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Dear fellow rebooters,
On the 25th I reached one of my most important goals of this year: 90 days without watching porn. Before that, I had never thought I would make it that far.
But I went abroad for three months and had other things on my mind. From a distance, it was easier to reflect on my addiction and everything else I had tried before. Being spatially seperated from home and facing new challenges did a great deal to me: I could not spend my entire day edging anymore. Also, I wanted to return as somebody more mature - as somebody I myself could respect. This latter goal was crucial. Everytime I was tempted (I relapsed once, at the very beginning of my stay, as my journal tells you) I reminded myself of what I had pledged myself to achieve. Not any longer would I start another year hoping for a fresh start.
Then, at an amazing pace, the days flew by. My personal best was beaten (50-something) and the number of clean days kept on increasing. Until the 25th. On that particular day, I did hardly think about the benchmark I had just reached, but now I do. In hindsight, that day was liberating.
What is my current situation? Am I the omnipotent being I had been striving for to be? Hell, no. But I made an important step. In the morning, the face staring back at me from the mirror, doesn't repel me anymore. Sure, I do other issues left I have to deal with. But so does everybody else, too.
Just some days ago, I told my girlfriend about the 90 days. She was disappointed for she had thought I had been doing much better. However, being honest was important. She now knows. And our relationship seems more stable.
I don't know what will happen in the future - be it my studies, my girlfriend or whatever matter there is of any importance. But at this moment, I feel a bit more prepared and confident that I can tackle everything that's coming my way. And this feeling will grow even stronger with every day I abstain from what I've come to despise.
Thank you all for your support. Thank you all for encouraging me and sharing your stories with me. This honesty and frankness we all show on this forum on a daily basis is not something to take lightly. It requires a lot of effort.
I am looking forward to contribute and act as a role model for every lucky bastard who's deciding to leave porn behind.
See you guys tomorrow! ,-)
Yours
Jack (94 days clean)
On the 25th I reached one of my most important goals of this year: 90 days without watching porn. Before that, I had never thought I would make it that far.
But I went abroad for three months and had other things on my mind. From a distance, it was easier to reflect on my addiction and everything else I had tried before. Being spatially seperated from home and facing new challenges did a great deal to me: I could not spend my entire day edging anymore. Also, I wanted to return as somebody more mature - as somebody I myself could respect. This latter goal was crucial. Everytime I was tempted (I relapsed once, at the very beginning of my stay, as my journal tells you) I reminded myself of what I had pledged myself to achieve. Not any longer would I start another year hoping for a fresh start.
Then, at an amazing pace, the days flew by. My personal best was beaten (50-something) and the number of clean days kept on increasing. Until the 25th. On that particular day, I did hardly think about the benchmark I had just reached, but now I do. In hindsight, that day was liberating.
What is my current situation? Am I the omnipotent being I had been striving for to be? Hell, no. But I made an important step. In the morning, the face staring back at me from the mirror, doesn't repel me anymore. Sure, I do other issues left I have to deal with. But so does everybody else, too.
Just some days ago, I told my girlfriend about the 90 days. She was disappointed for she had thought I had been doing much better. However, being honest was important. She now knows. And our relationship seems more stable.
I don't know what will happen in the future - be it my studies, my girlfriend or whatever matter there is of any importance. But at this moment, I feel a bit more prepared and confident that I can tackle everything that's coming my way. And this feeling will grow even stronger with every day I abstain from what I've come to despise.
Thank you all for your support. Thank you all for encouraging me and sharing your stories with me. This honesty and frankness we all show on this forum on a daily basis is not something to take lightly. It requires a lot of effort.
I am looking forward to contribute and act as a role model for every lucky bastard who's deciding to leave porn behind.
See you guys tomorrow! ,-)
Yours
Jack (94 days clean)
I MO'd a few days ago, AND I didn't look at porn. That's amazing for me. I will be eternally grateful to Reboot Nation and you guys giving me unconditional, loving support. Good luck on your journey and congratulations again. We can do it! PORN HAS TO GO NOW!