06:46:57 AM »
Try not to worry to much about your relapse dude. Just relax and learn from your mistakes and move forward once again.   :)  I've relapsed/binged a lot of times, and this is probably my 15th reboot attempt or something crazy like that..   :'(  But it's normal for people to relapse in the beginning, don't panic though, at least you have started up again straight away. There is no reason why you can't go even longer this time! Try not to peek at porn though if you can help it man, by what others say here it's probably better to masturbate once just to feel rather than peek at porn. But try not to do any of those things!   ;D
I believe in you man, you can really do this, everyone here is in it together, don't worry.

Keep going and best of luck taha.   8)

mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #88 on: March 30, 2015, 09:23:32 AM »
Thank you robert.
You are right.
I am taking too much stress about the reboot process and relapse.
I am trying again extra hard to control my self.
Thanks for identifying that.
I should not worry much about all that.

But I think my defense mechanism against cravings and urges have failed badly.
I have adopted a new method for that, This is not a swing , it is a very conscious choice.
DEADS
D-DELAY
E-ESCAPE
A-ACCEPT
D-DISPUTE
S-SUBSTITUTE.

I have to be more strict on myself about the triggers and fantasy.

chaser effect is affecting me today.
intense cravings and low and depression attack at once.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2015, 03:05:45 PM by mtaha2015 »

NeverSurrender

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #89 on: March 30, 2015, 01:52:23 PM »
Get back on track and stay there taha!

mtaha2015

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #90 on: March 30, 2015, 03:55:56 PM »
did it again.
sorry guys.
I failed again.

I didn't masturbated but watch porn for long hours.

jnv

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #91 on: March 31, 2015, 04:03:37 AM »
In that case, you should spend the next precious hours finding ways to make access to porn harder. Install filters, K9, find harder to remember passwords, etc... so that you do not fall in the same trap next time.

Whenever you fail, it means that access to porn material was still too easy and you have to put more  things that will help you between porn and you.

Stay strong
« Last Edit: March 31, 2015, 04:46:37 AM by jnv »


yoshi

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #92 on: March 31, 2015, 04:39:17 AM »
you should maybe a consider a support group or a whatsapp chat in emergencies contest

NewAdam

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #93 on: March 31, 2015, 08:08:06 AM »
In that case, you should spend the next precious hours finding ways to make access to porn harder. Install filters, K9, find harder to remember passwords, etc... so that you do not fall in the same trap next time.

Whenever you fail, it means that access to porn material was still too easy and you have to put more  things that will help you between porn and you.

Stay strong

I totally agree K9 is a great tool that helps to reboot. At least for me...I used my wifes email to register it + only she knows the password. During many years of the fight I tuned up K9 in the best way that suits for me.

jnv

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #94 on: March 31, 2015, 08:45:46 AM »
In that case, you should spend the next precious hours finding ways to make access to porn harder. Install filters, K9, find harder to remember passwords, etc... so that you do not fall in the same trap next time.

Whenever you fail, it means that access to porn material was still too easy and you have to put more  things that will help you between porn and you.

Stay strong

I totally agree K9 is a great tool that helps to reboot. At least for me...I used my wifes email to register it + only she knows the password. During many years of the fight I tuned up K9 in the best way that suits for me.

Indeed, K9 helps a lot. I think that every single one of my relapse since I started less than a year ago, was the opportunity to question myself about how easy access to porn still was. And among all those tools, K9 is probably the most useful one. Since last week and in concert with K9, I've been using a mozilla module which helps me block the sites that were not blocked by K9 (you have to manually enter them in order to block them). With this, I think I now have a pretty strong barrier.


Shakrai

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #95 on: March 31, 2015, 04:53:41 PM »
While reading the "Your Brain On Porn" book, I got something I want to share with you.

Your brain doesn't rebalance itself on its own, just by meeting a quota of days and it'll be done.
You have to change your life and be able to enjoy others things in order for your brain to make other connections.
First time I tried (and failed on day 12) I was doing the same stuff, PC gaming and web chat and college stuff, all day.
Thus the relapse.
Now I'm making exercises, running every morning, and next week I'll start yoga classes, 4 times a week.
It's something I've always wanted to do, running early morning gets me up from bed and makes me go on my day, and lose weight, and yoga 4 times a week is just so wonderful for the mind and the body altogether (ever saw a flacid yoga monk? didn't think so), while also helping me lose weight - less stress = less junk food.
So now I'm doing this that helps me so much with stress from NoFap (it does, really... EXERCISING JUST HELPS SO MUCH) and I'm also doing something that I've always wanted to do, that is losing weight, getting fit, and improving my health.
Now that I've got all this sorted out, I can just focus on my career, my life goals, and improving my daily life, fixing my relationship with my gf, etc., since rebooting is pretty much "taken care of".
Also, I'm doing something, and I don't recommend this for anyone who hasn't the strongest Herculean willpower, it's opening up my favourite porn tube website everytime I turn on the PC/laptop, just checking the main page, and closing it. It's helping me get de-sensitized to porn, by reverse-conditionating my brain into seeing porn (I don't watch any videos, wouldn't make sense to) and not fapping, or not feeling any form of pleasure at all.
So, now, porn is not a very powerful thing on a corner of my mind, That Which Must Not Be Seen, like Voldemort or smth, but something I'm just leaving behind.
Also, hang out with friends!
Don't isolate yourself!  EVER! And you WILL want to... But it will be worse.
Spend time in nature!
Lots and lots and lots of sunlight!
Read some books!
Play air guitar...
And read YBOP book, it's really something.

Best of luck,
(now back on track) Shakrai.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2015, 10:13:17 PM by Shakrai »


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"Defeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality." ~Bruce Lee

adrian

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #96 on: April 01, 2015, 02:01:15 AM »
Stay strong taha! You're in charge of your own body / mind and you can overcome this demon. Don't give in to urges because they will offer nothing of value to you!

All you will receive is guilt and self pity! Deny them and be your own master!

Stay strong! Go out more, find pleasurable activities, hobbies and stay engaged! Lead an exceptional life!

Dcjo18

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #97 on: April 01, 2015, 10:17:33 AM »
Adrian has a great point there Taha ,these urges you're feeling are something you need to tell yourself immediately 'No!' when they arise, P or M is never ever a reward, ever. Try and keep your mind as engaged in activities walking reading writing, anything so that you make it difficult to think about relapsing, urges, or P. Stay strong buddy!

Atak

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Re: Taha Journal
« Reply #98 on: April 08, 2015, 09:27:21 AM »
While reading the "Your Brain On Porn" book, I got something I want to share with you.

Your brain doesn't rebalance itself on its own, just by meeting a quota of days and it'll be done.
You have to change your life and be able to enjoy others things in order for your brain to make other connections.
First time I tried (and failed on day 12) I was doing the same stuff, PC gaming and web chat and college stuff, all day.
Thus the relapse.
Now I'm making exercises, running every morning, and next week I'll start yoga classes, 4 times a week.
It's something I've always wanted to do, running early morning gets me up from bed and makes me go on my day, and lose weight, and yoga 4 times a week is just so wonderful for the mind and the body altogether (ever saw a flacid yoga monk? didn't think so), while also helping me lose weight - less stress = less junk food.
So now I'm doing this that helps me so much with stress from NoFap (it does, really... EXERCISING JUST HELPS SO MUCH) and I'm also doing something that I've always wanted to do, that is losing weight, getting fit, and improving my health.
Now that I've got all this sorted out, I can just focus on my career, my life goals, and improving my daily life, fixing my relationship with my gf, etc., since rebooting is pretty much "taken care of".
Also, I'm doing something, and I don't recommend this for anyone who hasn't the strongest Herculean willpower, it's opening up my favourite porn tube website everytime I turn on the PC/laptop, just checking the main page, and closing it. It's helping me get de-sensitized to porn, by reverse-conditionating my brain into seeing porn (I don't watch any videos, wouldn't make sense to) and not fapping, or not feeling any form of pleasure at all.
So, now, porn is not a very powerful thing on a corner of my mind, That Which Must Not Be Seen, like Voldemort or smth, but something I'm just leaving behind.
Also, hang out with friends!
Don't isolate yourself!  EVER! And you WILL want to... But it will be worse.
Spend time in nature!
Lots and lots and lots of sunlight!
Read some books!
Play air guitar...
And read YBOP book, it's really something.

Best of luck,
(now back on track) Shakrai.
Those are good points. Do you have the book or e-book?

mtaha2015

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Binge
« Reply #99 on: April 08, 2015, 06:48:26 PM »
Thanks guys for your posts. really helps me a lot. but right now I am going through a binge. I relapsed again just half an hour ago. Terrible feelings right after relapse. All my body's energy has gone. Feeling like crap. Came into reality again. I have found that when I get disconnected with the reboot process and forums I binge a lot. I will come here again with full force.
I will try.I don't know whats going wrong in my life, and What I am doing wrong. why I am relapsing again and again. I am feeling like crap man.