Author Topic: 4 YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ! (updated)  (Read 103587 times)

olafthewise

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #50 on: January 20, 2015, 02:54:06 AM »
I began my career in another state in 1988. It was going to be a great career! I expected to be a hero and a community leader and an example for people to follow. I was even going to have my own bible study and learn the guitar. My wife would always stay home and be a wife under a great man..........

that career ended soon after it started. I tried to redeem it for 10 years with no luck. I ended up in a sales job that I hated and got fed disrespect daily. I never started a bible study and in fact got in an argument with a bible study leader once at the home where we all met. I have not been to a home bible study since then. (we made up and are still friends). I learned about 6 cords on a cheap guitar, it lays under my bed unused. As I said before, I was fired after 18 years with my last job, due to an accident that happened shortly after my autistic daughter was date raped. My "career" ended in disaster as I aged out and would never return.
Porn was a good inoculation for me since I refused alcohol or drugs. But now it needed to go.
My only inoculation now is fitness.
I am in grad school now for psychology at 52.

Vincent

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #51 on: January 20, 2015, 08:23:18 AM »
Dear Olaf,

considering what you and your family went through I have to state my respects for you to still be this strong and refusing to give up. It is a very difficult past you have with a lot of brutal realities I never wish for anyone. I am very sory for what happened to you and you children.

The important part however is: you did not give up. Where ever you get that strenght from, be it God or you intrinsic energy, keep is and nurture it, let it grow.

There simply is nothing worse you can do for yourself - and yourself is the one you have to focus on, otherwise you can't help others - than hide because you are desillusioned. You, of course, have every reason to be angry, feel left alone and betrayed by life. I would as well in your situation. But you most certainly are the salvation for yourself and your family. There always is a very thin thread, holding everything together.
You wrote, that you were ready to take responsibility in a community, to be a leader. I think that you still have it in you. It just is hidden. let it out. Because your future is there.

You have every right to give up. But I don't think that you will. You would never have gotten through all those hardships if you wouldn't have been a very strong, determined and proud man, who loves his family. I belive in you and I hope I will also be as corageous in life as you are.

The hardships of live, only love can overcome.

I believe in you, Olaf!

You already know all the reasons for life to be bitter. Now its time to find some sugar!!!! :D

And btw: If you managed with all that...PMO must be a joke.

With PMO out of question, here's my P & PM Spreadsheet

olafthewise

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #52 on: January 21, 2015, 08:17:52 PM »
This is a site where reality is not filtered.
            My confession is that I mostly did not "PMO" to porn. I simply viewed it, collected soft porn pics and moved on. Unfortunately, porn collecting took several hours in some cases. For those guys who view porn with their "tool" in their hand until they "explode," I find it difficult to do that (PMO) in light of my wife and kids being around. Late night porn viewing or searching for the right soft porn pic had to be done discreetly otherwise someone would come downstairs or demand I open the bedroom door. I also find it difficult to get "hard'' while viewing porn maybe because I avoid the hard core stuff. I told my wife that I don't get an erection when seeing a porn pic, she was surprised.
At any rate, I know that any porn is bad and bad for you. So I stopped.

tomahawk

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #53 on: February 10, 2015, 01:16:37 PM »
Good stuff man!

except #5 sorry I'm just not a religious person, and i don't need "god" to help me with my problems, just self confidence and perseverance but whatever works for u keep it up!

olafthewise

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #54 on: February 12, 2015, 05:28:25 PM »
My son rejects God too. He has no reason to, he was raised as an adopted child and lived well. Then a girlfriend broke up with him and the drugs started and he blamed his adoption for his problems.

I have every reason to reject God; The loss of my career into a sales rep job started my wife seeing me as less than a man. Then I got fired. She then started to insult me and boss me around. sex got infrequent. After 3 years of being unemployed, she got more sexualy frigid and started to hide her body from me so that I rarely see her nude. Then she developed sexual pain. So, lets look at it. I pray for a good career, God not only takes it, but ruins the situation so I can't go back. Then from the loss of the career my wife sees me as a bit of a wimp and bosses me around. Then I get fired. Bosses me around more and disrespects me. Then she gets a job after a 1 week search. I hit the 5 year unemployed mark. She gets more disrespectful and then develops pain during sex. So, I have no sexuality to look forward to, no job to fill in the gap and my autistic son is gay and effeminate. I hate the life I've developed.
As for God? Other people have lost a lot more so what do I have to complain about? God will do what He will do.

tomahawk

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #55 on: February 12, 2015, 05:47:40 PM »
why do people blame "god" for problems they created? 

i think that topic is reserved for another thread

challenged

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #56 on: February 12, 2015, 06:26:59 PM »
I have every reason to reject God;

Every person on earth thinks that they have a reason to reject God.  But olaf,  you know in your heart that you do not have a reason to reject God, as such reasoning has as an underlying and fundamentally flawed assumption that you know better than Him.   

A great lesson I am studying in a Bible study this week is when the Israelites complain in the desert about eating manna everyday, and not having meat to eat. (like they had in Egypt when they were slaves)  They complain about what God has given them and not given them, and He is angered.  But Moses complains to God and seeks his help, and God comes to his aid.

We all have things we think we have a right to complain about.  The key is not to reject God's judgment regarding how He has ordered your life or what He has given you or not given you, but to "complain" to Him (in prayer.)  I myself often fail to recognize this important distinction.  And when we complain to Him in prayer, we have to remember that his timing is rarely the same as our timing, and our "will" for our lives is rarely the same as his will.

As for God? Other people have lost a lot more so what do I have to complain about? God will do what He will do.

Yes, God will do what He will do, and as a wise man once said, He is much more interested in our character, than our comfort.  Hard to accept sometimes, I know.  But also remember that this life's troubles are temporary.  Stay strong, bro.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2015, 06:32:54 PM by challenged »

lte

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #57 on: February 13, 2015, 05:02:10 PM »
My son rejects God too. He has no reason to, he was raised as an adopted child and lived well. Then a girlfriend broke up with him and the drugs started and he blamed his adoption for his problems.

I have every reason to reject God; The loss of my career into a sales rep job started my wife seeing me as less than a man. Then I got fired. She then started to insult me and boss me around. sex got infrequent. After 3 years of being unemployed, she got more sexualy frigid and started to hide her body from me so that I rarely see her nude. Then she developed sexual pain. So, lets look at it. I pray for a good career, God not only takes it, but ruins the situation so I can't go back. Then from the loss of the career my wife sees me as a bit of a wimp and bosses me around. Then I get fired. Bosses me around more and disrespects me. Then she gets a job after a 1 week search. I hit the 5 year unemployed mark. She gets more disrespectful and then develops pain during sex. So, I have no sexuality to look forward to, no job to fill in the gap and my autistic son is gay and effeminate. I hate the life I've developed.
As for God? Other people have lost a lot more so what do I have to complain about? God will do what He will do.
I read a book recently entitled "Don't Blame God" by John W. Schoenheit. While I don't necessarily endorse every view that the author holds, I think that it helped me to see that God does not have a hand in everything that happens. I get frustrated by life's ups and downs at times and more than once I've blamed my loving Creator, but it's not His fault. We live in a flawed world, caused by sin and disobedience. The horrors I see all around as I read the news are upsetting, even disheartening, but that doesn't make the work of our Creator any less wondrous. In His time he will bring an end to the suffering; until then we must wait.


Click my counter if you would like a counter of your own.


Remember, porn and masturbation are never the reward. Freedom from porn and masturbation is the reward

olafthewise

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #58 on: February 13, 2015, 08:30:38 PM »
Regardless, 5 years...
ok, 5 years...
so 5 years. I do not "blame God." God does not need to screw up my life. I do that all by myself. All He has to do is nothing and my own sin and human nature will do the rest of it.
Blame is not what I do here.
People say to those unemployed; "God will give you a new job." But, not me. However, I could get a job tomorrow because God could make it work for me. I've said this for about 1,945 days now. Once again, I could get a job...tomorrow...?
So, blame God? My marriage is directly affected by this. You cannot take the feeling a woman has of the need to feel financially secure nor can you take the feeling she has for her man that he is masculine which is acquired by him having a job. It is in the nature of a woman...the very "way" she sees him. I am ruined. That is all. My marriage ruined while I stay in it pretending that I don't need sex with her and pretending "we" are ok. I am ruined.

God wants it this way and there is nothing I can do about it. I'll wait for a job tomorrow which will be 1,946 days.

challenged

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #59 on: February 13, 2015, 10:26:28 PM »
“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

― John Gardner

Vincent

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #60 on: February 14, 2015, 10:23:28 AM »
"In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can"

 - Nikos Kazantzakis -


With PMO out of question, here's my P & PM Spreadsheet

Saghi

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #61 on: March 19, 2015, 03:57:45 AM »
Really helpful thanks, i bookmarked this page every time i thought about that thing i come here and it works .

Jatt

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #62 on: March 29, 2015, 11:07:55 PM »
Awsum Tips.. Thanks alot !!!

olafthewise

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #63 on: April 02, 2015, 07:06:37 PM »
As a youth, I had time. She was there for me then and fought with me as a good wife does. I had victory then. It made me into the man I was. I knew God wanted me there, or so I thought...Then it ended. I saw it coming and prayed for patience. I was Gods disciple, one of His own. He would protect me, right? No. I was removed and told to come back. I tried to come back, but after ten years, it ended with a false accusation that decimated my reputation.
 I felt that I needed to remain in the church so I kept attending service. Over this time she became cold and often refused sex and left me wanting. I was alone. I had no friends, family or anyone to share with. Porn filled this spot.
I tried the usual prayer to have God remove porn from my life. It never worked, at least directly. The porn is now at about a 90% success. I won't fill you in on what the 10% is. Lets just say that I needed a way to fill my masculine needs. My wife is not there to fill it. My job is unemployed on welfare. I have no leadership, not even the kids listen to me. My wife has developed a painful intercourse problem  that I believe is psychological. She simply gets nothing from our limited sexual encounters. Her sexual abuse from childhood is a good excuse as well.
I have situational depression. In other words, if my situation improves, I will too. It began about 7 years ago when hope was starting to disappear. As that time is past and I have been in my present situation for 5 years, I am ruined. The Lord has done it. I don't need God to ruin me though. I am good at failure as God ignores me, I suppose. I really don't know.
Here's what I do know; I am a man. my hopes and dreams are shot and it is too late to redeem me, I am too old. All my hopes are lost and there is very little left. I do small tasks daily to feel better, trying to accept God's will in this. He chose to ruin me and in his wisdom I have to accept it. I am only a man and an insignificant one at that. I could fake it as I did for 15 years, but people are not stupid, neither are employers looking at a pathetic resume. Another dose of 5-HTP and a little sun and I'm just ok.
I am past anger and blame. I don't use the word blame. God is responsible though. I am His. He could restore me, but hasn't happened yet and after all these years I developed a weaker faith and a weaker character as a result. In other words, I am a worse man than before. My legacy is as pathetic as you can imagine. I go to church respectfully and politely. Not much prayer anymore, I converse with God because He was supposed to redeem my career a long time ago, but I am ruined now. He would have to perform a resurrection of sorts in the case of a good job.
 

occuPIED

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #64 on: April 25, 2015, 04:17:59 AM »
Really, these are words to live by, thanks so much Supersonic. I've saved your advice on a word document on my desktop and every time things get hard I read it.

Many thanks from NZ

xtremeb

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #65 on: April 26, 2015, 05:39:59 AM »
Thanks for your tips ! I thought, that i always fell in this point:" It starts as a small desire, then it sits in your head and it gains in power.
 
THIS ONE IS SOOOO IMPORTANT. If you are too late,  porn will overpower you." I started rebuilding my life again! There is not somethning like 90 days magic pill or whatever. This is LIFETIME decision  :)

klarson27

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #66 on: April 26, 2015, 07:57:45 PM »
these are very effective tips man , Thanks for sharing!


Arya, I agree that these tips are very effective.. Actually this is one of the best posts I've read and contains everything anyone needs to KNOW to quit using.

It's been several months for me now and I've been strong mostly by using the same methodologies laid out here.

In full disclosure, I've found myself browsing CL ads from time to time but backed out and didn't get close to Porn or Masturbation.

I noticed on your counter that you had a relapse fairly recently... Would you mind disclosing what happened? How did your brain trick you?

The key to not relapsing is to understand exactly what happened and it might be helpful for others too!

Great post!!

R4Change

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #67 on: April 28, 2015, 09:12:56 PM »
thanks all-- good stuff here in the tips.
Good to see people can respectfully express opinions/beliefs

J

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Re: 1 YEAR PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #68 on: May 13, 2015, 04:42:52 AM »


       In my case, I am hopeless.
No job for 5 years. Our income is from a mix of her income and welfare. No woman wants to be respectful to an unemployed man! So I will concentrate on my job, right?!! oh, but I have no job and oh, all I get for sex is a reluctant wife giving me a poor hand job, every 10 days or so. I know that the Lord has not abandoned me and I wish I could be more encouraging for you men here but my depression is getting worse. In the beginning of my unemployment, I let people know I needed a job. No one, not even people from church helped me. Guys at the gym would not respond even though every person I know, has a job or business. I stopped telling people after a year because I sounded desperate and depressed. people seemed to avoid me.

My resume's go into a black hole. My LinkedIn account is pathetic. At 52, porn was my only inoculation from dread and complete frustration and ruin. There is not much incentive for my wife to want me, let alone respect me. I quit porn knowing that life without porn is better, but better than being in complete darkness instead of dark shadows??
These are dark days. My 5 years of unemployment make my Christianity look so bad.
         I am suicidal without the children. There really is no reason to live when your faith fails and God seems to be so distant you begin to doubt. I live like the man 'Job' from the Bible; wondering what I did wrong so long. Other men on porn seem to have no problem keeping employment. I feel down and singled out for ruin and destruction by God Himself, although theologically that is not possible.
I have no answers. Just a deep dark sense of ruin and despair for all the years wasted and my legacy becoming so, so pathetic!

I just wanted to say that I have had those exact same feelings. What changed for me was realizing that the world has their opinion and yet according to God we are, just to paraphrase, wonderfully made. When I began to really study the gospels more, I realized that the people that criticized Jesus the most were the religious leaders of that day. The ones that ended up following him and most noted were people like us, crying out in despair.

This addiction has taught me about the grace and mercy of God. Just like you, I felt pathetic, sometimes undeserving, and yet He is there in your lowest of lows. Even when you don't feel Him. So all I wanted to add is that although people may give up on us, that is not an option for God. He will never give on us. He led me to this site and for the first time I have the support I need.

Thank you for sharing. Believe it or not, you are an inspiration. The mere fact you are here, writing, well it takes guts.  You are brave to share what many others aren't willing to. Don't lose hope.



Supersonic

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Re: 2 and a half YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #69 on: October 04, 2015, 11:02:47 AM »
Haven't been on this site for ages :)
Happy to see it helped some of you!
For any new comers,
just read the very 1st post on the 1st page.

For me personally I am still going strong and I still stand by what I wrote!

Wish you success!

JG2690

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Re: 2 and a half YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #70 on: November 16, 2015, 02:41:32 AM »
Great Advice!

Brock Savage

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Re: 2 and a half YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #71 on: November 23, 2015, 09:10:05 AM »
This list was so awesome but I felt like you ruined it with #5...

some people prefer to worship Zeus, Buddha, Poseidon, Allah,  or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (this is a real church)

...Just sayin'

Leon

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Re: 2 and a half YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #72 on: November 23, 2015, 10:14:28 AM »
This list was so awesome but I felt like you ruined it with #5...

some people prefer to worship Zeus, Buddha, Poseidon, Allah,  or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (this is a real church)

...Just sayin'

Ruined it?

It's his list. Similarly, faith has made a big impact in my own successes. However, I also acknowledge that Buddhist (especially in the mindfulness techniques) have helped so many fight this horrible addiction, too.

I don't see him denying anyone else's religious (or non-religious) preferences, but if faith (in Jesus Christ) is important to him, than it's important to him. And, because he's found success in beating this evil, it's only natural for him to share what has worked for him.

My take is, one should have the freedom to share what has worked for them, without having to censor themselves out of fear of offending others. At the same time, one should not go out of their way to be offensive- those are just morons.

If one has overcome this thing by chanting the Maha Mantra, more power to them- and they, too, should be able to express that.

Brock Savage

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Re: 2 and a half YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #73 on: November 25, 2015, 12:09:59 AM »
Agreed... I'll try to practice more Buddhist mindfulness techniques


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Re: 2 and a half YEARS PMO FREE! - 5 tips to SUCCESS!! - MUST READ!
« Reply #74 on: December 14, 2015, 10:42:55 PM »
Thanks for your post. It is so true. I can not tell you how many times I said just one more time and that has lead to months or years of more of this activity. I can not tell you how important it is for people fighting with this to read your words of success. Thanks again for sharing.