Author Topic: **Accountability Partner Requests**  (Read 17470 times)

Gabe Deem

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**Accountability Partner Requests**
« on: April 21, 2014, 11:55:15 PM »
**Accountability Partner Request Thread**

What is an "accountability partner?" = Accountability partners are pairs who hold each other responsible for their sexual habits - someone who commits to supporting and following you along the process of rebooting.

Why get an accountability partner? A few reasons...

1) As the forum grows it will be hard to keep track of everyone's journals. If you are busy, having a partner will keep things fast and simple. The days you have more time, you can venture off into other journals of course, but if you have a partner you can easily give consistent support and help each other, without becoming overwhelmed by numerous entries.

2) Giving/receiving support during the reboot process is highly beneficial, and if you can consistently do so that is even better. Knowing there is someone who is in this reboot process with you can be very calming and soothing. Knowing you are not alone is very helpful, and it is the truth.

3) You will have someone to relate to. Someone who understands some, if not most, of what you describe during your reboot, and who will be trucking along Recovery Road with you, cheering you on when times are bad, and celebrating with you when positive steps are taken.

*RULES FOR ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS* 

1) Partners will post IN EACH OTHER'S JOURNAL, or if needed through private messages. This is very important, as your reboot account will remain all in one place, and the forum will not be broken down further into smaller, not as active sections. Ask for a partner in this thread, then once you have one, follow each other's journals and post there!

2) The main forum rules still apply in accountability partner posts. We will be positive and supportive and not push anything on each other. To review the rules go here: *FORUM RULES*

3) You can have more than one accountability partner, but PLEASE avoid doing this unless you are sure you have enough time to be of help to multiple people. The last thing a rebooter needs is a partner quitting on them halfway through their reboot and leaving them feeling abandoned. However, if a situation comes up where you no longer can be a partner (we all know life happens), please let your partner know so they can come back to this thread and request another partner!

4) If your partner relapses, do NOT shame or criticize. This will do no good. Instead offer advice or a different perspective of looking at the situation. Tough love is all right, a personal attack is not. If you have offered all the advice you can give and they keep slipping, you don't have to say anything, just be there for support and reassure them that they can in fact, recover, as many others have before them.

5) Encourage each other to learn as much as possible about this addiction. When you learn something new on this site or YBOP, share it with your partner. The more you know, the better the advice you can give your accountability partner. The better understanding you have of how porn can re-wire and actually numb your brain, hopefully the less desirable porn will become (as happened for me). Then you can come up with a plan of action. In my experience, knowledge is power for rebooters.

6) Just post a comment with a few things about your situation/life/reboot status and request a partner. But first go through earlier comments and see if anyone needs one.

7) After you get a partner please "modify/update" your request post at the top saying you now have a partner. This will save people time who are searching for a partner.

Keep it simple. We are ALL in this together.

Thanks and I hope the best for everyone,

Much love,
Reboot Nation!
« Last Edit: April 22, 2014, 03:29:47 PM by Androg »
Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem. Please consider supporting Reboot Nation on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gabedeem

Mojo

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2014, 07:53:43 AM »
I am 50 years old and have been using pornography and masturbation since my early teens.  I have been married for almost 20 years although for over 1/2 that time my wife an I have not had sex.  I have been trying to quit for PMO for several months and have made it a couple of weeks before relapsing.  I am here looking for someone in a similar situation looking for an accountability partner.

dadsprimalscream

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2014, 01:16:55 PM »
I am just revisiting this site after a long hiatus. I never really participated much but I first became aware of this concept over a year ago. Deep down I've always suspected that my porn use was at the center of my life struggles. At least it hasn't been making anything better.

So, I am prepared to let it go ....and seriously.  I think I need an accountability partner to give me the edge I need.

I am a 49 year old, divorced, gay father of 4. I come from a rather strict religious background so I've had large periods of time in my life when I haven't viewed porn or even masturbated. Now that I no longer subscribe to the same beliefs, it is all "morally" OK so I've kind of been on a binge. I want to stop porn because I believe it's the wise thing to do for me right now, not because I believe it's morally sinful.

philkar41

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2014, 04:06:01 PM »
Hello

I am new here but like what the forum stands for.  I consider myself the casual porn user but really hate the feeling after . Further with more research into the topic  I am realizing that continued use only encourages women abuse as that creates a market for porn, and from the articles here harms my brain

I am looking for an accountability  partner to help me flush this thing off my system as I start my journey

Cheers

Phil

thenyteowl

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2014, 11:11:38 AM »
I'm looking for an accountability partner....


....hey everyone. I'm someone that found this site in the past but didn't use it. I was successful in abstaining for 90 days, then relapsed. This time I'd like to take use of the forum and get support / be support for others going through the same journey. If you are interested just reply, or write to me in my journal. Good luck to all.

savingmysoul

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2014, 11:02:07 AM »
I am looking for an accountability partner -

I am 45, married to an incredible woman with two great kids.  I am 171 days free from P & M, a PIED sufferer (but improving).  I looking to have someone i can reach out to should the need arise, to check-in with, and to be there if needed.

Please feel free to post in my journal - "SMS", or send me a private message.

thanks,

Philonous

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2014, 07:31:34 PM »
I too need an accountability partner. I'm a married man in my 50's. My present marriage is my second; we've been married only two years. I'm trying to get free of porn, but there are problems in the marriage right now, and at work. Predictably, I've turned to porn for pleasure, and then felt the pain immediately afterward. I'm a goddam mess.

Putz

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2014, 11:02:32 PM »
Hi, I'm new around here but feel I need help and someone to check in with.  Any suggestions or thoughts would be welcome and appreciated...

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2014, 07:51:11 AM »
Hi,

I am a 42 year old porn and sex addict. I am currently on day 6 of my recovery. I have stopped several times before and always relapsed. I am here to make sure this is recovery for good this time. I am seeking an accountability partner. I will be starting my journal soon.

A little about me: I am married (18 years) and have been addicted to porn in some fashion since I was probably 12. I have been using porn almost every day since then, starting with old school porn of course! When I got out of college and started using the internet regularly, things greatly accelerated. My porn addiction lead to cheating with men and women, and was caught twice (last time was a year ago). I am still with my wife and I want to make sure that this problem never reoccurs. Please let me know if you would like to be my accountability partner.

UPDATE 9/8: Found a partner! Thanks :-)
« Last Edit: September 08, 2014, 03:52:56 PM by Pheonix »


tom4newlife

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2014, 12:10:34 AM »
I would like an accountability partner. I could use a lot of day-to-day contact right now. I've been sober since July16,2014 and attending SA and another men's group. Going through more withdrawal symptoms now and just need some encouragement.
Thanks

Nicksam1

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2014, 04:47:52 PM »
I am a 47-year-old man who began using porn as soon as masturbation became possible. I have never ejaculated with someone else in the room. I feel like a freak even though I know that I am not. I have not masturbated or even returned to porn (unless glancing at Kim Kardashian's wine glass counts) since I really started this and I seek. My largest anxieties, including depression, come from non-performance of sex. I seek an accountability partner to help me to understand how to break the conditioning I have imposed upon myself.

tohellwiththedevil

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2015, 05:15:54 PM »
I'm in desperate need of an accountibity partner. I'm 45 years old With a great family. I've been an addict for practically 36 years and trying to do the best I can in dealing with my demons. I've completed 12 step with celebrate recovery and I want to get rid of all my hang ups. What started with magazines moved to the internet. Ive almost lost my family over cheating on my wife.If there is somebody that can answer my call please contact me. If I can help anyone out there please drop me a line. God bless and please know there is strength in numbers.

MrEd

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2015, 08:26:28 AM »
I'm looking for an accountability partner....

I need help, I'm sick and I want to recover. I have received valuable advice which Ive ignored and now I'm at the very bottom of despair.

I feel like I cant escape, like life is passing me by. 46 years old and career destroyed because of porn addiction. I need to spend my time in front of PC looking at sex or I feel I will die.

Time now to make a stand but I cant do it alone, could someone partner me please?

Cheers

Mr Ed

ready2go

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2015, 07:04:39 PM »
Here is my request for an accountability partner.  I promise not to be judgmental but to be a supportive resource.  Since I'm just getting started, my commitment is exceptionally high.  My guess as to how long that will last is about three days, and then I'll be needing some help and support.  Hope you're out there! 


u=496865

Rockit

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #14 on: March 03, 2015, 09:54:16 PM »
EDITED (Wrong forum)
« Last Edit: March 04, 2015, 10:36:49 AM by Rockit »
Last time PMO'd: March 31 @ 1:48am

Best streak: 206.21

Icandothis

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2015, 03:25:45 PM »
I'm really at the spot where I need an accountability partner.  Just jumped off the wagon after logging more than 200+ days of freedom from porn.  It's been a tough month.  Thought I could run this race on my own but on my own I am left to my own vises.  Oh, I'm 53 yrs old, married and have struggled with PMO since jr high.  Thank you in advance.

Heroic

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #16 on: May 05, 2015, 07:24:36 AM »
I would like an accountability partner. I'm 49, married, 3 kids and have struggled with PMO for 20+ years. I'm reading YBOP and it's opening my eyes profoundly. I'm not judgmental and would be honored to journey with someone else in this. My commitment is extremely high. Hope to find someone here!

newbeginnings

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #17 on: July 24, 2015, 05:36:42 AM »
Hey people,

Yeah, cant write much right now as got a lot on. We are all here as we recognise the damaging effects artificial sexual stimulation does to us. For me it was less porn and more chatting to people on sex sites, cybering etc. But the background of porn on such sites sure was toxic as well.

I am three days into my commitment to leave this behind. Its really affected the last two years of my studies, motivation, memory etc. Also, I have a lovely gf, and I am sick of feeling the guilt of emotionally betraying her and also the stupid bullshit crap my mind comes up to justify my behaviours. It was bad, i felt pretty locked in and compulsive acting out. I knew it made me feel terrible, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and yet could not stop. Also I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, who are wonderful, 16 and 18. And I want to be the best dad to them, and an inspiration to them.

Even after 3 days I feel a lot better. I am looking for an accountability partner to share this journey with and gain and give support and wisdom when needed.

Thanks..
« Last Edit: July 24, 2015, 02:07:20 PM by newbeginnings »

parex

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #18 on: July 25, 2015, 02:56:35 AM »
Hi..I am 21 year old and I this is my first day of rebooing ..I need  accountability partner ...

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Looking for a Accountability Partner.
« Reply #19 on: December 17, 2015, 09:53:16 PM »
Hi everyone, I am looking  for an accountability partner for this to keep in contact with on a regular basis. I can be very positive and supportive. Looking for the same from a AP. I am 46 yo. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Let's overcome this hurdle.  A better life awaits. Look forward to hearing your response. Thank you.

crispxity

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #20 on: February 17, 2016, 01:45:14 PM »
41 years old and looking for help...  I have been on this road for so long it sometimes seems like I will never overcome.  I have some insight and still some fight left in me but it would be nice to lean on someone else for a change.  I check my email daily and will be available to anyone else who is looking to move on to a better life once and for all.  Thanks

Bear46

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #21 on: March 04, 2016, 12:10:17 PM »
Hi 46 male addicted to porn and dont know how to get it under control and need to before it destroys
My marriage any advice or basically anything else will be very helpful

flyboy97222

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2016, 12:11:49 PM »
Looking for an acountability partner-

44 married man, an amazing wife and 2 wonderful children.

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #23 on: May 08, 2016, 05:21:35 AM »
I'm looking for AP, been hardlining off PMO for just over a month. I'm over 40 and diabetic but have done vascular testing and the doc says circulation is good so here I find myself looking for answers. I'm Straight, have a new gf who I've talked to about PMO issues. She is supportive. I'm Not that experienced when it comes to forums but I've been journaling on here roughly every day or so. The struggle is real although I haven't and don't want to watch P anymore. Inbox me if you think we could help each other.
RJ

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Re: **Accountability Partner Requests**
« Reply #24 on: May 23, 2016, 03:16:25 PM »
I think accountability is an important step in recovery. However, it can't just be focused on the behavior alone. We have to get to what is underlying the behavior. Masturbating and porn is just a symptom of an underlying problem. It's like having a cold and all you do is focus on what type of tissues to buy for your runny nose or what kind of cough drops to get. It's focusing on a remedy for the symptoms and not getting at fixing the root issue which is the cold. Creating a safe environment for accountability to explore that is definitely critical. That being said, it’s also important to make sure that accountability questions asked get to heart level matters. Guys have to feel safe and have a level of trust established in order to go to that level though. I see three main types of accountability. Cop accountability where the cop takes a “gotcha!” legalistic approach to the person being held accountable. There is also coach accountability where the coach tries to be very positive and encouraging and finally there is cardiac accountability where the person gets to heart level issues and matters with the person being held accountable. This gets at the underlying things that manifest with symptoms of acting out (porn, masturbation, affairs, etc.) The key with accountability is not just focusing on the symptoms which is how the person acted out (cop and coach) but to get to the underlying root issues or causes that were behind the acting out (cardiac). http://www.mymensgroup.net/accountability-resources.html
For support and accountability resources visit: http://www.mymensgroup.net