Author Topic: got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.  (Read 1812 times)

indiana

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got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.
« on: January 04, 2015, 10:35:06 PM »
A women I have been intimate with in the past, and am incredibly attracted to, told me the other day that she had strong feelings for me and that she wanted me to fly out and visit. I told her I couldn't because I had other things going on, but I've thought about her a lot since and I'm not sure if not going is the right idea. She's beautiful, strong, independent, I really do admire her, and if there is anyone out there that I would want to be in a relationship with, she's the one.

Just to be clear, I'm not talking about going to visit and start dating her. What I was thinking was I could tell her a bit about the reboot (if she was ever going to be with me I would want to be open) and go down and just keep it PG. No sex, no orgasm, just bonding.

Is this a good or bad idea? I am doing my 90-120 days, my recovery comes first, but I'm wondering if she could and would be a part of that process.

Thank you guys.
Indiana.
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Chaos Mind

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Re: got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2015, 05:01:31 AM »
Hi Indiana,

I can only see advantages at YOUR side. Yes, it would be good for you to talk to a real life person about it. And it's a pro that she seems to be strong, so she is not likely to run away from you in disgust. But I don't know if you'll be playing with her feelings if you fly over to her. I bet she thinkgs you are the perfect guy (that's what people always think about those they love). First of all you are going to crush this perception which could be a tough start for her. Second, you are not going to have sex with her...but that might be what she wants. Viciously spoken, you take advantage of her feelings. You know she cannot immediately hate you for what you've done. You don't want to date, you don't want to have sex. So I ask you: what is it you can give her in return for her help?

If you say she is a strong person...yes, it might work out. But she'll really need to be...otherwise you could break her heart. Couldn't you make clear to her before you leave what the intention of your visit will be? What you expect?
~ Subconsciousness is the key to sort the chaos in our mind ~

A collection of techniques to deal with the addiction: read, discuss & add your own ideas

indiana

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Re: got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2015, 05:36:35 AM »
Chaos Mind- Great response. I actually wrote out a letter, I haven't sent it yet, but explaining the reeboot, telling her that if we were to date in the - and at the value of our friendship in this present moment, I didn't want to hide or hold something from her.

I like your question. What could I give her in return? I guess all I could off would be my friendship, I could be there for her. Maybe by opening up it will make it easier for her to as well? At the minimum I could be there and be a friend.

While on a run yesterday I thought about Russell Brand... Hate him or love him, what I was thinking of was in regard to how he owned his past. He's very vocal about struggling with drug addiction as well as sex addiction. A bit different from us here, but also a bit the same. What struck me was that because he owned his past and his struggle, he wasn't bound by it. It wasn't a source of hidden pain or shame.

I'm so tiered of hiding; making up reasons as to why I am depressed after a binge, saying nothing is wrong. This is a part of my life, a core part, and I guess, if she's in my life I should be open with her.

indiana

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Re: got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2015, 11:45:52 AM »
Wow... I opened up to her, told her about struggling with porn for years, told her about the reboot and that for 90-120 days I was resting to let my brain heal, and she was beyond accepting and supportive. I'm flying out to see her tomorrow. I'm so glad I took the step and opened up.

Thank you all for the support and advice.

Indiana.

Bspy107

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Re: got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2015, 03:51:52 PM »
In my opinion Yes!!! and here is why. on december 6, 2014 had sex for the first time i'm 18 and been watching porn since 5th grade so like 10 years of porn watching and doing PMO 1-2 times every day (if you think about it that's kinda gross lol) well anyways that night when i lost my virginity it took me around ten minutes to get hard and all that time i was making out and trying my hardest to get up well finally got it up and couldnt stay hard longer than a minute couldnt even cum so looked into it and ruled out anxiety because of my porn addiction well had sex with the same person next week without masterbating and porn and it still tok some time to get up during sex but was faster and i actually was able to last a little bit longer before going soft next week i met someone new and we we had sex and well all i needed to get a hard on was a few minutes of kissing and yes after three weeks you can actually get really hard not just a wanna be hard on but hard well anyway a few days later she asked me over and we hopped into the shower and we didnt have sex but i noticed i was getting a hard on without even trying it just sorta popped up and it wasnt hard just kinda like a semi chub that was trying really hard to get up similar to when you started getting morning wood again it wasnt to hard but was just kinda there it was weak and spongy then after the shpwer we watched a show while feeling her up you know then had sex and still had to make up but it was a lot faster to get up. so YES have sex with a women you heal a lot faster in my opinion. but try to see the same person over again i think that helps a little bit. 

can you please check out my poll and vote along with posting thanks
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=2756.0   

George Oh Well

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Re: got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2015, 08:41:51 PM »
Reading this gives me hope. Thanks for sharing, I'm with you and everyone else fighting the good fight in mind, body, and spirit.
I AM GREATER THAN MY ADDICTION. I WILL FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT, I WILL FINISH THE RACE, AND I WILL KEEP THE FAITH.


Chaos Mind

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Re: got invited to a (girl) friends place... could use some advice.
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2015, 02:46:56 AM »
The best of luck for the two of you, whatever your future will bring. Be carefull about her feelings. But enjoy this time together :)
~ Subconsciousness is the key to sort the chaos in our mind ~

A collection of techniques to deal with the addiction: read, discuss & add your own ideas