Author Topic: Struggling  (Read 2624 times)

macondo

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Struggling
« on: April 17, 2014, 07:29:13 PM »
Hey, going through a few issues, thought I'd post, this helps sometimes. I started a reboot a couple weeks ago, but I've had a few issues. I've completely cut out P, and I don't MO anymore. That is good, P is very destructive, and PMO'ing is not healthy. At first, I noticed  good signs, anxiety decreased, and I noticed a little bump to my libido. I had sex with a girl about 7 days later, really into her and my erection was about a 7 out of 10. Prior to the reboot, I had a horrible ED experience, so 70 percent was a sign of improvement.

So yesterday, I met a girl and we got together, and at first I had a good erection. But then when I went to put on a condom and put it in, my erection completely disappeared. Completely. Granted, our chemistry may have been off, we were both pretty dominant, but this was pretty tragic to me. I couldn't get it back, and we just cut things short. Is this flatlining? My number one goal here is to get my libido/sexual prowness back, so flatlining is a pretty big heart break. I'm super healthy/fit, and there isn't a reason for me to have ED other than prolonged porn use and anxiety.

I did some things such as "listen" to some sexual activity (not P) and stroke myself a bit, but no porn and no seeking sexual images. What are the thoughts of the community, have you been through this? Can I hope to get strong, large erections back again?

Gabe Deem

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2014, 07:58:37 PM »
@ macondo
Quote
I started a reboot a couple weeks ago, but I've had a few issues. At first, I noticed  good signs, anxiety decreased, and I noticed a little bump to my libido. I had sex with a girl about 7 days later... I met a girl and we got together, and at first I had a good erection. But then when I went to put on a condom and put it in, my erection completely disappeared.  Is this flatlining?

It sounds like a flatline. Most guys need a little more time than a few weeks to fully reboot and until that happens it can be very up and down literally with how your recovery goes. Rebooting is not typically linear and it is very common to have a good week followed by a bad week. With that said, as time passes the flatlines become shorter and the good times last longer.

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I did some things such as "listen" to some sexual activity


Any artificial sexual stimulation should be stayed away from during the reboot. If you are becoming aroused by something other than a real person, then that may slow down progress. My advice is to stay away from "listening" to sexual activity during the reboot and give your brain a complete rest for a period of time.

Quote
What are the thoughts of the community, have you been through this? Can I hope to get strong, large erections back again?

Yes I have been through this, after 6 months I saw some improvement in my libido and I could get it up for oral and hand stimulation but after I had an orgasm I would go back into a flatline for a few weeks. Eventually my libido stayed and my erections came back full force. Orgasms no longer send me into a flatline.

So yes, you can get your strong erections back it just sounds like you need more time. Keep truckin
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macondo

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2014, 08:10:08 PM »
Thanks for the reply Gabe. It's scary, as many on here know. I'm a pretty sexual person, and it's frankly part of my identity for better or worse. I'll have faith in the system, however random it can seem sometime. Thanks for creating this resource, you're really helping a lot of people.

Viper

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2014, 09:52:45 PM »
Welcome-
Looks like we have some things in common so allow me to interpret your experiences with mine.
Trust me, I'm not the only one, keep browsing through the journals.
You're not alone.

Quote
Hey, going through a few issues, thought I'd post, this helps sometimes. I started a reboot a couple weeks ago, but I've had a few issues. I've completely cut out P, and I don't MO anymore. That is good, P is very destructive, and PMO'ing is not healthy. At first, I noticed  good signs, anxiety decreased, and I noticed a little bump to my libido. I had sex with a girl about 7 days later, really into her and my erection was about a 7 out of 10. Prior to the reboot, I had a horrible ED experience, so 70 percent was a sign of improvement.
I never thought to use the scale from 1 to 10. But I'm happy to hear you saw some improvement


Quote
So yesterday, I met a girl and we got together, and at first I had a good erection. But then when I went to put on a condom and put it in, my erection completely disappeared.
Brother, can I feel your pain!
Goodness gracious, with my soon to be ex S.O., I wanted to use a condom just like I do with just about
everyone. But as I'm rolling it on, I"m going from 8 out of 10 to like 4 out of 10. Needless to say, that's not enough to go deep inside. It freaked me out and when you're in the mix like that, one false move could ruin the whole mood for her.



Quote
Completely. Granted, our chemistry may have been off, we were both pretty dominant, but this was pretty tragic to me. I couldn't get it back, and we just cut things short.

It's the worst feeling and it may have been a slow decrease but felt like it started doing it overnight. And my girl, ever supportive thought she could blow me enough to get it back to 8.
She sucked the mushroom tip like it was the last lollipop on earth and still didn't get back to a 6  :-[


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Is this flatlining? My number one goal here is to get my libido/sexual prowness back, 
Join the club. Makes you appreciate your sex drive even more. I know I will when I get it back. Mine was so high, I never thought it would ever go away. With age, I thought maybe it would simmer but not flatline.



Quote
so flatlining is a pretty big heart break. I'm super healthy/fit, and there isn't a reason for me to have ED other than prolonged porn use and anxiety.

I did some things such as "listen" to some sexual activity (not P) and stroke myself a bit, but no porn and no seeking sexual images. What are the thoughts of the community, have you been through this? Can I hope to get strong, large erections back again?

So after my first flatline experience, I went home and started jacking right away to porn. And would you know it...I got past an 8 and busted all kinds of nuts. But damn near cried because I couldn't do that with a real woman the night before who I've been having sex with for a good while.
I didn't get it so I started googling and to make a long story short, I ended up here.
Sounds like your story?

macondo

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2014, 11:33:13 PM »
Thanks for the reply Viper, very similar, this is such a tough, f'ing issue. Part of me wonders if it's the porn, and part of me wonders if it's just getting older (I'm 38, I know sexual performance goes down with age, but still). I'm in super good shape, and I feel like I want a sex drive, just feels like it's not there. I've been abusing porn for almost two decades now, and I hope this is just an issue of rebooting. I can say that when I've been with a girl recently, I don't have porn running through my head, which is good, I can focus on her.

My question to all: are there success stories of coming back 100 percent from flatlining?

Sometimes I read the journals, and I see mixed results. I read about people that say they're on day 180 of no PMO and starting to get the feeling back, and honestly that's a little scary, 6 months of rebooting and still not back to 10 out of 10?!

I see results in myself, so I know it's the right thing, just curious about others experience with flatlining and returning to strong erections. Thanks all.

Viper

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2014, 09:19:34 PM »
Well  I certainly want to get back to 10 out of 10 but I would be happy
with an 8. I need to be hard enough for a gal to ride me like the wild west. Can't do it with a 6.
It will be softer in no time at all.


There have been success stories which is why rebooting is endorsed here.
No one can give you a time table.
Kinda like smoking cigarettes. There are those who feel the effects
in 10 years of smoking and then there are those who go on and on and on
and die of something else later in life. If you're true to your reboot, then
just roll with it because what would it mean if you set a deadline and you're
not back to normal?
Would you go back to PMO?
You can try the conventional route and see a therapist.
Good luck convincing him/her that your dysfunction is linked to porn.

alotofhopenow

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2014, 04:06:48 AM »


I see results in myself, so I know it's the right thing, just curious about others experience with flatlining and returning to strong erections. Thanks all.

Good that you're seeing results!

Sometimes in our head we mess ourselves up because we put pressure on ourselves. Also we start to think about ourselves as having ED instead of just doing!

Maybe practicing staying in the moment might help? I use a thing called "accept".

So what's going on inside of me? (I ask that question). Then I accept whatever comes up.

Example: What's going on inside of me?
"I'm nervous as hell that I won't get hard. I accept that."
What's going on inside of me?
"I hate that I'm nervous! I want the nerves to go away. I accept that I hate the nervousness and want to change".

Just keep accepting. Once you stop pushing against whatever emotions you're experiencing, it can be like allowing a pressure cooker to open. Another way of thinking about it is peeing. You can't FORCE YOURSELF TO PEE THROUGH EXTREME PRESSURE! You have to want to pee and also accept or relax enough to ALLOW the pee to come out. So accept or allow whatever it is you're experiencing, just like you do when you pee.

I hope this helps!

macondo

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2014, 09:36:26 AM »
Hey AlotofHope, thanks for the insightful reply. I think staying in the moment is very key, I practice mediation daily, about 6 minutes, and that really helps. I know that sometimes when I'm having sex, I have trouble staying in the moment, which I think affects erections.

I have been getting a few nightly erections, which I think is a good sign. They're strong and semi frequent, and I haven't had them in a while, so it's nice they're back.

As Viper said, it's different for everybody, but this is a very important thing for me. For better or worse, part of my self esteem/identity, which I think a lot of people can relate to. Someday that may be something that needs to be addressed as well, but one step at a time :)