Author Topic: ended up by snuff videos #needachange  (Read 4040 times)

back_to_normal

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ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« on: January 19, 2015, 11:34:00 AM »
hi,

i'm markus from germany (sorry for my english), 28 years old and addicted to porn for over 10years now. i stumbled about this theme on a bodybuilding-forum. i immediately startet to get information on google and youtube. i was really shocked :( 

the last years was no single day without porn. sometimes i watch 10hours in a row, jerking of 5 times, go to sleep, wake up und jerk off again. i could'nt stop. even if i jerk off 5times at one day, i must jerk off 2times in the night or i couldn't sleep. i had a huge porn collection, hundreds of saved links and youtube favorites. i search every fu*king day for new porn...for hours!! unbeleavibel! my fantasies was not longer about normal sex with a woman. i ended up by hardcore bdsm, voyeur and snuff movies. sometimes i jerk off to videos girls getting strangled, branded and other stuff like that. i registred at chatrooms with fake profiles to talk with woman about analsex, cum swallowing, cumshots etc. that's real fucked up. i feel al lot of shame about that.

i never had a real relationship. there were a lot of woman who like me, but i blocked them all. i was not interested in them anymore. when i try to sleep with a girl, i was not a bit aroused or horny. i lay there naked, and my dick get's smaller! i feel very weird and find excuses to get out of the situation and never see this girl again. i get depressed and hated woman.

i started nofap and noporn 5 days ago. i got huge cravings. my brain is telling me all the time: "go to the computer, you miss the best videos...come on, there are hundreds of new films. maybee the best you will ever see and so on". my libido feels very low at the moment. no boners at day or night. i'm a bit aggressive, but i try my best to stay away.

that's my story...i will update this post on regular bases.

cya, markus

back_to_normal

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2015, 04:54:52 AM »
day 7 without fapping or porn.

the first week was not so hard. at the day my libido is low. i don't have erections or think all the time about porn/fapping. in the evening the cravings come. my fantasies changed. when i lay in bed i'm not thinking about fetish and bdsm stuff. it goes more to normal sex (oral sex, cuddling etc). i started meditating befor going to bed to calm down.

LS90

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2015, 05:13:14 AM »
Hey Markus. Seems like you had a real escalation in the videos you liked.. Hope you can find some peace soon. It's not a wonderful ride but it's definitely worth it to leave P and abusive M habits behind. Congrats for reaching one week! Keep us posted.

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2015, 05:54:40 AM »
thx :)

yes, there was a lot of escalations :(

my biggest problem is that i have not many friends. all my friends are married, got long relationships, children. we don't go often to partys. i'm not meeting new people. often nobodys wanted to do anything. so i sat alone at home and feel like shit. i don't know what to do, so i started looking at porn in the early evening until the night (often 6 hours and more). when i watch the porn stuff i'm distracted from the feeling beeing alone.

i read a lot about pickup. maybee i try it to meet new people. not only for sex or relationships. talking normaly to woman without feeling akward and nervous would be a great success.


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MioMio

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2015, 02:44:21 PM »
Hey Markus!

Welcome to the forum. Check your messages, when you have time!

Vincent

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2015, 07:15:18 AM »
hey Marcus,

thank you for sharing your story with us. Your honesty is what will help you to find the key to your victory against your addiction.

Regarding the social anxiety problems, no fap can help you. It WILL help you change your porn related view of women and it also will raise your selfrespect every day you succeed!!!

In order to find a girl however, you will have to go out there (at least with some online help) to meet the realy girls. Only with that you can prove to yourself that you can do it. We already know that you can do it, but you have to be convinced about it.

A determined young man can achieve a lot if he is determined and willing to fight hard. 

You already are at 8 days. keep it honest and don't give up. You will see the progress sooner than you realize it. And others will see it, too.


With PMO out of question, here's my P & PM Spreadsheet

back_to_normal

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2015, 05:37:50 AM »
Thanks for your words Vincent :)

I will do my best! Today it's day 9! Wow, time is moving fast...

I feel great the last days. I'm in a good mood. Wanted to go out, talk to people...buying new clothes, talking and making fun with co-workers. Everything ok :)

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2015, 09:15:58 AM »
Day 11, everything is easy. No cravings for porn oder fapping. Fantasies are getting back to normal sex. Not so much fetish-stuff in my head. Enjoying beeing out with friends, meeting new people...no problems :)

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2015, 04:33:05 AM »
Day 14

The first 2 weeks are over :) Everything is ok and i didn't relapse. But...right before sleeping i have intense sex-fantasies. I got very hard and long lasting boners (without touching). I try to blend them out, but it's not easy. Laying awake für 1-2hours. Hope this will get better soon. The fantasies are not my favourite porn-fantasies, more normal sex. Maybee this isn't so bad? I don't know.

In the daytime i have no problems. No unwanted bonders oder hard urges. My cravings are mostly under controll. I do a lot of sport for distraction. Lost 5lbs of fat in this 2 weeks :)

That's all for now  8)

Vincent

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2015, 05:16:54 AM »
I think this is progress, amigo.
 ;D

At a certain degree your mind will be fine with anything, as long as it is alluring. Like you got deeper and deeper into your fetishes you will also get out of them gradually. Last time I had a boner from something it was a girl I saw in the bus. She was just so hot I couldn't turn away and got a massive one not by thinking anything I wished to do with her, just by seeing her.

The more we abstain from porn the more we adjust ourselves. YOu will surely reach the point when the thought of watching a picture of a sexy woman in a dress makes you so crazy you wished you could run away...I had that one..... ;D

Keep it on! you're doing great!

With PMO out of question, here's my P & PM Spreadsheet

LastHop

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2015, 06:58:20 AM »
marcus, a message tosupport you my friend. don't give up!!!

i'm a porn addict to and started the nofap 2 days ago, so you're in advance compared to me :)


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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #12 on: January 30, 2015, 06:54:53 PM »
Fuck, beeing the hole day at home and in front of the pc is not good for me. There is a bodybuilding competition and young athletes can show themselves. Lot of halfnaked woman posing in tiny thongs. I spend a lot of time watching this asses. I don't look at porn or masturbate, but to be honest...it get's me fucking aroused :( i spend too much time on this site. sat there with huge boner and wanted more. because i'm sick i can't go out so this day was like hell. My brain want's more of this...now the cravings are so damn high. I'm definitly addicted, i feel it in my body. I'm nervous and feel like shit. This is the toughest day. Because of watching pictures that arouse me, i must say to myself that i relapse. I couldn't stay away for 3 lousy weeks. Ok, i didn't masturbate...that's the only positive thing to say.

If you read this, stay away from any pictures or videos that get's you aroused! Really...if you look at one picture, you get hooked and the chance to ruin everything is extremly high.

Fuck, the first 2 weeks was damn easy. it's a shame. now i know my problem is much bigger than i thought at the beginning.

No porn and no fap is not enough. I need to stay away from the pc or i am lost. I need new hobbys, friends, social-contacts, sports whatever...

another problem, i couldn't sleep well the last 2,3 nights. it takes hours...i lay there and all about i can think is sex. every evening i lay in my bed with long lasting erections. it drives me crazy.

i feel like shit, but i will not give up.

STAY AWAY!

Vincent

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2015, 04:41:28 AM »
I know the feeling, have it every day, when I work at home....its fucking hard. You need to find something like an anchor. For me it's music. When I have the feeling that I might give in I play my motivational power song and my spine gets straight again.

No backing down. You are the man. You earn your respect.You can do it!!!!

With PMO out of question, here's my P & PM Spreadsheet

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2015, 06:47:57 AM »
Too much last night. I couldn't sleep, lay in my bed until early morning, never ending erections, pre cum. I jerk off, and after 2 minutes i was exhausted and fell into a deep sleep. I'm worried, because i came after 5-10 seconds touching my dick. If i meet a girl, that would be absolutley embarrasing. It felt like my body getting something rid off.

The only positive thing, i don't watch any real porn. Jerking off was without a fantasy at all. I will stay away from real porn and halfnaked fitnesswoman. Lesson learned! Must stay away from the triggers in social media! This journey will be longer and harder than i expected...

I will not give up. Thanks for listening!

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2015, 02:14:40 PM »
Feeling good with noporn, but nofap...sucks. I feel a hundred times better when i masturbate 2, 3 times a week. I don't know how i can stand it not fapping 90 days. Seems to be impossible.  What should i do?

Vincent

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Re: ended up by snuff videos #needachange
« Reply #16 on: February 03, 2015, 04:25:22 AM »
you have to decide whether you have the persistence to make it through or not.
You are the one deciding if you fap or not. The urge will be there, regardless of what you do. It is an active decision.

Why not try a little challenge? Like, no porn as you base line and adding little no fap periods of 7 days in order to see, whether you will is there or not?

couldn't hurt. And you ARE definitely able to do it - if you its more like you DON'T WANT to.
At least, that is my experience with it.

With PMO out of question, here's my P & PM Spreadsheet