Author Topic: Maybe a little...?  (Read 1882 times)

Quercus

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Maybe a little...?
« on: January 23, 2015, 08:12:20 PM »
I haven't looked at porn for a few days but I was wondering, what if I just looked at some basic porn to get more excited before engaging with my wife?  Am I making excuses?  Yes, once we start, I get plenty excited anyway but this thought has crossed my mind and I've resisted thus far.  She never saw porn until recently and she got stimulated by it (something I left on her computer) but I don't think she's going to become hooked on it.

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challenged

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Re: Maybe a little...?
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2015, 08:23:13 PM »
Your wife should excite you enough, and if you need to look at some porn to get excited (or more excited) about being with her, then your brain has been messed up by habitual porn use. 

Stay away from the porn and do the reboot, and I think you'll find that you don't need a "crutch."  I think you'll also find that, contrary to helping you get excited about the entire experience, porn is actually inhibiting your full enjoyment of your wife.  We rationalize porn in many ways, and this is one of them.  I've been there.

Reformed Fapper

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Re: Maybe a little...?
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2015, 11:07:24 PM »
That type of reasoning is the result of a porn possessed mind. Your brain wants that hit of dopamine that only porn can give it. It will resort any cheap trick to get you to look at porn. Even using sex with your wife as a lame excuse to engage in some weird pornographic fap foreplay!
Ignore it. Its just the porn talking.
Ive done the exact same thing. I thought that i would try to use some artificial stimulation before having sex with my wife just to ensure i would stay hard enough. It didnt work. I wasnt thinking about my wife. As soon as we started up i tried to recall the porn i had watched minutes before.
My cock was like a piece of boiled asparagus hanging limply between my legs. My wife sighed and i hated myself that much more.
Dont give in to ANY reasoning to watch porn.

Fapoodle
Un-fuck your life, quit porn now! Today!

Gracie

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Re: Maybe a little...?
« Reply #3 on: January 24, 2015, 05:42:22 AM »
Basic porn?  As opposed to non-basic porn?  Pretty open to interpretation.  But the problem is if you need a "little porn" to get you started, you are still using porn.  And after a while, even if you wife is peeking to, she will realize that these images stimulate you more than she does.  Trust me we wives want to know more than anything that we are the ones that get your motor running.  We want you to look at us and feel turned on.  We want to be your visual. 

Stay focused on her.  If you married her, then she is your dream girl.  Treat her like one and be amazed at what happens.

peace

Dharmabum

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Re: Maybe a little...?
« Reply #4 on: January 24, 2015, 08:38:02 AM »
Yeah, I hate to be a buzzkill, but that was the "softener" I used (the excuse to give myself some leeway).  If I could create just the right cocktail of porn, fantasy, and reality, I could keep my wife happy and enjoy some of my own satisfaction as well.

The balancing act is precarious and almost always ends poorly. 

They say that having 2-3 months of not watching Porn will really help rewire our brains-- that's how long it can take, at least.  give yourself time.

Also, as i struggle to let go of all my addictions related to PMO, I find that fantasy is the hardest one to relinquish.  I have an active imagination and love to create scenarios in my head.  My rule currently is that if the fantasy doesn't star my wife - and only my wife - I need to let it go.  I'm still not acting out on those fantasies with MO, but if my mind feels the compulsion to go somewhere kinky or sexual, I make sure my wife is the subject of those fantasies…and even then, I try to curb them before they get out of hand (or, in this case, IN hand). 

I was reading a book last night about recovery and it reminded me that the act of craving is human.  The difference for those of us who are addicts is how we react to craving, how we choose to feed or starve it.   Desire is human, reaction to desire is where we have choices. 

All this to say, connect w/ your wife.  There's no one and nothing you can have on the internet that is lasting or real.  No human touch, and here's the big one that sunk in with me:  those women in those videos?  They don't give a damn about you.  Don't know you, don't care to know you.  They are making these videos because they are trapped in their own suffering.  And every time we watch them, we help keep them there. 

But your wife?  She cares.  And if she suffers, you can help her.  And if you suffer, she can help you.  That's where connections are made and kept. 

ready2go

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Re: Maybe a little...?
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2015, 09:13:15 PM »
That last line is especially awesome Tommy.  Wow.


u=496865

Quercus

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Re: Maybe a little...?
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2015, 03:31:20 PM »
Thanks for the replies.  For the record, I DIDN'T go to porn while thinking about that question.  I kinda knew the answer but my wife got a bit stimulated by the porn but she's never looked before (she's 66 y/o) I value her above all else and want our relationship to be perfect (pretty close already) so I thought maybe we could even share this stimulus (or, yes, I'd look separately) but I'm good with none. I like the thought of maxing our responses from just the stimulation from each other.  BTW, hate to brag but she looks like a 20 y/o naked.. seriously!  She'd be really pissed if she knew I said that!   ;D

Doc74

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Re: Maybe a little...?
« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2015, 08:12:28 AM »
I totally agree with the other responders - there is NO safe amount of porn - with or without your wife - that is acceptable.
I had alcoholics in my life years ago and it's the same with them. They could be sober for years, but one glass of wine and they could be right off the wagon. Porn is the same, convince yourself that zero tolerance is the only option. And if you screwup, start over again, working on the idea of never again visiting those sites!
the love, affection - and critically the respect - you feel for your wife, these are the keys to success. Tied to that is the same respect for yourself. It's SO awesome that you find your 60+ y o wife hot!
I have a 50+ y o GF and every time I lay my eyes on her (clothed or naked) she blows my mind!!!
I am one very lucky SOB!!! But even more important is what's in her head!

We need to remember what we all have in life. Big picture stuff. We all need to be grateful - if you have a computer, cell phone, can respond on the Internet whenever you want, have a nice roof over your head, have a full belly anytime you want and a warm bed to climb into at night, then you are more fortunate than the vast majority of our earth born brothers and sisters. Add in we are living in very prosperous nations, largely very secure and safe - we all hit the jackpot when we were born.
Keep up the good fight!!!