Hello,
Just wanted to post something based on my experience about a thought quite a few people seem to have. The thought is,'well I've not looked at P for some time now, it would be interesting to take a look just to see how I find it'. I acted on this thought about 10 years ago, having given up P for a few years previously because I knew my use was very compulsive.
For me this thought was accompanied by, 'well, I've managed to give it up for quite a while. So if it is a problem to look at it, it should be easy to stop again. At least I know how to do it'. Anyway, I acted on that thought ten years ago. It felt weird to look at the porn at first - 'What? I really used to enjoy this? It feels a bit seedy and gross'. However I M'd and O'd and about a week later had the idea of looking at it again. Things went downhill over a few months and my use got completely out of control again. After about 5 years, I went to some 12 step meetings (like alcholics anonymous, but for sex addiction) which helped to slow me down but didn't stop me completely. The most time without P I've had in the last ten years has been about 6 weeks - which I managed a few times. But sometimes it's also been really bad. I stayed up really late looking at P almost every day in January for example.
So, it wasn't as easy to give up again as I thought! (After ten years I think that counts as an understatement ). Why?
Well, firstly, what I did not know at the time was that because my use of P was longstanding, I had set up a circuit in my brain that will probably always be there. It may weaken, but realistically, part of me will probably always find it easy to go back to P. I would liken the feeling of this to never forgetting to ride a bike - or to ice skate for example. I skated recently for the first time in 20 years. I was a little wobbly at first, but found my balance within about 20 minutes. Compare this to someone who has never skated before, who may need several hours of practice to even begin to get the hang of it. So, because I am used to it, my brain knows how to use P compulsively, and finds it very, very easy to fall back into that mode given half a chance. So if you have used P compulsively, rebooted, and not had a relapse, it may be easier than you realise to become addicted again. If you are thinking about it I would just ask you to think about what I am saying and ask: is it worth the risk? For me I started enjoying and craving extreme P again after a few weeks, having not really thought about it at all for a couple of years.
The other reason I think I have found it difficult to give up P, is that recovery isn't as exciting the second time round. I suspect this can be understood in terms of brain chemistry too (although I am no neuroscientist, I think this makes sense). The first time I gave up P it was really exciting. My mind was full of questions: Can I do it? Will I explode with frustration? Will my life just beccome totally amazing? Or will I uncover any underlying emotional issues? That's exciting and frightening to think about - I want to grow, but can I handle the challenge? These questions made abstaining from P an exciting, if very difficult at times, journey. One of the first things I did was to tell a friend of mine who also has an addiction my story. That was scary,exciting and made me feel really connected to him in a beautiful way.
So you can see in this process there is a lot of motivation and excitement (triggering release of brain chemicals like dopamine and adreniline) and there are also beautiful expereiences of connection (releasing natural opioids). Now one of the things that triggers dopamine is novelty - so giving up for the first time is a bit of a buzz - a bit like finding a new P star you think is amazing! But the second time is kind of old hat - you know that P star already, and want a different one. You know you can give up. The challenge isn't so exciting. And telling your story to someone a second time isn't as exciting or scary, and doesn't make you feel quite as connected either. So the point is that giving up a second time is (for me at least) much harder, because it's not as exciting or new as the first time.
Add in to all that some depressed thinking that even if you gave up again, you might restart again as you have already done so once, so whats the point? and you have what I am going to call a real doozer of a situation.
So my advice, from personal experience, if you have stopped looking at P because it was compulsive, and you're thinking of one last cheeky peak?
Don't.
Hope that helps even one person. If so, at least that gives some purpose to the last ten years of P-related misery....
All the best,
Will.[/b]
Just wanted to post something based on my experience about a thought quite a few people seem to have. The thought is,'well I've not looked at P for some time now, it would be interesting to take a look just to see how I find it'. I acted on this thought about 10 years ago, having given up P for a few years previously because I knew my use was very compulsive.
For me this thought was accompanied by, 'well, I've managed to give it up for quite a while. So if it is a problem to look at it, it should be easy to stop again. At least I know how to do it'. Anyway, I acted on that thought ten years ago. It felt weird to look at the porn at first - 'What? I really used to enjoy this? It feels a bit seedy and gross'. However I M'd and O'd and about a week later had the idea of looking at it again. Things went downhill over a few months and my use got completely out of control again. After about 5 years, I went to some 12 step meetings (like alcholics anonymous, but for sex addiction) which helped to slow me down but didn't stop me completely. The most time without P I've had in the last ten years has been about 6 weeks - which I managed a few times. But sometimes it's also been really bad. I stayed up really late looking at P almost every day in January for example.
So, it wasn't as easy to give up again as I thought! (After ten years I think that counts as an understatement ). Why?
Well, firstly, what I did not know at the time was that because my use of P was longstanding, I had set up a circuit in my brain that will probably always be there. It may weaken, but realistically, part of me will probably always find it easy to go back to P. I would liken the feeling of this to never forgetting to ride a bike - or to ice skate for example. I skated recently for the first time in 20 years. I was a little wobbly at first, but found my balance within about 20 minutes. Compare this to someone who has never skated before, who may need several hours of practice to even begin to get the hang of it. So, because I am used to it, my brain knows how to use P compulsively, and finds it very, very easy to fall back into that mode given half a chance. So if you have used P compulsively, rebooted, and not had a relapse, it may be easier than you realise to become addicted again. If you are thinking about it I would just ask you to think about what I am saying and ask: is it worth the risk? For me I started enjoying and craving extreme P again after a few weeks, having not really thought about it at all for a couple of years.
The other reason I think I have found it difficult to give up P, is that recovery isn't as exciting the second time round. I suspect this can be understood in terms of brain chemistry too (although I am no neuroscientist, I think this makes sense). The first time I gave up P it was really exciting. My mind was full of questions: Can I do it? Will I explode with frustration? Will my life just beccome totally amazing? Or will I uncover any underlying emotional issues? That's exciting and frightening to think about - I want to grow, but can I handle the challenge? These questions made abstaining from P an exciting, if very difficult at times, journey. One of the first things I did was to tell a friend of mine who also has an addiction my story. That was scary,exciting and made me feel really connected to him in a beautiful way.
So you can see in this process there is a lot of motivation and excitement (triggering release of brain chemicals like dopamine and adreniline) and there are also beautiful expereiences of connection (releasing natural opioids). Now one of the things that triggers dopamine is novelty - so giving up for the first time is a bit of a buzz - a bit like finding a new P star you think is amazing! But the second time is kind of old hat - you know that P star already, and want a different one. You know you can give up. The challenge isn't so exciting. And telling your story to someone a second time isn't as exciting or scary, and doesn't make you feel quite as connected either. So the point is that giving up a second time is (for me at least) much harder, because it's not as exciting or new as the first time.
Add in to all that some depressed thinking that even if you gave up again, you might restart again as you have already done so once, so whats the point? and you have what I am going to call a real doozer of a situation.
So my advice, from personal experience, if you have stopped looking at P because it was compulsive, and you're thinking of one last cheeky peak?
Don't.
Hope that helps even one person. If so, at least that gives some purpose to the last ten years of P-related misery....
All the best,
Will.[/b]