Author Topic: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!  (Read 5254 times)

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« on: November 28, 2014, 07:12:16 PM »
Hello Everyone!

First, I am very glad that I found those forums..and to understand more about the case and to see others who have the same situation..it is a pity how the issue is not tackled in media or whatever as it should be..

Well, I am 26, my first masturbation experience was associated with porn watching in the age of 12 or 13 i guess. Since then i have never stopped PMOing with different rates..but it was always like every other day 2-3 times...in the last couple of years I started working and I had to slow down, so it became 2-3 times a week once or twice each time. I grew up in a religious society where Sex before marriage is a taboo. I moved to Europe 4 years ago, and after 2 years I became not religious at all..but there was a huge psychological barrier in approaching girls because I am a virgin and it just felt so hard. Last week I met a very nice girl, and we spend great time together, then one night we kissed..and went home were things developed and we slept together...everything was normal (and later I told her that it was my first time, she was totally understanding and was surprised actually because she didn't notice anything weird..she said I saw that you know what you're doing)..but yea, my penis was dead..and of course my libido was very weak and i was doing everything out of curiosity and because I like her...but it didn't feel anything special. I told her sorry it is always hard the first time you know..and she was understanding and even more understanding later when i told her it was my first time...luckily later, she had her period and we were only doing foreplay...but again. my thing didn't move at all...I tried and she tried..and it was getting sometimes like 75% hard..and then sleeps deeply..I masturbated while I was with her (and it was one week without porn), with a semi hard penis....luckily she left back to her country..but we do have strong feelings to each other and I promised I would visit her soon..in January.

I started searching for the issue on the internet..and came across different articles and this website...before that I never thought I had a problem..I didn't actually concentrate with my erections..but now I can recall that my masturbations were happening with a semi hard penis only. The porn I used to watch was always soft (the softer it is the more I enjoyed it), I didn't go watching anything abnormal which I think is good. I am not sure how serious my case is...I still get morning erections from time to time (I remember 2 weeks ago I had a very hard erection that lasted so long, that I was pissed off as I wanted to pee but couldn't lol) right now I am on the rebooting journey...14 days PMO free and 5 days MO free (that last time was with her and i didn't have any porn fantasies in my mind) and right now i think I am having a flatline period...

The only thing now is i am not sure if I should visit her or not in January..it will be around 60 days PMO free. I am not sure if I will be better by that time...and now I am confused..should I just postpone it, or should I go and use some kind of pills for those couple of days and then continue with my rebooting process or what...I really need your advice here and I think I feel stronger than ever now to stop after experiencing the ED with her, so I would do whatever is better for me, even if it means waiting longer without seeing her and I don't know if she will be fine with that...Thank you!

Gabe Deem

  • Administrator
  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 775
  • Personal Text
    I found out the soft way that porn is sex negative
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2014, 08:09:57 PM »
@ Kamikaze
Quote
and came across different articles and this website...before that I never thought I had a problem..I didn't actually concentrate with my erections..but now I can recall that my masturbations were happening with a semi hard penis only.

Similar thing happened to me... I knew I had a problem but had no idea what it was. I googled around for 2 months before I found out I had porn-induced ED. Then looking back in hindsight I realized my erections were weaker unless I had extreme porn compilations on, and I realized why I couldn't get it up without porn a year before when I was trying to send a girl a picture of my dick hard. It all made sense.

Quote
I didn't go watching anything abnormal which I think is good. I am not sure how serious my case is...I still get morning erections from time to time

No one can tell you exactly what kind of case you are... but many guys can still develop porn-induced dysfunctions without escalating into more shocking/extreme genres of porn. It is sexual conditioning your arousal to a screen that is the problem, not the content of the porn. Although content can make things worse in ways.

It is great that you still get morning wood and may indicate you aren't a severe case, but I can't say for sure.

Quote
14 days PMO free and 5 days MO free

Congrats on 2 weeks man. That is awesome. You're on the right track keep truckin'

Quote
The only thing now is i am not sure if I should visit her or not in January..it will be around 60 days PMO free. I am not sure if I will be better by that time

It is up to you. There is no for sure way to go... I'd say don't over think things and just visit her without expectations. You won't know you are recovered until you are recovered.

My advice would be to tell her everything about this, show her all the brain science and how you had no idea this was a real problem... show her the articles or my vids, or Gary's The Great Porn Experiment. Tell her that you are done with porn for good because you want to function normally with a girl you love and care about rather than waste your sexuality with pixels on a screen... etc. I'm a big fan of honesty in any relationships, including friendships. I feel by doing this it takes all pressure off and removes shame and confusion. Plus it can help her understand that it's a physical condition in your brain, not her attractiveness or your desire for her.

But that's just my two cents. It might be too much too soon but I'd say the pros outweigh the cons. Either way it's up to you and time with a real person and cuddling, kissing and simply being around is beneficial to the reboot process.

Also, it is probably a good idea to continue to avoid all O's for a period of time as that can help speed up recovery for young guys with PIED. So I'd keep up with no MO as you let your brain reboot and the conditioned porn pathways weaken.

Hope that helps. Welcome to the Nation! Much Love

 


Twitter and Instagram @gabedeem. Please consider supporting Reboot Nation on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gabedeem

Vargulf

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 40
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2014, 10:54:01 PM »
Hey man, I'm the same age going through the same stuff, though I'm not from a religious background. For me being shy just crept up on me and became a social problem. I still struggle to truly be myself around people. I too never escalated in my porn it was just soft romantic stuff, though some of it did objectify women.

I'm nearly 2 months in to PMO free. To start I really hoped it would be a quick recovery but I'm not sure now. 2 months in and I'm making leaps and bounds socially and have had two dates this week. My marks have become epic at uni and my confidence is up. But no morning wood still or any kind of spontaneous erections, and I MO about once every two weeks so I'm still not sure whether this is slowing me down or not:(

I would advise you take every chance with a girl you like. Don't hold off for the length of the porn free. If you need to take pills take them, if you don't that will boost your confidence even more. It hard to find a good girl I find, so if you have found one spend time with her while you recover. That way your learning more and more about that strange gender while you go through your reboot.

GL



Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2014, 08:17:26 AM »
Thanks a lot for your replies!

I am taking myself really seriously with the rebooting process...I see that most people really suffer and find it difficult..but so far I feel I am so strong that I am not even feeling like I am interested in Porn, maybe that's because of her and because of the scary situation that happened with my ED..so I would like to go on a hard reboot with no O at all for a long period..as I said, the only thing is she!

I am not sure what I will do, I will wait a little bit before I take a decision...but I would rather not take pills because If it works fine i think I will always be skeptical about trying without them..I prefer to do it naturally

And by the way I told her already..she is understanding but I can feel that she is a bit concerned which is understandable...she advised me to seek professional help, better than diagnosing myself from the internet..anyway, I visit a psychiatrist from to time and tomorrow will talk to him about the issue...but from what I see on these forums, it is clear.

I think before I visit her I will give her a hint not to expect much..so that she doesn';t get disappointed if it doesnt work...we will see!

MioMio

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 109
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2014, 05:46:26 PM »
@Vargulf: Great to see that you (we) are still going strong!!!

To the original poster, the three of us seem to be in the same boat. Being a virgin at 26 puts loads of social pressure on you, even if the majority is most likely  created by ourselves. In any case, I was suffering of the same problem as you do at the moment. You meet a girl, things turn out the way we want them to, but we fail to get an erection. Last week, around day 58, I met this Russian girl and for the first time in about three to four years, I had no problem getting it up. Still, we didn't have sex and truthfully, I have not yet processed why.

I'd advise you to stay with NO-PMO and you'll see how your body and mind changes. Keep your motivation up and try bonding with your girl. I think it will be a great experience combining your reboot with an emotional connection!

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2014, 04:24:24 AM »
I don't want to flood the forums with new threads, so I will just use this one for updates.

Now it is Day 19 no PMO and day 10 no MO, as I stated in the original post, I am not sure how serious my case was or if it is serious at all, I only recognized there was a problem when I wanted to have sex "for the first time in my life" and couldn't get it up...now I am trying to focus on the details, when I tried to have sex, it was one week without PMO (just by chance I didn't mean to stop PMOing) and I think I was in a deep flatline, I didn't feel anything and my Libido was Zero..besides the fact that it was my first time so I must have been so anxious.

Well, since then I always felt that flatline..no Libido, penis shrinkage, and all the other symptoms. 2 days ago things changed slightly, I woke up to find it semi hard only for a minute maybe..the day after, and on my way to work, I almost slept in the bus and when I woke up i find it hard (70% maybe)..and it lasted for around 10 minutes. during the whole day yesterday I felt I might be a little bit more horny. Then last night, I woke up a bit earlier than I am supposed to and found it again hard (80-90%) and it stayed like that until I slept again...I slept for one more hour in which I had a dream, not really wet but I deamt that I am making out with a girl that I know, I woke up again to find it still hard.

I am not sure if all this makes any sense but I definitely feel there is some change..I don't think about recovery at this point of course, but it is good to see changes happening. The other good thing is that I have no urge at all to watch porn..since yesterday there is a little urge to masturbate but that's it. And one more thing...yesterday also it happened 2 times that at the end of peeing there are some sperms coming out...followed by a pain in my balls...I am not sure why it is like that, but again, there is some sort of change which I think is good anyway.

I am still on my way and hopefully I will stay like that until I meet that girl again by the end of January, it will be around 80 days then. Sorry for writing too much unnecessary stuff maybe, but I just thought of sharing the updates. Cheers!
« Last Edit: December 04, 2014, 04:27:06 AM by Kamikaze »

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2014, 04:14:37 PM »
So now it has been 27 days no PMO and 18 days no MO, there are definitely some improvements..

For the last week, almost everyday I have a morning wood..it is hardness vary but mostly hard..also the size of my penis in general is larger..not as shrinked as it used to be.

My libido is going through ups and downs which is good, as it was always zero in the first 2 weeks..I also have some urges to MO, in the first period I had no urges for anything...good thing is, I have no urges at all to watch porn.

One thing that happened and helped me understand my case better is fantasy...It happened twice that I was fantasizing about that girl but nothing happened at all. Then I was fantasizing about her in Porn scenarios that I used to watch and then I was getting so horny and hard...from one side, it is good as I am getting hard even without touching myself...on the other hand, I know now that I am trapped in a certain area, and other areas -like normal real sex- are not enough to excite my brain. I later read that it is not good to fantasize specially if porn is involved by any means..So from now on i will try to stop myself from doing..which seems to be the first real challenge so far.

Cheers!

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2014, 05:48:13 AM »
Good morning rebooters,

here is an important update, today is day 29...last night I had my first wet dream since high school! And it felt so real and was with someone I know, no porn fantasies :)

Cheers!

Vargulf

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 40
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2014, 01:33:13 AM »
Hope  your still trucking bro and haven't seen any real flatline. I've been pretty bummed because I'm definitely not over this after over three months of PMO free and for failing to get hard for a very special girl before leaving her for 6 months while I travel. Weirdly the night before I saw her I had what I believe is the first wet dream of my life (your post just reminded me). Still no morning wood though, I'm just keeping my head down trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. God damn porn it looks like I'm going to be on of the longer cases..

Keep up the good work mate.



JohnyDr

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 38
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2014, 01:05:16 PM »
Quote
everything was normal (and later I told her that it was my first time, she was totally understanding and was surprised actually because she didn't notice anything weird..she said I saw that you know what you're doing)..but yea, my penis was dead..and of course my libido was very weak and i was doing everything out of curiosity and because I like her...but it didn't feel anything special. I told her sorry it is always hard the first time you know..and she was understanding and even more understanding later when i told her it was my first time...luckily later, she had her period and we were only doing foreplay...but again. my thing didn't move at all...I tried and she tried..and it was getting sometimes like 75% hard..and then sleeps deeply..I masturbated while I was with her (and it was one week without porn), with a semi hard penis....

My first time was when I was 22, and the penis was dead too... It actually got hard but when I entered her , the feeling wasn't anything special so it got flacid... We spent a few days together and finally it worked. But... I had to imagine her in fetish underwear and tied to get it going (I really liked her she was hot with great butt and face), and on fb I jerked on her pictures, but when we would have gotten together sex hadn't been so good as masturbation. I thought it was normal. Before and after her I had opportunities with other girls (like making out in bed), but they just did't turn me on. I thought it is they are the problem (not pretty enough) then I thought I am too picky and finally I've realized it was porn addiction (most of the girls I remember dating or kissing or making out were just at least cute).
Hang in there and good luck!

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2015, 08:35:43 PM »
I haven't posted here since a while. Unfortunately, I relapsed on day 33. And I went through a phase where I was believing that porn is not my problem (actually I am not sure if it is, as I earlier mentioned, I am coming from a very conservative society where sex before marriage is a taboo, and I do have other psychological conflicts so I am not 100% sure what the main reason is, although it is probably a contribution from everything including porn) Anyway, around 3 weeks ago I went to a brothel, for the first time in my life. Things didn't work again, although there were no obvious turn offs..the girl was clean and nice, I was a bit too anxious though from the whole experience. After that, I decided to rethink of porn as a main reason..and 2 weeks ago I started a hard mode reboot...now it has been 16 days exactly..I have a very low libido..and only in the last 2 nights I started having morning woods. Not the hardest, but there is something at least. I am not sure where I am going honestly now..things with that other girl are not working because of distance...so now I can only wait..and hope for the best...Good night!

Ah, Ps. In the brothel at some moments it was getting semi hard, at one of those moments I put on a condom and was able to get it inside her...but it wasn't hard enough to do anything more...not sure if I should still be called a "virgin" now.

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #11 on: February 01, 2015, 12:03:00 PM »
It has been 22 days now. No strong urges. But from my previous rebooting experience, The urges got strong around day 30, so I think the harder is yet to come.

In the last week things haven't been stable. For a couple of days I was getting strong morning woods, and even a couple of random erections. But in the last 2 days there is nothing. Also my Libido in general is low, not zero but low.

As I mentioned earlier, I think porn is not my only problem. And my biggest problem now is that I am quite sure I need to rewire with someone, and I don't have this opportunity so far. I can only wait and hope for the best. Cheers!

JeyEss

  • Guest
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #12 on: February 01, 2015, 01:18:05 PM »
Hey

I followed your story. I'm trying to find out whats gona be in it for me. I've only been at this for so long but have you felt early on that your desire for a real woman returns as far in as I am? I'm not used to this seeing as I've NEVER gone more than 9 or 10 days when I was teenager...

This is a different feeling tho. I'll think about my GF a little differently only just a week later. I guess there's more to it??

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #13 on: February 01, 2015, 06:39:54 PM »
Sorry but, I didn't really get your question  :-[

JeyEss

  • Guest
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2015, 07:38:02 PM »
Sorry. Let me rephrase---

1.  How far along during your reboot did you find yourself attracted to the real thing again?

2.  A brothel???? lol

It sounds like you have an anxiety issue. You need to read How To Be A Better Lover by John Alexander.

I found a ton of pointers in that book. Straight and to the point. Amazon or itunes has it.

Hope this helps
« Last Edit: February 02, 2015, 07:45:16 PM by JeyEss »

Kamikaze

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 12
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #15 on: February 03, 2015, 07:06:34 AM »
Anxiety problem yea..I also tend to feel the same. Thanks a lot for the tip, will look for the book right away.

I think it didn't take that long...2 days ago (day 21), I dated a girl, and I really felt I am into her and wanted to kiss..but I stopped myself somehow..again maybe it is the anxiety!

Regarding the brothel, I wanted to go through this experience sooner or later anyway..I would have always been wondering how it is like...but yea, this is not what I need I guess, I need someone to get into a relationship with!


And as an update for myself...today -day 25- I masturbated twice..not to porn though, and I got a good erection. I was planning to go on a hard mode but i was about to explode today.

superyo

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 39
    • View Profile
Re: 26, Virgin, new to the rebooting world and need advice!
« Reply #16 on: February 03, 2015, 07:13:34 AM »
Definitely go no P no M. Just orgasms from sex after a point. After 60 days with no P and M you will be much better BUT if you feel very anxious which is the case for me for the first times, you can use 5mg cialis for a small boost. Don't concetrate on your erections so much, do natural healthy things and have a good time. There will be times that you feel like your penis is a uselless thing hanging there with no life in it but don't fall in the trap and try to test. Remember.. To build you have to break down first. And that is what is happening in your brain during the reboot. Be strong and trust the process. Your mental strength will be tested many times but you will come out of this stronger.