Author Topic: Starting over  (Read 3112 times)

Clearlyseeengnow

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Starting over
« on: April 18, 2014, 07:29:04 PM »
I'm in the beginning of my re boot. It's been just about a month and a half free of all PMO. I've read many accounts from others on the same journey as I am. I've yet to relapse though there has been considerable desire to just to make sure I'm still in working. I've said no over and over keeping true to my desire to become "real" probably for the first time in my life ( I'm 53 ). I have full support of my wife in this endeavor and feel blessed . I suppose my question at this time is how long the process lasts. I've lost all arousal ( physically ) and it shakes me up a bit. Any pointers? Thanks.
D
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Gabe Deem

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2014, 08:10:41 PM »
@ Clearlyseeengnow

Quote
( I'm 53 ). I have full support of my wife in this endeavor and feel blessed . I suppose my question at this time is how long the process lasts. I've lost all arousal ( physically ) and it shakes me up a bit. Any pointers? Thanks.

I too had lost all arousal, but the reboot helped me get it all back.

There is not a for sure answer to your question "how long the process lasts" as everyone is different. With that said, there are a few things to go over.

The reboot process is not always linear, some guys have a few good days followed by bad ones as their brains reboot. There are a few things that often occur:

Withdrawal symptoms happen fairly quickly to some rebooters, but not all, typically in the form of increased stress and anxiety, or loss of concentration, along with intense cravings for some addicts. There are some guys who feel really good for a week or two then go into what is called the "flatline" where libido and physical arousal vanishes for weeks/months. Some guys have multiple flatlines during a reboot, they tend to get shorter in length as time goes by.

For guys over 40, their flatlines usually last from 2-8 weeks, they tend to be longer for guys who started earlier in life on internet porn. Some younger guys like myself can flatline for months, and our reboots can take 3-6 months or longer. Mine took 9 until I could have successful sex, I started by reboot when I was 23, was using high-speed internet porn almost daily since I was 12.

Some guys recover within a few weeks, they probably had not developed addiction related brain changes and just needed to give their brains and bodies a quick rest. A lot of older guys recover within 4-12 weeks, then you have plenty young guys or guys who have used internet porn for many years who need 3-6 or longer to regain erectile health.

Again, there is no way to know how long your reboot is going to take literally everyone is different and there are many variables at play. Prepare for the long haul and make up your mind that you will do whatever it takes. I promise this process regardless of it's length is worth it.

I hope the best for you. Welcome to the Nation
« Last Edit: April 18, 2014, 08:12:35 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Jverhoye

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2014, 08:18:49 PM »
Congratulations on your progress and welcome to the Forum.

wizzard90

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2014, 09:32:42 PM »
@ Clearlyseeengnow

Keep with it!  This site has helped me immensely in just the short time I've been visiting and even more so since participating in the forum.

Early on before joining the forum, I also questioned if things were still "working".  Unfortunately, I used porn to gets things going and all of a sudden I was in a full blown spiral!  I quickly escalated from "making sure things work" every now and then to looking for "bad" porn on Tor Onion sites.  That's when I decided to finally join the forum and share.  Since then I've gotten tons of support from others like me.

You're doing the right thing.  Keep with it!


fcjl8

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2014, 09:49:45 AM »
Welcome Clearly!

This is a truly beneficial life change you are making! Congrats on your month plus of sobriety. So good that you have your wife fully supporting you. I'm 52 and my wife has been a big part of my recovery the last few years.

I think that flatline will subside, but maybe try to enjoy it in the meantime. It is a sign of the re-wiring away from masturbation and porn is working. Lots of non-sexual physical connection with your wife if benefical... hugging, hand holding and kissing, I have found this even better than all out intimacy. I had not really been very affectionate unless I wanted sex while I was mired in my addiction.

Wish you all the best sir!

Viper

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2014, 02:59:19 PM »
Hi there,
I'm so happy to hear about the support your wife is giving on this tough issue.
It's good to have that in your corner.

The rest of us here are also in your corner and you ask a fair question.
It really all depends. Everyone's brain and physiological impulses work
differently so to introduce something that counters everything your brain
is used to is going to take some time to get over. Addiction is more mental
than physical. I'm thinking if you're committed and you take every day
with an attitude that you will overcome, then my guess is that it will
happen sooner.
Whatever you do, don't give yourself a time table.

Clearlyseeengnow

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2014, 10:47:26 AM »
It's been 44 days and last night I was with my wife. Although at the start I was a bit apprehensive I just relaxed and stayed present. It was an amazing eye opener... I didn't fade (ed wise) and was slower and more connected. It was almost like it was the first time I ever had sex without my own ridiculous expectations or living up to a porn inspired ideal. I will be honest that my resolve has been strengthened 10 fold to remain rooted in sexual reality. I know I'm still in recovery and have to treat each and every day as a unique challenge to overcome. I will end by saying it is so worth it... Ending the stranglehold on my sexuality I developed as a teen... Is freeing and cleansing!

D
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Viper

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2014, 07:34:23 PM »
It's been 44 days and last night I was with my wife. Although at the start I was a bit apprehensive I just relaxed and stayed present. It was an amazing eye opener... I didn't fade (ed wise) and was slower and more connected. It was almost like it was the first time I ever had sex without my own ridiculous expectations or living up to a porn inspired ideal. I will be honest that my resolve has been strengthened 10 fold to remain rooted in sexual reality. I know I'm still in recovery and have to treat each and every day as a unique challenge to overcome. I will end by saying it is so worth it... Ending the stranglehold on my sexuality I developed as a teen... Is freeing and cleansing!

D

That is wonderful news!
You're making gains already. Any interaction with a live partner helps.

Cosmo

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2014, 07:45:04 PM »
Welcome CSN, It's great that you are rewiring so successfully and are connecting on a new level with your wife. Steady on, friend!

Clearlyseeengnow

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2014, 09:51:31 PM »
Thanks to all for the replies/advice it's all well received and appreciated. At this point in my journey the old feelings are coming around. Erections for no reason somewhat like in puberty but now I no longer feel nervous that someone will see and embarrassment will follow. It is just a natural thing and after the past 5 or 6 years just having one without needing an influx of pixelated images... It's pretty awesome. Still I am concerned over things that hit me once and a while perhaps I can ( once again ) get the input of the reboot nation. I understand that porn for me is done as it is just a one way ticket to disaster. Fantasy is my question... Not as a M / O stimulus but rather fantasies with my partner. I feel gun shy. I mean if we both are ok talking them out is that on the okie dokie list? Please let me know your thoughts.,this is a great resource and I'm glad to be a part of it
D
« Last Edit: May 01, 2014, 10:08:36 PM by Clearlyseeengnow »
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Blue Bird

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2014, 08:24:38 PM »
Hello Clearly :


I liked your expression  ' I understand that porn for me is done as it is just a one way ticket to disaster.' This is a good definition  you brought to the forum. I fully agree with it and it delayed much time for me to believe in this expression.  Now I am very aware of it and am doing my recovery.   I wish all the best for your recovery.

Best regards

Blue Bird