Author Topic: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out  (Read 10366 times)

ntg

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50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« on: February 11, 2015, 02:09:25 PM »
Well, my computer's monitor recently stopped working, so I was not able to get online here for a while.  Also, my business has been going very slowly, not making enough, so I'm having to start a job and work on my own PT.  I'm definitely not giving up on my dream though, and staying strong.  I hope all of you are doing well and staying strong.  Won't be able to devote as much time to this website as in the past as I won't be working from home any longer for a little while.  I'm still going strong with no PMO, and feeling really good.  Porn does not even tempt me anymore at this point.  I get cravings now (I'm at day 50), but not for porn, just for sexual intimacy, which I think is healthy.  I cannot always act on these desires, so I still workout or read or something until I am in a place where I can.

For those of you starting out, I'd like to offer a few tips that have helped me get this far:

1. Focus on your life and your goals, not on how long it's been since you PMO'd last.  Let porn become something that's in your rearview mirror of life.

2. When you're tempted to look at porn, read about the real-life porn stars who tell about their experiences when not behind the camera, at http://www.thepinkcross.org - it really has a way of dehumanizing the whole industry and leaves you with this sick feeling about porn, which is a good thing, because it really is sick - that is reality.

3. Get involved in helping others on this site, especially when you're first starting out.  I've seen a lot of blogs on here, where not many people post to them, because the people who post them don't post on others' blogs.  Reach out to others first, and they will reach out to you as well.  Get that feeling of brotherhood or sisterhood from this website and others like it.

4. Focus on meeting people in real life; go out and date, or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, then learn how to approach women.  Oftentimes, men use porn as a way of ignoring the fact that they don't feel comfortable approaching and talking with women (I"ve done this in the past as well).  Instead, be real with yourself and learn what you need to know in order to deal with your ignorances and fix yourself, instead of ignoring your limits.

5. Don't use other things besides porn in order to stay away from porn; don't use video games, movies, etc. because it will just keep giving your bran a dopamine fix, and will keep you in that phase where you'll keep feeling withdrawls.  Best way is to stop doing all the fake stuff, realizing that it is just that, fake, and that you must surround yourself with reality if you are to get well.  Face life, face your fears, feel the feelings you are trying to ignore and pretend do not exist, and you will no longer be subject to them.

Lastly, I have posted this URL I don't know how many times, but it really is one of the best eye-openers and pieces of advice out there, I believe, so check out this post by Underdog:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

I will keep coming back here and posting when I can.  Everyone stay strong and keep fighting for what you want in life!

Nate


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

lyon03

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2015, 12:52:36 PM »
Once again, well done my friend! Your story is in inspiration. Keep going brother.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2015, 02:50:38 PM by lyon03 »

mybestself

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2015, 03:31:21 PM »
Thank you for your post ntg, you've got some good pointers there!




ntg

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2015, 03:11:38 AM »
Thanks guys, I'm glad it has helped somewhat :)  Just some things I have learned on my journey thus far.


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

t00futca

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2015, 06:45:19 PM »
4. Focus on meeting people in real life; go out and date, or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, then learn how to approach women.  Oftentimes, men use porn as a way of ignoring the fact that they don't feel comfortable approaching and talking with women (I"ve done this in the past as well).  Instead, be real with yourself and learn what you need to know in order to deal with your ignorances and fix yourself, instead of ignoring your limits.

Okay, how does a 40 year old man do that?  This is stuff one is supposed to have learned growing up.

ntg

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2015, 09:57:43 PM »
Start with something simple, like go to a mall and smile and say hello to all the women you see.  I've been in the same boat; I think most guys start in it.  Just a matter of realizing that a lot of the beliefs we have about women are just plain wrong.  It's one thing to know it intellectually, it's something quite different to experience it first hand.  Once you can easily smile and say hello to women (no matter how beautiful they are), you'll start feeling more comfortable with them, and you'll notice you naturally start talking with them and holding conversations; I would label this phase as easy confidence, because it's not something you have to force.  When you get to that stage, you'll start getting lots of reactions from women, and then you can really start dating and hanging out with them.  Hope this helps.


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

mosa

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2015, 06:54:17 PM »
Start with something simple, like go to a mall and smile and say hello to all the women you see.  I've been in the same boat; I think most guys start in it.  Just a matter of realizing that a lot of the beliefs we have about women are just plain wrong.  It's one thing to know it intellectually, it's something quite different to experience it first hand.  Once you can easily smile and say hello to women (no matter how beautiful they are), you'll start feeling more comfortable with them, and you'll notice you naturally start talking with them and holding conversations; I would label this phase as easy confidence, because it's not something you have to force.  When you get to that stage, you'll start getting lots of reactions from women, and then you can really start dating and hanging out with them.  Hope this helps.

Great Advice ! Thank you for sharing it.

goffredo

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2015, 09:40:57 PM »
learn how to approach women
Okay, how does a 40 year old man do that?  This is stuff one is supposed to have learned growing up.

Be really, really, really, ridiculously good looking?   ;D Sorry couldn't resist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHHEcmZtJvY

danger

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2015, 08:26:51 PM »
thanks for reaching out and replying to my first post, Its nice to get some feedback from opening up on here. It didn't even cross my mind to read some of the success stories until you recommended it. Also very helpful post for guys in my position just getting started with the reboot and new to this community. Anyway thanks again and congrats on how far you have made it.
Onward and upward

CB

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2015, 03:31:05 PM »
Started out 2-3 weeks ago. Feels heavy right now.. Thanks for your post! I believe each and everyone on here is an inspiration to the newbies.

DanteKO

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2015, 01:25:01 PM »
Very solid advice that I'm using now. This is the kind of advice that helps people stay on the path of rebooting but also helps them face their buried emotions and pain they've been trying to avoid, which many (but not all) heavy porn users have not confronted.

BestVersionOfMySelf

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #11 on: August 06, 2015, 11:26:09 AM »
I just bookmarked this page. A golden mine of informations, now good reminders to read and read again, Thanks !

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2015, 05:49:49 PM »
Hi Ntg,


great post. I keep coming back and rereading it.

zaraki888

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2015, 05:03:34 PM »
Thank you very much ntg!

I love them all, especially number 5! I realised instead of PMO, I am watching anime, waste time reading reviews and things like that! Very eye opener.

Keep up the good work!

I was thinking putting a tutorial how to completely block porn from any device with a whole list of sites to bypass. It took me years to make a list of it. Every time I was able to find another website, I recorded it all.



winnie831

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2015, 05:24:17 PM »
Thanks for the encouraging post. Your advice was really helpful, especially the link to the Pink Cross Foundation. I have been viewing pornography since I was 12, and I am completely disgusted by it. I hope to finally have the strength to quit for good.  Stay strong.

RewiringRecovering

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2015, 06:02:15 AM »
Quote
2. When you're tempted to look at porn, read about the real-life porn stars who tell about their experiences when not behind the camera, at http://www.thepinkcross.org - it really has a way of dehumanizing the whole industry and leaves you with this sick feeling about porn, which is a good thing, because it really is sick - that is reality.

I'm looking through this site right now and it's sickening and shocking what porn performers have to go through - being anally raped, ending up covered in bruises, almost miscarrying children, catching STD's and being stigmatised by society when they finally get out of it. There's nothing sexy or glamorous about the world of porn at all and I needed to read this.

Quote
Lastly, I have posted this URL I don't know how many times, but it really is one of the best eye-openers and pieces of advice out there, I believe, so check out this post by Underdog:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0

This is a brilliant post. Again, thanks.
« Last Edit: September 08, 2015, 06:04:21 AM by RewiringRecovering »

Aloo3011

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #16 on: September 11, 2015, 01:10:38 AM »
Thanks for giving info about the pinkcross.com . It really shaken me and now I will not support porn by watching it. 
I feel as if due to me an innocent is raped . If I watch a category suppose "brutal" it means I am encouraging rape by saying " Yes , rape someone I want to watch it.. "

Feeling ashamed.. :-[ :'(

BeastMode

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Re: 50 days no PMO, some advice if you're just starting out
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2015, 09:09:57 PM »
Hey man! Thank you so much for sharing pinkcross.org! This will help me for my reboot! Let's stop supporting porn!