Author Topic: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.  (Read 14633 times)

Phase2

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Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« on: March 13, 2015, 04:38:55 PM »
Day 90. Success Story.

I remember my Day 1. I was really hungry to read success stories as I was skeptical if the No-PMO plan was going to help cure my PIED. So I’m posting a summary of my 90 days here in Success Stories for any of you new guys out there.

Again, this is a summary. If you want more details, you can check out my journal which is more extensive. I am a gay 49 year old man. My story is well trod territory: I started looking at porn around 12 (brother’s magazines) and slowly but surely kept at it until high speed internet took it all to the next level. I had some long term boyfriends during those years, but porn was never too far from my reality and that included AOL chat rooms, fetish websites, cams/Skype, phone sex, porn star worship, sexting, trolling dating sites and Facebook, tumblr, you name it. During this time, I met a lot of guys online and had a fair number of encounters. Most of the guys were cool and I even dated some of them.

I was always a little anxious about sex but over time, my erections became less reliable. I started using Viagra and Cialis around 2002. After that, I never had sex without it. Around 2014, I noticed that even with dick pills, my erections were weak or undependable. And even watching porn, sometimes I’d only get really hard right before I came. For a man, this is devastating. We are wired to be sexual and without that, your life feels hopeless. All chances for sexual contact and a possible love connection seem lost. I felt depressed and had nowhere else to turn as I’d gone to many doctors, therapists, acupuncturists, etc. over the years. Nothing was working.

By random chance, I came upon Gary Wilson’s TED talk this December on youtube. When the science of my problem was explained to me, I was dumbfounded. I honestly had no idea it was PORN that was ruining my sex life. In fact, I thought the opposite--that porn was my only solution to my ‘problem’. Five minutes after watching that video, I was onboard. I’ve not watched a second of porn since.

Week one I was pumped up emotionally because I was so hopeful that I’d found a solution. I honestly didn’t think a man could go very long without orgasming, but I committed and made it a week and was feeling good. I never got any of those ‘superpowers’ that you hear some guys talk about, but this week I felt jacked and very positive, so this was as close as I got to such a thing. The second week the flatline started and to make a long story short, this lasted until about Day 45 or so. Flatlines are good. If you don’t know you are going to have one they are scary and chase a lot of guys back to masturbation. But if you know its coming, you just ride it out and let your brain rest. Not having to struggle with being horny is a relief. (Educate yourself. I can’t say this enough. You will find all your answers at yourbrainonporn.com) Around Day 50 I was starting to finally get horny again and I rewired with a couple guys that week. First guy was just messing around with a friend--no O but my dick was working somewhat. This was major news and I was stoked. With the second guy it was more intense--like a real hookup. But my dick started out very slowly at first (half hard like the old days) but I rallied, got a solid boner at the end and orgasmed. It was a crazy, unwieldy orgasm, like I couldn’t control it and it kind of hurt a little like I had been ‘plugged up’ and the cum was breaking through the plug. But damn, I was so happy to have had reached O without a dick pill--I was thrilled. This orgasm sent me back into a weeklong flatline, but I was expecting this so all was cool. Days 75, 80 and 88 I had more rewiring with two different guys. My dick performed quite well and I feel well on the road to success. I don’t think I’m fully recovered at all and I did take small doses of Cialis on two of those occasions, but gentlemen, the change in my performance abilities from Day 1 to Day 90 have been remarkable. Remember, even with dick pills I was previously unable to really get a solid long lasting erection, now it’s a really good boner. Please stick with this program. I know it’s long, and challenges you in a way you are not used to, and there will be some very dull weeks in the flatline where you question what you are doing, but just hang in there. Some of you will recover faster, others may take longer. But don’t give up. As I go beyond Day 90, I will give up the dick pills for good, continue to never look at porn again and masturbate only very rarely--if at all. And orgasms will be hands free. I still have improvements ahead and I look forward to them. But unlike Day 1, I’m confident it will happen and that makes all the difference.

A couple thoughts:

Hand Holders. I am always surprised at how many guys post questions on RN that seem like they’ve barely read yourbrainonporn.com nor seen or listened to Gary Wilson’s TED talk. How could you not be fully vested in getting your sexual health back? Devour that website. Read it all, five times. Listen the radio shows. Watch all the videos. Most important, understand WHY you are rebooting. It will make it so much easier. There is a method behind this madness. If you’re just asking random questions constantly on RN, you just aren’t doing your homework. And considering what’s at stake, why aren’t you?

Leaders. There are a lot of guys posting here and many of them have very unique and complex life problems that they are dealing with--many far more difficult than simple PIED. Be aware that what everyone says here on RN may not apply to you, and some are just here for attention or community. Stay focused on YOUR success. Learn from those who are achieving their goals (Gary Wilson remains my go-to-guy for all information and William's thread is especially strong and helpful). Reboot Nation should be a temporary stop. Learn, commit and get on with life.

God and Jesus had nothing to do with my recovery. I did it by learning the science behind the problem and addressing it as a man who is responsible for my own self. If you want to use fantasy to sidetrack the reasons and solutions for your recovery, feel free. It’s your life. But I’d skip the hocus pocus. Learn the science: it will make recovery simpler and easier. It’s all there on yourbrainonporn.com.

Cold Showers. These are great during recovery. There will be weeks of flatlining when you feel down and numb. Cold showers pick you up. Way up. They electrify your body. They give you a jolt of much needed dopamine. Learn to love them. They discuss them here: http://ia601704.us.archive.org/3/items/Cyber20130409/cyber20130409.mp3

Gateway Porn. Turn it all off, completely. A lot of guys mess up here by trying the halfway approach. But the seeking and searching on Facebook, dating sites, match.com, Grindr, Scruff, Christian Mingle, Manhunt, Tumblr, Skype, Instagram, etc. are all part of the problem (I call these sites Gateway Porn or P-Subs). Unplug them ALL so your mind can rest. This is really important. If you have doubts that something is bad for you, it is. And install the K9 blocker to your computer to shield you from most porn--especially the ones that make your dick jump (you can also personalize what sites are blocked.) Use a complicated password that you give only to a friend for safekeeping so you don’t have it. K9 is not perfect but it provides an excellent speed bump to a lot of triggering porn.

Bonuses: A lot of guys say their voice gets deeper. I wish mine had, but I do think it is more ‘commanding’ at times now. I also noticed gains at the gym like I’d never had before--especially during the period when I wasn't orgasming at all. As a perennially skinny kid, this was awesome. It’s like the power force from masturbating and orgasming has been transferred to muscle development. You can’t beat that.

OK, well that about wraps it up. Special thanks to Patrick and Gay Gladiator for being strong accountability partners, and to all the guys whose posts helped me through this. I hope my story helps some of you new guys feel confident that your life can change in just a few short months and helps you get started. Men, this process will work. I’ll say it one more time: Learn, commit and succeed. Cheers!  8)
« Last Edit: April 06, 2016, 01:23:21 PM by Phase2 »



uralotuspetal

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2015, 06:20:14 PM »
Rock on.  24 hours for me, but feeling hopeful...

Charlie Marcotte

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2015, 07:15:29 PM »
Great stuff friend! Thanks for posting :) Success stories really motivate people!
I've been totally PMO free for 1.5 years!

Also check out the YourBrainRebalanced RadioShow: https://soundcloud.com/yourbrainrebalancedshow

neologism

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2015, 07:50:17 PM »
Take a victory lap!  :)

Thanks for writing so eloquently about your reboot. Your journal, along with the comments and links you left in others', were a big inspiration for me to follow your example and quit PMO.

I'm a couple months behind you, but it doesn't feel very far when I can see your example of what the light at the end of the tunnel looks like.

Gambit123

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2015, 07:10:21 AM »
Congrats phase two, i am so happy for you.thanks for supporting so many people on this forum, including me !

ready2go

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2015, 05:06:49 PM »
Now that changed my feeling about my day today.  A great post which completely inspired me.  Thanks Phase2.


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Patrick

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2015, 05:47:25 PM »
I love you, Phase2, you're awesome!!! Thanks and congratulations on your success story, and thank you for posting so eloquently. I'm not as rational as you are (I like a bit of hocus pocus), and you really inspire me. So cool! Have a great weekend and please keep on sharing with us. And thank you for your accountability when I needed it :) Cheers!


ready2go

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2015, 11:55:51 AM »
I really appreciated your post here P2.  Streamlining and getting down to basics without a lot of stuff growing around the edges is really important. 
The reaching out to something higher for help is understandable and often necessary and quite helpful.  But I'm on board with you slimming this down to bare bones, especially for new guys who just need to get started and keep it as simple as possible.

Without the dopamine floods I was experiencing with PMO for hour upon hour upon hour, sometimes 2, 3 times a day, there is a lot of exposed bare wiring in my brain and spirit.  The results are often not pretty, as they were not pretty yesterday.  But seeing that there is all that going on, I can do something about everything that becomes exposed and put it in a place that is manageable, and maybe even joyful. 

I'm so proud of you P2. 
R2G


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StevenT

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2015, 07:49:38 PM »
Congratulations on 90 days! You've provided some great information about what's worked for you. Your journal was one of the first I read and I could relate to your story right from the start. Thanks for sharing!

lyon03

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2015, 02:32:16 AM »
Great post Phase2. Thanks for sharing your journey brother.

challenged

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2015, 04:19:37 PM »
I don't see why it is necessary to refer to belief in God and Jesus as a "fantasy," or a spiritual faith as "hocus pocus." I think one should be able to express appreciation for the relevant science, and share a success, without disparaging others' faith. After all, we're here to encourage each other, right?
« Last Edit: March 17, 2015, 12:52:51 AM by challenged »

Jaystock

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2015, 04:35:34 PM »
Thank you so much phase. You are a stud. You story sounds a lot like mine. I took cialis for a while, and it worked, but the last few times I took it...nothing. I've had the flatline  as well. I was 98 days clean, until about 3 weeks ago. Then I had a horrible  lapse of judgment. Things were going so good for me, not just the no porn, but my confidence was at an all time high, I was very social. I'll get that all back, right now I'm kind of flatlining,  and would love a strong dose of dopamine,  but I will never watch porn again. Reading  your post really  encourage  me thank you so much. We are all so proud  of you. Keep up the good fight

Phase2

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2015, 08:31:13 AM »
Thanks for all the kind words, guys. Keep going strong!

And Jaystock, I recommend the cold showers when you want that dose of dopamine to lift you up. That worked for me and helped me through the long flatline. Cheers!



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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #13 on: July 13, 2015, 08:34:18 PM »
Wonderful post, Phase2.  Thanks for such an articulate and concise summary of your journey.  I'll read your journal as a go along my own path.

I especially appreciate the warning about flatlining.  I would not have anticipated that (even though I've seen it mentioned).  I'll go to YBOP and learn more so that I can slay that dragon when it arrives at my door.  Knowledge (along with cold showers) is power!

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #14 on: July 29, 2015, 05:38:06 PM »
Great post .It is true about the gateway porn. I stopped all Facebook and instagram and found quitting a lot easier. I also do cold showers. Staying the course.

heisenberg

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #15 on: July 29, 2015, 07:51:06 PM »
Great post Phase2. very inspiring. I wish you continued succcess in this journey.
Heisenberg
"Remember my name"


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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #16 on: July 29, 2015, 08:26:07 PM »
Thanks for this P2.  I noticed the gateway to be a problem untill I noticed what ai was doing also.  Gym gains are much improved also, it's as if all my energy had been diverted which it clearly had.

My wife told me to be a participant not a voyeur, I think we should all do this.

Watched "Hot Girls Wanted", all us guys should.

Dani

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #17 on: August 01, 2015, 10:57:26 AM »
As I gay man myself, I'm glad you managed to quit. It's difficult to forget about sex as the gay world is often too sexualized..

I'm going to try cold showers too!

Congratulations.

Phase2

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2015, 11:34:32 AM »
Yes, it is very sexualized. But I think these days, the whole world is, really. Knowledge about porn and how to combat the effects is key. Good luck buddy. DM me if you have any questions.



Phase2

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #19 on: October 12, 2015, 09:48:57 AM »
Just wanted to post an update. I had a 6 week period of using Scruff, which is a social app for gay men that most often leads to lots of seeking and searching and in my case, sexting. I think using Scruff set me back considerably and it led to some phone sex and webcam JO which I rationalized as OK because it was not 'porn' by the usual definition. But in the end, it was damaging to my recovery and I urge others to beware of these other types of situations that will feed your old porn dopamine pathways. I always tell people to commit 100% and now I understand that it goes beyond porn--to all those other things that may feed your dopamine needs and fetishes. I learned my lesson. I dumped Scruff and am working through the flatline that it brought on. I've had some PIED since using the app. The whole point for me of going through this reboot was to end PIED once and for all. Knowledge is key. Hope this helps someone out there who might be trying to loosen their boundaries a little bit. Don't do it. Stay strong, men.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2015, 12:00:46 PM by Phase2 »



Phase2

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #20 on: November 25, 2015, 11:56:15 AM »
After much thought, I am going to attempt another try online/app meeting site --with a very wary eye this time. I know it's dangerous territory but remains the only way I know to meet other men in town--and on a trip next week. I was off it for 72 days. I've signed up for one month and goal is to find a rewire realtime partner. Time will be limited and no webcam/JO. Stay tuned. If it gets out of hand I will delete. Otherwise things going well. PIED seems less of an issue now and I still have no interest in watching porn or PMO.

Other friends have recently come out to me as struggling with ED, so I'm happy to give them all the information we've learned here.



Phase2

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #21 on: December 17, 2015, 06:09:46 PM »
Wow, I hit a year no-pmo this week and almost didn't notice. Just wanted to post a 'hip hip hooray' out into the world. And to any of you new guys who might be struggling in your first weeks, I'm here to tell you it can definitely be done. I was a hardcore PMO guy--a couple times a day for many years and those first few weeks of abstention were pretty unreal to me (read my first post on this thread for a more detailed account). I thought it couldn't be done. But after buckling down and getting through the initial hard part, the desire and habit slowly faded away. By six months I rarely thought about porn. At one year, I doesn't really factor into anything.

My PIED is doing a lot better and I have a much better grasp on sexuality and attraction and what it means to be a man. All our journeys are different, but if you are thinking about tackling this, I strongly encourage you to do it. Learn as much as you can & commit 100%. You can do it!
« Last Edit: December 17, 2015, 06:56:28 PM by Phase2 »



Patrick

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #22 on: December 18, 2015, 12:39:01 AM »
Yahoo, Phase2!! Well done. I'm so happy for you. You've been an invaluable part of my journey, and I'm glad I met you here. I wish you constant success and happiness :) You're right, the desire to watch P dwindles away the more we stay away from it. What a relief! Please keep on posting.


Gambit123

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #23 on: December 18, 2015, 11:10:45 AM »
Phase2, thanks for posting and keep up the great work. Thank you for supporting me and the others on this site.

I think we all need to realize here that everyone's reboot is different and while Gabe and the community have done a great job with providing us with known information, there are a lot of unknowns. Some reboots may take weeks, others years. Some may need rewiring to get to the finish line, others may not. Some need to orgasm, some orgasming hurts their reboots. Lets just all remember to be patient, stick with the program, and live life. One thing I have learned in my last year of rebooting is that there is so much more to life to then picking up women online or at the bar and trying to sleep with them.

Phase2

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Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« Reply #24 on: March 24, 2016, 11:17:08 AM »
Random thought last night:

When I started this, my thinking was I had one problem: I couldn't rely on an erection during sex and I needed to fix that. So I went at this 100% and it's been a long but rewarding journey. Things continue to evolve and I'm feeling really glad that I tackled this head on. I'm pretty far along now, 450+ days. I don't count or worry about any of that anymore. I don't stress about porn either and really don't even get tempted to MO very often. Recently, I have noticed one imporant thing: it's my thinking about sex that has changed. Now that porn (and porn substitutes like dating apps-- Scruff--in particular. And now Twitter and Facebook) have been removed from my world, my anxiety and obsessions about sex have changed dramatically. My life is no longer ruled by my dick. Where before I spent pretty much all my time scheming for my next sex partner, or preparing for the encounter once it was booked, I just don't do that anymore. Every meal I eat is not scrutinized about how the fat or calories will affect my body or how I look in order to catch a mate. The gym is something I do now less to please others during sex, but more for myself. Vacations are not primarily focused as hook-up weekends. I don't even think I'd freak out about a less than stellar erection as much as I once would have. I'm just more relaxed about it. And I have time now to pursue other interests. Suddenly I am excited to make money, I'm looking to buy a new house, I've signed up for a community garden--all things that sat on the backburner as I sat whacking my dick in front of a computer for years. It's not perfect. I'm not a saint. I don't want to be. But I am better.

So now I realize, to fix my dick, it was my brain that had to come along with it. And it happened simultaneously and on it's own-- so I just want to encourage everyone to START the process. Everyone's journey is different. You will learn what works for you, and you will evolve along the way. Yes you will have setbacks, but you learn from them and as long as you keep moving forward, keep fighting, progress is at hand. I'm still moving forward. I still want to get better and I'm sure I still have more to learn. But I started and things are going well. If you are reading this and wondering if you should start a hardmode no-PMO reboot, with 100% commitment, the answer is YES, today. Do it!