Author Topic: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet  (Read 29072 times)

Gabe Deem

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Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« on: December 30, 2014, 06:08:21 PM »
As a 23 year old loser who played video games all day and fapped all night.

I had full blown ED, could not get an erection to ANYTHING other than hardcore porn compilations. Even as a teenager I could only orgasm once and I needed HOURS to go again. I hadn't had morning wood in years. I dropped out of college. I lost several relationships. I couldn't focus on anything. I had social anxiety, no goals, no purpose.

My life after being porn and masturbation free for over 3 years.

No ED whatsoever, can have an orgasm and sometimes my erection doesn't even go down all the way, I wake up almost every morning with a boner that could be used as a jackhammer to break concrete. Started taking classes again, and working on my personal trainer certification. Gained 10 lbs of muscle and lost some fat. In a loving relationship with a beautiful girl. I can literally sit down and read or study when I need to and enjoy it. Confidence is sky high. No social anxiety, I love being around people and enjoying life and making memories with friends and family. I have reached some goals and made new ones, have dreams I am pursuing....

and my purpose, well, I now have a story to tell in hopes to break the cycle for future generations. The pleasure porn offers is cheap, temporary, and does not sustain you. It only hooks you, numbs you, and takes from you the one thing it promised, pleasure.

Life without porn is true pleasure, life without porn is way better!

Keep trucking guys.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 09:18:06 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2014, 06:08:44 PM »
Since my reboot, I have made several YouTube vids if you want my full advice and how I have gone over 3 years now of no porn or masturbation and one of the main points is to change your mindset to "porn is not an option anymore".

When I realized that porn made me have a limp noodle, laying in bed with a beautiful girl I loved, feeling no arousal at all, seeing the look on her face as I can't get turned on, the tear swelling up in her eye, because she thinks she's not good enough, was so gut-wrenching and life changing. When I found out my selfish pursuit of pleasure through porn was the cause of my pain and the pain I caused others. I decided that no matter how painful recovery was going to be, I was going to go through it.

I had a change of heart and sex became more about love, and less about lust.

Here are the videos just incase anyone missed them.....

Reboot Advice Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0dDLWGMhUo

Porn Induced ED Explained - My Story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGxXHBVDYU

Reboot FAQ - Wet Dreams, Porn Dreams, Morning Wood:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=092UH6e0BWA

The Basics Of Rebooting:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4yx4ouxGbQ

Reboot Challenges - Withdrawal Symptoms From Porn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxtQq0jBncc

Porn Myths: The Truth Behind Addiction And Dysfunction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CKuSYzwFkQ

------------------------------------------------------------------

Below are frequently asked questions regarding my reboot, with my answers. Some opinions of mine are subject to change and I will update the posts if I learn new information that would be helpful. Much Love!
« Last Edit: December 30, 2015, 05:19:19 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2014, 06:08:57 PM »
@gameover
Quote
Makes me annoyed knowing I wasted a year worth of rebooting with masturbation and porn relapses.

-Man don't be annoyed, look at it as a lesson learned. Everything you have gone through is now wisdom and insight for future guys going through this. Think about how much stronger you are going to be when you overcome this as a person with patience, discipline, and more heart and courage to go through tuff times.

Dude, when I was recovering back in 2011, there was no knowledge (very little) of younger guys taking longer. The suggestions were saying that 6 to 8 weeks was going to be enough. I felt dead inside, had a girl I was lying to about why I would not have sex with her, extreme anxiety and insomnia, laid in bed crying myself to sleep, always thinking about not being able to recover. After 12 weeks and still no sign of improvement I started freaking out man. I was way past the "extended" time frame for recovery and nothing changed. A calm came over me though, and I realized that life is not all about sex, and that if the brain can change, I will go through recovery for as long as it takes to get there.

Then I started getting morning wood, that was progress. Then I started to be able to get hard fooling around, that was progress. I knew seeing some progress meant that "rebooting" was working. I also knew that I had watched a lot of crazy, disgusting, abusive, messed up porn growing up and that I started watching it young when my brain was more vulnerable to sensitization, so I prepared for the worst. (EDIT: To clarify it does not matter what type of porn you are watching, it is the novelty of Internet porn that keeps dopamine high leading to sensitization. I knew I had deeply conditioned my brain to a screen since I watched porn all through my adolescence.)

I can't really explain what I felt when I first found out my selfish lifestyle of watching porn and pleasing myself in my room, while watching girls getting used and abused on a screen, had caused my sexual dysfunction and heartbreak of so many. It changed me, it created a passion and a desire to do something about it.

My eyes were opened to the reality of what porn is. It is dehumanizing and desensitizing, and it takes advantage of peoples wounds, turns them into merely sexual objects, with no care for their well being, their soul, their story of how they got to a point in life to where they let guys record doing degrading things to them for guys all around the world to jack off to with their pants around their ankles. Some with a wife sleeping in the other room who crys herself to sleep because she thinks she isn't beautiful enough to keep her husbands attraction, attention, and affection.

 Internet porn, is one of the most destructive things for human relationships in all of history. Once I understood that porn will not lead us to the fullness of joy, it was easy to stay away from.

I no longer desired porn, I dispised it.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:20:34 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2014, 06:09:11 PM »
@CBGuy1991
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I do have a question and it is this, is it the constant clicking of 'new' (jumping from one vid to the next) sensitizing the pathways to porn, or the more hardcore and shocking stuff is??

The main thing is the novelty of Internet Porn. The clicking to "new" images/videos keeping dopamine elevated as well as going to the most intense parts. However, the more shocking and surprising something is the more dopamine is released. So it is partly that too.

Sensitization appears to be the main brain change behind porn induced sexual dysfunctions, and why it takes guys who started on internet porn at a young age longer to recover. We know of one guy who developed ED by clicking through thousands of swimsuit model pictures each session. It's not content, its novelty, and continued use of supernormal stimulation like internet porn.

@hollow
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please provide us with information about time u took to start feeling damn better .. to have real sex .. to feel completely healed

 It took me 6 months to start feeling better and getting some sex drive and motivation back. To have successful sex it took 9 months, and to feel completely healed to where I could get an erection to my hands touch alone with no porn or fantasy, 15 months.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:21:38 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2014, 06:09:24 PM »
@flump
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how is it that some people seem to watch porn (even a lot of porn) and still manage to have heathly relationships and bang thier girlfriends? surley every guy has watched thier fair share of porn, so how come some get ED?

-I can only speculate, but there are a few reasons I can think of why some guys can watch porn and still have sex.

1. The age one started watching internet porn. The younger you started on porn the more likely you will have sensitized your brain to get turned on by a screen rather than a partner. If a guy doesn't start on internet porn during adolescence he will not have wired for porn as deeply as someone who did watch internet porn through adolescence. (Note the fact that I said "internet porn" and not just porn or magazines. Having unlimited supply of novel porn is a huge part of the equation, magazines simply can't deliver the same neurochemical punch and therefore not wire the brain as fast or as deep.

2. How frequent and consistent one watches porn. Some guys only watch a few days a week/month. Guys who develop porn induced dysfunctions may have watched it almost every day for years, like me.

3. Past sexual experience. Some guys have had lots of real life sex along with lots of porn use. These guys have wiring for real partners, guys who have only masturbated to porn do not. This was a huge factor I believe in why it took a while for my porn induced ED to develop, because I had a lot of sex through highschool and college. This is scary to me because I might have even taken longer to reboot, and should be encouraging to guys taking a long time with no sexual past. They may just need more time or simply rewire their brain for a real life partner, the brain is always changing so as long as we are alive rewiring is possible!

4. The way a guy watches porn. Some guys watch one video a session and that is it, or go back to a saved video and keep watching that one video, while other guys edge for hours and keeping dopamine high for very long periods of time. Some guys have multiple tabs open at the same time being bombarded with novelty. All 3 groups of guys are wiring their brain to porn on a screen but the edgers and novelty seekers are surely wiring their brain more deeply. I would both edge when I had time to kill, or search for the perfect scene if I was in a rush.

Some guys are on their way to limp noodle town and they do not even know it. They just might not be there yet, or maybe they do not watch as much porn as you would think or that they say they do. There are MANY factors that go into this...

Just my thoughts there is not a solid answer.. hope that helps.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:22:36 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2014, 06:09:38 PM »
@Rocksen
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did you really never relapsed? i just did.... cant believe myself after 100 days. will there be a setback?

- Yes, I haven't watched porn since I began rebooting, and I have not masturbated. It will be fine man, just calm down. One relapse will not erase 100 days of progress. You took 100 steps forward and 1 step back. You are still 99 steps farther along recovery than when you started my man. Don't get caught up in "how far did I set myself back" because there is no answer for this. All you need to know is you have been doing great, and you need to dust yourself off and keep trucking.

@The-French
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stop of the semen leakage is a sign of recovery ?
I tought it was a sign of "libido" no ?

Yes, many guys including myself noticed a stop in semen leakage after a few months of rebooting. Not sure why this happens, but it is a commom sign of improvement. Clearly there is more going on that we don't know yet.


@Rocksen
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did you experience premature ejaculation when having sex during your reboot?

Yes, but that is to be expected for the first few times typically. It went away quickly, and is nothing to worry about. Karezza (slow, gentle sex without orgasm) also helped with this tremendously for me personally. Sex became more passionate and less performance based.

@foreveroptimistic
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In your videos you said that you just came around to thinking 'that p was no longer an option'. I just would like to ask a few questions how did you do that in one go just on that thought?

I hit rock bottom, and I wanted my penis to work at the time more than anything.

@The-French
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How long had you avoided PMO before trying to have sex with a girl ?

A little over 100 days, then I still failed when going for sex.

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Your "sexual recovery" was linear (no failure during sex), or not linear (some successfull sex and some failures) ?

It was not linear, once I came out of my flatline at around 6 months, I would go back into flatline after I would have an Orgasm. I had some days where I could get hard very easy followed by days where nothing could get me hard.

@ notfeelingit
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- Do you get excited about having sex now? Do you get properly turned on/aroused?

Yes and yes.

Quote
- Did you experience changes in your ability to enjoy music during PMO and rebooting?

Yes, very slightly. My ability to enjoy everything increased.

Quote
- Are you still noticing improvements of any kind now, or do you think you're fully recovered already?

Nothing noticeable. 
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 07:04:37 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #6 on: December 30, 2014, 06:09:51 PM »
@19yearoldvirgin
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You said it took you 9 months to have sex and 15 months to get hard by your own touch. This is a bit confusing for me us I thought, you had to be able to get hard by your self before being able to have sex. I thought that's how the recovery process should go. It makes sense that you would be bale to get hard by your own touch before getting hard with a woman?

-Yes I said that because it was true in my case. Other guys do report that they can get an erection to their own touch alone before being able to get an erection for sex. It depends on the person and the biggest factor is probably sexual conditioning, or I should say sexual experience. In my opinion though when you have a naked girl touching you wanting sex that should excite you more than your own hand does softly touching yourself. Because I had some wiring for a real partner my brain was able to get excited enough to give me an erection after 9 months of rebooting, and considering I had never masturbated to touch alone my brain was not yet "recovered" to register that as rewarding/exciting.

I can only speculate about "why" I could get hard for sex before touch alone, I do not know for sure. There is still much more to learn. Hope that helps... I wouldn't worry about it
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:29:20 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #7 on: December 30, 2014, 06:10:06 PM »
@hollow
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are u for or against trying viagra/cialis for having sex while rebooting/rewiring or not?

I am against trying viagra/cialis if you are a young guy with porn induced ED. Our problem is in the brain, not in the penis.

I used Viagra and Cialis before I realized porn was my problem and early during my reboot, and they did not work. Time away from PMO worked for me, and is what guys with PIED need, not dick pills. My advice is stay away.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:30:31 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2014, 06:10:20 PM »
@episodeIV
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I was wondering if you started seeing certain things right before you were able to have sex again.....what were some of the things you were seeing in months 7-8, if it took you 9 months to get cured...

It was very hard to notice anything. I had no clue I was recovered until the anticipation of sex gave me an erection before I even had my clothes off. Plus, my boner stayed without needing constant stimulation.

Some things I noticed before I was recovered...

1. My morning wood had returned, was getting it regularly.
2. I desired sex. (coming out of my flatline feeling, where I could care less about sex)
3. I felt a physical rush when the opportunity of sex came. I felt "turned on".
4. My porn flashbacks had stopped. During my reboot I would get flashbacks of porn I had watched and would get very anxious and brain foggy. These faded with time.

Everyone is different. The only way to know if you no longer have ED, is when you no longer have ED.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:31:32 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2014, 06:10:32 PM »
@lookingahead
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Did your porn addiction cause a severe drop, even a complete death, in your libido?

No. Porn "hijacked" my libido. It re-wired my libido to a screen over time, and also raised the bar of what I needed to feel arousal. I was having real life sex and masturbating to porn, but over time internet porn won my desire over real sex, without me realizing it, because its ability to provide an unlimited amount of stimulation due to its unlimited novelty and shock. I always felt like I had a high libido, but in reality I was just craving my addiction...porn.

So over time I stopped pursuing sex as much and was content with masturbating to porn, then eventually when I would get with a girl it was impossible to become aroused, not because I did not have libido, but because I had been re-wired to a screen, and numbed to normal sexual stimulation.

Once I gave up porn then I had no libido, because real sex did not register as exciting to me. Sex was always something I have felt a desire for, I just taught my brain that a screen was where to get it, and it took years of conditioning for that to happen.

@Cuadrado
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Do i have to avoid sex for an other time (perhaps 3 months more) to reboot better, and to improve my dopamine level. And then rewire....

No, the only thing you need to do is avoid porn. However, avoiding orgasm for a period of time might be beneficial and help you recover faster, but everyone is different. I cannot give you a for sure answer on what you need to do. Hope the best for you.

@filguy81
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Did you take anything like meds, supplements, herbal stuff, etc that helped you in your reboot?

No. I just ate a healthy balanced diet and exercised frequently.

For protein I eat eggs, fish, turkey beef, chicken etc.
For carbs I eat brown rice, sweet potatoes, granola etc.
For fat I eat natural peanut butter, avocados, almonds etc.
For my greens I eat celery and spinach leaves.
Nothing special.

Quote
my mom gave me this supplement called MaxGXL......Have you or anyone in this forum taken this supplement? I was wondering if it might behelpful in rebooting.

No I do not know anything about it. I do not think it would be helpful in rebooting, because if porn is your problem it is a brain wiring problem and nothing else. You have numbed your brain to pleasure, and wired it to crave porn. We need time away from porn and contact with a real person. We do not "need" supplements, unless porn is not the problem. See a good doctor when in doubt.

@reelpainer
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so m I on my way to quit it? If not then what are the suggestions?

I had a hard time understanding your post man. If you are trying to give up porn, you are on your way to recovery. My advice is get busy doing other healthy things like exercise and spending time with friends and family. Watch my "Porn Induced ED Advice Video" for more suggestions. Learn about porn addiction by reading yourbrainonporn.com , read recovery stories, post here for support, and get active with F.A.P. activities... (Fun, Active, Productive). Be patient and relax, there is hope.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:32:17 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2014, 06:10:44 PM »
@bluediamond
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curious as to how often you got spontaneous erections throughout your reboot?

-I think just one, but even that one I do not think was so "spontaneous" but rather me day dreaming about a sexual experience without realizing it. Spontaneous erections are more of a teenage thing than a grown man thing. We develop what I like to call "boner control" as we mature into grown men and our brains fully develop. Spontaneous erections are a good sign if you get them for sure, but if you are not under the age of 20 I wouldn't be concerned if you do not get them. My opinion.

@ro_man
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See the thing about your case is that I can bet any amount of money you were good with girls even while addicted to porn. You're a good looking guy (no homo), so I can bet you still had girls wanting you. That's not the case for a lot of us here.

-My ability or inability to get girls to want me is not an important part of my story, other than the fact that I had a limp penis when going for sex with a a very attractive girl who....well, wanted me. The main points of my story are that I became desensitized to normal sexual stimulation, sexually conditioned my brain to only get turned on by shocking and novel porn. After years of over stimulation I lost my drive for life, and motivation to do anything. I quit porn and masturbation and over time regained my sexual function and motivation for life.

Focusing on someone else's situation and ability to get girls will not help you or anyone on this forum and is irrelevant. There are over 4 billion women out their and I assure you many of them would want to be with you if you pursue them and show them you will care for and love them.

If you use this reboot time to improve your life in all areas, health and knowledge being two biggies, as well as develop a view of sexuality that is based on love and not lust. You will have no problem getting a girl to want you.

You only have one life, do the best you can with it.... "worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere" - Van Wilder
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:33:31 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2014, 06:10:58 PM »
@19yearoldvirgin
Quote
should i retrain my brain to get an erection by my own touch, by lightly touching myself every so often.

I would stay away from this personally. Every now and then to test is fine but I encourage guys to stay away from that too as much as possible. I only tested a few times, spaced out over several months. I did not care about being able to get an erection to my touch, I only cared about getting an erection to a real woman.

So it's up to you, it is your own experiment and recovery. My advice is to only do this when you are testing, and to space "testing" out.

I tested at 1 year and still could not get it up to touch alone. Took me a few more months. However, I could have sex so I did not care if my hand got me going or not at that point.

Interesting note: In the movie Don Jon he could not masturbate without porn, but he could still have sex. This is how I was right before I was fully recovered. So, not being able to masturbate without porn (i.e. to touch alone) is a strong indicator for PIED, but does not always mean you can't get it up for sex.

EDIT: I suggest staying away from Don Jon or any triggering movie until you feel recovered and in a healthy mental state. I probably would have had an anxiety attack if I watched it during my reboot.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:35:05 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #12 on: December 30, 2014, 06:11:11 PM »
@lastchance 
Quote
Can you remember when you started getting morning wood again? Did it come in "waves", or did it stay with you once it came?

It was gradual for me.

First 3 months no morning wood at all
Months 4-9 were mixed with occasional morning wood anywhere from 60% to 100% hard
Months 10 to 14 pretty consistent morning wood (about 3 days a week)100% hard.
Months 15 to present (32 months) regular morning wood 100% hard (4 or 5 days a week). There have been mornings I've laid in bed for hours with a boner that would not go down.

Also, when I first started getting morning wood it would go down as soon as I stood up, over the months it stayed longer and longer. Now I can walk around for a few minutes with a towel hanging on it.

Some things to remember: if you wake up to an alarm. Morning Wood usually happens during REM (rapid eye movement) or shortly after, so if you wake up to an alarm or some other sound you may not have been in REM sleep.

If you get morning wood that is a indication that your penis is fine and the problem is in your brain. Some sexual health practitioners will say that if you can get nocturnal erections than your Erectile Dysfunction is anxiety related because your penis works fine. However that is not true in the case of porn induced ED because they do not know or refuse to acknowledge the physiological changes porn can cause.

Morning wood does not mean that you're cured. It IS a sign your headed in the right direction and your junk is not broken, but rather your brains wired for porn.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:35:48 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #13 on: December 30, 2014, 06:11:29 PM »
@JG55
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There may not be an answer to this question. How much rewiring does it take to heal?

There is not an answer for that as everyone is different, just do the best you can and report what happens.

Quote
How long after starting did you notice a difference?

After about 6 months I started to see some libido coming back, and could feel some desire and arousal for a real girl.

@Sticky
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did you drink / get drunk during your reboot?

Yea a few times. My advice would be to stay away from getting "wasted", but I highly encourage going out and having a good time and enjoying life when the opportunity comes, and drinking here and there is fine.

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When you had wet dreams did you wake up the next day feeling... fucking terrible?

Not really, I never noticed much after a wet dream. My dreams in general during my reboot and after became more vivid and "real"... not important just something I noticed.

Quote
Any advice on avoiding wet dreams?

I was more likely to have a wet dream if I was sexually excited right before falling asleep. Just something I noticed. But no, wet dreams in my experience were pretty random and are nothing to worry about. It is out of your control and when you have one you are not reinforcing the addiction pathways and behavior. So it's all good if you have one, just wipe off, and enjoy the day.

@lastchance
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I would like to ask you about your drive for live/motivation/pleasure in nonsexual things. How long did it take for those things to get normal?

My motivation and drive for life came back around the same time I felt rebooted, maybe a little before at around 8 months. My mind started to clear up and my anxiety went away. As I learned more about the brain and it's ability to change our entire lives I became more confident that I was going to recover. I became very motivated to be proactive about my reboot and start putting energy into other healthy things like learning, sports, relationships, and work.

A huge part of my motivation comes from the realization that probably millions will suffer from this who wouldn't if they simply had the information about the potential negative impact porn can have on them. Seeing people suffer from this is what motivates me the most, because I know exactly how scary, heart breaking, and frustrating it is to be a young man with a dysfunction that could have easily been avoided had I had the right information.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:37:06 PM by Gabe Deem »
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Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« Reply #14 on: December 30, 2014, 06:11:41 PM »
    @ Que_Curioso
    Quote
    tell me, in short, what did you do during your reboot to recover so well?

    I did two simple things:
    • Avoided all artificial sexual stimulation. See post below for more details of what this looked like for me.
    • Consistently rewired to a real woman


    I was constantly around real people during my reboot. I spent countless hours with my girlfriend dancing, kissing, laughing, holding hands, cuddling watching movies, touching, occasionally things got sexual. Remember also, that I had a lot of sexual experiences in my teenage years and up through college. So surely this helped.

    I was constantly trying to be as healthy as possible and replace the void in my brain with new healthy pathways. I don't talk about it much, but I also gave up video games and cut back on all forms of entertainment.

    Another thing I did on occasion was fast. I went to the woods during my reboot and fasted for a few days and did nothing but read books and drink water. I basically cut off all forms of entertainment and high dopamine releasing activities for a period of time. I really found this to be beneficial. Intermittent fasting has been shown to improve brain function.

    ALL my spare time was spent reading and learning about addiction, or reading posts on the forums.

    Pretty much everything I did I covered in this video:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0dDLWGMhUo

    Quote
    I heard that you did 4-3-3 months of abstinence. Did you relapse? How much did you spread out your orgasms (after you stopped abstaining, of course) to avoid flatline?

    No I did not relapse. I haven't looked at porn or masturbated in 1217 days. No desire to at all.

    Yea I first went over 100 days no P,M or O. I did however have a few wet dreams. At around 6 months I started to feel libido coming back, I then had an orgasm about every 4/5 weeks through oral sex. Months 6 through 8 I failed at vaginal sex, but could get it up for oral. After each of these orgasms I went back into what felt like a deep flatline for a few weeks.

    Then around month 9 I no longer had porn-induced ED and could have sex. From that point on (knowing that I didn't want to overstimulate my brain too soon) I spaced my orgasms out anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks for a few more months. I felt improvement for the first 2 years. Although I was fully functional sexually around month 15, I continued to feel improvements in clarity of mind and motivation.[/list]
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:47:33 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #15 on: December 30, 2014, 06:11:52 PM »
    @ Johnny Rotten
    Quote
    "This leads to a question: how do you, Gabe, avoid porn?"

    -Well, there are a few things I did early on in my reboot that helped, and some things I still do to help me avoid porn. But first let me say this. The moment I realized my selfish behavior of pleasing myself with porn caused my ED, and the pain I caused several girls whose hearts and self esteem I crushed, my hearts desires changed and I had the mindset of never watching porn again the rest of my life. From day one of my reboot I have had anger and disgust build up in me when I would think about porn. I was willing to go through hell and suffer my way through recovery because, to be honest I needed to. I was a young man who lacked discipline and self control and every man needs those traits.

    *Lessons not learned in blood are easily forgotten* In other words, temporary suffering can be good for you

    I hit rock bottom and felt the weight of knowing that porn destroyed my ability to make love. My ability to enjoy a beautiful girls smile was gone. My imagination was gone, I no longer wondered what sex would be like, I thought about what it looked like in the porn I watched. I no longer felt connected during sex, but felt like I was using girls as my personal sex toys. Knowing porn physically changed my brain to be like this was enough reason to never want to watch it again.

    But other than my mindset, I did a few things I believe helped early on.

    1. I took my laptop out of my room- I did this not because I was afraid I was going to relapse, but because I knew that when you see something associated with your addiction, your brain automatically releases dopamine to motivate you to do said addiction. A study showed cocain addicts brains light up with dopamine when showed pictures of cocain or other pictures they relate to their addiction.

    Also, this helped keep me at ease when I went to sleep I would not be tempted to get on the computer and lay in bed for a few hours surfing facebook and waisting good sleep time.

    2. I stopped watching TV - No TV except for the occasional family/friend hangout of watching a show or a sports game.

    3. Stopped watching R rated movies - unless I knew for sure their would not be any porn scenes in them. Even though I could have handled watching them I did not want my brain to fire up my porn circuits AT ALL during my reboot.

    4. Gave up facebook - and all other sites except for YBOP and other educational sites/forums.

    5. Stopped reading magazines - I would skim through bodybuilding magazines and sports illustrated and they were filled with sexual ads. I would find myself doing more looking and less reading.

    6. Stopped listening to the radio - During my flatline, when I was depressed, and when my anxiety was high, hearing all the songs about sex this, sex that, sex all night long blah blah blah would piss me off and make me sick of how our culture is so over sexualized I had to give it up for a while.

    7. Tried to hang around friends and other people as much as possible.

    8. Got busy doing other healthy things - I have always been into working out, but I picked up the amount of time I was working out, got a full time job, went back to school, started reading tons of books, playing guitar, and publicly talking about this addiction with people.

    9. Got rid of any and all porn that I had - deleted everything off my computer, through away magazines and dvd's etc.

    10. Shared my story with others - Talked to my girl about my porn induced ED, my friends, my family. This was very key for me, I know that most guys will not want to do this, I didn't either, but for me I knew it was what I needed to do, and if me sharing my story might save one of my friends or even some stranger from going through the pain I went through, then a little temporary embarrasment on my part is fine with me. Plus, if they laughed at me, I would beat them to a pulp or simply punch them in their throat...just kidding. I do strongly encourage everyone to at least journal here or somewhere and share your story and get/give support. It took me over 6 months before I was willing to talk about it. Wish I would have sooner but at first I was too ashamed.
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Those are just some of the things I did to avoid porn.

    Unfortunately staying away from porn in our world today is going to be near impossible, so doing your best is all that matters. As long as you don't intentionally seek out porn you will recover. Nobody should freak out if they are flipping through TV channels and come across 5 seconds of porn, but you might want to get rid of that channel.

    One thing to know is that going through withdrawal and suffering to overcome this addiction is worth it. Early in the reboot process I hated my life, now I am THANKFUL that I went through that so I can relate to those in need of help and support. Stay strong guys and be patient.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:48:20 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #16 on: December 30, 2014, 06:12:08 PM »
    @Pride
    Quote
    Is being able to get an erection with light stroking and no fantasy or porn a sign that you're healed in your opinion?

    It is a huge sign of improvement if you could not before.

    The test is to rule out performance anxiety. If you can't masturbate by yourself without porn, but you can with porn, then it is not performance anxiety, it is porn induced. You are not worried about sexually pleasing your hand, or worried your palm is gonna gossip to your friends palm about how long you lasted during the next high-five.

    The test is solid for most guys. Obviously not all as some guys can't even get hard to porn, but if you are a young healthy male, you should be able to get an erection without porn or porn fantasy, bottom line.

    Quote
    And I was thinking that if I can get hard with my own light touching, then I could get hard with a females light touching and continue with sex

    I agree with this logic. That's what I tend to think as well. However, It can get tricky if anxiety or sexual conditioning is playing a part. Again, the test is supposed to rule out anxiety, and if you can get it up to porn still, it shows you that your dick works and the problem is in your brain. Nothing else.

    If I looked away from the screen my bone would go away in literally under about 5 seconds. I could not get an erection without porn no matter what I thought about or how hard I stroked... not even a semi. If I turned on my favorite type of porn compilation...BAM.. I'd get a boner. Make no mistake about it, I had porn induced ED.

    @ubiq
    Quote
    Should I rewire to women both inside and outside of the workplace, or should I just rewire to women outside only.

    Rewiring is rewiring it does not matter. My advice is always to pursue a loving partner. I would avoid "using" anyone. With that said, and I am not here to give relationship advice, but I would stay away from girls you work with... unless... you have built up something over a period of time with one individual girl. The mass flirt thing is not wise in the workplace, whether you're in a gym or not.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:50:34 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #17 on: December 30, 2014, 06:12:20 PM »
    @Lone
    Quote
    Can you describe the shortening of your refractory period in stages throughout your recovery?

    Yea, before I rebooted my refractory period was way too long for a normal healthy young guy in his early 20's. I would need hours usually to get another erection. Now, this is not spot on because I usually would purposely space my orgasms out after the 9 month mark because I did not want to "over due it". So an educated guess based on how I felt and what I experienced.

    I would guess at 9 months my refractory period was still at least an hour or more. At 12 months it was around 45 minutes. 15 months just a few minutes.

    Quote
    Since your recovery, what is the highest number of orgasms you have had in a day?

    3

    Quote
    I hear you mention a lot that you felt you were 100% cured by month 15. Would you say then that you have discontinued to see improvements since month 15? or is there still work being done in your brain you think? if so, what changes have you noticed?

    The reason I say 15 months is because that was when I had absolutely no ED and could get hard to touch alone. However, I would say I continued to see improvement in motivation, concentration, and maybe a little memory improvement.

    @zrecovery
    Quote
    Literally within the past few weeks, out of no where I can't seem to get a full erection....I was just curious to see exactly how and when you knew you had a problem,  if it was anything similar to this

    Well, mine was gradual, slowly getting worse and worse over a few years. Never even noticed it though until I could not get hard at all to a girl. So it sure seemed like it was sudden. I am not sure about your case... depression can certainly play a part. The best thing to do is stay away from porn and masturbation and see what happens. If you can get hard to porn, but can't with just touch alone, then it is porn induced. If you cannot get an erection to porn either then it is wise to go see a doc just to check for other causes. I would still guess it is porn induced, but I cannot be sure.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:52:07 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #18 on: December 30, 2014, 06:12:35 PM »
    @JB530
    Quote
    1) When you were rebooting, how difficult was it to be in your relationship?

    It was EXTREMELY difficult to be in a relationship hiding the reason I was broken/would not sleep with my gf. BUT, after I was completely honest things became so much easier. I suggest being as open and honest as possible with your partner. Also, it is KEY that you show them the science behind porn addiction and how rebooting works. Also, really make sure your partner understands that this is an arousal thing and not an attraction thing. It has nothing to do with what our partners look like and everything to do with how our brains are numbed and re-wired.

    Then just hang in there. I know the robot feeling. It took months for this to go away. But keep doing healthy things and going places and try to make the most out of it and be patient. As your brain comes back into balance it will get better, at least in my experience.

    Quote
    It's like I'm expecting her to give up and push me away. She's extremely attractive and men flirt with her daily. Any advice?

    Well, you can always pleasure her in other ways. Guys really do not understand how hard being in a relationship is while you're rebooting. Just let her know how you feel, that this is only a season of life and once your recovered you two can experience true intimacy and pleasure. The waiting process will make it that much more worth it. Tell her that. Let her hear you say how much she means to you and that you will never go back to porn because you want intimacy with her and only her no matter how long it takes.

    If it helps, show her my videos and give her hope that once your recovered life can be wayyyyy better and it is worth the wait. Emphasize that porn is NOT an option because you only want her.

    I know its not easy man, just be honest and caring and continue to be strong and patient.

    @ NewNotComer
    Quote
    I am depressed and frustrated. I know you cannot give me a "recovery timetable" but I'd like it if you had to share some stories about your tough moments.

    One of the worst parts of my recovery was a panic attack I had while at work about 4 months in to the process. I was extremely stressed, was at work after sleeping a total of 1 hour, my boss had gotten on to me because I wasn't listening to him and couldn't remember the simple instructions for the simple tasks he gave me that day. My emotions piled up and came crashing down as I was holding nuts and bolts in my hand thinking about the fact that my nuts and bolts didn't work. I ran out of the building and into the ally, kicking anything in my way and screaming my lungs out. I eventually fell to the ground, first on my knees and then in the fetal position and simply wept.

    That was a tough day.

    Quote
    Also, did you go to a urologist? Thing is, I want to go to one but I am afraid he'll just tell me it's performance anxiety and make me lose money for nothing. I've done the PIED test and I can get erections with porn but not without it, so I figure it probably is PIED.

    No I did not, because I knew my dick worked with porn. I went to my doctor and got my blood taken and heart checked. All the results came back fine.

    Quote
    When I started rebooting some months ago, I couldn't get ANY reaction to touch alone. Was it that bad when you started your reboot?

    Yes. It was that bad for me before I rebooted. I couldn't get an erection to ANYTHING other than hardcore porn compilations. It actually took me 15 months to be able to get it up solidly to touch alone.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 07:21:01 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #19 on: December 30, 2014, 06:12:47 PM »
    @ notfeelingit
    Quote
    Interested to know what your perspective is on rewiring vs abstaining. Do you think rewiring is essential or can you heal just by abstaining?

    For some guys abstaining will be all they need. Those guys are likely the guys who did not start on internet porn during adolescence. If you grew up with internet porn, you need to, and maybe have to, REWIRE your sexual response to a real life partner.

    The most important brain change with porn-induced sexual dysfunctions appears to be sensitization, (nerve cells that fire together wire together). Rewiring is firing your nerve cells for real people, thus wiring your nerve cells to real people. Rewiring does NOT mean you have to have sex. In fact, finding a loving partner and taking it slow is the best way to rewire in my opinion. Things like, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, or just hanging out enjoying each other are all rewiring you to real people.

    We do not know for sure if abstaining only will cure porn-induced ED. This is a new phenomena and no one has gone 5 years no pmo and reported back. Also, we do not know if fantasizing about real partners can help. Just speculation. Some guys say it may have helped, others say they felt it hurt.

    My suggestion is to follow the mindset "if it ain't real, no deal" and spend your time re-wiring with a loving partner. 

    @ Abraham
    Quote
    Prior to rebooting Did you have an issue with maintaining your erection when you stand up?

    Yes, it was very difficult to maintain an erection standing up. No longer an issue at all.

    Quote
    does the penis head inflate during erection and get hard prior to rebooting and after the reboot?

    Before rebooting it would not inflate like it should have. After rebooting it is fine. Guys need to understand the the mushroom tip (head of the penis) does not become rock solid. It will always be softer than the rest of the dick. I wouldn't worry about it. If you feel like it is not as engorged with blood as it should be then I suggest seeing a good urologist.

    @kirby43776
    Quote
    Just wondering Gabe have spontaneous erections returned as well?

    I have had 1 or 2, but not really. Normal healthy guys in their 20's and 30's do not walk around all day with boners. This is a common misconception porn addicts have. Guys develop what I call boner control as you mature and leave your teenage years.

    Now, with that said. There have been a few times where I got a boner for what seemed like no reason. But it was probably because I subconsciously thought about something sexual. I become erect in anticipation of sex, and that is all that matters.

    @ ireboot
    Quote
    why is it like that, some days you could get it up easily and then followed by the day you coudnt?

    I do not know. I could only speculate but I do not know enough to even present a decent theory. It seems as if some guys brains just need a very long time to reboot and come back online so to say. There is still much more to learn.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 06:56:05 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #20 on: December 30, 2014, 06:13:10 PM »
    @ freefreefree90

    Quote
    How did exercise affect you reboot?

    Well I have always exercised, but during my reboot I increased my time and frequency lifting, doing sprints, and tried to tighten up the diet as much as possible. I ate decent before my reboot and I have almost always been under 10% body fat, but during the reboot my whole mindset on life changed and I now wanted to be as healthy as possible.

    Exercising affected my reboot in the following ways:
    • Relieved stress- Any stress and anger I had I would take out in the weightroom, and this happened to be a lot during my reboot as I was very moody and stressed daily.
    • Increased confidence - I have never struggled with confidence, but building more muscle and getting lean, and becoming stronger can never be a bad thing if not overdone.
    • Overall health- No need to explain that one.


    But to be honest.... it wasn't so much exercising affecting my reboot as my reboot affecting my exercise. They helped each other.

    With the reboot came more free time on my hands, literally, and increased motivation and concentration due to my brain returning to balance and being more sensitive to dopamine. I now could feel and see the reward in being productive and doing healthy things. I had to force it at first, as I encourage all rebooters to do, but with time you will start to see and feel results physically and mentally. Rebooters, and everyone for that matter, should at least exercise a few times a week in my opinion.

    Quote
    I was thinking about getting into a consistent running routine which I thought would help me with stress/dopamine but I think I read on ybop that it's strength training that really helps. Do you have an opinion on this topic? Should I do one, the other, or both and what would be most effective?

    You should do both! However, intense anaerobic exercise has been shown to increase D2 receptors. I do about 40 mins weightlifting a day, then do sprints and abs once or twice a week. But yes, do both. I highly recommend it. It will help.

    @ Goldy
    Quote
    could you please tell about your workout schedule during the reboot and do you believe exercising makes the reboot easier and faster as it helps to deal with anxiety and depression.

    Yes it most certainly helps with the reboot, and is a healthy thing to do for anyone to maintain a healthy mind, and body.

    I will upload a workout video on RebootNation when I get the time, but my workout schedule is fairly simple. I have a 4 day cycle I go through.

    Day 1 - Chest and Triceps (Push ups, incline dumbell press, decline barbell press, dips, cable flys, tricep extensions with the rope, skull crushers)
    Day 2 - Back and Biceps (Pull Ups, Lat pulldowns, dumbell rows, T-bar rows, curls)
    Day 3 - Shoulders and Abs (Lateral dumbell raises, seated and standing dumbell presses, shoulder machine, sit-ups, scissor kicks, leg raises, planks)
    Day 4 - Legs (squats, lunges, deadlifts, leg press, hip abductor, hip adductor)

    I do cardio 3 days a week for about 10/20 minutes... nothing crazy. I prefer sprints and high-intensity interval training.

    I'll post a more in depth workout routine when I get some time along with a video. Hope that schedule helps though. You basically just want to give your muscles a few days to rest, it's a body builder routine, but in my opinion the healthiest for health and longevity. I have some of the workouts I do with my bootcamp class I teach in this video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpoZnVC17i8

    @ lookingahead

    Quote
    Have you battled bitterness and regret over robbed youth, stolen childhood innocence, and wasted life?  If so, how did you overcome it?

    Originally yes, one of the reasons I was in a deep depression during my reboot. All the thoughts of me wasting my life on video games and porn consumed me. That combined with not knowing if I was ever going to recover had me thinking about (although never coming close) suicide. However, once I found out there is always hope because our brains can change our entire lives, combined with starting to regain balance in my brain my depression went away.

    There was a very, very dark period during my reboot, where all the thoughts stated above were running through my head during sleepless nights, panic attacks, and severe brain frog. At times regret was all I thought about. I caused a lot of people pain in my life because of my selfish actions and lifestyle of pursuing my pleasure over others needs. But..... that was all during my reboot. Towards the end of my reboot something beautiful happened. I found a purpose for my life.

    I want to help others. I want to encourage kids not to make the same mistakes as me. I want women to know they are better and more valuable than porn will ever be. I am now thankful for my reboot and the fact that it woke my ass up. I now have a story to tell. A story of a guy who pursued lust over love, and ended up feeling numb, broken and lost.

    I now see beauty in my suffering and I know there was a purpose in it. It is clear to me now. Is there any remaining regret? At times yes, but those are more centered around the fact that I wish I hadn't hurt people. If I could go back and remove the pain I caused others I would in a heart beat. The fact is I needed to go through pain and think about death, in order to be able to appreciate pleasure in life.

    Life goes on, for all of us. We can all make it out of this. Some will stumble and fall, as no human is perfect, but as more and more of us make it out of porn's trap, I hope and pray that the light at the end of the tunnel will shine a little brighter to those still digging, so they can see there is hope and a way out.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 07:03:04 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #21 on: December 30, 2014, 06:56:20 PM »
    @ Supersaiyan
    Quote
    how long did it take for you to start feeling the benefits of quitting (Benefits that are no related to ED) such as increased motivation, etc. And did you at any point struggle with insomnia?

    Really didn't feel a much until around month 6. The first sign of improvement was about 3 months when I started getting morning wood again. Then a little libido, motivation, and clear thoughts started showing up around month 6.

    Yes, I experienced insomnia on and off during the reboot. After the first week or two I got hit with extreme anxiety and went into a deep depression and had my share of sleepless nights. Reading and learning about addiction and the brain, as well as reading success stories and advice really helped calm me down.

    @ grzeg12
    Quote
    As we know you go a lot of time without orgasms, and when you start having sex regularly (regular orgasms) do you have some problem with frequency? Did so much time diminish your ability to having frequent and satisfied orgasms?

    When I first started having orgasms I could tell I still needed a little time before I started having an orgasm every day. I slowly introduced orgasm back into my life by spreading them out at least a week at first. After a few more months, around month 15, I was able to have multiple orgasms a day without going back into a flatline. I did not want to overdue it too soon, I suggest guys spread out their orgasms once they are ready to have sex and just take things slow.

    @ nomorefapalexander
    Quote
    When you were in a flatline, how were you feeling overall emotionally?

    Numb, depressed, disconnected from my dick, tidal waves of stress that would come and go, suicidal, frustrated. Pretty much the worst emotions I have ever experienced for several weeks at a time. BUT, as I learned about the brains ability to change, and read success stories, I began to be filled with hope and determination that I would go as long as it took and never give up. Then once I started to feel libido and motivation, the passion I had for life came soaring back.

    @ PorNO
    Quote
    I wanted to ask you about if you have any particular self-help book or technique that you found useful during and after your reboot?

    The book I read during my reboot, that I encourage every rebooter to read, is The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge. Chapter 4 is phenomenal and he describes porn induced ED. It came out in 2007 I believe. The whole book is full of very powerful personal stories of people overcoming things with brain training etc. That book gave me hope.

    The single most helpful thing during my reboot was reading success stories. Knowing I wasn't alone and that there was hope.

    Never give up, because your brain never stops changing.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 07:06:25 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #22 on: December 30, 2014, 06:56:40 PM »
    @ davemustaine13
    Quote
    at what point during a cold turkey reboot would you suggest throwing cuddling, socially interacting in a flirty way etc into the mix? Is it advisable to go full on "monk mode" for a certain time frame?

    As soon as possible! Guys need to think about this in terms of neuroplasticity. We can start re-wiring our brain to a real person immediately, plus, when going through the first few weeks of the reboot cuddling and kissing might help ease anxiety with a healthy amount of neurochemicals like oxytocin - the bonding chemical.

    However, staying away from intense sexual stimulation is usually wise for a few weeks/months for guys with porn-induced ED/DE. Put simply, going a period of time without an orgasm is usually beneficial.

    Here's why: The first brain change that probably reverses itself is desensitization (numbed reward circuit). The second brain change that reverses itself is probably sensitization (deep pathways in the brain that programmed you to need porn for arousal).  This is why we see older guys who did not wire their brain to high-speed internet porn recover faster than younger guys who did wire their brain to HSIP.

    The older guys regain their brains sensitivity to dopamine and can hear dopamines message to get excited, the younger guys have deeper pathways, so they not only have to regain sensitivity to dopamines message, but they have to give those porn pathways time to fade away.

    I do think "monk mode" is beneficial, but again I wouldn't say that means you can't have contact with a woman. I see "monk mode" as avoiding all intense stimulation, like watching porn, having an orgasm etc. I was re-wiring my entire reboot with my girlfriend, and was spending a lot of time with my friends and at work.

    I always say there are two stages to a reboot. 1st rebooting, regaining sensitivity by avoiding intense stimulation. 2nd Re-wiring, connecting with a real person, reinforcing neural pathways for your partner. I still stand by this, except now I suggest rewiring is also a part of the first stage of the reboot, minus intense sexual stimulation, for example forcing sex and erections.

    To summarize: Go a period of time without orgasm or forcing erections, while at the same time if possible engage in "light re-wiring" like kissing, cuddling, massaging, flirting. Then continue light re-wiring, while adding in sexual contact. You still may want to avoid orgasm for longer by having Karezza style sex - slow, gentle, passionate sex without orgasm. Then ultimately as you feel better and better you can introduce orgasm back into your life slowly.

    That is what I experienced and have seen to work best for most rebooters.

    @ lookingahead
    Quote
    At what level of intensity did you start watching porn?  Did the addiction develop gradually over time or were you instantly hooked at first sight like a hit of crack cocaine?


    It developed as my access to it developed.

    When I first say that playboy magazine I instantly was consumed by sexual thoughts. However, it wasn't anything I would consider abnormal. I was just a young boy who liked naked girls and couldn't wait to grow up and have sex regularly.

    Then came cable TV and it developed into an addiction where I would neglect sleep just to stay up all night watching soft-core porn on TV and masturbate (I went through puberty super early in like the 5th grade). Always looking for new shows, or looking to learn something new about sex. I would check the TV guide for new shows coming on, and as soon as one squiggly line show would end I would get a burst of excitement as a new show would start up.

    Then, my addiction really took off at age 12 when we got high-speed internet. I escalated into more shocking genres as I had unlimited access and could watch what ever I could find or that my friends suggested because they had found it.

    In terms of time spent viewing I actually cut it back as years went by and I got better at finding what I wanted. But the escalation I saw in my addiction was in terms of what I was watching. What I was needing to get off became increasingly shocking.

    The intensity I started with internet porn at 12 was as high as it ever was though, I mean I had seen just about every genre before I was out of middle school. I would watch porn for sometimes 2 or 3 hours. I just escalated genres and developed dependence on porn to be able to get an erection over time. However in high school and college the amount of time I spent watching porn per day was usually never longer than an hour total.

    @ BreakTheCycle
    Quote
    In your videos you say that you *knew* you would/could never go back to porn.  I can't seem to reach this state of mind.  I know it is harmful, and it has caused me a lot of pain over the years, but I can't seem to accept that I can never look at it again.  It's pretty much the only thing that makes me feel good anymore.  How do I achieve the mindset that I can never look at it again?

    I cannot answer this question for you. I can only tell you what happened to me. I reached that mindset when I realized a combination of things were because of my porn use.

    When I realized my porn use caused-

    • my penis no longer working
    • the pain I had caused many girls, and myself
    • the way I viewed and treated those girls, as well as the things I encouraged them to do with me (stuff I saw in porn)
    • my lack of drive and motivation
    • my inability to feel emotion and genuine arousal


    All of this hit me like a ton of bricks. The feeling of having a limp noodle while a beautiful girl you care about is doing everything she can to give you an erection, is, well.... something that made me never want to watch porn again. I realized that whatever pain I went through during the reboot process, was nothing compared to the pain I would experience if I continued to watch porn. And as a result of that realization, I realized that not watching porn meant that I actually would eventually experience more pleasure.

    I daily tell myself this: Staying away from porn will not result in me missing out on pleasure. It will result in experiencing more.

     
    Quote
    I only crave P because I want to feel that rush.  Forget about shit for a while.  I don't get that rush from anything else in my life.  Do I really have to live without it?

    Here's the deal. You only get that rush from porn because porn changed your brain to the point where it is the only thing that will give you that rush!

    You can feel that rush in other things in life once you have rebooted your brain and broken free from your addiction to porn. The "porn is not an option" mindset only happens when you realize that a life away from porn will bring you more joy than your life with porn.

    With that said, addicts who have severe hypofrontality, or really weak executive control, may need to take drastic measures to get through the first couple weeks of rebooting by using blockers,or avoiding the internet altogether.

    If you can't get to that mindset... then resort to external help... until you get to that mindset.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 07:09:04 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Gabe Deem

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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #23 on: December 30, 2014, 06:56:54 PM »
    @ lookingahead
    Quote
    if someone who started young like me doesn't get a girlfriend or someone to get physical with in some way, is it possible that I could be stuck in a flatline forever?  Or would it just mean it would take me much much longer to rewire?

    Short answer,

     I don't know.

    Long answer,

    Some "long term rebooters" have reported that getting physical with a girl and/or having an orgasm woke their libido up. Others have reported that their libido slowly came back after going a long time no O. From what I have seen so far, I'd say it is best for young guys with ED to go a while with no O, (for longer rebooters anywhere from 2-6 months) while re-wiring.

    I do not know of a rebooter who has gone multiple years with absolutely no relapse and no orgasms so I cannot say for sure if it would work or wouldn't.

    When you are "rebooted" it can be very hard to tell because the only way to know if you no longer have ED is when you no longer have ED. I had no idea I was recovered until the anticipation of sex gave me an erection. I only knew because I was spending time with my gf and re-wiring. Maybe I would have felt super horny one day if I kept being abstinent, maybe not.

    One thing to think about is this, you do not have to have sex to re-wire. Things like cuddling, kissing, touching, and maybe thinking about real girls can re-wire you. And we have seen this work for young guys before, so there is no need to lose hope. We know what works. We just are not sure yet if going no O for a really really long time will always cure the flatline. I suggest at least spending time around girls and maybe pursuing a loving partner.

    Another suggestion for long rebooters. If you are still in a flatline after a very long time of no O and no relapse, maybe try training your dick to respond to your gentle touch alone. If you can get an erection to your hands touch alone, then you are one step closer to being able to have a partner touch you to give you an erection.

    Last random thing to try would be to go a day or two fasting.  Fasting = no food, but lots of water.

    Now, this sounds crazy, and you want to make sure you are otherwise perfectly healthy, but I fasted for almost 3 days towards the end of my reboot and I feel as if it helped me. If you do this you want to make sure you pick a time you have absolutely zero responsibilities and can get away for a bit to avoid being stressed. I took off a day of work to make it a 3 day weekend, and my cousin and I went to some cabins in the woods. While there I read 3 books, enjoyed nature walks, meditated, studied this addiction and just drank lots of water. I stayed off all electronics. I cut off all intense stimulation if you will for a short period of time.

    The night after I ended my fast I had two wet dreams the same night... very weird. But a sign that something was going on. Anyways, make sure you read up on it and are perfectly healthy if you try it.

    We know our brains can change forever, long term rebooters need to be proactive with this in mind and pursue recovery rather than sit around and wait for it to show up.


    @ TryingToTruckAlong
    Quote
    I know its not linear but I wanted to know that since you said you were feeling better at 6 months did you still have bad days and brain fog up until 8 months where you said everything went away and all you had to worry about what your dick?

    Oh I still had bad days alright. I was in and out of flatline up until 9 months. Even after being fully recovered I have had some bad days... which is normal as a human being. I still noticed longer refractory periods after an orgasm for a while, at least up until 15 months. A lot of guys will tell you they continue to feel improvements for a while after being able to have sex. I felt improvements in mental clarity and motivation for at least 15 months of recovery, if not more.

    Quote
    I want to know if you think that some people could actually have to go through 2 years of these symptoms like PAWS withdrawl from other substances or do they just have other issues not related to porn?

    It is very likely that after a year of rebooting depression and other issues are not directly related to porn consumption. We need to realize that depression has been around long before internet porn. With that said, the rebooting process alone might cause depression and anxiety. Being a young man with a dick that doesn't work is scary, frustrating, embarrassing, sad, painful, and can be very stressful especially when with a partner waiting for you to recover or wondering why you have a dysfunction in the first place. I know this was true in my case.

    I cannot stress to you guys enough how depressed and anxious I was during the middle of my reboot. But it was probably a 50/50 kind of thing. Half being porn related brain changes, and the other half just being sad about my limp dick situation. I lean more towards the porn related brain changes because my flatline was so bad and took what seemed like forever.

    So no I do not think porn related withdrawal symptoms are still occurring over a year of no porn, except maybe a flatline. Any depression and anxiety after that point is probably the same anxiety and emotions a non porn addict would feel in our same situation simply because it is a sad situation to be in.

    @ Glide
    Quote
    what stopped you of seeking help from a doctor as if you're going through clinical depression?

    YourBrainOnPorn.com , Success stories, the book The Brain That Changes Itself, God, and my girlfriend.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 07:10:53 PM by Gabe Deem »
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    Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
    « Reply #24 on: December 30, 2014, 06:57:06 PM »
    @ JG55
    Quote
    Do you have any advice on building willpower?

    Willpower is a hard thing to understand... As no one can fully understand it. My opinion, is willpower grows through experience and understanding.

    There are two types of experiences. Good ones and bad ones. I believe that all humans are after their own happiness, they just pursue it through different ways. By that I mean some people live selfless because they believe that way of life will bring them joy. Others live selfish, because they too believe that way of life will bring them joy.

    I think willpower is wisdom in action. When you have experienced things in life, and gain a deep understanding of how that affected you and others, then I think your "willpower" grows to do the things you want to do.

    That's why you hear people say "I quit when I hit rock bottom.." because they EXPERIENCED something, and now UNDERSTAND the impact that something has on their lives.

    To be clear, i realize this is a huge over simplification of why we do what we do, and there are other things like hypofrontality (weak executive control) that play their part too. But overall I believe it to be true.

    Now the point in all that is to say, in my opinion, the best way to build willpower is to get out and live, laugh, and love and experience things and learn from them.

    @ dangolinternetman
    Quote
    After fully rebooting, have you experienced this "superpowers" (whatever you wanna call it) feeling consistently, like every day? Is it really just a return to being "normal."?

    Rebooting does not give you "superpowers," it only gets your brain back in balance so you can feel your full potential.

    A young guy who has been addicted to porn the majority of his life will likely feel better than ever, as we've never truly experienced life without being numbed and wired to pixels. Real world people, beautiful places, and everyday emotions for the first time, or once again, become pleasurable.

    As one wise rebooter put it, "Removing porn doesn't give a man superpowers, it just takes away his kryptonite."

    @ lookingahead

    Quote
    What I'm confused about is what would cause you to be sexually active if your life was so consumed by porn?  If you were abusing porn since before puberty and that was your only sexual outlet, what had motivated you to woo women and get them in bed?  It just seems to me that porn and sexual relationships are mutually exclusive, especially for someone who started as early as you.  Trying to get with a real girl, getting to know her, and eventually getting her in bed would involve at least some degree of anxiety and motivation, but porn is a killer to that kind of motivation.  What was the difference between your sexual motivation when you were an addict, the motivation while you were rebooting, and the motivation after you recovered?

    Well, I was always confident, and I had my first girlfriend when I was 8, and I always have valued and desired a real life relationship. You will hear me say the line "I didn't have issues that drove me to use porn, I only had access and I liked looking at naked girls." Now that is true, I never turned to porn because of self-esteem issues, or because of stress, or anything like that... but I did have other issues like being way too prideful, selfish, and I elevated sex as if it was the point of life.

    What helped me out tremendously was the fact that I was also very social growing up with lots of friends. I was a pretty good basketball player, was going to play in college, so that helped me with confidence on and off the court. I always talked with girls a lot since I was a kid/teen so I developed flirting skills and conversation skills. Porn greatly influenced my behavior in this as well. For example, I had phone sex as young as 6th grade. For me, my porn viewing at a young age led to pride in knowing a lot about sex. To add to that I developed physically much earlier than most guys as I went through puberty around age 11... I was sexually active at 14. So, this led to even more pride, not anxiety, although that was certainly still there in healthy amounts.

    Unfortunately this recipe combined to make me primarily a over-sexual, cocky, douchebag teenager. I was pursuing pleasure in all the wrong places that wouldn't leave me with lasting joy. I was chasing lust and not love. Even though deep down I knew I wanted love... I didn't know at the time that what I was doing - constant video game playing and porn watching - was hijacking my desire and motivation to seek out real relationships.

    So the fact that I was social, active, confident and had a great support group of friends and family, was what kept me from completely being a shut-in jerking my days away, though I still did plenty of that. However, what did end up happening to me over time was my motivation to pursue real girls became less and less... and my brain drove me to my computer screen more and more as it was easier and more stimulating. This happened subconsciously on a neurological level and I didn't consciously realize it. Looking back now I can clearly see how porn was raising the bar of what I needed to become aroused.

    So the big difference for me was experience. I grew up talking with, flirting with, and pursing real girls. Many guys on the forums didn't ever get that experience so they are not as confident in this area, which then leads to anxiety and nervousness. The best thing to do during a reboot is simply BE AROUND real people and force yourself to gain social skills.

    With experience comes confidence. With confidence comes attractiveness.

    I do not know a single guy who sits around all day reading about how to be good with girls, who is actually a cool guy that is good with girls. The guys that are good with girls have been talking with them for years and simply know the right way and right time to make comments, and the right time to not say anything. A guy will not be comfortable in social situations until he puts himself in social situations and simply enjoys it without over thinking everything. The skills/confidence will come with time.

    Quote
    What was the difference between your sexual motivation when you were an addict, the motivation while you were rebooting, and the motivation after you recovered?

    The big difference is my libido and sexual energy once again pulled me to be around a real girl, not go home, open up my laptop, drop my pants around my ankles and search for pixels. During my reboot I felt like crawling in a hole and crying... which I did at times. You have to embrace the pain of withdrawal, and the pain of awkwardly fumbling through awkward situations in social or intimate situations... and it hurts... possibly for a very long time... but it gets better. The ability to feel pain and emotion is part of what makes being human so beautiful.
    « Last Edit: December 30, 2014, 07:22:57 PM by Gabe Deem »
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