Superyo's Journal: A Chance for a Normal Life

I have been PMO free for 40 days as of today.
Days 39-40:40 days are up. I had sex yesterday. Actually here's how it went. With only 5mg levitra, the lowest dose i have ever taken for the second time, i went by my girlfriends place and as soon as i kissed her i had the hardest erection i've had in a long time. Thing is she just gave a blowjob after which i had an amazing orgasm. I was way more aroused than usual for all this but when we attempted sex some hours after, the small help of levitra had passed, i wasn't even half as horny as the fisrt time and i was anxious as fuck. I had trouble to get it up but managed to get a 80% erection with the help of her hand to have sex although i came quickly. The orgasm was nothing compared to the fisrt one on which i had a 95-100% erection and i was way hornier. We had sex again in the morning and it was the same. I needed her to touch me. I am convinced that if i had sex the first time it would have went very well. We'll see in the upcoming weeks. Today, the rest of the day i feel bad as fuck. Tiredness,brain fog, frustration, mild repulsion for females and stuff like that. I'm sticking to the process and i have hope that one day all this will pass..

I have posted about the days one by one here : http://www.nofap.com/forum/showthread.php?26664-I-m-done-with-PMOing
but i i will be posting here from now on. I'm 21 btw. Nice to meet you all.

Hello superyo, and welcome to RebootNation! Congratulations on your progress so far.

I think it is pretty normal for people to feel down after an orgasm, but you probably already knew that.

Wishing you the best of luck as you continue your journey.

~ Gopher

Yes i knew it, still sucks though. Thanks for your kind words.

Day 41: Well, this was a day with mixed emotions. I feel kinda down but on the other had i'm really determined to beat this and i will do everything in power to do it. It's weird how my thoughts are on a rollercoaster and keep going from positive to negative to hopeless to hopeful all the time. My brain is messed up but i know changes are happening to it. I am also addressing my tight pelvic floor and penis problem. I massage my pelvic floor and the back of my penis on which there is a line of tension in the tissue and it feels ver relaxed and relieaved when i do it. This has helped my erection a lot since i stared the last couple of weeks and i wouldn't be able to have sex otherwise.
I know for sure that fixing the impalances and tension in my pelvic fllor is one piece of the puzzle to be cured. I will continue.
Last, i feel kinda alone in this and i'm really looking forward to all of your answers and conversations we will maybe have on this forum. I feel like in this whole shitty process, at least you can get to know people with problems like yours and encourage and help each other.

Day 42: Last night i had 2 very vivid dreams(not sexual) and i remember some parts of them!! This hasn't happened to me in a long time. Also i had some night wood, like 50% only though. Also, at some points today i've been feeling very horny but still no sign from the penis. I will update again at the end of the day.
Some hours later... I feel depressed and i miss my ex more than i can describe, it hurts so much. I have a new girlfriend which is amazing but some days i feel like the pain is just too much. Fuck.

Day 43: Today was pretty good compared to other days. Still there is a pattern that exists and it goes like this:_I wake up feeling pretty good, not anxious or depressed, and as the day progresses it gradually gets worse. It hits the worst point at like 8pm and then it gets a little better again._ Some days i have mild insomnia, like last night, and the last two days i've had morning and night wood at about 50%-60%. My libido has some wake up moments here and there and i have no urges to PMO anymore. I think i am recovering slowly.

Day 44: I've had a very long, very vivid dream!! It's been years since i've had those and i've had them 3 nights in a row. I am happy about that. Morning and night wood: 50%-60%. The rest of the day went ok pretty much except from a big amount of restlessness.

Day 45:Very vivid dreams again.. i'm starting to feel physical withdrawals lately, like, all my teeth suddenly start to hurt, headaches, muscle pains and aches, general tiredness etc. Sucks real bad. The rest of the day was filled with terrible anxiety up until some hours ago when i went out with some friends and right now i feel pretty good. It's so weird that all these things change so rapidly even within the same day.

Get well soon

Don't give up bro. There will be better days!

back_to_normal said:

Get well soon

Don't give up bro. There will be better days!

Click to expand...

Thank you man! I know, i'm slowly beating this and things start looking up bit by bit. I will beat it no matter what.

Days 46-47: Regular days, i'm feeling somewhat happier and i have more energy.

Days 48-49: Morning wood is still weak but more consistent. I have more energy generally and i concetrate a bit more to things i don't like but i have to do. Also i'm more positive and i laugh more. There is definitely a general improvement to my mood lately compared to where i started. Also i can have successful sex now but still with the use of 10mg cialis. I had sex 3 times at night and one in the morning. The first two i didn't need any kind of stimulation to maintain the erection to put on the condom etc. The third one i needed some. In the morning almost none again. I need to taper the dose now to 5mg. All in all the process seems to be working and i will continue. I was watching high speed internet porn from age 12 and the fisr time i attemted to have sex at 18 i had problems. After that i have had some Porn quitting streaks but there was always some masturbation in one form or another and always sex problems. I developed bad perfomance anxiety from many failed attempts, then i got into some penis enlargement stuff which made it worse both physically and psychologiacally and now i'm here, doing it right for the first time. Only having real sex and slowly tryning to heal my body, brain AND mind from the damage i foolishly caused it. I'm positive and strong.

Day 50: This day was good mood-wise, i laughed a lot and i was positive. Missing my ex a little again.

Day 51: I'm feeling ok i guess, but bad feelings start to come back again. I miss my ex A LOT today, and i can't concetrate on alsmost anything. Brain fog is increasing again. Also had some minor urges today which i haven't had for some time now. Seems like there will be many ups and downs until i recover for good.

Day 53: I think i started going through the flatline phase. My libido is close to zero and my penis is shrivelled up almost like it is withdrawing in my body. I have read about this so it must be it. I look at women and i like them but it's like my dick isn't a part of all this. Like it says to me "dude do whatever you want, i'm not in the mood for this shit, even if you are". Definitely weird.

Day 54: Another day, i feel more positive today.This is the 8th week of no P and no M for me. As you know i mix in orgasms from sexm for which i still use cialis.

Day 56: I had sex 3 times last night without any problems whatsoever, i didn't need any physical stimulation. And this happened with only 5mg of cialis, whereas last time i used 10mg and the 3rd time i needed hand stim. SO there is definitely progress. Aside from that i have to say that i was more in the moment. Things are looking up i guess.

Day 58: Approaching 60 days, the urges to masturabte suddenly got very high, i'm not going to do it though. No matter what.

Day 59: I am having feel good moments about sudying more, training better and eating better. I am improving in other areas of my life as well and i'm not overwhelmed as easily by anything that requires effort anymore. I'm becoming a beast, and i will ride the NoFap wave, and use the opportunities it gives me as my neurochemistry recovers, to keep trying to achieve bigger and better things. One step at a time.
Also, i don't know why noone is posting on my thread but me, although i post on other peoples', but it's ok, i keep this log first for myself and second for guys who will maybe want to see my story and gain inspiration in the future.

Day 61: Fuck yeah, 2 months are up. I'm feeling much better, my libido is increasing and i have more energy. I can't wait until i am at 90 days, 6 months or a year. I'll keep going strong, it's so worth it.