Author Topic: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet  (Read 69193 times)

cknfella

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #50 on: September 20, 2015, 06:31:44 AM »
Hey Gabe,

I'm about 40 days in, I just read orgasms early on are not good for rewiring. Didn't know that, my wife and I have been active, but I've been working hard to keeping all of my sexual activity with her alone.

My question is, I noticed in your withdrawal video that you said things seemed to iron out for you in about 6 months.  Do people typically see results sooner?  I feel my anxiety, depression, discouragement, and irritability has gone UP since I've started.  I also wrestle with an overall awareness of people's opinions of me, which isn't off for me, but all of this together has been very stressful.  I'm wondering - when do things emotionally start to get better?  Really ready for this phase to be done!

Thanks for all your help on here man!

Gabe Deem

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #51 on: September 21, 2015, 11:06:54 AM »
@ cknfella
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I'm about 40 days in, I just read orgasms early on are not good for rewiring.

Congrats on 40 days first of all! Second, I wouldn't say "orgasms early on are not good for rewiring." I would say they may slow down the reboot process for some, but others they can help. This really is an individual thing and as long as one is staying away from all artificial stimulation and not reinforcing the wrong neurological pathways then everyone has to decide what route they are going to take in regards to orgasms and rewiring.

Here is the most extensive advice I can give you on this topic and whether or not to O. I do advise going a period of time no O at the beginning, but this isn't something that will help everyone. Anywho, check out this post - http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=67.0

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I noticed in your withdrawal video that you said things seemed to iron out for you in about 6 months.  Do people typically see results sooner?

Many people do. My recovery was certainly on the longer side, but everyone is different.

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I feel my anxiety, depression, discouragement, and irritability has gone UP since I've started.

The same was true for me. This happens with withdrawal from behavioral addictions. An increase in anxiety is one of the most common symptoms reported by rebooters. For me things got better around 6 months emotionally, I went through a period of depression and that was when the fog started to lift and I began to see the beauty of life again.

I hope that comes sooner rather than later for you, but be patient because it will come. Hope the best for you. Much Love
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cknfella

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #52 on: September 21, 2015, 06:55:20 PM »
Gabe,

This helps man.  Thank you for taking the time to reply!  You've definitely impacted the way I view porn and sex, grateful for your story bro.

Gabe Deem

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #53 on: October 04, 2015, 11:24:31 AM »
@ cknfella,
Quote
Thank you for taking the time to reply!  You've definitely impacted the way I view porn and sex, grateful for your story bro.

Glad to help in any way I can. Hope the best for you. Much Love
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Rosso

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #54 on: November 04, 2015, 10:30:55 AM »
Hello Gabe and thank you so much for this site!

What I wanted so ask is what kind of symptoms have you heard PIED induces in your dick?

This summer I went limp with a girl and then three days later I woke up with this cold tingling in my dick as if it was completely numb. Been an active porn user since 15 and I was one of those very active users who browsed for hours at time - also did in between these aforementioned days.

It's as if I don't feel the rush to my dick anymore. I don't get instant strong erections as I used to before this day in the summer. My dick feels completely dead.

When I get erect it takes much longer than it used to and I only achieve 60-70% of the quality I used to. If I'm distracted it also goes down almost immediately. Also the head doesn't get enlarged at all like it used to. Viagra doesn't really help.

I feared it would be Venous Leak but I ruled it out with tests. Lab tests for hormones etc. also came back OK.

After last wednesday (The day VL was ruled out) I've gotten couple good morning erections - even better than the ones I did with viagra. Still worse than I did before this summer's incident. Exercise, eat healthily, quit smoking couple of weeks ago. My libido goes up and down.

8 days without orgasming. Over 40 days without porn.


Gabe Deem

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #55 on: November 16, 2015, 03:48:24 PM »
@ Rosso,
Quote
This summer I went limp with a girl and then three days later I woke up with this cold tingling in my dick as if it was completely numb...

My dick feels completely dead.

If I'm distracted it also goes down almost immediately. Also the head doesn't get enlarged at all like it used to. Viagra doesn't really help.

These are all common symptoms of porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Cold lifeless dick, change in color, loss of morning wood, going limp with a partner, Viagra not helping etc... these all happened to me, and to thousands of other rebooters.

Good news is the reboot works. It is also great that you ruled out Venous Leak, and I'm also assuming they checked basic things like hormones. So, it sounds like a classic case of porn-induced ED. You need to reboot.

Congrats on 40 days! Sounds like you're off to a great start. Read all the sticky posts on this site and watch our videos, and click the YourBrainOnPorn link at the top of this site and read through the FAQ's. Get educated, get and give support here on the Nation. Hope the best for you!
« Last Edit: November 16, 2015, 03:56:58 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Brock Savage

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #56 on: November 23, 2015, 09:02:39 AM »
Awesome post, congrats. Hope to be where you're at in several months.

-Brock Savage

Gabe Deem

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #57 on: December 30, 2015, 05:18:33 PM »
@ willywonkaz13
Quote
So what was the HARDEST PART OF REBOOTING?

I'd have to say struggling to maintain confidence in the rebooting process, while dealing with depression and anxiety. The first 6 months of my reboot were the darkest, most difficult days of my life so far. Very tough time, but in the end I'm thankful I went through it, as it let me grow into a better person and see things differently.
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drummerdude777

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #58 on: December 31, 2015, 06:28:09 AM »
Hi Gabe, first of all thank you for your support and all the good work that you do helping people rebuild their lives and get free from this addiction and healthy again..
                         Im 26 years old, been addicted to pornography and weed for the last 5 years, and been trying to quit since the last 2. I think i'm one of the bad cases, as i reached the point of not being able to get hard even with porn like 2 years back but still continued relapsing (some weeks clean then relapse , you know the cycle)  because of being depressed due to a breakup and other issues in my life. Although i have worked upon my life and changed a lot over the past 1 year (have a good job, rebuilt my relationships with my friends etc) i have really reached rock bottom with my addiction. I have literally been masturbating with 80% erections which i cant maintain for more than 2 minutes since the past year and a half and i still couldn't stop relapsing knowing this shit is hurting me so bad.
                      But i have had enough, with God's help i'm leaving this behind for good. Getting healthy again and recovering from this and clean from this is my biggest priority at this moment. 2016 is the year i give up pmo and weed for good. The biggest problem for me atm is dealing with negativity and pessimism. I have been fighting this for so long and have let it get so bad, that sometimes i feel i have damaged my brain and my sexuality for good. I remember being a healthy , happy 21 yr old with a high sex drive before this porn addiction screwed up my life..

Can my brian heal from all this? I have no desire to watch porn or masturbate EVER. I don't care if it takes years but i hope i regain my sex drive and i can be in a relationship someday.. Thanks

johnnypark

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #59 on: January 01, 2016, 11:16:56 AM »
Hi Gabe, first time poster. When you spoke of withdrawal during recovery you mentioned feeling depressed, anxious and basically numb to every day pleasures. Can definitely relate to this at the moment, 32 day PMO free so far, feel almost asexual. My question is what was your mood and emotional state like during active addiction ? Can't of been that happy I'd imagine ? I know i wasn't, was hell on earth.

Devo22

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #60 on: January 02, 2016, 11:56:16 PM »
Thanks for all your help. Your answers have been very straight forward and encouraging. God Bless you!


rebooting555

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #61 on: January 05, 2016, 04:37:15 PM »
hey Gabe since my relapse (74 days straight) I have been having trouble getting back on the streak (2 days here 4 days there) and have been trying for the last 21days should I refrain from orgasm with my partner for a couple weeks to try and get myself back to where I was? when I orgasm with her compared to porn it is honestly a night and day difference between feelings and am starting to realize that if I pmo I feel sluggish and depressed about myself but if I do with her I don't have as much as a hangover or anything I feel great and like a man the way it should be right?
mmmmmmmkjtyjghjyujktyjyujkrthjutyjytjtrujtyjfty

RAMI

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #62 on: January 10, 2016, 03:59:24 PM »
Hey Gabe, first of all thank you so much for what you're doing with this site and spreading awereness about the harmful effects of porn use.

I'm a month into my reboot and my girlfriend decided to end our eight-years relationship because she wasn't feeling the same feelings towards me. She basically said she can't be anymore with someone who's lacking a drive and motivation for life in general.

My problem is that my already existent anxiety and depression bacause of giving up porn skyrocketed and it's combined with the pain, anxiety and depression of having lost my life partner. I'm having a really tough time dealing with all this feelings but I'm determined of never going back, all of this was me hitting rock bottom.

My question is, how can I keep with the process of rewiring since I no longer have a loving partner?

Thank you so much.

P.S.: I'm sorry for my English, it's not my first language.

Gabe Deem

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #63 on: September 24, 2016, 11:58:51 AM »
@RAMI,

Sorry for the delay. I let this topic get away from me and hadn't checked it.

First off I'm glad you're here, and I'm extremely sorry to hear about the relationship ending. I'm a believer that everything negative can, over time, be turned into a positive, even if we can't see or understand how for a while. So I hope the experiences you had with her and the relationship ending can be turned into a positive.

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My question is, how can I keep with the process of rewiring since I no longer have a loving partner?

In my opinion you shouldn't worry about "rewiring" unless you have a partner... so my advice would be to continue to avoid artificial stimulation and reboot, and then, when the time comes and you have a partner again then rewire. Some guys have said that realistic fantasy helps them rewire. Thinking about real people and realistic situations that are not porn scripted. However, in my opinion that isn't the best path to recovery, I say "if it ain't real, no deal."

Here is a post where Gary and I share some thoughts: http://yourbrainonporn.com/do-i-have-have-sex-order-rewire

Hope it is helpful. And your english is fine  :D
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Icandothis1102

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #64 on: September 25, 2016, 03:31:11 AM »
Hey Gabe, first of all, thanks for everything. Reading all your stuff has made me feel very hopeful. I'm 100% sure i have PIED. After you completely recovered, were you getting rock hard, 10/10 erections on a consistent basis (when aroused/having sex)? And were your erections easy to get; as in you didn't need much stimulation and they pretty much just got up by themselves and fully hard without you even thinking about it?

I've had short streaks (1-2 weeks) but keep failing because i get anxious and scared that i'm never going to recover. I start off being super motivated and with the mindset that i can do this. But when i have a moment of weakness, i eventually end up relapsing which i hate. When I watch porn, i get hard but not 100% and i require stimulation to keep me hard. But every now and then, i get a libido rush like no other and i feel super turned on and it's amazing how my dick gets a mind of its own and just fills up fully (and stays completely hard) without no stimulation whatsoever. I want these kinds of erection on a consistent basis and when i'm with someone but a lot of the time i'm just not 'that' turned on and my libido/sex drive seems lowish. After reading and watching a lot of stuff about PIED, i know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and i will get cured eventually. But yeah, every time i get to a 1 or 2 week streak my brain keep tells me to go back to porn and test if i've recovered and see if I can get that spontaneous rock hard erection. And when i don't i get disheartened. A little advice/motivation could help a lot! Thanks again :)
« Last Edit: September 25, 2016, 03:35:09 AM by Icandothis1102 »

jimthejones

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #65 on: September 25, 2016, 07:22:11 PM »
hey gabe just wanna ask , do you watch tv now?

mike510

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #66 on: October 14, 2016, 01:52:09 AM »
Hey wus up Gabe..I been clean from porn for a year an 3 months now an I want to thank you for helping out on my journey..I barely started having sex again.back then when i was a porn addict I had the delayed ejaculation problem an now I been having premature ejaculation.I'm thinking because I haven't had sex in a long time..what are some ways or tips to get rid of premature ejaculation? Thanks again Gabe. Your my hero bro

Iwillbeatit

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #67 on: October 17, 2016, 11:59:15 AM »
Hey Gabe. I was on hardmode from last two months and it was going great. At the end of first month I started having vivid dreams as well as morning woods. Morning woods kept on getting better n better through the second month. At the end of second month my penis was not shrink anymore and sensitivity was coming back. Then last week I got a BJ and I reached orgasm. After that day i am not experincing any hard morning wood(may be 50%). I have lost my motivation and mad at myself why i chooses to go for orgasm. I have not relapsed to Porn anyway and I also dont have any urges to go back to porn. I just want to know after orgasm i have been facing flatline and still making progress or I am back to day 1? Any suggestions from anyone will be great help.

Gabe Deem

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #68 on: March 28, 2018, 09:23:40 AM »
@Icandothis1102
Quote
After you completely recovered, were you getting rock hard, 10/10 erections on a consistent basis (when aroused/having sex)?

Yes. After the 9 month mark. I was cautious for another half a year and tried not to have tons of orgasms, and spaced them out for a while. And I continued to feel mental benefits for up to 2 years.


@Jimthejones
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do you watch tv now?

Yes. Usually just shows on Netflix with my girlfriend, or the occasional big sports game.

@mike510
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I'm thinking because I haven't had sex in a long time..what are some ways or tips to get rid of premature ejaculation?

My advice would be to have slow gentle sex, without the end goal of orgasm in mind. This type of sex is called Karezza and you can google it to read up on it. I found this helpful to me in combating post reboot premature ejaculation. Conditioning your arousal to "take things slow" tends to be helpful to rebooters struggling with this. Also, intense exercise and meditation often times are helpful for PE, if you're not already doing those I'd start regularly including them in your daily routine.

@Iwillbeatit
Quote
I just want to know after orgasm i have been facing flatline and still making progress or I am back to day 1?

Of course you're still making progress, and no, you're not back at day 1. Avoiding artificial sexual stimulation is the goal, and rewiring to a real partner, which is what you did. Experiencing a "flatline" is common after orgasm during the reboot, I experienced this as well from months 6-9 in my reboot. My advice is to space out your orgasms (not necessarily eliminate) and read this article and listen to the advice in contains within: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-recovery-and-mysterious-flatline

In the end you're going to have to decide what is best for you and experiment based on how you feel. Remember, as long as you're not reinforcing the arousal pathways to pixels on a screen or any artificial stimulation, you're progressing through recovery. Hope the best for you. Much love and keep truckin.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2018, 09:31:05 AM by Gabe Deem »
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Victor Paez

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #69 on: August 18, 2018, 12:38:03 PM »
Hi Gabe, i have a kind of out of the blue question, because is not really about porn addiction, but after cutting my  porn use back in 2015 (i´m from Argentina, and i m 31 now) i have read the Gary Wilson´s book, and i´ve been on the forums and reading a lot of the information about this addiction, and at some point i also came across the Cupids Poisoned Arrow book, about Karezza, and even though i dont have a girlfriend, i have been very intrested in this different approach to sex, i was wondering if after leaving behind your addiction if you have a new approach to sex all together? i saw that sometimes you mention Karezza for the new recovering people, but are you still using it on your regular basis? or was it just something you did at the beggining?

Its kind of hard to express my self quite right in english but my main wonder is something like:  ¿how do you approach sex right now years after quitting porn? just kind like regular people? like regular people but with a bit of Karezza? ¿just Karezza?

i would like to hear your thougths on this...., i think its kind of, like pushy question, because i m not asking about your addiction recovery, or recovery advise, i´m more kind of asking about your intimate relationship life, but Karezza its a very interesting topic right now for me, and maybe you have no problem discussing it.

Well, thanks for the videos and advice you gave! (i translated a couple of those)
and thanks for reading! and regards from Argentina!
« Last Edit: August 18, 2018, 12:40:10 PM by Victor Paez »

Irvin

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #70 on: September 02, 2018, 03:11:34 PM »
Hi Gabe.

I've known this page for 4 years now, and found it googling about my ED of course.
Previous sexual experience: 3 years of constant sex (3 times a week, with short refractory periods, raging boners no problems, long lasting and so on, this is age 17-20)
8 months of no sex, daily PMO (1-2 times in average, regular vanilla porn nothing serious), next thing you know i cant have an E with a much more beautiful girl.
4 years later (now, aged 24) with same girl, no much progress, never P or M for the past 4 years only intercourse, Erections are only good when i have sex continuously for 10 days everyday lets say.
Otherwise it still sucks big time. Fit, non-smoker, non-drinker, checked by several physicians, urologists, cardiologists and results came great they all cant find whats wrong :D

Had two 100+ days hard modes, otherwise have 2 - 3 times a week sex with the gf, with erections differing and PE present. Tried cold showers, nutty food (when i say tried, i mean for a longer period of time) some meditation, kegels and everything i read here. Now focusing on rigorous exercises every second day..

I really have no clue what  to do next. Talked to her in the past, she was like i dont notice any problem and so, but ofc thats what a girl that loves you would say :)
Several wet dreams in those 4 yearts (like 6-7), boners only when sexually active that period otherwise flatline. Other symptoms include weak memory, mood changes..

I look forward to hearing from you. All the best.
Irvin

dshresth

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #71 on: September 04, 2018, 06:19:01 PM »
What do you suggest for people who are not good with women? I've been attempting noFap for two years and the most I've gone is 2 weeks. I know that fapping causes inferiority complex, but in my case, I've realized that even without fapping I have certain personality quirks that push girls away from me. Due to that reason, I get back into depression and fap again. It definitely seems hard especially for men who are not able to score a healthy sexual relationship with a girl. Furthermore, after not fapping you definitely become more sensitive to certain things in life that seem to hurt you more and throw you off balance. Sometimes I feel as if porn is the only drug that can calm down my nervous system. I definitely do work out but it eventually for me there is no other way to achieve sexual gratification other than by masturbating even if I don't watch porn. I wonder what guys who are not as naturally charming and outgoing and with a huge inferiority complex due to emotional hurt from the past refrain from using porn when their nervous system just won't calm down. Sometimes I feel as if I will do something insane if I don't watch porn as there just seems to be no way to physiologically calm down the nervous jitteriness.
Apart from that I am taking medications for my mental health conditioning and suffer from a bit of PTSD that also tempts me to watch porn.

Any advice or words of wisdom on this matter would be great..

Gabe Deem

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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #72 on: July 09, 2019, 10:52:20 AM »
i was wondering if after leaving behind your addiction if you have a new approach to sex all together? i saw that sometimes you mention Karezza for the new recovering people, but are you still using it on your regular basis? or was it just something you did at the beggining?

I would say yes, my approach to sex has changed. I care more about mutual pleasure and connection, rather than just trying to "fuck" and bust a nut - basically reenacting a porn scene. I care more about what my partner wants to do, compared to my younger years where I would think more in terms of what I could get my partner to do for me. As far as Karezza is concerned, I no longer do it. Although I fully support anyone who wants to, and I think it is awesome. I highly recommend it for those who are trying to rewire.

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