Author Topic: Hey I'm Jeremy  (Read 2909 times)

JeyEss

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Hey I'm Jeremy
« on: February 01, 2015, 07:47:00 AM »
What's up guys. My name is Jeremy and I have porn-induced ED. My life has honestly been a slow decline sexually and i guess I really didn't know why... after countless google searches and youtube videos on the subject, I came across the Gary Wilson videos on porn addiction and the rebooting process. Also Gabe Deem posted an interesting video that enjoyed. I've finally realized it IS the porn contributing to my problems. It has been for a while, and I can only imagine what other problems lie with it. It's truely amazing my GF of 7 years is with me today. I have given up masturbation and porn exactly a week ago. This decision I made really is the step to me getting back to normal. I need guidance and a little support tho cause it's wrecked my relationship and my self confidence.

When I was a teenager I LOVED sexual videos. Anything i could get my hands on! It started with erotic videos, then I found a lot better VHS at the time, then I bought DVDs. I really didnt feel proud of this. In fact, in the midst of this addiction, I knew what I was doing was wrong and I would break or throw out all the DVDs and VHS I've acquired, but that wasn't the end unfortunately...

It got as bad as me using my iPod touch to walk down the street and hit wifi spots at other houses and streaming a video, if i was at work the wifi there helped out too and I would masturbate in the bathroom there. Then I finally got high speed internet for myself and a smartphone and this problem was easy to keep progressing at home.
 
I have really bad "what ifs" over my head. I'm 27 and I feel like I've wasted life so far. I love this girl that I'm with so much. So much that I told her to leave me because I didn't deserve her. We have our arguments about this topic and it hurts. It HURTS.

I'm living with her now. I didn't masturbate more than once a day...It took porn to do it tho. Sometimes it was every other day, but I have ED and it just didn't seem right. I'm in physical shape, I take care of myself...but this problem looms. I'm glad this site exists, because after a long and grueling struggle with this problem, I've got nowhere else to turn..

My goals are to:
-- Continue the NoFap strategy for 3 months

-- Abstain from any addiction-related sexually explicit videos, pictures or sites indefinitely

-- Eliminate the need for excessive caffeine consumption

-- Write in this journal every week to record my progress

This addiction is ruining my personal life. I've needed help. This site can help me.

I welcome any messages, advice or just regular conversation! Please feel free to contact me through email. I want to hear more from the 20-30 year olds out there.

Thanks guys!
« Last Edit: February 01, 2015, 09:06:22 AM by JeyEss »

ntg

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2015, 09:32:26 PM »
Hey man, as I said before, welcome to the site bro!  You've taken the first step in getting well man.  I'm glad to see you created a journal, it really helps to both get and give support.  Admitting you have a problem and need some support is a huge step, and you'll find that you'll feel like you're letting all of us down too, when you give in to this addiction, because we are all pulling for you now man...you're part of a family now bro!  If you fall, we'll help pick you back up, but you'll feel that weight of having to tell all of us, and that alone will keep you from it most of the time man....it has for me.

I would suggest to go to the Women thread on here, and read how devastating this whole thing is to partners of PMO users; that will be a lot of motivation for you to get clean from this.  As Anthony Robbins says, If you can find a why, you will figure out a how...meaning, if you have a strong enough reason to do something, you'll figure out how to accomplish it, period.  Do or die my friend.

I would say also, that you should distinguish your addiction from you as a person.  Just because you're dealing with PMO as an addiction does not make you a bad person (I'm sure your gf sees this, and that's why she is still with you).  The way to get well from this thing is to INCREASE your self esteem, not decrease it by seeing yourself as less than you are.  If you increase your self esteem, you won't feel the need to use PMO, because it is primarily used as a way to run away from life and pain specifically.

This brings me to the next thing I wanted to say; a reboot from PMO will result in a reboot of your entire life.  You have used PMO to run away from something; you will discover what it is as you stay away from PMO, because you will have to analyze your feelings and start asking where they're coming from, instead of just running to PMO to ignore them or run away from them.  Embrace the pain man, it sucks when you're going through it, but it is so worth it on the other side!  I've had days I just cry & cry, and can't stop, and the world seems so unfair.  I just sit with it, feel it, and let it go, and after it's done, it no longer has any hold over me whatsoever, so your desire to even go to PMO is diminished by a great deal.

Keep up with your goals, use affirmations, stay open about your ordeal with your gf, don't be embarrassed about anything, it's just fear that makes you feel embarrassed, and that's one of those emotions you must conquer.

Hope all this helps man.  This is what I've learned so far in my journey.

A really good article to check out is: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

JeyEss

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2015, 11:21:15 PM »
NTG --

Some more good words!

I have my reasons for quittng. They're good reasons. Reasons that even if I typed the words onto this page, they wouldn't even come CLOSE to justice of what I've felt personally. I've been trapped a few years. That being said, I've made this decision as soon as I heard about it.

I have no real strong urges to PMO or MO because of what I've learned here. ALTHOUGH this is only the beginning!

My "shift" towards porn-free starts with this journal. It's a lifestyle change. Much like eating healthy or recovering from an injury.

I'm totally self confident on what this is that I'm trying to accomplish simply cause I've had enough.

If I could have traveled time to see myself 4 or 5 years ago, I'd probably smash his TV and his DVD player.

Thanks for the support! I need more people like you in my social networking lol.


LastHop

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2015, 08:00:36 AM »
Jeremy, I hope you can achieve your goal my friend. I will come to your journal to support you regularly.

DO NOT GIVE UP, EVER !!

Bests :)

adrian

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2015, 08:05:27 AM »
Hey there man! Keep the good fight going and don't let the side effects get to you! You'll get better and better! Stay strong!

JeyEss

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2015, 09:29:22 AM »
Week 2 has flown by.

I think anybody that has been through this already knows what I'm feeling as far as :

--a little regret

--the "what ifs"

--the heartbreak of their significant other (or GF in my perspective)

--the urges to M to P

--
AAAnd the good side effects :

-- more willpower

-- more energy

-- better drive in regular activities

--a little more daring
(the other day i handled an 80,000 machine with a forklift like it was only cardboard. No sweat bro!)

I'm only two weeks in but the change is noticeable. I'm having trouble once in a while with the urges. So I take my mind off it with radio and other forms of entertainment. I try to stay as BUSY as possible at home. For any of those that have that same problem, it's key.

Don't sit around on your phone or computer - it'll drive you nuts.

Had a sense of reality hit me in the brain too. My girl is pissed. The beginning of this week went off with a real struggle. I'm not gona sit and pout but I gota hand it to fessing your problems - it SUCKS and it lingers.

The hurdles are here and now. I know this is all for the better. We all do. Remember it's really not ALL about us if you have a standing relationship...


ntg

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2015, 02:13:04 PM »
Doing good man, keep it up and stay strong!  Facing your problems and emotions sucks, but once you've done it, it gets easier, and they get dealt with!  I'd advise getting into working out, you're going to have a lot of extra energy at first, it really helps to find a way to release it in a healthy way.  Stay strong bro, and great job!


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

JeyEss

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2015, 09:33:13 AM »
Week 3 Complete


I certainly feel like something has changed in me. Not in a spiritual or physical way, I can't explain it. Like maybe I've just come to terms that porn is a waste of time. A waste of energy much more usefully expelled in other activities.

It's gotten easier to keep away from this habit. I've noticed the destructive properties of this on myself, and especially on my girlfriend who, I bear in mind, will have to accept and forgive my stupid habit as long as were together. This really has chipped away at her feelings and I'll never be able to change the past. She took it as she wasn't attractive enough, but to me she's the most beautiful woman, inside and out, I'll ever have and need. Looking back at my uselessness in bed, I'm definitely striving for a better future and putting my problems behind me.

Not much has changed since week 2, but I have noticed that I don't want to go to sleep anymore. I wake up early on the weekends. I stay up late at night. I have to LITERALLY deprive myself of sleep in order to be tired. Otherwise I'm trying to get to sleep because I know I have to for the sake of not getting sleepy and brainfarting the next day at work.

I'm not interested in much sexual release at this point. Combined with huge snowstorms every week, up here in New England, I'm a real case of flat line. This is what it is, isn't it? Someone help me out here.

ntg

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2015, 03:14:46 AM »
Yeah man, there are different stages you'll go through.  Don't focus on the stages though, just accept them and realize your brain is healing itself.  Keep your focus on goals and working towards what you want, and on facing the emotions and struggles that come up.  Porn is often used as a way of running away from things we would rather not deal with.  Just realize that whatever you go through, you're on the path to healing and freedom.  Good job man, keep it up.


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

JeyEss

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #9 on: February 18, 2015, 07:53:34 PM »
Thanks ntg. You are a big help man.

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #10 on: February 18, 2015, 08:04:30 PM »
 went 7 months with out masturbation and porn and i noticed massive changes.... i kissed a girl and my boner wouldn't go down at all and it was strong 80%


Massive down side i relapsed...

tried with a woman again and it failed..


a bit of advice listed below



I have dyslexia so mind some errors Thank you :



Hey guys Just wanted to make a post on this subject. Basically, I've been porn free for about over a month and my no fap journey started 4 days ago......   I want advice is cause I'm experiencing problems... My first gf the sex was great but then I started to lose my erection and i couldn't get hard anymore. I've been watching porn and masturbating for 12 years now. The other day I brought a girl over to my flat we did most of things  but i lost my erection whilst we were doing things and I had alcohol as well... so that doesn't help... I stay fit and healthy so that's not a problem... i can get boners when kissing girls or something, but i lose it shortly afterwards :( porn has ruined my life anyone having the same issues here if so and advice whats wrong with me and how i can get better i feel like killing myself cause it's making me angry how i can get a boner over a real women but i can get one when fantasising women in my head... how does this work in any sense:(  i've had it where boners stay for a while whilst the girl is there but i lose it when coming to sex.... why is this help!!!!! me i used to masturbate 3 to 4 times a day and a heavy porn user.



Advice: Whenever you feel like masturbation and watching porn... just remember if i do this i can't have sex with a real women cause i won't get a boner... always say to yourself i want to have sex with real women.. try and talk to real women as well it will help you
WEEK 1:
I already gone one week, there are some massive changes in my life that, I don't want to watch porn, my morning woods are not consistent they stay for 10 minutes some mornings and other mornings I won't get any boners wondering if that is normal ... I just feel really need sex but scared if my dick won't work again but I will do my best to recover the week I cut off everything what is porn related to me... now I am trying to replace masturbation. My hand still goes under my underwears to play a little with my mice  :o without realizing it, I will try to get this out of my system

week 2: was even harder than normal had morning woods on and off again. o brought a girl back and my dick worked a bit but then it went completely down...i had alcohol with my friends during the night so it didn't help.Kept having thoughts will my dick ever work again with real women.... also thought i wish I hadn't jacked my brain up with porn and masturbation..... in this week i asked few people if i have blood flow problems but i don't cause i can get erections when kissing girls, morning woods... previous i lasted 90 days without porn and masturbation... during the 90 day reboot i bought a girl back after the 90day period and my dick was strong like a pole.. it wouldn't go down i was so surprised.... few days later i relapsed and watched porn and it fuked my dick up again........


week 3: this week was hard and I kept my mind focused by staying fit and healthy I go to the gym 5 times a week.... I had so many urges.. everywhere you can see girls and i kept thinking I really want to have sex with them and I kept all these thoughts out.... everyone talking about sex and in movies sex scenes came on.. best thing i did was turn the channel... so i realised i wont have any girls for a bout one year or so... this guy saw me sense.... he went through the same shit you might know him watch his videos 


week 4: this was a good week as i never had any porn urges but i still masturbated..... i cleared all my browing data and history... this can help you not to even click on it by mistake.



week 5: pretty much the same as week 4

week 6: I realised masturbation had to go as well... as I was masturbation over real women and i found out it can interrupt your reboot... I realised masturbation also has to go for good... i used to masturbate 3 times a day even in worse cases 5 times a day....



week7: gone through a week without masturbation...  the urges get worse as time goes on but you will learn to control not to masturbate  whilst rebooting is necessary....



week 8: temptation kicks in this week...... really tough week for me as i touching myself .... got a boner but not strong enough.. my morning woods were not regular....... but i remembered if i gave up and masturbated again it will slow my reocvery

week 9: spoke to a real woman and we had a really sexual conversation... i guess this is better than watching porn and masturbating to it...... this gave me more motivation.... as i thought talking to a real woman and when i recover we could have amazing sex together....


week10 : 1 month without masturbation and 2 months without porn... still fighting hard and struggling everyday..
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ntg

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2015, 01:23:42 AM »
Great advice man.  I agree that masturbation has to go, because it seems to "rob" you of that vital energy that is part of being a living being.  I would describe it as taking away some sort of life force from us (men & women both).  I really liked your way of responding to cravings, reminding yourself that you won't be able to get an erection (if you're a man) or get wet (if you're a woman) when you're with a real partner.  Really helps to put it into perspective.

My motto for my reboot has been "no more fake shit", which means that anything that I could use in order to run away from life, and get some kind of good feelings from, but which was not real, had to go.  So, I cut out porn, I cut out online chatting (you get the connected feeling to a monitor - it's fake), I cut out masturbation (you're not with a real person, so it's just a way of giving up is how I see it), I cut out all moives/tv except for those which will inspire me on my journey to stay strong and committed (so I'll be aware of content before I watch something).  This has been my road.

I think one of the most important things is a decision that porn and masturbation just simply are no longer options anymore.  Once you have made that decision, you will find a way to stay clean.  Great post.


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

brodowskin

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2015, 02:09:36 AM »
JeyEes:

It's wonderful to meet you through your journal. My name is Nolan. I'm 26 and I'm a recovering addict of pornography and masturbation. I feel you my friend. I've been struggling with this since I was very young. You are not alone in this fight. I would encourage you to read the journals of others and to keep us all posted on your progress (your successes and your failures). I found this forum a few months back and I have no regrets. It's helped me out a lot. I'm pushing 60 days of no PMO and now I'm trying to work on no MO. We'll see how well that goes for me. Stay strong and fight on!

brodowskin

JeyEss

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2015, 09:12:32 AM »
Week 4.

Ok. here's where I'm at ----

This week started off with some of the same mentality as last week. Then around Wednesday night I've begun springing out of flatline. I was laying in bed with my beautiful woman companion and my dick was gona explode. I've never felt it this hard in a VERY long time.

I got a 2nd episode while driving Thursday and it was intense. I needed to open the window to cool down because I was heated. Never experienced this. Now keep in mind the temp up here in New England was and still is about an average of 12 degrees here all week so when I had to open a window, I was warm.

Last night was no hot flash but still solid erection.

Now this could be because I've NEVER gone this long without climax since I discovered it as a young teenager. This proves to me my sexual tension is bottling up. But I have noticed that my intimate thoughts are about my GF and her only. I've had morning woods here and there, and I feel pretty good this week because of all of this.

Now. If I were to go back to porn, this would all be lost. This is huge progress. I could NEVER go back. No way. If I wanted my GF of 7 years to be happy with me, I'd stay as far away from pornography as possible. She's my drive. I couldn't and won't let her down...

It's been almost a month. I need to continue NoFap although I'm not sure I can abstain from sex much longer... in fact my thoughts of her in our bed are quite intense and I may NEED to rip her clothes off soon.

If anybody can relate, please respond and inform me if this is part of the process.

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Re: Hey I'm Jeremy
« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2015, 09:24:56 AM »
Hi! I'm on hard mode 90 days and I've been told it's fine to have sex with your girlfriend if your mind is set on her and her only. From what I understood, you can even O with her, but the danger is the risk of chaser effect and you wanting another O by yourself afterwards.
From my experience at day 8, I didn't have that problem.