Author Topic: I'M ADDICTED & I NEED HELP  (Read 1236 times)

bunnie

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 5
    • View Profile
I'M ADDICTED & I NEED HELP
« on: March 05, 2015, 04:13:39 AM »
I would proudly like to say that I have come to the consensus that 'I am addicted to porn and masturbation'. All this time I actually thought I was not addicted or this is very normal. So have a quick read to the little story I am about to say and please!!! help me out and give me your opinions, whatever it is you would like to say I really want to hear all you guys!
Please Dont Judge Me For What I May Say, I Am Super Happy To Be Here , and By Explaining Myself My Brain Feels Releaved :)


I am a 19 yr old male, and what even got me into learning about dopamine and discovering this great site WAS this... I have been with a lot of females but my very first time was when I was 16. It was in high school and I was very low confidence shy person. One time while in summer school (not my home school), I met someone from my home school. General conversations occured, which later became sexual as I was/am a very Horny dude BUT she was one hell of a horny girl too.
Time flew by summer school ended... Back to school. Over time we had discussed and agreed on becoming FWB, and I was real excited. One school lunch time I took her to my place, and we planned on having sex. She was not a virgin, I was but I lied that I wasn't. So we got going ... Starting with putting on Condom .. my penis which was a little erected maybe flopped on me. I thought since its my first time, its normal. After many tries I said to hell with this, Ill just try w/o. Trying missionary my penis would not go in (NOT STIFF ENOUGH), okay... well I thought to myself why not try Doggy .. no good there... Then i thought if she goes on top itll be easier right.. we tried that. I think maybe I was at maybe 60%--70% erect and she went on top. She was doing her thing, but I could barely feels anything and after maybe 10--20 seconds she had cramps in her stomach and this scared the crap outta me I insisted we stopped thought she wanted to keep going. But I stopped.
And That friends.. was my first encounter.
So it was my first time, I am 16. I need practice BLAH BLA Bl... Those were my thoughts.

Long story short I have been in contact with maybe 10 girls, tried to have sex with 4. All the times i tried having sex with those girls my penis would be fine i can feel it down there though only at maybe 70% erection until I had to put on condom. AND everytime I tried putting it on.... My penis flopped COMPLETELY! I mean once.. Twice its fine. But EVERYTIME.
I thought I just dont know how to put it on, or next time rush it so my penis stays stiff. Still no luck... I thought maybe my penis is a bit too long in width .. so a larger size... but no!!

So one time I requested my partner (My AGE 18) if I can do w/o it... before I penetrate her my penis is DEAD. This repeated  every single time. I am okay with blowjobs, thought I dont feel like they are super sensitive (I never finish). I received alot of them but its never a super amazin feel like masterbating, though my dick is 80--90% erected tduring blowj. But before penetration ... DEADDDD.

(AGE 19) I am talking to this girl, I am at her place and I have told her about my Penis problems thinking i would feel more comfortable with her and maybe that'll help.. I am OLD now.. But same thing... When putting on Condom it flopped. When I tried w/o it it woulndt go in.. (Not Hard Enough) at this point she was dying for me to fuck her... BUT my dick bailed on me again right before penetration.

Now I relaized after all this time... MANNN somethings up, and I need to get checked. I went to see a doctor. Very awkward never had a convo like this, never thought would have to... I explain her the situation, she checks if my penis is fine (It Was) and asks to do a blood test, to check for my testostrone levels. I have not done the test., mainly out of laziness. This was 2 weeks ago. I remember talking to the doctor about watch porn and masturbating, when she asked if I was aaddicting I replied definetly not. Which I was not lying about, I actually thoguht I am not addicted....

After that appointment, Every girl i talk with I am scared to keep talking to her just in case she wants to have sex because I wont be able to. So, back on my head I am slowly feeling not to talk to or look for girlfriends becuase I wont be able to have sex. This is too serious.

Present DAY (March 5, 2015).
I was on adderoll, studying for my test. The day comes to an end, and I feel live and get a thought of porn and jack off. So i do! My friend ahd told me to not masturbate when on aderol, so i googled what happens if you masturbate on aderol. And ended up landing on here.

(A Small Situation I Deal With)
I am a right haded person, i remmeber using my right hand a long while back to masturbate. I do not know how it has changed but when i masturbate... my left hand always slips into my pants until climax. With or without porn, if i feel horny, nervous, happy.... my left hand slips under my pants fondles with my penis untill i finish. When watching porn, I click thru alot of different videos untill i finish. I didnt realize.... there are days i dont masturbate (a day or two...) when i do, I can masturbate 5--10 times in a day. If I have masturbated 2--3 times, even if I dont feeel like it i go for more times just for the ehck of it. When I am really nervous about handing in assignemnt, exam, i have stress.... I masturbate. Sometimes I have to masturbate to even go to sleep. I dont know if i made this clear.. but i slip my hand in my pants at random times like watcing a show, reading something on my laptop, facebooking...and even if not wanting to masturbate i start jacking up and down which ends up resulting in a full masturbation. I am sccrooling my computer with my right hand looking at say news and I start matebatn with my left slippin in my pants for no reason. So I can masturbate both to porn and not porn.


(Back To Present DAY).
After masterpating today, and later coming across this website I read the material for 2--3 hours (from 1am to now.. 4am).
Mostly all stories sound like mine, some men are old and some are young. but overall everything fits like a puzzle piece.
I guess i started watchin porn at an earlier age, and curosity led me to watching more. It was fun, and i jacked off alot! When time came to be a man and have sex, i became a little wuss. And now its a major issue for me, to an extent it hold me back to get things serious with any girl.

BUT! better late than never, I have found where the problem is. And what might have led to it.
But by hearing my story in a nutshell, can you guys tell me if its the porn and the masturbation that has caused my sex life to drown? I am technically not a virgin.. BUT at the same time I AM.
Now this problem affects me in all ways.. : girls, confidence, self esteem ... I REALYY NEED HELP. I AM DESPERATE.
My only and very mundane question:
WHAT SHOULD I DO, HOW SHOULD I DO? WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO MAKE LOVE? HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?
Take this as my rehab, please send me alot of opinions and thoughts and any suggestions for me that I can do/practice to heal myself. As Of Now I think I have found my problem, please also confirm that this is my problem (SO.. I know I am on the track now). But most importantly.. HOW? because if this is my problem.. porn/mastubation it comes back to me random times and its weirdly hell a hard to not give in to the feeling. BUT I AM ADICTED I NEED HELP AND SUPPORT.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2015, 04:33:44 AM by bunnie »

jkkk

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 651
    • View Profile
    • My journal
Re: I'M ADDICTED & I NEED HELP
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2015, 06:15:15 AM »
Welcome. Good you are hear.

You're 19, you one lucky person ;) Life is in front of you. Do you really want to live it porn free? Wanting that is the most important thing to succeed.

BASICS:

A typical reboot:

- 90 days, (time spans differ; I'd say if you are a young guy with some real sexual experiences, you might be ok after 90 days, but you might as well need 150 days, be flexible)

- no P, no M, no O

- no dopamine-inducing stuff; what is it? anything that resembles your addiction like: gossip sites, dating sites, facebook, instagram, other Internet site with girls or women, even fully dressed / any activity involving searching for arousing material, clicking

- rewiring; what is it? contacting with REAL people, socializing, dating, preferably WITHOUT sex

After a typical reboot:

- rewiring further; contacting with REAL people, socializing, dating, sex may be an option

- some guys discover there are "cured" and feel OK; ditching P forever in my views is the only option; ditching M is an open option (I chose it, many most successful rebooterers here, the role models, founding fathers, chose that too so that's food for thought for you); ditching O is absolutely unnecessary: you're supposed to enjoy O in a fulfilling sexual encounter with a willing partner, possibly in a long-term, caring and loving relationship

- some guys discover that the ED may be gone, but they have a lot of things to take care in life; "unfelt" feelings, childhood issues, adolescene issues, behavioral issues; some enrol for therapy; most successful embark a never-ending journey of personal growth, learning the true meaning of life, learning how to deal with happiness and sadness alike

GOOD MATERIAL:

My favorite, comprehensive description of correct reboot mindset, can be found here, take your time to read it

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.0

A fantastic video explaining all the PMO addiction biology that will HELP you understand what happened to you, and to all of us, and how to get rid of it

http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

ADVICE:

- write a journal in your age section

- read the journal of others, help others, reach out

- contribute and belong

- learn about the addiction (video above is step nr 1, but I suggest you watch it a few times during your reboot)

Questions? Ask :)