Author Topic: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot  (Read 59698 times)

Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #275 on: September 22, 2019, 04:09:45 AM »
Relapsed again on 9/22. I guess it was all too much. Anonymous sex in a gay sauna isn't the path to freedom if you want to recover from sex addiction. Duh! Living out porn fantasies without human connection is virtually (no pun intended) the same as pixel porn on the computer. I have to admit that I have a hard time letting go of the possibility to have sex with real men in a gay sauna. But it's a slippery slope from there. I'll see how it goes because at the moment I cannot say that I won't go back there.

Step 1: My pattern is to stay abstinent from porn for several months. Step 2: After a while I long for human contact and real sex. Step 3: I can't wait to have it and go to dating sites and places where I can meet men for sex. Step 4: These places are highly sexualised, well, duh again. Step 5: I still can't wait for the blossoming of a caring relationship and relapse in the end.

To be honest, the encounter I had before the anonymous one left me feeling satisfied (see post). So there is a chance to have good sex in a highly sexualised place. I just don't know if I can afford to go there. I'll keep you updated. Be well, guys!





workinprogressUK

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 437
  • Personal Text
    I get knocked down but i get up again
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #276 on: September 23, 2019, 04:28:45 AM »
Sorry to read that you're suffering, Patrick. I feel for you. Must be incredibly difficult to use hook-up sites to make a physical connection, without then going onto P sites. I couldn't cope with that. Had to try to kill the two at the same time, but then how do you cope with the unsatisfied need for sex? Is there a way to find the physical connection without using the Internet? I must sound like I just dropped in from the stone age  :(.
Hope things stabilise for you soon.

lyon03

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1364
  • Personal Text
    LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IT VIRTUALLY
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #277 on: November 01, 2019, 06:19:09 AM »
Hey Patrick. Glad to see that you're still on the boards my friend. Keep coming back. Thinking of you brother. Love Lyon.

Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #278 on: December 28, 2019, 01:28:37 PM »
Thanks Lyon, so kind of you. I've been clean for 1 month... Hope the streak continues. Much love to you, too.


Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #279 on: January 27, 2020, 02:39:07 PM »
Hey guys, relapse after 2 months. First became obsessed with gateway porn (training videos of young men), a few days later PMO for a few hours. I so so so had hoped to stay clean this time.

Funny thing: It's a trick of the mind to believe that this time it won't hurt. And boy does it hurt. I feel like shit today. On a positive note: Thank you for showing me once again what a waste of time PMO is.

I've been clean for 9 months before, so I'm sure I can make it indefinitely. When will I learn that there is NO excuse to PMO ever? Wish me luck, guys, I pray for you. Peace and love :)

PS I'm grateful I made it to 2 months.


Brad1971

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 30
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #280 on: January 27, 2020, 03:15:22 PM »
Hi Patrick, I'm a fellow gay rebooter,  but I'm just getting started on the path (I'm just under 2 weeks in). I haven't had a chance to read your whole journal yet,  but looking forward to doing so. I think we are just about the same age- I turn 49 in March. Also,  I saw you're from Germany and interestingly I've been studying German for several months.  I learned the language in high school but forgot most of it, so I had to basically start over again.

Porn is so normalized in the gay community that I think it can be harder for us to reboot and avoid relapse.  Hang in there! You have had some real success and have built a strong foundation.  Good luck in the days ahead,  I'll be thinking of you and sending you positive energy.

Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #281 on: April 11, 2020, 02:00:34 PM »
1 month porn free and grateful. Good luck to you guys out there!


Brad1971

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 30
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #282 on: April 14, 2020, 10:56:15 AM »
Congrats on one month!   :D

Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #283 on: April 14, 2020, 03:00:41 PM »
Thanks, Brad, highly appreciated :)
I so much hope that this time I can stay away for good. Good thing is I'm 100% willing to let go if the urge arises. I'm done! And I remember that a few years ago I managed a 9 month streak, so I won't die if I go on with abstaining... Have a nice porn free day!


Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #284 on: May 11, 2020, 06:04:06 AM »
2 months porn free today! Yay!!!


ShadeTrenicin

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 272
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #285 on: May 13, 2020, 01:21:50 AM »
Hey Patrick,

Congrats on the two months free of porn!

How are you feeling?



--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #286 on: May 14, 2020, 02:42:50 PM »
Hi Shade, Thanks for asking.

I feel pretty good, and I know I'm worth it. What really helped me was surrendering to God, and I don't mean it in a religious way. I just couldn't take the relapses anymore. So I started to totally surrender to Love. And something inside me changed. I hope it stays that way, and I take it one day at a time.

Wishing you all the best on your jouney to freedom!


ShadeTrenicin

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 272
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #287 on: May 16, 2020, 03:29:17 PM »
Hey Patrick,

Great to read you're doing well! Love in general, but more importantly of yourself might even be the number one thing that is needed to truly change yourself!

Keep up the good work, i'm rooting for you!
--------
Love yourself; allow your emotions, understand your emotions and make love for yourself your number one priority

Joel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • **

  • 51
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #288 on: May 17, 2020, 04:11:59 AM »
Congrats on the streak and the milestone!

Patrick

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 329
  • Personal Text
    PORN HAS TO GO NOW!
    • View Profile
Re: Patrick's Journal: A gay guy's imperfect reboot
« Reply #289 on: May 17, 2020, 06:36:38 AM »
Hey Shade and Joel,
Thank you so much for your encouragement! I really appreciate it a lot. Wishing us much love and freedom from our addictive behaviours.
Have a great porn free day, guys!